Unexpected Destinies Chapter 116
Title: Unexpected Destinies
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: up to and including Exile on Main St., AU from the end of season 5
Warnings: AU, slash
Word Count: 3,917
Summary: Alone, Dean turns his attention to initiating his kalsika.
PAST
Dean managed to wait for half an hour after Castiel had left before he just couldn't just sit around and read anymore. Not now that he had everything to really start the ritual anyway. Thoughts of the kalsika and the bonding had threatened to creep in all morning and it had been all that he could do to not really think about them but he couldn't risk it, not with his lover around. The fact that Castiel hadn't picked up on it proved that his angel wasn't constantly listening in on his thoughts but he knew that Castiel would occasionally pick up something without meaning to, so he'd done his best to distract himself, which would have been easy enough if he'd really wanted to start something, but he knew that his lover had things to see to and he himself had research to do. Still, it had been far too tempting and he'd only resisted as he'd noticed that Castiel was already communicating with some of his brothers and sisters from the distracted look his angel had sported every now and then.
Now, however, there was absolutely nothing to force Dean to push those thoughts from his mind and he was impressed that he'd managed to resist for as long as he had. Willpower had never been his strong suit, not when it was something that he wanted as much as this and there were no adverse consequences to acting upon the desire as soon as he possibly could. Only the fear that Castiel might pop back in to get something that his lover had forgotten had kept from him from getting things ready right away. But now that half an hour had elapsed he could be quite sure that Castiel wasn't going to come back any time soon and his patience was gone.
Even before he had started thinking about how he would get his hands on a kalsika, Dean had already been gathering the necessary ingredients for the ritual and it was a good thing that he had as some of them were a little more difficult to acquire. His experience as a hunter, though, had taught him how to get his hands on a range of illegal or unusual items and thus he'd succeeded even if he was sure that he'd caused a few raised eyebrows at the Vatican among those who were no doubt keeping an eye on his new credit card transactions. It made him smile to think of as he wondered just what they thought he might be up to. Oh to be a fly on those holy walls at the right times! The desire to go use his card at a sex shop still lingered though that temptation he had, surprisingly, been able to resist up until now. The only explanation he could come up with for that was that his relationship with Castiel was anything but a laughing matter and while he loved the idea of riling up those stuffy old coots across the Atlantic, he simply couldn't seem to bring himself to use his lover like that, even if he knew that Castiel would be more amused by it than anything else. How many times had his angel told him of the inaccuracies of the Bible again? He'd lost count.
The first thing that Dean did was to draw his chair under the fire detector so he could get at it to remove the battery from the device. Given how often he performed rituals or tasks which required him to disable to the alarm, he knew that he really should just not return the battery to it but he simply couldn't bring himself to do that. Although parts of his memory of that fateful night in November all of those years ago was hazy in parts, he could easily remember the fire alarm going off when the fire had first started. He had worked through his fear of fire in general a long time ago (he'd had to in order to be a hunter, not to mention the fact that he'd been determined to conquer the fear and not let the demon that had killed Mom to win in that area at least even if he couldn't do much beyond that), he found that he just couldn't permanently disable a fire alarm even now. On nights where his lover stayed with him it really didn't matter the alarm worked or not, but when he was on his own it could mean the difference between life and death and he was determined not to go like that. Not after all that he had done and survived. It would be such a stupid way to die.
Not sure how sensitive the alarms were, Dean disabled the ones in the kitchen and bedroom as well, just in case. Then he pulled the box of ingredients from where he'd shoved it to the back of his closet (he was still getting used to actually having one instead of having all of his stuff permanently stuffed into his duffel). He cleared the center of the living room before setting out the snow white candles. The ritual called for forty-nine of them, seven times seven, a powerful magic number. Next came the large ring of salt, an ingredient he'd not had to go looking for, over which he then sprinkled a mixture of iron shavings and myrrh soaked in Holy water. Into a new silver bowl went Holy oil, sand from Jerusalem and rose petals grown by a virgin. He'd long since given up trying to figure out how these things were decided, but the latter had raised even his eyebrows. Surely the sexual status of the person growing the roses couldn't really matter, could it? Regardless, he'd been good and gone out of his way to get his hands on them though it had taken some doing. The fact that he'd been able to had almost surprised him more than the need for them. At first he'd thought that he'd have to ask Michael or Raphael to get them from Heaven for him as he'd thought that it might be the only place where those would be available. It seemed, however, that there were quite a few ingredients out there that had been tended by virgins if one knew where to look. He pitied the poor virgins.
