Ma Hon, Special Short Story Replay 1-6
Conrad is such a troll. He is.
These are the first three pages of the SSS stories. There are 11 altogether. It was a random number of pages to translate, I know, but I got to the last one and needed to post it immediately XD Anyway, I thought I’d just start on this while I waited to hear back from Lrenne~ These stories are really longer than I thought they were. I mean, they’re still short, but the way they’re arranged on the page makes them look a lot shorter.
Anyway, there might be a minor spoiler in the first story with Josak and Gwendal, but I also feel like there’s a 99% chance that this is the first time it was mentioned (and it’s also super minor and non-plot related) so I’m personally not counting it as a spoiler. Like, you could read it and not even know wtf I’m referring to. I put it behind a clicky thing anyway. The rest of these are spoiler free!
Also, each page seems to have its own little theme and the stories on any given page are related so I marked where new pages begin with ~.~.~ type things.
Josak x Gwendal
[Spoiler (click to open)]
“I told you I wanted to talk outside the castle because I didn’t want to be overheard.”
Lord von Voltaire placed his long fingers on his forehead and closed his eyes as the wrinkles between his eyebrows deepened. The ladies loved this troubled look on him. Of course, in this place it was the same for even those people who were ladies only by their clothing. Sighs that sound like lovestruck girls come from far away seats.
“… Who said to use your shop?”
“Oh? But I thought that the location and structural architecture were perfect.”
Josak sat across from Gwendal with a cup of alcohol in his hand. Contrary to his boss, he was extremely happy.
“And besides, this isn’t my shop. There, he’s the manager.”
“You’re the one who employs the manager. Did you think I wouldn’t notice what sort of job my subordinate has?”
“Oh, so you found out?”
Side-jobs weren’t expressly forbidden so he’s not worried that he’s been found out. Rather it was his boss, Gwendal, who was clearing his throat uncomfortably. It’s to be expected as the shop that Josak was presiding over was a specialized entertainment venue where men in women’s clothes served the customers. Here and there in the quite large inside of the shop there were men in drag watching the pair’s exchange. He could also hear excited whispers such as ‘Lord von Voltaire!’ and ‘It’s His Excellency Gwendal!’
There was the rare, dainty person that women’s clothes suited well. However, most of them were tall with thick chests, men who were blessed with muscly physiques. So, everyone who comes to this shop for the first time feels like this: aren’t they in the wrong profession? When Gwendal’s thoughts reached that far, he turned to Josak as if he had suddenly thought of something and asked him a question in a voice so low he might as well have been whispering in his ear.
“You’re not going to tell me that all the people working here are off-duty soldiers, are you?”
“Of course not!”
“Then why do they know who I am?”
“That’s because Your Excellency is quite popular.” He made such a displeased face that Josak quickly amended his statement. "Professionally, of course. That dancer before thought so too, as well as that young guy who brought the drinks.”
“… In other words, only a few of them aren’t soldiers.”
Getting a glimpse into the unknown, daily life of soldiers, the demon who oversaw them dropped his shoulders, crestfallen. Be that as it may, getting depressed all by himself wouldn’t do anything. The value of a soldier lies in whether he fulfills his duties or not. What he does in his free time is not a problem. If they can meet their next mission with an earnest attitude by spending time relaxing in this shop, then there was nothing to complain about. In the first place, he had come here to discuss a new pending issue, not to observe the off duty soldiers… Gwendal forced himself to drive away his disappointment with all of his willpower.
“At any rate, even if this is secluded, with this much attention on us this isn’t confidential in the least.”
“Honestly, Your Excellency, if you wanted to have a drink with just the two of us you should have said so.”
“Cut that out.”
Gwendal read too much into that and got mad at him. It’s times like these that you need to hide behind drinks and fun.
“Well if we’re not going to get any work done then we might as well drink and have some fun. Let’s forget our troubles! Look, there are enough beautiful spots for you to put both of your hands… Okay I get it, there aren’t any beautiful spots. After that we’ll go somewhere else and have a serious and private talk. With our knees pressed together.”
“When you say have fun…”
An upright nobleman would have no interest in gambling in the castle town. So, Josak decided to teach his embarrassed boss a game that was starting to gain popularity lately.
“I’ll teach you that baseball game that His Majesty loves. Your Excellency has never played before, right?”
His Majesty loves it. That was the ultimate hook line and sinker.
*.*.*.*.*
This is rock, this is scissors, this is paper. If you lose, you take off one piece of clothing. After being told those scant rules and pressured into playing, Lord von Voltaire didn’t realize it until after the fifth match. He had luckily won much more than his opponent and Josak was the only one stripping.
“No, this is wrong. This isn’t baseball.”
“Huh? It is.”
“No, it’s absolutely not. I’ve played strip-if-you-lose rock paper scissors with Anissina before, but she didn’t say that it was baseball.”
“Eh!? Your Excellency, you played a game like that with little Anissina!?”
“No, that wasn’t my point. What I wanted to say was that baseball isn’t a game you play with your bare hands, but with a stick and balls…”
“Oh my, a stick and balls? That’s not very adult of you, Your Excellency.”
You couldn’t really call a man who was a hundred and few dozen years old a child or an adult.
“But anyway, this is a different version of baseball. The baseball that His Majesty played developed into a martial art and it’s called ‘baseball fist.’ The motto is: talk to one another with manly fists.” (1)
“Then, then I have a question.”
“Uhuh?”
It’s okay to flippantly answer questions while sitting in a bar. But if someone asked you a question while breathing so heavily, you’d end up feeling bad if you didn’t answer them seriously.
“What is ‘out?’ What does it mean!?”
“It means you messed up.”
“Then, what about ‘safe’!?”
“Success!”
“Then what does ‘yoyoi no yoi’ mean? What about ‘yoyoi no yoi’!?”
