KKM Gaiden 1, Romero and Argent Part 2
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Okay so I know I said I was going to break this up into three parts, but I got through the second part so quickly I just kept on going so it is once again two parts with this part being extra longish. I don’t think anyone will mind all that much though ^-^ So, I present to you the thrilling conclusion of Romero and Argent!
Illustrations for this novel come from Portrait of a Demon King and were scanned by peanutbaby13.
Part 2
The soldier stood stock still, even while the wind tickled the top of his head.
“Hey Dacascos, the back of your head is starting to get bad, you know.”
“… Leave me alone.”
His gaze was fixed on the medical care notice board for the soldiers stationed inside Karbelnikoff Castle. On the general use notice board next to it, various things were posted ranging from promotion and transfer announcements to entertainment events. However, there was no other important use for this medical care notice board besides posting the date and time for the annual health checkup. Actually, until just yesterday there was a four-year-old, faded advertisement for dental cleaning posted here. However now…
“Oh, there’s a new notice.”
“That’s right. And with this complex and bizarre signature it seems that it’s from Lady Anissina.”
“Eeek, The Red Devil!”
Lady Anissina von Karbelnikoff was a talented and honored unmarried woman who would experiment on people standing around, scold those people sitting around, and all that was before her was a painting of Hell, but there was one thing that even that woman overflowing with strength and beauty had trouble with. Her penmanship was unique and it was impossible for the ordinary person to decipher it.
“It’s the same manly handwriting as usual, or rather bad handwriting.”
“… What do you think it is? ‘Seeking someone to play skull,’” asked Dacascos, a soldier on the verge of reaching middle-age, as he kept his gaze fixed on where the reward amount was written. Getting 2,002 gold for just one night’s hard work was shockingly profitable. If you charged into a dangerous cave and defeated a ferocious beast, the most that would drop would be 1,192 gold at best. You cannot create a good country with that. (1)
Even if there is a catch, the huge reward is appealing.
“But this is Lady Anissina, you know? There’s even talk that someone who volunteered for a new medicine trial got his head turned into a donkey’s and was sent home. If it’s not to the point where you need to sell your body to pay back loans, it’s best to not get involved.”
“Ah, yeah.”
Even after his coworker coming off the night shift left, Dacascos kept gazing at the finer points of the notice. While he was on duty, the only thing in his head was 2,002 gold and he even spoke in an absentminded tone when he called out that he was taking over. After work his single friends invited him out, but he headed straight for home as per usual. His sick and elderly mother was eagerly awaiting the return of her son.
Along the way, he was thinking of the reward. The four digit number dances in his brain. Because he was walking so carelessly, he did not notice the men who appeared. It startled him when his arms were grabbed.
“Hey Dacascos, have you gotten the money?”
“Uhyaa!”
Two men wearing tasteless snakeskin shoes push Dacascos up against a wall. A man in the distance whose body shape resembled a square tossed his cigarette away and gave a disturbing laugh.
“The deadline is the day after tomorrow. Do you understand what deadline means, ya know?”
“‘Ya know’? I can’t get such a large amount in such a hurry… And I said that it was because of gambling, didn’t I? My daughter’s birthday present-”
“Dumbass, don’t act all high and might after we lent you money. Show us some sincerity, ya know. If that’s the case then get some money by selling your scalp.”
“M-my scalp?”
The bill collector with snakeskin shoes brought his face closer and grabbed Dacascos’s short hair.
“That’s right. Recently I heard that a weirdo scalp collector will pay for even a balding scalp like this one, ya know?”
“I… I can’t sell my scalp.”
“Don’t say that. You need money for your sick mother don’t you?”
“B-but if I do that I won’t even be able to go to work.”
He ran away in a panic and slowly opened the door to his house. There was not even a light on in the kitchen. Thinking that his mother was probably in her bedroom, he walks in that direction as he takes off his coat.
“Mom?”
“Oh Dacky, you’re back.”
She was opening a flat box on the table with an arm that looked like a withered branch. If you looked closely in the yellow light from the lamp, there were around a hundred cigarette butts in it. Lined up in a row, each one had a nametag.