The bowl went into the circle of salt and was in turn anointed with a few drops of his own blood. Dean watched the red liquid seep into the sand and shivered as he felt as a chill race up his spine. His father had always been wary of using any of their blood in a ritual as the man had feared the power of blood magic and he could well understand why. During his time as a hunter he'd seen his fair share of blood rituals gone wrong as well as innocents who'd been virtually enslaved when some witch or creature had used their blood in a spell without their consent and knowledge. During the past few years, however, it had become more and more common for Sam and himself, and indeed even Castiel, to use their blood in order to perform all kinds of things both magical and more mundane. This line of thought, inevitably, brought back memories of Sam and Ruby (indeed how could thoughts of bloodletting not do so?) and his mood soured.
Dean tried to force the thoughts from his mind as they were the last thing that he wanted to think about right now. This whole ritual was about his love for his angel and about his desire to spend the rest of his life, and beyond, with Castiel. It was about tying them together forever at the soul and Grace level. He would not think about his brother at this time as Sam deserved no part in this. The only reason that the thought had even occurred to him was because although he had become far more relaxed about using his blood in rituals and to create sigils as of late, he was still fully aware of the fact that it was needed now in the way that his father had always feared its power; in order to create a permanent bond that would tie his meatsuit to Castiel's vessel for the rest of his mortal life.
Next came the first blessing which was to be uttered as he lit first the incense and then the candles. It was a simple one, calling on the fire to purify and bless the air and remove any taint that may linger from previous deeds. Dean had practiced the words and they fell easily from his lips, sounding far more lyrical than anything he'd ever said before or than anything in English ever could, but then most things in Enochian did. The incense quickly filled the air accompanied by the scent of burning candles and, soon, hot wax. It was a soothing smell and one that made him think back to Pastor Jim and the other hunter's church. Although he had never been religious, there had been something special about that place which even he hadn't been able to deny, though he'd always thought it had more to do with Jim's faith and inherent goodness and his own sense of it as a type of home more than anything elusive and intangible.
Now, however, Dean couldn't help but feel that there was something more involved, something powerful. He could fairly feel the power crackling in the air and he hadn't even really started the ritual yet. The next step was the one that he wasn't looking forward to, but he was determined to do this right. It was something that not everyone performing the ritual had to do, just those who were considered impure in the eyes of the bonding. The book hadn't come right out and said what was considered impure and Michael had kept quiet on the issue as well, but he knew that there was no way that could be considered anything else. Not with his past, sexual or otherwise. Therefore he'd have to prepare the libation and hope that it was strong enough in order to cleanse him sufficiently for the kalsika ritual and the bonding.
In a pewter chalice that he'd gotten blessed by a bishop on a recent hunt with the use of his Catholic church ID, Dean mixed Holy water, Holy oil and a small vial of oil from Castiel's wings that he'd managed to collect just last night. Or had it been this morning already? He was a little hazy on that particular detail as it hadn't been really important at the time. Technically the wing oil in the libation was supposed to be his own, but given that he didn't have any he hoped that his lover's would suffice. He'd have asked Michael to collect some but somehow it didn't feel right to have his friend involved in this even if it would have been his on some level too if his archangel had collected it while in him.
He said another quick blessing, this one calling on the water to purify and bless him and to remove the stains that he knew lingered from previous deeds. Dean then put the chalice down and grabbed his car keys. The libation had to sit for a few minutes which was the perfect time for him to get the kalsika from his baby. The air outside was a little too warm for what he was wearing, but that was okay as he wouldn't be out in it very long. He said some quick hellos as he saw some of the neighbors out and about (something he'd had to get used to again as it had been a really long time since he'd ever lived next to the same person long enough to actually get to know their name, let alone have to worry about them getting suspicious of, or annoyed with, him) as he made his way to the Impala.