“Honestly, Your Excellency, yoyoi no yoi is what you say to the winner. If you leave that out it won’t be a match between gentleman.” (2)
“I, I see.”
Gwendal was dangerously close to being fooled, but then it seemed like he realized the strange amount of times he won. He had finally started to wonder why a complete amateur at baseball fist was winning so much.
“Wait. Why are you the only one stripping?”
Gwendal stops Josak as he hooks his fingers into what His Majesty calls ‘skintight panties.’ Whether you strip or not is decided by the outcome of the match so the fact that the boss only took off his jacket and the subordinate is on his last piece of clothing is obviously the result that Gwendal won and Josak continued to lose. However, since he was not aware of the strategy of waiting to see what your opponent does, he did not understand that his opponent could manipulate the outcome of the game by showing his hand an instant later.
“What, did you want to strip?”
“Like I would want to do that!”
On the other side of the finger Gwendal had whipped around, the employees all held their breath and looked up at them. They all had hopeful looks in their eyes. Only an exhibitionist could withstand a gaze like that.
“Then you admit that I lost.”
He’s really going to strip naked!? Everyone except one got really excited. The soldiers were used to seeing naked guys, but it was a different story when it was the result of losing at baseball fist. It wouldn’t just be being stark naked, it would be accompanied by defeat and humiliation. When this nightlife game spread as the slightly different ‘Night Baseball,’ everyone’s thoughts were ‘His Majesty brought in one sinful game.’
On the other hand, the first-time baseball fist player Gwendal was getting flustered in a different way. He was worried about whether it would hurt the pride of a skilled soldier of his to be embarrassed like this over a simple game in a bar. Furthermore, Josak Gurrier was his trump card. He might have issues with his behavior, but since Josak wasn’t picky with his missions and he delivered favorable results, he was incredibly valuable. Could Gwendal afford to lose such a valuable, elite soldier over a stupid game like this?
However, the boss’s modest concern turned out to be unnecessary.
On the nether regions exposed in a smooth movement… there was a huge leaf pasted in place.
“… Gurrier.”
“Yes?” replied the man who had stripped in a very sporting manner as he twirled a pair of red underwear around in the air on his index finger. He’s really having fun.
“Is that in fashion nowadays?”
“No, this is the plant underwear I invented that’s not really underwear. At the moment I’m commercializing it for the ladies who want to see the surprised faces of gentlemen. After all, there aren’t any slightly crude items like this in ‘The Queen’s Inventions.’”
Branching out into the underwear industry without having tired of the hospitality business, it was quite the diversified management system. However, as a noble and soldier who had not once in his life had worries over money, Gwendal couldn’t possibly understand the economic sense of someone who had experience poverty.
“… Gurrier,” he muttered in a perplexed tone as he slumped back in his seat, dejected. “What exactly is your main occupation?”
“Honestly, Your Excellency, don’t you know?” Josak casually replied as he stood on the table with just his leaf.
“I am Your Excellency’s devoted servant.”
-------------
(1) The strip version of rock paper scissors does exist in Japan and it is called baseball fist (yakyuuken).
(2) Yoyoi no yoi is a sort of nonsensical way to say ‘yay.’ It’s more of a nice, rhythmical thing to say rather than an actual phrase. I guess if I had to think up something similar in English it would be ‘yippie kai yay’ or however that’s spelled~
~.~.~.~
Murata x Yuuri x Wolfram
“Ah, hot springs are nice! They even completely ease old injuries that flare up during the changing seasons.”
“Old injuries? Shibuya, you just got that injury two months ago.”
“Yuuri! Did you get involved in a fight!?”
“No, Wolf. It was a game, not a fight.”
“Well, even so, getting in a huge public bath like this together really raises your spirits. This makes me remember the field trip in middle school.”
“Oh right, the public bath during the field trip. But you know, that was difficult age when there’s still **** and no **** so there’s always that one person, isn’t there? You know, the guy who goes in with swim trunks on.”
“Ahaha, yeah, yeah there was! Hey, that was me.”
“Eh!? That was you!?”
“An abscess on my butt had started to fester. So, I put a waterproof band-aid on it and then trunks on top to keep it from coming off.”
“… You didn’t need to go through all that trouble to get in the bath. Oh yeah, are there field trips in The Great Demon Kingdom?”
“Field… maybe. Are they those events where students spend the whole day strengthening bonds and feelings of solidarity amongst their companions?” Wolfram asked.
“Yeah, that.”
“The entire unit is sent out into the mountains to march without sleep. There are wild animals that attack out of nowhere and traps set up but you don’t know where. Your water and portable food rations are meager as well.”
“Th… that’s survival training, I think.”
“During that time, I discovered that people who are starving will eat snakes or whatever they can get their hands on.”
“N-now that you mention bathing in a group, there’s that. We compare that, too. Whenever you get a dozen or so guys the same age together in a bath the conversation always ends up turning in that direction. The class split up into three groups: the proud group, the group that watches, and the check-this-out group.”
“Ugh, Shibuya, it’s better if we don’t try that out here.”
“Why? Ah Murata, you don’t have any confidence?”
“That’s not it. There are a lot of delicate issues when it comes to differences between people. I mean, look. We can’t ruin his consideration for us by oh so inconspicuously sitting facing the other way.”
“What do you mean, inconspicuously facing the other way? We have the same height anyway so it really won’t make a difference what direction he's facing…”
Conrad x Gwendal x Günter
“You shouldn’t make such a sullen face here. You should just relax in the baths together and deepen your friendship with His Majesty, Gwen. Ah, or maybe…”
“What?”
“Will you be troubled if you lose to Wolfram?”
“Wh-wh-wh-what!? What exactly would I lose to Wolfram in!?”