“How was your day, Dacky? Did you get your hands on any of Lord Densham or Lady Anissina’s garbage?”
Dacascos let out a sad sigh.
“Mom, that’s your illness…”
At that moment, he made up his mind. If he sold his scalp, what would happen to his mother, left behind? And if she found out that her son would never again bring home any of the noble’s trash, she just might throw herself in front of a carriage in grief.
He had to pay back his debt somehow.
Moreover… When he remembered his daughter’s tears when they separated, his nose and eyes ached. If he sent over enough child support money, his wife would think better of him. He does not think that he will be able to return to that happy life he had before, but he at least wants to do something for his estranged wife and child.
If it is for them, he will play the skull or whatever other role.
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(1) Two part footnote!
a. First Part! The word for skull in Japanese is ‘dokuro.’ Since Anissina’s handwriting is so atrocious, what it likely says is ‘Romero.’
b. Second part! The joke with the gold. This is actually two jokes in one. The first I think a lot of people would understand because it’s a video game joke about money dropping from killing monsters. The second is a joke with the number 1192 and a popular Japanese mnemonic in history class for remembering the year 1192 as the start of the Kamakura Shogunate (‘ii kuni tsukurou’ or Let’s make a good country). So, in Japanese if you say 1192 as individual numbers it goes ‘ichi-ichi-kyuu-ni.’ Taking the first letter of ‘ichi’ and then turning 9 into its short form of ‘ku’, you get ‘iikuni’ and bam, we have a mnemonic. Japan actually has TONS of these kinds of mnemonics floating around in everyday life so if you’re studying the language it’s worth taking a look at. Here’s a wiki page: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_wordplay.
*.*.*.*.*
It is not an exaggeration to say that work efficiency is determined by the excellence of the assistant.
In that respect, Lord von Voltaire was blessed. Two years ago, he had snatched a private female secretary who had aced the official certification test in one shot away from a corrupt trader. She had an appearance quite unlike the usual career woman with ocher hair turning grey and - to say it politely - a body weight three times the norm, but she started her work with a lively voice unimaginable from her physique.
It was lucky he did not choose his private secretary based on age or looks. Even if her hips were a little, no, very full, he much preferred someone who was intellectual and good at manual labor.
“Good morning, Your Excellency.”
“Mm.”
“There is a slight change in your schedule for today. First with the matter of the facility on the border, because there was a delay in the maintenance in the flood plain due to the recent rainfall, the facility administrator is unable to accompany you. If you want, I can move that to another day.”
“Do that.”
“Here is today’s daily report on The Great Demon Kingdom. If you don’t mind?”
“Of course.” As he took the daily paper larger than his face, Gwendal nonchalantly asked his secretary a question. “How is your child, Amblin?”
“She’s doing well, thanks to you. The daycare in this castle is perfect, after all. It’s a marked difference from my last job. As you would expect since Lady Anissina, defender of women, took control of it. This is really the best environment for working mothers such as myself. Ah, I forgot to mention, but speaking of Lady Anissina…”
Amblin fished out a sealed envelope from the pending documents tray and carefully placed it on her boss’s desk. Because it was an official letter addressed to the master of Voltaire Castle, His Excellency Gwendal, she had quickly scanned it beforehand.
“It’s an invitation to a banquet by Lord von Karbelnikoff. Something about Lady Anissina getting engaged.”
“What!?”
“I was surprised too with the abrupt news. The banquet is planned for five days from now… will you attend? Ah, it’s written in large print there. The daily report wouldn’t be able to not say anything, or rather not celebrate, if it’s someone like Lady Anissina.”
On the page where the results of hunting and throwing matches were normally written there was a huge picture of a woman with flaming red hair.
As if that were not enough, there was a large headline with thick letters.
‘Will The Red Devil Finally Face Her Consequences!?’
The ostentatiously written subheadings read: ‘Tragically, the Poor Birdie Rochefort Falls Victim to the Witch’ ‘Is this a Political Marriage Disregarding Men’s Rights?’ ‘The Nightmarish Days Awaiting the Husband’
No matter how you read it, this news article is not painting a normal picture of this engagement.