He got into the passenger seat, opened the glove compartment and carefully, reverently, extricated the shirt in which his kalsika was wrapped. Checking that none of it was showing (the last thing he wanted to do was burn out some poor kid's eyes!), Dean got out of his baby once more, locked her and then headed back inside where the scent of incense and warm wax engulfed him in their soothing embrace. He put the bundle down on the floor next to the silver bowl and then turned back to the libation. Worryingly there was a pale fog-like smoke coming from it but the contents didn't seem to be doing anything so he steeled himself, said a third blessing and then downed the contents. He knew the taste of both Holy water and Castiel's wing oil, so he had to assume that the exotic spiciness was from the Holy oil though he'd never have expected it to taste like this. There were hints of cinnamon and cloves along with things he didn't recognize but didn't mind either. Far from being disgusting, the libation went down smooth and lingered pleasantly on his palate. It did seem to coat his mouth and esophagus in a way he wasn't used to but after a few swallows that was gone to.
Dean stood there, waiting for something to happen and when a few minutes passed without a hint of anything more than a pleasant warmth that started in his belly and spread through the rest of him, he began to wonder if he'd done something wrong. He'd followed all of the steps given in the book, but it wouldn't be the first time where something wasn't mentioned in a book because the author thought it was obvious and didn't need to be said again. But he'd gotten all of the ingredients in and had the chalice properly blessed, so he wasn't sure what more could be done. Or was it that he was just too tainted to purify with the libation? He had been to Hell after all and he doubted that the ritual had ever been either intended for or performed on someone who'd been sent to Perdition. He couldn't think of what else he could do, though, and stopping the ritual now wasn't even an option. He wanted this far too much to stop it now, he'd just have to hope that it would still work. His lover definitely didn't consider him unworthy of being with him, so he had to believe that there was a chance that it would still work.
The power crackling in the air had increased and Dean could practically feel his kalsika as he had in the Garden of Eden and he wondered at how his lover hadn't sensed its presence in the Impala. Briefly he closed his eyes and just let himself enjoy the sensations reaching his senses, feeling the tension drain from his body. This entire ritual was based around purification and the sanctity of the bonding and he could feel that now. When he was completely relaxed, he opened his eyes and stepped into the salt circle and sat down before the silver bowl. The incantation this time was far longer and more complex than the earlier blessings, but the words came to mind and flowed from his mouth easily, the Enochian adding another layer of mysticism and power to the ritual and he felt himself slip into a trance-like state.
The room faded from his awareness until Dean was only conscious of the elements of the ritual arrayed around him; candles, incense, the protective circle, the bowl and, most importantly, the kalsika that shone so brightly that he could almost see it despite the fact that it was hidden from view of his mortal eyes. When he reached the midpoint of the incantation, the part where he invoked God himself, he leaned forwards and lit a match which he then dropped into the silver bowl. The Holy oil caught fire at once and soon the scent of roses joined the incense and wax, making the air thick with power.
When the last of the Enochian rolled off his tongue, Dean felt strange, almost as if he wasn't in his meatsuit at all anymore but rather existed solely as a soul, like it had been in Heaven. He was faintly aware of the light that now suddenly bathed the room, overpowering the flicking flames of the candles and bowl, but it didn't register as particularly important next to the pulsing call of the kalsika beside him. Reverently he reached out and lifted the precious bundle into his lap before unfolding it. As he'd hoped, whatever was allowing him to see the wings of angels let him see the brilliance of the kalsika as it had been in the Garden of Eden. Power now hung thick in the air, sizzling along his skin like electricity and momentarily he just stared at the kalsika, entranced by its beauty and brilliance.
The draw of his kalsika quickly became too much and Dean reached out wrapping both hands around it so that he was cradling it in his palms. Power like Grace rippled through him, washing over him in waves and wrapping around his very soul. He'd had a slight fear of it being too much to handle and that it would destroy him as it had Eve, but instead it seemed to bathe him in its power even as it coiled around him much as Michael's Grace did when the archangel claimed him as his vessel. It was seeping into him and he allowed it, closing his eyes once more though he found that doing so did nothing to block out the brilliance of his kalsika. Thoughts of Castiel came easily and he forced himself to focus so he could properly initiate the kalsika as he was supposed to.