“I was just talking about how many scars you have so why are you so flustered?”
“Ah, yeah, scars. I see, scars… But Wolfram doesn’t have any obvious scars.”
“Well, that’s true. No matter how easygoing she is, Mother wouldn’t have allowed her adorable, youngest son to be sent to the front lines.”
“It’s not just Wolfram; all three of them over there have probably never been injured.”
“Not necessarily. His Majesty has quite a few injuries. On his shins, on his arm… starting from his elbow, about this length. He said he broke the rules a bit and used a head slide and his flesh got gouged out.”
“I’m surprised. I had thought he had never been in battle. I see, he broke the rules…”
“Speaking of breaking the rules… there was a teacher at the military school who taught us that ‘A scar on your back is a mark of shame. It means that you tried to run away and showed your back to the enemy!’ wasn’t there?”
“There was a teacher who emphasized that. But if you go out to a real battlefield, you immediately realize that pretty ideals like that have no place there.”
“Yeah. People will assault you from behind right after they beg for their life, et cetera. It happens quite frequently.”
“It’s scary that he didn’t know that.”
“Truly. There wasn’t a single scar on that teacher’s body.”
“Yeah, he was beautiful.”
“Y-you two, I was staying quiet listening to you, but you are really going too far!”
“No one said it was you, Günter,” said Gwendal.
“That’s right, Günter. Gwen and I didn’t say a single thing about you.”
~.~.~.~
Jennifer x Yuuri
“Hey, Mama, is Santa Claus real?”
“Oh, Yuu-chan, the day where you ask that question has finally come for you too, huh? The day you learn the truth about Santa Claus. What brand are those red clothes? Is that suspicious beard real? And, just how high is his blood sugar level!?”
“Blood sugar? I’m not talking about ‘dippicult’ stuff like that.”
“Ehehe, that’s right, that was an adult concern. Of course Santa exists, Yuu-chan. A news reporter somewhere said something like this: the important things are things you can’t see.”
“… You cut too much out of it so it doesn’t make sense.”
“You don’t get it? Really? But Santa Claus is really real. He exists. I’m not sure what generation he is now, though. A card came in the mail addressed to you, didn’t it?”
“… It wasn’t handwritten.”
“Oh, Yuu-chan! Don’t say mean things. Santa is a foreigner so he has a huge complex about not being able to write in Japanese. And now you’re asking for a handwritten card? That’s bullying. That’s a type of foul play.”
“But Santa Claus didn’t come to our house last year.”
“That’s right. Scandinavia is really far away from Japan. It’s so far away you have to get a connecting flight. Santa is real and he does have a reindeer sled, but that thing about the sled flying is a misunderstanding. I mean, it’s impossible that a sled would fly through the sly- no, sky! If an engine like that existed in this world then Mama would have been on the Galaxy Express a long time ago.” (1)
“Mama, you can’t turn into a ‘meter!’”
“Of course I won’t turn into one. It’s okay. I would never choose Tetsurou over you, Yuu-chan. But if a reindeer sled traveled over land, it would have an accident before it got to Japan. He’s not very Santa Close. Okay, that right now was Papa’s bad joke, not Mama’s.” (2)
“But, but I heard that Santa went to my friend’s house…”
“Oh dear! They must have unlicensed products in their house! Probably something like the ‘Anywhere Doora.’ If you have that, then no matter how little mobility a sled has, you can go door-to-door all the way to Japan. But the Food and Health Bureau hasn’t approved that yet so only Dr.F. Fujio is allowed to use it. If you don’t want your friend to be wanted by the police, keep this a secret between you and Mama.” (3)
“Eh? If the real Santa comes he’ll get arrested?”
“Shh! Do. Not. Ever. Say. That. Again. But it’s okay. Papa has received an official commission from the Santa Company. When it comes to Yuu-chan and Sho-chan’s presents, just leave it to Mama and Papa.”
“Why is Papa being Santa? I knew that Papa put on red clothes and left the presents, but, but why is Papa Santa!?”
“Papa has been approved as the Shibuya family’s official Santa Claus. If he puts on a costume and holds a sack, he’s Santa for a day. Even if he’s so drunk he can’t say the name. Hey, there’s a lot of those right? Station master for a day, chief of police for a day, yakuza boss for a day - it’s the same thing.”
“… yakuza…”
“Of course if Papa is on a business trip then Mama will take on the job. Mini-skirt Santa for the day. If Mama is away, then Sho-chan will be Boy Santa for the day… Oh, what’s wrong, Yuu-chan? Why are you crying? Did you not like Boy Santa? Eh, what is it? … Mama’s mini-skirt… is… bad? Yuu-chan?”
-------
(1) Reference to the train Galaxy Express 999 from the anime of the same name. Basically, it was a train that traveled through space.
(2) Two parts! Tetsurou is the main character in Galaxy Express 999. The original Japanese joke was shoving the word for troubles or hardships(kurou 苦労) into Santa Claus(santa kuroosuサンタクロース) to get this ---> santa kurousuサンタ苦労ス. This makes it into Santa Having-a-hard-times.
(3) The ‘Anywhere Door’ is from Doraemon which was created by Fujiko F. Fujio (pen name). The door was a device that took you anywhere. There’s an ‘a’ on the end of it in the text because Jennifer pronounced it wrong XD
Wolfram x Yuuri
“Are they really going to like this?”
“They’ll love it. Even if it’s from someone who put on red clothes to be Santa for the day, kids love getting presents. Hey, your hands aren’t moving. If you have time to have misgivings then you have time to wrap. There’s only the two of us. We have to leave these by the children’s pillows tonight. The sun’s already went down.”
“I know. I’ll wrap them. I just have to wrap them and tie a bow on them right?”
“Right. Ah, don’t forget to put the candy in. The star cookies too.”