“This is quite the exposé. It’s hard to believe that an insider would divulge such detailed information.”
Everything from the schedule until the engagement to the date of the ceremony is detailed in the article. According to the Daily Demon (The Great Demon Kingdom’s Daily Report), today is the luncheon for both families. In the afternoon, Miss Anissina will reveal her wedding dress and conduct a window proposal. Written by Reginald Ponchack, Karbelnikoff Branch Office. (1)
Gwendal’s heart rate suddenly sped up.
No way.
“That reminds me, an introduction to the career of her partner, Lord Jean Luc von Rochefort, was written in the Monthly Demon. It was an interview of him being the kingdom’s leading ornithologist, but he seemed to be a timid… ah, here it is. Do you want to see?”
In the monthly magazine spread out before him, there was a smiling man who was certainly a noble but who had a bird-like face and did not seem to be an important person by any standard. Gwendal immediately saw that this man was Densham’s type.
A sense of unease rapidly spread throughout him and his mind was full of bad premonitions. He was not worried for the man. If he had decided to marry Anissina, he had guts. Even so, he also was not shamefully irritated about his childhood friend’s engagement. If she had a new guinea pig nearby, Gwendal’s daily hardships would likely end.
But then what was this throbbing in his chest?
After imagining a frighteningly sinister conclusion, he wanted to hold his head in his hands.
“No, there’s no way.”
Even if it was the indomitable Mad Magicalist, she would never do something so terrible. Gwendal was uneasy about the heinous scheme from a few days ago being carried out.
There are numerous other ways to turn down a marriage proposal and, most importantly, since he had refused there was no one to play the necessary role of Romero. So that means that the plan failed and no one had come to any harm.
“Your Excellency?”
“Ah, yes what?”
“Your pen is upside down.”
He suddenly realized that his right hand was stained blue. This was bad. His unease had gotten so intense he was starting to be unable to think about other things.
“Shall I bring you another pen?”
Did you say ‘another’? Another… another… another man!? That’s right. Even if one of her friends had turned her down, Anissina would not simply give up. There was a possibility that she had decided on a second Romero and was now secretly carrying out her plan.
“It’s nothing I should be worried abo-… wait… Amblin!”
“Yes?”
The first-class secretary raised her head with a smile.
“When was the last time we heard anything from Conrart and Wolfram?”
“His Excellency Wolfram has been with Her Majesty Cecilie at the royal castle for the last two weeks. I heard that from a messenger yesterday. I remember that His Excellency Conrart left the Gyllenhaal territory… three months ago… I apologize. I don’t know where he is at the moment.”
“I see.”
Although he answered calmly, the toe of his shoe is grinding against the floor.
The source of his unease and irritation was that annoying ‘Operation Romero and Argent.’
If Anissina carried it out, she would need a sacrificial Romero. If her nearby target of Gwendal refused, there was a possibility that her eyes would turn to his younger brothers. Because of his age and appearance it would be unnatural for his youngest brother Wolfram to take part in a double suicide, but his other brother who was just a few years younger than himself, Lord Conrart Weller, was suitable for anything.
Women of all ages loved him, but because of his father’s human blood there was a part of the nobility who alienated him. Before his military achievement in the last war, he had only been afforded a rank lower than that of the ten noble families. That would also be a reason that people would object to him becoming a husband to someone from the prestigious Karbelnikoff family.
“Amblin.”
“Yes?”
“Have you heard of the drama called ‘Romero and Argent?’”
“Of course. It’s the tragic love tale of a couple unable to be together because of their families and social status.”
That’s even worse! Conrart had actually experienced that. It was unclear as to whether it had reached the point of love, but considering his past, it was not unthinkable that he would be moved by Anissina’s lies.
“Amblin!”
“Yes!”
“Who drinks the poison first!?”
“Poison? The drug? Romero drinks it first. Uh, Your Excellency? Where are you going, Your Excellency!?”
Even though he hoped it would end with his needless fear, Gwendal could not simply sit by and do nothing and had begun to walk away.