Luckily his experience with Michael had taught Dean how to select specific memories and feelings and to share them. He did so now, concentrating on everything that his lover was and meant to him. He thought back to their first meeting in that barn, about how even then he'd been awed and intrigued by the angel even as he feared and distrusted him. Various moments from the next few years and their growing friendship came next showing their evolving relationship. He was careful to show how special that had been for him, to have someone whom he could trust and knew to care about him despite the fact that they were neither family nor decade old acquaintances. Briefly he allowed the memory of what had happened in that alley, when he'd tried to give himself to Michael, to surface showing how despite what had happened he'd never truly feared his lover and how much Castiel's actions back then now meant to him as he got what it had been that had driven his angel to such extreme means.
The feel of the power around him shifted as Dean slowed his thoughts, lingering on their first kiss and all of the slow explorations of their growing relationship that had followed. Their first time evoked all of the love and tenderness he'd felt at the time and the light of his kalsika grew, the power in the room almost a live thing now, sliding across his meatsuit and wrapping around him like a lover, pulsing and bright. His first time bottoming for Castiel came next, the implicit trust and love from them shining through. The memories had taken on a surreal tinge, almost like he was reliving them but sitting in his apartment at the same time though it didn't seem so strange to him, sitting there.
More memories came, their Christmas and his birthday receiving special attention as their deepening relationship made those occasions unique in his mind. One of the most important memories, though, was of their first time together when he could see his lover's wings. It had made him feel closer to Castiel than ever before as he'd finally been able to see and touch a part of his lover's true form instead of the vessel that his angel inhabited while on Earth. The time during which Castiel had been missing and then injured by Meg with the Holy fire briefly made an unprompted appearance and it confused him until he realized that it was the kalsika that had drawn them forth. At first he was confused, but then he realized how critically important those events had been in his decision to do the bonding; the mere thought of losing his lover...
It was too horrible to contemplate so he chose instead to dwell on his feelings for Castiel. Dean had never been so honest in his life as he was now, not even with himself. Not even when making this decision. Everything seemed to just rise to the surface now and he knew that it had to be the kalsika but for once he wasn't annoyed or fearful that a supernatural artifact had this kind of effect on him. He'd read the book on angelic bonding, he knew how important the exchange of emotions through a kalsika was and if he was going to do this, then he'd do it right. Besides, he knew that he was absolutely crap at expressing himself verbally and for once in his life he had someone who he wanted aware of exactly how he felt, so this was the perfect way of doing so.
Dean poured himself into the kalsika, amazed at the breadth and depth of his own feelings for Castiel. It was frightening on some level but he didn't fear that. What he did fear, with an increasing frequency the further into this ritual that he got, was that his lover wouldn't accept this. Wouldn't accept him, not as a bond mate. He tried to squash it, knowing how much Castiel loved and cared for him. It had taken him a long time, but he'd come to accept that he was truly wanted. However he still knew there was a world of difference between being involved with someone and wanting to marry them, especially when it came in the form of a bonding which was far more eternal than a human marriage could ever hope to be.
The kalsika warmed in Dean's hands and he opened his eyes to watch its brilliance shift and change. Swirls of color entered its light, mostly darker blues, greens and purples with some red, but they all still managed to shine, taking on a metallic glint. His breath caught in his throat as he watched it, feeling the power within him slowly recede until it was gone. If his kalsika had been like the sun before, then now it was the moon, full and soft with reflected light that was somehow more powerful and meaningful than the direct beams of the noon sun. The final blessing was already falling from his lips before he fully realized it, the power in the room still electrifying the air. As he finished the blessing, a wave of power and emotion rippled outwards from the kalsika and his breath caught in his throat as it seemed to embrace him before moving on.
Then there was the flutter of wings and Dean looked up to see Castiel standing across the room, a look of shock on his lover's face.
A.N.: Okay, so my nano is going well and I celebrated by writing this. If nano continued to do well then I shall try and do a chapter of this a week.