“It’s alright, everything’s inside. But this… Is it okay for demon boys to be happy about stuffed animals!?”
“Whoa, don’t get angry all of a sudden. There are girls too. There are girls. If Miss Anissina heard what you said right now it’d be trouble in more ways than one. But… huh, I thought that they would be happy with Made in Gwendal stuffed animals. Little kids like incomprehensible animals, right? The ones where you say ‘I can’t tell if it’s cute or gross!’”
“Really? My older brother’s works are avant-garde art for adults so I thought that children wouldn’t understand them.”
“Eh? That’s what you were worried about!? Y-you’re a nice little brother.”
“Even so, why do you and I have to bring these to the children? It’ll take forever. It would be done in the blink of an eye if we asked Anissina to use her ‘Poison Lady Delivery.’”
“Look, for this kind of situation there’s meaning in having Santa Claus deliver these. It’s important that white-bearded Santa in red clothes carries a big sack and sneaks in during the middle of the night.”
“Isn’t he suspicious?”
“Don’t say suspicious. Santa Claus is the only one in the entire world who is allowed to come into someone’s house without saying anything. You could say he’s a man who has a trespassing permit. Although, going in through the chimney is a little… it’s life threatening so we can’t do that.”
“But I’m not that… Senta Ku… Santaku? I’m not that guy.”
“Hey, don’t turn a popular children’s character into a name of a quiz show host. It’s okay even if you’re not the actual Santa. You look good in a Santa costume.”
“You look better!”
“I don’t know if you’re angry or praising me, Wolf… ah!”
“Ah!”
“Why did the lights suddenly go out? Did the oil run out? Or rather, did the magic power run out? Eh!? That’s bad. The sun set so it’s dark but we have to finish wrapping these presents tonight. I can’t see what’s in my hands in this darkness!”
“Calm down, Yuuri. I can do something about the light… look.”
“Oh, right. Great! You’re good at using fire. But, isn’t it hot to have flame on your palm? Although it is pretty in a magical way.”
“It’s not really hot. Should it be brighter?”
“Oh, awesome! Light is floating in places where there aren’t candles or anything. Whoa, they’re all over the walls! Wolf, that’s awesome. The kids would love it if you showed this to them! There are candles in the air, like magic. It’s beautiful.”
“R-really? I can do this too.”
“Wow, awesome! It’s blowing out fire while flying around! It’s like fireworks in the Tokyo Dome! It’s weird that it’s not hot at all after throwing around sparks like this… oh, one jumped out the window…”
“It’ll burn out by itself so it’s okay… Huh? Why are the guards running around so much? And the straw by the barn is… burn...ing…”
“… Wolf, they’re screaming something like ‘an enemy attack!’ outside…”
Conrad x Yuuri
“I came running to see what happened…”
“I’m sorry for making you worry, Conrad. I feel bad for making Wolfram go apologize by himself.”
“It’s okay. He did that knowing what kind of commotion it would cause.”
“But he has to get let out soon. We were supposed to deliver these presents to the children after this. Maybe I should go apologize to Gwen too… Even so… Umm, uh, Conrad? It looks really good on you, but are all of the soldiers really wearing that at work tonight?”
“Everyone in Santa costumes? Of course not! Just a small part of the guards. They thought Your Majesty would like it. Also in my case I have something to do late tonight - like sneaking down a chimney.”
“Sneaking do-… Well I’m glad. It’s fun, though I was surprised when I looked out of the window and saw a bunch of Santas. But this sort of thing livens things up, dressing for the part. I kind of thought you had all taken advantage of Christmas and started some kind of stag party! I was wondering if I had interrupted your own plans of partying for the next few days to welcome the new year.”
“Ah, the so-called Single Bells.” (1)
“Oh so you’re planning on a White Christmas? It’d be great if there isn’t a commotion on New Year’s Eve and Day. When I was a kid, I went overseas every once in a while. There was a huge commotion and it was a pain. Even though I was tired and bleary-eyed, the adults where outside drinking and yelling and talking about whether they should kiss the person next to them when the date changed… I wonder if they really did that. It was probably something for a TV show or a movie.”
“I went to the countdown in New York on New Year’s Eve and they were doing it like it was normal. Although, Times Square was certainly in an uproar so there was also the atmosphere of the place adding to it.”
“Seriously!? Americans are amazing! But what do you do if the person next to you isn’t your girlfriend or your family?”
“It looked like it didn’t really matter. Although for me, the person next to me was a refined Sister.”
“Th-that smug smile. Did you actually do it with a Sister?”
“She wasn’t mad. She said that God would forgive her for just that night and smiled.”
“Th-that’s amazing, you ladykiller.”
“And then when I turned to my left…”
“Don’t tell me that next was a Buddhist nun or a monk.”
“There was a man with a beard dressed in women’s clothes with teary eyes as if he were waiting for something.”
“Eeee-, th-th-th-th-that complicated smile! You even did it with a brother!?”
“I gently brushed the man’s trembling cheek and slowly moved my palm to the back of his head and…”
“Eee, what happened? No, that’s okay I don’t want to hear. Just tell me how it turned out. When I say how it turned out I don’t mean in detail, just tell me yes or no.”
“… fixed his wig for him.”
“Ah… it was crooked… that was nice of you…”
-----
(1) This is a reference to a parody on Jingle Bells about spending Christmas alone.
The end. Kinda. It's nowhere near the end, but this is the end for this post.
... Conrad. The troll is strong with this one. I've always known he was a total troll, but this was his best troll yet XD
Anyway, I've flipped through the first two chapters of novel 8 as well. The translations really left off right in the middle of the action! To be honest I reallyreallyreallyreally wanna work on chapter 3, but I also want to either hear back from Lrenne to make sure she isn't already working on it or let enough time pass to confirm MIA status so the next thing on here is probably going to be more of these.