He would never make it on time with a horse. But even so, it was difficult for someone skilled in earth magic to manipulate the magic-powered kite that flew through the air.
He has no choice but to use that.
Throwing the door open to his living room, Lord von Voltaire roughly pulled open his writing desk’s drawer. The ancient wooden drawer opened smoothly without a sound.
“Ah, it smells like the balcony.”
“Although apparently you can’t take your time.”
It is his favorite desk that he has used for decades. He knows how much the drawer will hold. No matter how you look at it, it is not wide enough for a large man to fit. On top of that, Gwendal was extremely tall and would probably get stuck before he even got in up to his knees.
In any case, he tries putting his right foot in. It is deeper than he thought it was.
With an astonished face like she was watching something absurd, Amblin speaks while she worries about how she could help after glancing between her boss and the desk.
“Um, Your Excellency, what are you doing?”
“I’m trying… to go… to Karbelnikoff Castle… by using… a dimensional travel route! Damn it! I’m somehow getting through to the inside, but I can’t do anything about the small and narrow size!”
“Why did you make an entrance in a place like that?”
“How should I know!?”
The secretary falls silent for a while and watches over the castle lord scuffling with the hole. Eventually, the tall Gwendal ends up with only the upper half of his body hanging out of the drawer utterly exhausted.
“Your Excellency?”
“… Yeah.”
“Why don’t you try going in head first? Or, perhaps I should have a go at it?”
“What?”
“Despite appearances, I have a bit of confidence in my figure. If things go well, the route will widen and a tall person might somehow be able to get through.”
It was really lucky that he did not choose his secretary based upon age and looks!
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(1) So I wanted to call attention to the newspaper name. I’m not sure if I mentioned this before, but I’m using the official English translation of Shin Makoku (The Great Demon Kingdom) even though it actually means The True Demon Kingdom. The ‘shin’ in Shin Makoku (眞) is an archaic form of this character for truth (真) which is the same ‘shin’ in Shinou (眞王) which is why I call him The True King. ANYWAY, the actual name of the newspaper is ‘Shin Nichi’ which would translate to something along the lines of the Daily Truth, but since I use The Great Demon Kingdom that wouldn’t make sense and the Daily Great is just weird sounding so I just said the Daily Demon since that was the word from The Great Demon Kingdom that fit best into a newspaper title. Besides, the Daily Truth sounds like a religious flyer of some sort and I think we can all agree that wouldn’t mesh well with the whole demon thing XD
*.*.*.*.*
Dacascos still could not believe he was here.
He never thought that he would enter a noble woman’s private room. Nevertheless, what was before his eyes was the personal life of a dazzling single woman.
“Huh… so Lady Anissina was living in a room like this… Ah, no no!”
He was about search around for a souvenir for his mother out of habit. This is not the place for that. The inside of the room, completely red and light-blue, had a different smell than a group of soldiers. It was like perfume or flowers. Glancing at the window, he saw that three flies were lying there dead.
“… Insecticide..?”
There are multicolored paintings hanging on the walls, but if you look closely they are filled in with mysterious mathematical formulas. On top of the clumsily made table, there are glass containers of various sizes lined up. There are fingers and eyeballs and bone fragments floating in the green liquid.
“Oh, so Lady Anissina was a collector as well.”
There is an anatomical model with exposed muscles dressed in a pale dressing gown.
The sound of footsteps from a narrow gait approaches and the door suddenly opens. Anissina, who seemed to have come at a run, steps in with flushed cheeks. She had an extravagant dress that accentuated her breasts carelessly hiked up all the way to her thighs. She firmly locks the door in three places.
“That should do it.”
“L-Lady Anissina.”
He speaks in a frightened voice as if he is a young girl that just got caught up in a sordid affair.
“I thought I told you to hide your face!” She shoves the dressing gown from before over Dacascos’s head. “Alright, there is not much time. If we carry on carelessly that bird-face will come to the window. I will only explain this once so listen well.”