Chapter 117
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: up to and including Exile on Main St., AU from the end of season 5
Warnings: AU, slash
Word Count: 3,917
Summary: Alone, Dean turns his attention to initiating his kalsika.
PAST
Dean managed to wait for half an hour after Castiel had left before he just couldn't just sit around and read anymore. Not now that he had everything to really start the ritual anyway. Thoughts of the kalsika and the bonding had threatened to creep in all morning and it had been all that he could do to not really think about them but he couldn't risk it, not with his lover around. The fact that Castiel hadn't picked up on it proved that his angel wasn't constantly listening in on his thoughts but he knew that Castiel would occasionally pick up something without meaning to, so he'd done his best to distract himself, which would have been easy enough if he'd really wanted to start something, but he knew that his lover had things to see to and he himself had research to do. Still, it had been far too tempting and he'd only resisted as he'd noticed that Castiel was already communicating with some of his brothers and sisters from the distracted look his angel had sported every now and then.
Now, however, there was absolutely nothing to force Dean to push those thoughts from his mind and he was impressed that he'd managed to resist for as long as he had. Willpower had never been his strong suit, not when it was something that he wanted as much as this and there were no adverse consequences to acting upon the desire as soon as he possibly could. Only the fear that Castiel might pop back in to get something that his lover had forgotten had kept from him from getting things ready right away. But now that half an hour had elapsed he could be quite sure that Castiel wasn't going to come back any time soon and his patience was gone.
Even before he had started thinking about how he would get his hands on a kalsika, Dean had already been gathering the necessary ingredients for the ritual and it was a good thing that he had as some of them were a little more difficult to acquire. His experience as a hunter, though, had taught him how to get his hands on a range of illegal or unusual items and thus he'd succeeded even if he was sure that he'd caused a few raised eyebrows at the Vatican among those who were no doubt keeping an eye on his new credit card transactions. It made him smile to think of as he wondered just what they thought he might be up to. Oh to be a fly on those holy walls at the right times! The desire to go use his card at a sex shop still lingered though that temptation he had, surprisingly, been able to resist up until now. The only explanation he could come up with for that was that his relationship with Castiel was anything but a laughing matter and while he loved the idea of riling up those stuffy old coots across the Atlantic, he simply couldn't seem to bring himself to use his lover like that, even if he knew that Castiel would be more amused by it than anything else. How many times had his angel told him of the inaccuracies of the Bible again? He'd lost count.
The first thing that Dean did was to draw his chair under the fire detector so he could get at it to remove the battery from the device. Given how often he performed rituals or tasks which required him to disable to the alarm, he knew that he really should just not return the battery to it but he simply couldn't bring himself to do that. Although parts of his memory of that fateful night in November all of those years ago was hazy in parts, he could easily remember the fire alarm going off when the fire had first started. He had worked through his fear of fire in general a long time ago (he'd had to in order to be a hunter, not to mention the fact that he'd been determined to conquer the fear and not let the demon that had killed Mom to win in that area at least even if he couldn't do much beyond that), he found that he just couldn't permanently disable a fire alarm even now. On nights where his lover stayed with him it really didn't matter the alarm worked or not, but when he was on his own it could mean the difference between life and death and he was determined not to go like that. Not after all that he had done and survived. It would be such a stupid way to die.
Not sure how sensitive the alarms were, Dean disabled the ones in the kitchen and bedroom as well, just in case. Then he pulled the box of ingredients from where he'd shoved it to the back of his closet (he was still getting used to actually having one instead of having all of his stuff permanently stuffed into his duffel). He cleared the center of the living room before setting out the snow white candles. The ritual called for forty-nine of them, seven times seven, a powerful magic number. Next came the large ring of salt, an ingredient he'd not had to go looking for, over which he then sprinkled a mixture of iron shavings and myrrh soaked in Holy water. Into a new silver bowl went Holy oil, sand from Jerusalem and rose petals grown by a virgin. He'd long since given up trying to figure out how these things were decided, but the latter had raised even his eyebrows. Surely the sexual status of the person growing the roses couldn't really matter, could it? Regardless, he'd been good and gone out of his way to get his hands on them though it had taken some doing. The fact that he'd been able to had almost surprised him more than the need for them. At first he'd thought that he'd have to ask Michael or Raphael to get them from Heaven for him as he'd thought that it might be the only place where those would be available. It seemed, however, that there were quite a few ingredients out there that had been tended by virgins if one knew where to look. He pitied the poor virgins.