These are the first three pages of the SSS stories. There are 11 altogether. It was a random number of pages to translate, I know, but I got to the last one and needed to post it immediately XD Anyway, I thought I’d just start on this while I waited to hear back from Lrenne~ These stories are really longer than I thought they were. I mean, they’re still short, but the way they’re arranged on the page makes them look a lot shorter.
Anyway, there might be a minor spoiler in the first story with Josak and Gwendal, but I also feel like there’s a 99% chance that this is the first time it was mentioned (and it’s also super minor and non-plot related) so I’m personally not counting it as a spoiler. Like, you could read it and not even know wtf I’m referring to. I put it behind a clicky thing anyway. The rest of these are spoiler free!
Also, each page seems to have its own little theme and the stories on any given page are related so I marked where new pages begin with ~.~.~ type things.
Josak x Gwendal
[Spoiler (click to open)]
“I told you I wanted to talk outside the castle because I didn’t want to be overheard.”
Lord von Voltaire placed his long fingers on his forehead and closed his eyes as the wrinkles between his eyebrows deepened. The ladies loved this troubled look on him. Of course, in this place it was the same for even those people who were ladies only by their clothing. Sighs that sound like lovestruck girls come from far away seats.
“… Who said to use your shop?”
“Oh? But I thought that the location and structural architecture were perfect.”
Josak sat across from Gwendal with a cup of alcohol in his hand. Contrary to his boss, he was extremely happy.
“And besides, this isn’t my shop. There, he’s the manager.”
“You’re the one who employs the manager. Did you think I wouldn’t notice what sort of job my subordinate has?”
“Oh, so you found out?”
Side-jobs weren’t expressly forbidden so he’s not worried that he’s been found out. Rather it was his boss, Gwendal, who was clearing his throat uncomfortably. It’s to be expected as the shop that Josak was presiding over was a specialized entertainment venue where men in women’s clothes served the customers. Here and there in the quite large inside of the shop there were men in drag watching the pair’s exchange. He could also hear excited whispers such as ‘Lord von Voltaire!’ and ‘It’s His Excellency Gwendal!’
There was the rare, dainty person that women’s clothes suited well. However, most of them were tall with thick chests, men who were blessed with muscly physiques. So, everyone who comes to this shop for the first time feels like this: aren’t they in the wrong profession? When Gwendal’s thoughts reached that far, he turned to Josak as if he had suddenly thought of something and asked him a question in a voice so low he might as well have been whispering in his ear.
“You’re not going to tell me that all the people working here are off-duty soldiers, are you?”
“Of course not!”
“Then why do they know who I am?”
“That’s because Your Excellency is quite popular.” He made such a displeased face that Josak quickly amended his statement. "Professionally, of course. That dancer before thought so too, as well as that young guy who brought the drinks.”
“… In other words, only a few of them aren’t soldiers.”
Getting a glimpse into the unknown, daily life of soldiers, the demon who oversaw them dropped his shoulders, crestfallen. Be that as it may, getting depressed all by himself wouldn’t do anything. The value of a soldier lies in whether he fulfills his duties or not. What he does in his free time is not a problem. If they can meet their next mission with an earnest attitude by spending time relaxing in this shop, then there was nothing to complain about. In the first place, he had come here to discuss a new pending issue, not to observe the off duty soldiers… Gwendal forced himself to drive away his disappointment with all of his willpower.
“At any rate, even if this is secluded, with this much attention on us this isn’t confidential in the least.”
“Honestly, Your Excellency, if you wanted to have a drink with just the two of us you should have said so.”
“Cut that out.”
Gwendal read too much into that and got mad at him. It’s times like these that you need to hide behind drinks and fun.
“Well if we’re not going to get any work done then we might as well drink and have some fun. Let’s forget our troubles! Look, there are enough beautiful spots for you to put both of your hands… Okay I get it, there aren’t any beautiful spots. After that we’ll go somewhere else and have a serious and private talk. With our knees pressed together.”
“When you say have fun…”
An upright nobleman would have no interest in gambling in the castle town. So, Josak decided to teach his embarrassed boss a game that was starting to gain popularity lately.
“I’ll teach you that baseball game that His Majesty loves. Your Excellency has never played before, right?”
His Majesty loves it. That was the ultimate hook line and sinker.
*.*.*.*.*
This is rock, this is scissors, this is paper. If you lose, you take off one piece of clothing. After being told those scant rules and pressured into playing, Lord von Voltaire didn’t realize it until after the fifth match. He had luckily won much more than his opponent and Josak was the only one stripping.
“No, this is wrong. This isn’t baseball.”
“Huh? It is.”
“No, it’s absolutely not. I’ve played strip-if-you-lose rock paper scissors with Anissina before, but she didn’t say that it was baseball.”
“Eh!? Your Excellency, you played a game like that with little Anissina!?”
“No, that wasn’t my point. What I wanted to say was that baseball isn’t a game you play with your bare hands, but with a stick and balls…”
“Oh my, a stick and balls? That’s not very adult of you, Your Excellency.”
You couldn’t really call a man who was a hundred and few dozen years old a child or an adult.
“But anyway, this is a different version of baseball. The baseball that His Majesty played developed into a martial art and it’s called ‘baseball fist.’ The motto is: talk to one another with manly fists.” (1)
“Then, then I have a question.”
“Uhuh?”
It’s okay to flippantly answer questions while sitting in a bar. But if someone asked you a question while breathing so heavily, you’d end up feeling bad if you didn’t answer them seriously.
“What is ‘out?’ What does it mean!?”
“It means you messed up.”
“Then, what about ‘safe’!?”
“Success!”
“Then what does ‘yoyoi no yoi’ mean? What about ‘yoyoi no yoi’!?”