The traditional window proposal ceremony is an annoying ritual when the person proposing marriage stands outside his partner’s window and sings in a loud voice and shouts and then finally throws a large rock and destroys the window in a savage, manly way. Nowadays because sometimes the suitor is a woman or the repair fees are non-trivial, it has been reduced to singing a song in the garden and tapping on the window with a small pebble.
If there is no answer it is seen as an unspoken agreement and the suitor enters through the window.
“Although it would be nice if that bird-face does not throw an unnecessarily large rock because he is holding a grudge for making him cry in front of his parents.”
Before he could even exclaim ‘You made him cry!?’ Anissina held out a paper and pen. Sure enough, the handwriting was so horrendous that Dacascos could not read it.
“Go on, sign here. This document says that even if this plan ends in failure I will not be held accountable. Be at ease, I have not included a drop of deadly poison that might cause you to lose your life.”
“L-lose my life? What are you making me do?”
“You only have to drink this drug and, for a little while, perform a double suicide.”
There was a small bottle filled to the brim with purple liquid in the Mad Magicalist’s hand. The afternoon sunlight hit it diagonally and, although it might be his imagination, it sparkled ominously.
“Double suicide?”
“Are you going to be astonished about every little thing? This is why men nowadays are said to be more pathetic than otters. If you and I go so far as to double suicide then Densham will never negotiate another marriage proposal again. We might be treated as lovers for a year or so, but after that you can take your reward and disappear somewhere. Go on, sign your name here. And then here, if for some reason you cannot receive the 2,002 gold, write down the name of the person you will give it to on this line. If I am not mistaken, you have a mother. It is fine if it is a parent’s name.”
After slipping the expensive pen into his hand, she pulls his hand towards the paper with a strength one would not expect from such thin arms. Dacascos was about to start crying and kept repeating ‘please wait’ in rapid succession.
“Please wait, what do you mean ‘cannot receive?’ Is there a possibility I’m going to get killed here!?”
“These days you can die from a potted plant falling on your head as you walk down the street. This is only detailing the worst case scenario. According to the plan you will not die.”
“According to the plan!?”
Either because she was born impatient or because she was pressured by being faced with a counterattack from bird-face, The Red Devil opens the lid to the small bottle and splashed a drop of it on to the carpet.
Smoke rises along with an explosive sound.
“Eeeek!”
“Everything is just as planned.”
Even so, thinking that he could pay back his entire debt and his family could live off of the leftover money, Dacascos forces his fingers to stop trembling and writes down his mother's and daughter’s names.
“Did you write it? You wrote it, right!? Now, drink this up in one gulp. It is alright, according to the drama, Argent comes following soon after.”
“Eh, then Lady Anissina, you’ll drink the drug too?”
“Certainly not! I will just pretend to. In this scenario, someone who noticed something was amiss comes and stops me just as I am about to drink it.”
“Eh!? Then I’m the only one getting sacrificed!? I don’t like that! That’s unfair!”
“Be quiet. Even if it is a fake double suicide, it will be suspicious if neither of us drinks any poison. Besides, even if your outward appearance changes a bit you can still continue your work as a soldier, but I need my delicate fingers for my research and experiments. I will not be able to ascertain subtleties with rotted fingers.”
Anissina grabbed Dacascos’s chin with those supposedly delicate fingers. Without even needing to pinch his nose to suffocate him, she forcefully wrenches open his mouth.
“This is it. Resign yourself and play your part in my drama!”
Dacascos saw a real devil.
“Ah, ‘ait, ‘ait ‘ease! I for’ot to write ano’er name! Anflin, lemme write ‘at down, Anflin!”
“Anissina wait!”
A tall man kicked down the door to her clothing shelves and rushed into the room. There was cold sweat on his pale brow.
“What is it Gwendal? I am busy at the mom-”
“Stop! Don’t make Conrart drink that poison!”
“Conrart?”
While Anissina was distracted for a moment after hearing an unexpected name, he snatches the bottle with the purple liquid away from her. A little splashes on his right arm from the movement and a burning pain runs all the way up to his elbow.
“… tch, you were planning on making my younger brother drink something like this!?”
“Younger brother? You mean Lord Weller? Where is he?”