The bowl went into the circle of salt and was in turn anointed with a few drops of his own blood. Dean watched the red liquid seep into the sand and shivered as he felt as a chill race up his spine. His father had always been wary of using any of their blood in a ritual as the man had feared the power of blood magic and he could well understand why. During his time as a hunter he'd seen his fair share of blood rituals gone wrong as well as innocents who'd been virtually enslaved when some witch or creature had used their blood in a spell without their consent and knowledge. During the past few years, however, it had become more and more common for Sam and himself, and indeed even Castiel, to use their blood in order to perform all kinds of things both magical and more mundane. This line of thought, inevitably, brought back memories of Sam and Ruby (indeed how could thoughts of bloodletting not do so?) and his mood soured.
Dean tried to force the thoughts from his mind as they were the last thing that he wanted to think about right now. This whole ritual was about his love for his angel and about his desire to spend the rest of his life, and beyond, with Castiel. It was about tying them together forever at the soul and Grace level. He would not think about his brother at this time as Sam deserved no part in this. The only reason that the thought had even occurred to him was because although he had become far more relaxed about using his blood in rituals and to create sigils as of late, he was still fully aware of the fact that it was needed now in the way that his father had always feared its power; in order to create a permanent bond that would tie his meatsuit to Castiel's vessel for the rest of his mortal life.
Next came the first blessing which was to be uttered as he lit first the incense and then the candles. It was a simple one, calling on the fire to purify and bless the air and remove any taint that may linger from previous deeds. Dean had practiced the words and they fell easily from his lips, sounding far more lyrical than anything he'd ever said before or than anything in English ever could, but then most things in Enochian did. The incense quickly filled the air accompanied by the scent of burning candles and, soon, hot wax. It was a soothing smell and one that made him think back to Pastor Jim and the other hunter's church. Although he had never been religious, there had been something special about that place which even he hadn't been able to deny, though he'd always thought it had more to do with Jim's faith and inherent goodness and his own sense of it as a type of home more than anything elusive and intangible.
Now, however, Dean couldn't help but feel that there was something more involved, something powerful. He could fairly feel the power crackling in the air and he hadn't even really started the ritual yet. The next step was the one that he wasn't looking forward to, but he was determined to do this right. It was something that not everyone performing the ritual had to do, just those who were considered impure in the eyes of the bonding. The book hadn't come right out and said what was considered impure and Michael had kept quiet on the issue as well, but he knew that there was no way that could be considered anything else. Not with his past, sexual or otherwise. Therefore he'd have to prepare the libation and hope that it was strong enough in order to cleanse him sufficiently for the kalsika ritual and the bonding.
In a pewter chalice that he'd gotten blessed by a bishop on a recent hunt with the use of his Catholic church ID, Dean mixed Holy water, Holy oil and a small vial of oil from Castiel's wings that he'd managed to collect just last night. Or had it been this morning already? He was a little hazy on that particular detail as it hadn't been really important at the time. Technically the wing oil in the libation was supposed to be his own, but given that he didn't have any he hoped that his lover's would suffice. He'd have asked Michael to collect some but somehow it didn't feel right to have his friend involved in this even if it would have been his on some level too if his archangel had collected it while in him.
He said another quick blessing, this one calling on the water to purify and bless him and to remove the stains that he knew lingered from previous deeds. Dean then put the chalice down and grabbed his car keys. The libation had to sit for a few minutes which was the perfect time for him to get the kalsika from his baby. The air outside was a little too warm for what he was wearing, but that was okay as he wouldn't be out in it very long. He said some quick hellos as he saw some of the neighbors out and about (something he'd had to get used to again as it had been a really long time since he'd ever lived next to the same person long enough to actually get to know their name, let alone have to worry about them getting suspicious of, or annoyed with, him) as he made his way to the Impala.