“Honestly, Your Excellency, yoyoi no yoi is what you say to the winner. If you leave that out it won’t be a match between gentleman.” (2)
“I, I see.”
Gwendal was dangerously close to being fooled, but then it seemed like he realized the strange amount of times he won. He had finally started to wonder why a complete amateur at baseball fist was winning so much.
“Wait. Why are you the only one stripping?”
Gwendal stops Josak as he hooks his fingers into what His Majesty calls ‘skintight panties.’ Whether you strip or not is decided by the outcome of the match so the fact that the boss only took off his jacket and the subordinate is on his last piece of clothing is obviously the result that Gwendal won and Josak continued to lose. However, since he was not aware of the strategy of waiting to see what your opponent does, he did not understand that his opponent could manipulate the outcome of the game by showing his hand an instant later.
“What, did you want to strip?”
“Like I would want to do that!”
On the other side of the finger Gwendal had whipped around, the employees all held their breath and looked up at them. They all had hopeful looks in their eyes. Only an exhibitionist could withstand a gaze like that.
“Then you admit that I lost.”
He’s really going to strip naked!? Everyone except one got really excited. The soldiers were used to seeing naked guys, but it was a different story when it was the result of losing at baseball fist. It wouldn’t just be being stark naked, it would be accompanied by defeat and humiliation. When this nightlife game spread as the slightly different ‘Night Baseball,’ everyone’s thoughts were ‘His Majesty brought in one sinful game.’
On the other hand, the first-time baseball fist player Gwendal was getting flustered in a different way. He was worried about whether it would hurt the pride of a skilled soldier of his to be embarrassed like this over a simple game in a bar. Furthermore, Josak Gurrier was his trump card. He might have issues with his behavior, but since Josak wasn’t picky with his missions and he delivered favorable results, he was incredibly valuable. Could Gwendal afford to lose such a valuable, elite soldier over a stupid game like this?
However, the boss’s modest concern turned out to be unnecessary.
On the nether regions exposed in a smooth movement… there was a huge leaf pasted in place.
“… Gurrier.”
“Yes?” replied the man who had stripped in a very sporting manner as he twirled a pair of red underwear around in the air on his index finger. He’s really having fun.
“Is that in fashion nowadays?”
“No, this is the plant underwear I invented that’s not really underwear. At the moment I’m commercializing it for the ladies who want to see the surprised faces of gentlemen. After all, there aren’t any slightly crude items like this in ‘The Queen’s Inventions.’”
Branching out into the underwear industry without having tired of the hospitality business, it was quite the diversified management system. However, as a noble and soldier who had not once in his life had worries over money, Gwendal couldn’t possibly understand the economic sense of someone who had experience poverty.
“… Gurrier,” he muttered in a perplexed tone as he slumped back in his seat, dejected. “What exactly is your main occupation?”
“Honestly, Your Excellency, don’t you know?” Josak casually replied as he stood on the table with just his leaf.
“I am Your Excellency’s devoted servant.”
-------------
(1) The strip version of rock paper scissors does exist in Japan and it is called baseball fist (yakyuuken).
(2) Yoyoi no yoi is a sort of nonsensical way to say ‘yay.’ It’s more of a nice, rhythmical thing to say rather than an actual phrase. I guess if I had to think up something similar in English it would be ‘yippie kai yay’ or however that’s spelled~
~.~.~.~
Murata x Yuuri x Wolfram
“Ah, hot springs are nice! They even completely ease old injuries that flare up during the changing seasons.”
“Old injuries? Shibuya, you just got that injury two months ago.”
“Yuuri! Did you get involved in a fight!?”
“No, Wolf. It was a game, not a fight.”
“Well, even so, getting in a huge public bath like this together really raises your spirits. This makes me remember the field trip in middle school.”
“Oh right, the public bath during the field trip. But you know, that was difficult age when there’s still **** and no **** so there’s always that one person, isn’t there? You know, the guy who goes in with swim trunks on.”
“Ahaha, yeah, yeah there was! Hey, that was me.”
“Eh!? That was you!?”
“An abscess on my butt had started to fester. So, I put a waterproof band-aid on it and then trunks on top to keep it from coming off.”
“… You didn’t need to go through all that trouble to get in the bath. Oh yeah, are there field trips in The Great Demon Kingdom?”
“Field… maybe. Are they those events where students spend the whole day strengthening bonds and feelings of solidarity amongst their companions?” Wolfram asked.
“Yeah, that.”
“The entire unit is sent out into the mountains to march without sleep. There are wild animals that attack out of nowhere and traps set up but you don’t know where. Your water and portable food rations are meager as well.”
“Th… that’s survival training, I think.”
“During that time, I discovered that people who are starving will eat snakes or whatever they can get their hands on.”
“N-now that you mention bathing in a group, there’s that. We compare that, too. Whenever you get a dozen or so guys the same age together in a bath the conversation always ends up turning in that direction. The class split up into three groups: the proud group, the group that watches, and the check-this-out group.”
“Ugh, Shibuya, it’s better if we don’t try that out here.”
“Why? Ah Murata, you don’t have any confidence?”
“That’s not it. There are a lot of delicate issues when it comes to differences between people. I mean, look. We can’t ruin his consideration for us by oh so inconspicuously sitting facing the other way.”
“What do you mean, inconspicuously facing the other way? We have the same height anyway so it really won’t make a difference what direction he's facing…”
Conrad x Gwendal x Günter
“You shouldn’t make such a sullen face here. You should just relax in the baths together and deepen your friendship with His Majesty, Gwen. Ah, or maybe…”
“What?”
“Will you be troubled if you lose to Wolfram?”
“Wh-wh-wh-what!? What exactly would I lose to Wolfram in!?”
“I was just talking about how many scars you have so why are you so flustered?”