“What? Then…” Gwendal rips Anissina’s dressing gown off of the head of the freed man squatting down on the floor and coughing with hand on his throat. “… His hair is thinning out.”
“You think that I would use Lord Weller? He was an important person to Suzanna Julia. Did you really think that I would have him play Romero!? How belittling. To think that this is how a childhood friend would treat me, it is so pathetic I could cry!”
“No, s-sorry.”
Even if her prey was not Conrart she was still committing a heinous deed. Completely forgetting that, Gwendal wipes the sweat from his brow. There is something red dangling on the edges of his vision. Was there blood or something flowing from where he hit his temple in the dark?
“Since you appeared from the clothes rack… you used it.”
“It was an emergency so I used that dimensional pathway or whatever to-”
“You used it, my underwear drawer!”
“Ah, yeah, I remember passing something like that.”
“It seems so! You have ears on your head!”
Without him realizing it, her underwear had found its way on top of his head.
He is actually very embarrassed.
“Dacky!?”
“A-Anflin.”
The secretary from Voltaire Castle came wading through the sea of clothes and screamed as soon as she stuck her head out from the shelves.
“Kya! Dacky, did you finally do it!? Did you finally sneak into Lady Anissina’s room to steal cigarette butts and stuff!?”
“No, no that’s not it, Blin! There’s a good reason for all of this, *cough*”
“Ah, then you must be Anflin. This man forgot to write your name in the reward recipient’s area.”
“What!?”
Amblin’s normally small eyes narrowed even more in anger.
“Is that true, Dacky?”
“No, no that’s not it, Blin! There’s a good reason for all of that too, *cough*”
Along with the sound of breaking glass, the suitor, Lord Jean Luc von Rochefort Bird-Face, jumps into the room with his short legs.
The woman called The Red Devil watched the legs of the man arranged to become her fiancé with a rare, weak gaze.
“… According to the plan, Dacascos would have begun to stiffen on the floor and the person in question would come through the window and stop me just as I was bringing the bottle to my mouth… And then Densham, who would have suffered a shock, would have tearfully vowed to never bring up negotiations for a political marriage again if I was so opposed to it… But no matter how you look at it, there is no time for that now.” Anissina bit her tongue and slightly hung her head as her words trembled. “… The plan, is a failure.”
Next to her, Dacascos is getting hit by his ex-wife after shoving the document at her.
Drenched in sweat, Jean Luc pulls his bottom through the window and points at everyone and shouts with a wild bird voice.
Gwendal lays a hand on Anissina's shoulder.
“Anissina.” A part of his brain is dimly thinking that she is wearing unusually luxurious clothes. “Anissina, you should just clearly reject him with your usual way of talking. You should just flatly refuse the next time Densham brings up new negotiations. If it’s a troublesome man that you can’t deal with, I’ll always be there to help you.”
“I cannot always rely on you, Gwen.”
“I’m the one most familiar with you, am I not?”
This same sort of thing has been repeating over and over again since forever.
It has been this way since they were children so he is not about to hand her over to someone else after all of this time.
“Huh!?” Climbing in through the window after the suitor, Densham turns around in a circle as he looks around the room. There is a rooster on his right shoulder. “Why is Lord von Voltaire here?”
He is desperately forcing open his swollen eyes and trying to figure out what was happening.
After laying eyes on the small bottle Gwendal had in his hand, he finally seemed to grasp the situation.
“Ah! Don’t drink that!”
He charges in to grab it, but the marked difference in height prevents him from doing so and he cannot reach even if he stretches.
“That ominously shining purple, is that the drug from Romero and Argent!? Why is something like that in this room? And why was Lord von Voltaire about to drink it?”
“I wasn-”
“Ah, are the two of you…”
Gwendal frantically shook his head and kept repeating ‘wait’ an innumerable amount of times. However, not listening to what others say also seems to be a genetic trait of Karbelnikoffs.
“You were against Anissina’s engagement so the two of you were going to drink that like Romero and Argent weren’t you!? Oh my little sister, if that was the case then you should have said so. If that’s how it is then I won’t bother you with marriage proposals.”