He got into the passenger seat, opened the glove compartment and carefully, reverently, extricated the shirt in which his kalsika was wrapped. Checking that none of it was showing (the last thing he wanted to do was burn out some poor kid's eyes!), Dean got out of his baby once more, locked her and then headed back inside where the scent of incense and warm wax engulfed him in their soothing embrace. He put the bundle down on the floor next to the silver bowl and then turned back to the libation. Worryingly there was a pale fog-like smoke coming from it but the contents didn't seem to be doing anything so he steeled himself, said a third blessing and then downed the contents. He knew the taste of both Holy water and Castiel's wing oil, so he had to assume that the exotic spiciness was from the Holy oil though he'd never have expected it to taste like this. There were hints of cinnamon and cloves along with things he didn't recognize but didn't mind either. Far from being disgusting, the libation went down smooth and lingered pleasantly on his palate. It did seem to coat his mouth and esophagus in a way he wasn't used to but after a few swallows that was gone to.
Dean stood there, waiting for something to happen and when a few minutes passed without a hint of anything more than a pleasant warmth that started in his belly and spread through the rest of him, he began to wonder if he'd done something wrong. He'd followed all of the steps given in the book, but it wouldn't be the first time where something wasn't mentioned in a book because the author thought it was obvious and didn't need to be said again. But he'd gotten all of the ingredients in and had the chalice properly blessed, so he wasn't sure what more could be done. Or was it that he was just too tainted to purify with the libation? He had been to Hell after all and he doubted that the ritual had ever been either intended for or performed on someone who'd been sent to Perdition. He couldn't think of what else he could do, though, and stopping the ritual now wasn't even an option. He wanted this far too much to stop it now, he'd just have to hope that it would still work. His lover definitely didn't consider him unworthy of being with him, so he had to believe that there was a chance that it would still work.
The power crackling in the air had increased and Dean could practically feel his kalsika as he had in the Garden of Eden and he wondered at how his lover hadn't sensed its presence in the Impala. Briefly he closed his eyes and just let himself enjoy the sensations reaching his senses, feeling the tension drain from his body. This entire ritual was based around purification and the sanctity of the bonding and he could feel that now. When he was completely relaxed, he opened his eyes and stepped into the salt circle and sat down before the silver bowl. The incantation this time was far longer and more complex than the earlier blessings, but the words came to mind and flowed from his mouth easily, the Enochian adding another layer of mysticism and power to the ritual and he felt himself slip into a trance-like state.
The room faded from his awareness until Dean was only conscious of the elements of the ritual arrayed around him; candles, incense, the protective circle, the bowl and, most importantly, the kalsika that shone so brightly that he could almost see it despite the fact that it was hidden from view of his mortal eyes. When he reached the midpoint of the incantation, the part where he invoked God himself, he leaned forwards and lit a match which he then dropped into the silver bowl. The Holy oil caught fire at once and soon the scent of roses joined the incense and wax, making the air thick with power.
When the last of the Enochian rolled off his tongue, Dean felt strange, almost as if he wasn't in his meatsuit at all anymore but rather existed solely as a soul, like it had been in Heaven. He was faintly aware of the light that now suddenly bathed the room, overpowering the flicking flames of the candles and bowl, but it didn't register as particularly important next to the pulsing call of the kalsika beside him. Reverently he reached out and lifted the precious bundle into his lap before unfolding it. As he'd hoped, whatever was allowing him to see the wings of angels let him see the brilliance of the kalsika as it had been in the Garden of Eden. Power now hung thick in the air, sizzling along his skin like electricity and momentarily he just stared at the kalsika, entranced by its beauty and brilliance.
The draw of his kalsika quickly became too much and Dean reached out wrapping both hands around it so that he was cradling it in his palms. Power like Grace rippled through him, washing over him in waves and wrapping around his very soul. He'd had a slight fear of it being too much to handle and that it would destroy him as it had Eve, but instead it seemed to bathe him in its power even as it coiled around him much as Michael's Grace did when the archangel claimed him as his vessel. It was seeping into him and he allowed it, closing his eyes once more though he found that doing so did nothing to block out the brilliance of his kalsika. Thoughts of Castiel came easily and he forced himself to focus so he could properly initiate the kalsika as he was supposed to.