“Ah, yeah, scars. I see, scars… But Wolfram doesn’t have any obvious scars.”
“Well, that’s true. No matter how easygoing she is, Mother wouldn’t have allowed her adorable, youngest son to be sent to the front lines.”
“It’s not just Wolfram; all three of them over there have probably never been injured.”
“Not necessarily. His Majesty has quite a few injuries. On his shins, on his arm… starting from his elbow, about this length. He said he broke the rules a bit and used a head slide and his flesh got gouged out.”
“I’m surprised. I had thought he had never been in battle. I see, he broke the rules…”
“Speaking of breaking the rules… there was a teacher at the military school who taught us that ‘A scar on your back is a mark of shame. It means that you tried to run away and showed your back to the enemy!’ wasn’t there?”
“There was a teacher who emphasized that. But if you go out to a real battlefield, you immediately realize that pretty ideals like that have no place there.”
“Yeah. People will assault you from behind right after they beg for their life, et cetera. It happens quite frequently.”
“It’s scary that he didn’t know that.”
“Truly. There wasn’t a single scar on that teacher’s body.”
“Yeah, he was beautiful.”
“Y-you two, I was staying quiet listening to you, but you are really going too far!”
“No one said it was you, Günter,” said Gwendal.
“That’s right, Günter. Gwen and I didn’t say a single thing about you.”
~.~.~.~
Jennifer x Yuuri
“Hey, Mama, is Santa Claus real?”
“Oh, Yuu-chan, the day where you ask that question has finally come for you too, huh? The day you learn the truth about Santa Claus. What brand are those red clothes? Is that suspicious beard real? And, just how high is his blood sugar level!?”
“Blood sugar? I’m not talking about ‘dippicult’ stuff like that.”
“Ehehe, that’s right, that was an adult concern. Of course Santa exists, Yuu-chan. A news reporter somewhere said something like this: the important things are things you can’t see.”
“… You cut too much out of it so it doesn’t make sense.”
“You don’t get it? Really? But Santa Claus is really real. He exists. I’m not sure what generation he is now, though. A card came in the mail addressed to you, didn’t it?”
“… It wasn’t handwritten.”
“Oh, Yuu-chan! Don’t say mean things. Santa is a foreigner so he has a huge complex about not being able to write in Japanese. And now you’re asking for a handwritten card? That’s bullying. That’s a type of foul play.”
“But Santa Claus didn’t come to our house last year.”
“That’s right. Scandinavia is really far away from Japan. It’s so far away you have to get a connecting flight. Santa is real and he does have a reindeer sled, but that thing about the sled flying is a misunderstanding. I mean, it’s impossible that a sled would fly through the sly- no, sky! If an engine like that existed in this world then Mama would have been on the Galaxy Express a long time ago.” (1)
“Mama, you can’t turn into a ‘meter!’”
“Of course I won’t turn into one. It’s okay. I would never choose Tetsurou over you, Yuu-chan. But if a reindeer sled traveled over land, it would have an accident before it got to Japan. He’s not very Santa Close. Okay, that right now was Papa’s bad joke, not Mama’s.” (2)
“But, but I heard that Santa went to my friend’s house…”
“Oh dear! They must have unlicensed products in their house! Probably something like the ‘Anywhere Doora.’ If you have that, then no matter how little mobility a sled has, you can go door-to-door all the way to Japan. But the Food and Health Bureau hasn’t approved that yet so only Dr.F. Fujio is allowed to use it. If you don’t want your friend to be wanted by the police, keep this a secret between you and Mama.” (3)
“Eh? If the real Santa comes he’ll get arrested?”
“Shh! Do. Not. Ever. Say. That. Again. But it’s okay. Papa has received an official commission from the Santa Company. When it comes to Yuu-chan and Sho-chan’s presents, just leave it to Mama and Papa.”
“Why is Papa being Santa? I knew that Papa put on red clothes and left the presents, but, but why is Papa Santa!?”
“Papa has been approved as the Shibuya family’s official Santa Claus. If he puts on a costume and holds a sack, he’s Santa for a day. Even if he’s so drunk he can’t say the name. Hey, there’s a lot of those right? Station master for a day, chief of police for a day, yakuza boss for a day - it’s the same thing.”
“… yakuza…”
“Of course if Papa is on a business trip then Mama will take on the job. Mini-skirt Santa for the day. If Mama is away, then Sho-chan will be Boy Santa for the day… Oh, what’s wrong, Yuu-chan? Why are you crying? Did you not like Boy Santa? Eh, what is it? … Mama’s mini-skirt… is… bad? Yuu-chan?”
-------
(1) Reference to the train Galaxy Express 999 from the anime of the same name. Basically, it was a train that traveled through space.
(2) Two parts! Tetsurou is the main character in Galaxy Express 999. The original Japanese joke was shoving the word for troubles or hardships(kurou 苦労) into Santa Claus(santa kuroosuサンタクロース) to get this ---> santa kurousuサンタ苦労ス. This makes it into Santa Having-a-hard-times.
(3) The ‘Anywhere Door’ is from Doraemon which was created by Fujiko F. Fujio (pen name). The door was a device that took you anywhere. There’s an ‘a’ on the end of it in the text because Jennifer pronounced it wrong XD
Wolfram x Yuuri
“Are they really going to like this?”
“They’ll love it. Even if it’s from someone who put on red clothes to be Santa for the day, kids love getting presents. Hey, your hands aren’t moving. If you have time to have misgivings then you have time to wrap. There’s only the two of us. We have to leave these by the children’s pillows tonight. The sun’s already went down.”
“I know. I’ll wrap them. I just have to wrap them and tie a bow on them right?”
“Right. Ah, don’t forget to put the candy in. The star cookies too.”
“It’s alright, everything’s inside. But this… Is it okay for demon boys to be happy about stuffed animals!?”