“Th-that’s not what-”
With Minchey still on his shoulder, Densham wraps his arms around his sister and her childhood friend.
“Your big brother didn’t know that he was troubling you so much that you would try to have a life together after death. I’m sorry for not realizing sooner, but I promise that I absolutely won’t ever get between you two.”
The two of them were both screaming that he was misunderstanding, but the excited rooster also started screeching so no one could understand what anyone was saying.
“Uhuh, Minchey quiet down. I see… so you had that sort of relationship with him. Gwendal, as another older brother I’ll make a formal request. Even though my little sister is rude, she’s brimming with talent so please get along happily with her for the rest of your life.”
Vanquished by the words ‘get along happily,’ Gwendal felt faint for a moment. What brought him back to his senses was an intense pain in his right arm.
“… What… is this pain?”
With a face that said ‘that reminds me,’ the manufacturer of Romero’s poison said plainly, “Your right arm has begun to rot. The liquid splashed on it just now, did it not?”
“What!? Isn’t this poison that will kill you if you drink it? Two destined lovers who can’t be together in this world drink this poison in a double suicide to be at least be together in the next-”
“When did I say that?”
“What!?”
Dressed in a beautiful wedding dress, Anissina places her hands on her corset and lifts her chin.
“In order to be together after death, Romero and Argent drink a drug that will turn them into Earth Skeletons. However, sure enough the drug is a fake. When demons die they do not become another species and they had to live forever as rotted dead bodies, or rather living corpses. It is a suitable drama to be considered one of the three great tragedies. This is why I told you to at least read the classics. You cannot hide your lack of education behind the wrinkles between your eyebrows.”
H-how cruel.
Next to the sweating Gwendal, Densham was innocently enjoying himself as he grabbed the bottle.
“Wow, so this really is Romero’s drug, huh? If you can actually make something like this, my sister, you truly are a genius!”
“Even I am not evil so I made it so the effects would wear off after half a year, if it works as planned. In other words, I calculated it so that if you bear with it for a while the decomposed flesh will steadily metabolize into its original state and after the same duration that it takes the body to replace its blood, you would resurrect as a healthy demon.”
“… I, I was about to be forced to drink a horrible drug like that?”
Even if he would be rewarded with a large sum of money, he had to decline decomposing alive. While being strangled by his ex-wife, Dacascos vowed in his heart to never again get involved in gambling.
At his wit’s end, Gwendal just stared at his blackening arm. Only a little of the liquid had splashed on me so why does this have to happen to me..? Ah, it’s rotting… my valuable sword arm. It’s decomposing before my eyes.
“Why are you sitting down like an old man? It is a drug that I made so of course I know the cure. Your right arm is merely rotting. You are not some unfortunate little puppy so stop looking at me with those sad eyes.”
Like his right-arm was a franken-dog. (1)
After that, Lord Densham von Karbelnikoff never again negotiated a marriage proposal for his younger sister Anissina.
Learning his lesson from that incident, Dacascos abstained from gambling and even though he ended up repaying his debt using his ex-wife’s salary, he was not able to face Amblin again until they reconciled and bought a house in the capital.
It took two months for blood to start flowing in Gwendal’s arm again, and during that time he took every opportunity to keep on muttering complaints to himself.
And thus, Lord Gwendal von Voltaire decided that he would stay with his childhood friend and knitting tutor, the woman feared as one of The Great Demon Kingdom’s Three Great Witches, Lady Anissina von Karbelnikoff, for as long as he lived, tosa.
“Your Excellency, a picture postcard came from His Excellency Conrart from where he was staying. Shall I read it? He won Mehilsar’s World’s Best Dancing Tournament… Well, it seems he’s just as skilled a dancer as ever.” (2)
“… Why did this happen why did this happen why did this happen…”
------
(1) The franken-dog thing is a pun using kanji. The word for decomposition used here is ‘furan’ and the kanji for dog ‘ken’ was tacked on the end to make ‘furanken’ (腐乱犬) which is how franken is pronounced in Japanese. That coupled with the meaning of the kanji makes it mean franken-dog, pretty much ^-^ Extra linguistic note on Japanese, the kanji for dog (犬) is pronounced ‘inu’ when on its own and referring to dogs in general and it is pronounced ‘ken’ when it is referring to specific type or breed of dog and thus part of a word. On that note, the name of the popular Japanese dog breed Shiba Inu (柴犬) should actually be pronounced Shiba Ken but apparently one of us foreigners misread the kanji and that wrong reading stuck~ The same thing goes for all the other Japanese dog breeds with ‘inu’ tacked on the end of their English names ^-^; All of these footnotes are ridiculously long, aren’t they?