Luckily his experience with Michael had taught Dean how to select specific memories and feelings and to share them. He did so now, concentrating on everything that his lover was and meant to him. He thought back to their first meeting in that barn, about how even then he'd been awed and intrigued by the angel even as he feared and distrusted him. Various moments from the next few years and their growing friendship came next showing their evolving relationship. He was careful to show how special that had been for him, to have someone whom he could trust and knew to care about him despite the fact that they were neither family nor decade old acquaintances. Briefly he allowed the memory of what had happened in that alley, when he'd tried to give himself to Michael, to surface showing how despite what had happened he'd never truly feared his lover and how much Castiel's actions back then now meant to him as he got what it had been that had driven his angel to such extreme means.
The feel of the power around him shifted as Dean slowed his thoughts, lingering on their first kiss and all of the slow explorations of their growing relationship that had followed. Their first time evoked all of the love and tenderness he'd felt at the time and the light of his kalsika grew, the power in the room almost a live thing now, sliding across his meatsuit and wrapping around him like a lover, pulsing and bright. His first time bottoming for Castiel came next, the implicit trust and love from them shining through. The memories had taken on a surreal tinge, almost like he was reliving them but sitting in his apartment at the same time though it didn't seem so strange to him, sitting there.
More memories came, their Christmas and his birthday receiving special attention as their deepening relationship made those occasions unique in his mind. One of the most important memories, though, was of their first time together when he could see his lover's wings. It had made him feel closer to Castiel than ever before as he'd finally been able to see and touch a part of his lover's true form instead of the vessel that his angel inhabited while on Earth. The time during which Castiel had been missing and then injured by Meg with the Holy fire briefly made an unprompted appearance and it confused him until he realized that it was the kalsika that had drawn them forth. At first he was confused, but then he realized how critically important those events had been in his decision to do the bonding; the mere thought of losing his lover...
It was too horrible to contemplate so he chose instead to dwell on his feelings for Castiel. Dean had never been so honest in his life as he was now, not even with himself. Not even when making this decision. Everything seemed to just rise to the surface now and he knew that it had to be the kalsika but for once he wasn't annoyed or fearful that a supernatural artifact had this kind of effect on him. He'd read the book on angelic bonding, he knew how important the exchange of emotions through a kalsika was and if he was going to do this, then he'd do it right. Besides, he knew that he was absolutely crap at expressing himself verbally and for once in his life he had someone who he wanted aware of exactly how he felt, so this was the perfect way of doing so.
Dean poured himself into the kalsika, amazed at the breadth and depth of his own feelings for Castiel. It was frightening on some level but he didn't fear that. What he did fear, with an increasing frequency the further into this ritual that he got, was that his lover wouldn't accept this. Wouldn't accept him, not as a bond mate. He tried to squash it, knowing how much Castiel loved and cared for him. It had taken him a long time, but he'd come to accept that he was truly wanted. However he still knew there was a world of difference between being involved with someone and wanting to marry them, especially when it came in the form of a bonding which was far more eternal than a human marriage could ever hope to be.
The kalsika warmed in Dean's hands and he opened his eyes to watch its brilliance shift and change. Swirls of color entered its light, mostly darker blues, greens and purples with some red, but they all still managed to shine, taking on a metallic glint. His breath caught in his throat as he watched it, feeling the power within him slowly recede until it was gone. If his kalsika had been like the sun before, then now it was the moon, full and soft with reflected light that was somehow more powerful and meaningful than the direct beams of the noon sun. The final blessing was already falling from his lips before he fully realized it, the power in the room still electrifying the air. As he finished the blessing, a wave of power and emotion rippled outwards from the kalsika and his breath caught in his throat as it seemed to embrace him before moving on.
Then there was the flutter of wings and Dean looked up to see Castiel standing across the room, a look of shock on his lover's face.
A.N.: Okay, so my nano is going well and I celebrated by writing this. If nano continued to do well then I shall try and do a chapter of this a week.
Chapter 117