“Whoa, don’t get angry all of a sudden. There are girls too. There are girls. If Miss Anissina heard what you said right now it’d be trouble in more ways than one. But… huh, I thought that they would be happy with Made in Gwendal stuffed animals. Little kids like incomprehensible animals, right? The ones where you say ‘I can’t tell if it’s cute or gross!’”
“Really? My older brother’s works are avant-garde art for adults so I thought that children wouldn’t understand them.”
“Eh? That’s what you were worried about!? Y-you’re a nice little brother.”
“Even so, why do you and I have to bring these to the children? It’ll take forever. It would be done in the blink of an eye if we asked Anissina to use her ‘Poison Lady Delivery.’”
“Look, for this kind of situation there’s meaning in having Santa Claus deliver these. It’s important that white-bearded Santa in red clothes carries a big sack and sneaks in during the middle of the night.”
“Isn’t he suspicious?”
“Don’t say suspicious. Santa Claus is the only one in the entire world who is allowed to come into someone’s house without saying anything. You could say he’s a man who has a trespassing permit. Although, going in through the chimney is a little… it’s life threatening so we can’t do that.”
“But I’m not that… Senta Ku… Santaku? I’m not that guy.”
“Hey, don’t turn a popular children’s character into a name of a quiz show host. It’s okay even if you’re not the actual Santa. You look good in a Santa costume.”
“You look better!”
“I don’t know if you’re angry or praising me, Wolf… ah!”
“Ah!”
“Why did the lights suddenly go out? Did the oil run out? Or rather, did the magic power run out? Eh!? That’s bad. The sun set so it’s dark but we have to finish wrapping these presents tonight. I can’t see what’s in my hands in this darkness!”
“Calm down, Yuuri. I can do something about the light… look.”
“Oh, right. Great! You’re good at using fire. But, isn’t it hot to have flame on your palm? Although it is pretty in a magical way.”
“It’s not really hot. Should it be brighter?”
“Oh, awesome! Light is floating in places where there aren’t candles or anything. Whoa, they’re all over the walls! Wolf, that’s awesome. The kids would love it if you showed this to them! There are candles in the air, like magic. It’s beautiful.”
“R-really? I can do this too.”
“Wow, awesome! It’s blowing out fire while flying around! It’s like fireworks in the Tokyo Dome! It’s weird that it’s not hot at all after throwing around sparks like this… oh, one jumped out the window…”
“It’ll burn out by itself so it’s okay… Huh? Why are the guards running around so much? And the straw by the barn is… burn...ing…”
“… Wolf, they’re screaming something like ‘an enemy attack!’ outside…”
Conrad x Yuuri
“I came running to see what happened…”
“I’m sorry for making you worry, Conrad. I feel bad for making Wolfram go apologize by himself.”
“It’s okay. He did that knowing what kind of commotion it would cause.”
“But he has to get let out soon. We were supposed to deliver these presents to the children after this. Maybe I should go apologize to Gwen too… Even so… Umm, uh, Conrad? It looks really good on you, but are all of the soldiers really wearing that at work tonight?”
“Everyone in Santa costumes? Of course not! Just a small part of the guards. They thought Your Majesty would like it. Also in my case I have something to do late tonight - like sneaking down a chimney.”
“Sneaking do-… Well I’m glad. It’s fun, though I was surprised when I looked out of the window and saw a bunch of Santas. But this sort of thing livens things up, dressing for the part. I kind of thought you had all taken advantage of Christmas and started some kind of stag party! I was wondering if I had interrupted your own plans of partying for the next few days to welcome the new year.”
“Ah, the so-called Single Bells.” (1)
“Oh so you’re planning on a White Christmas? It’d be great if there isn’t a commotion on New Year’s Eve and Day. When I was a kid, I went overseas every once in a while. There was a huge commotion and it was a pain. Even though I was tired and bleary-eyed, the adults where outside drinking and yelling and talking about whether they should kiss the person next to them when the date changed… I wonder if they really did that. It was probably something for a TV show or a movie.”
“I went to the countdown in New York on New Year’s Eve and they were doing it like it was normal. Although, Times Square was certainly in an uproar so there was also the atmosphere of the place adding to it.”
“Seriously!? Americans are amazing! But what do you do if the person next to you isn’t your girlfriend or your family?”
“It looked like it didn’t really matter. Although for me, the person next to me was a refined Sister.”
“Th-that smug smile. Did you actually do it with a Sister?”
“She wasn’t mad. She said that God would forgive her for just that night and smiled.”
“Th-that’s amazing, you ladykiller.”
“And then when I turned to my left…”
“Don’t tell me that next was a Buddhist nun or a monk.”
“There was a man with a beard dressed in women’s clothes with teary eyes as if he were waiting for something.”
“Eeee-, th-th-th-th-that complicated smile! You even did it with a brother!?”
“I gently brushed the man’s trembling cheek and slowly moved my palm to the back of his head and…”
“Eee, what happened? No, that’s okay I don’t want to hear. Just tell me how it turned out. When I say how it turned out I don’t mean in detail, just tell me yes or no.”
“… fixed his wig for him.”
“Ah… it was crooked… that was nice of you…”
-----
(1) This is a reference to a parody on Jingle Bells about spending Christmas alone.
The end. Kinda. It's nowhere near the end, but this is the end for this post.
... Conrad. The troll is strong with this one. I've always known he was a total troll, but this was his best troll yet XD
Anyway, I've flipped through the first two chapters of novel 8 as well. The translations really left off right in the middle of the action! To be honest I reallyreallyreallyreally wanna work on chapter 3, but I also want to either hear back from Lrenne to make sure she isn't already working on it or let enough time pass to confirm MIA status so the next thing on here is probably going to be more of these.