(2) There is also a sort-of pun here. Pronunciation-wise there is only one character difference between World’s Best Dancing Tournament and World’s Best Fighting Tournament (Tenkaichi Butoukai vs. Tenkaichi Budoukai). I say ‘sort-of’ because there’s nothing inherently strange about saying World’s Best Dancing Tournament like this, but I can’t help but think this is supposed to be a joke because of the Dragon Ball series popularizing the phrase ‘Tenkaichi Budoukai’ and then having the war hero Conrad win the ‘Tenkaichi Butoukai.’
*.*.*.*.*
The both of them fell silent for a while as they tried to control the goosebumps on their arms.
After sipping the long-cold tea, Badwik finally opened his mouth.
“That was an amazing story you just told me.”
“It is amazing, is it not?”
In a sense.
“It was definitely stimulating, passionate and life-threatening. It was a tragedy unlike any other for His Excellency Gwendal. Just-imagining-what-happened-to-everyone-afterwards-my-heart-speeds-up-however!”
It happened when Günter opened the door to request more drinks.
“Greetings, Your Excellency!”
A middle-aged soldier with his hair and eyebrows cleanly shaved off came running up with a long sword that seemed to be getting in his way.
“You are being noisy, Dacascos.”
“Ah, I-I apologize. However, The Flying Skeleton Tribe, well, um…”
The editor widened his ever-working eyes and took a hard look at the bald-headed man.
If he’s Dacky, then… did he end up selling his scalp?
In actuality, he had gotten used to the hairstyle at the monastery and had simply kept it as so after he left.
“Thank you for your patience. It seems that the flying skeleton messenger that Anissina sent has brought an undecipherable list,” Günter said.
“Oh, but Lady Anissina truly is wise! For-her-to-act-out-one-of-The-Great-Demon-Kingdom’s-three-great-tragedies-in-order-to-end-her-engagement-negotiations-she-truly-does-see-the-world-differently-however!” Badwik opened his arms wide as if he was standing on stage, frowned and made a face as if he were about to cry. “‘O Romero, Romero! Wherefore art thou Romero? Ah, even if this body rots away and I become an Earth Skeleton, I will continue to love you, love you, love you forever!’ Even-I-cried-at-that-part-however. When-they-hugged-each-other-fiercely-all-of-the-flesh-on-their-arms-fell-off-in-a-lump. Well, things would have turned out better if Argent had known that normal demons can’t turn into one of the Flying Skeleton Tribe or the Earth Skeleton Tribe no matter how hard they try.”
“However I just cannot understand the willingness to try to be together even if that means becoming a rotted body or a living corpse. In modern times this is a strange way of thinking, but I suppose it is commonly accepted if it is in an old book.”
“That’s-right-I-agree-with-you-completely-however. However, Your Excellency Günter, however! This story is definitely an anecdote about His Excellency Gwendal’s personal tragedy, but I don’t really get a deep, passionate feeling from it. Rather than reading as an ardent love story, it is more of a horror story that you absolutely must hear the end of and the plot is really more for a different literary branch.”
“Horror.” Remembering Gwendal being stricken with a disease that rotted his arm, Günter’s body suddenly started shaking. “Horror… that is true.”
“So now, do you have a story about a good sort of guy who would leave the ladies spellbound but also somehow being so touched that they are moved to tears? For example, an anecdote about His Excellency Lord Conrart Weller, the man in the top spot on the public ranking of His Majesty’s partiality.”
Badwik had probably not seen that Günter’s ranking had taken a nosedive in the newest edition.
The tutor pushed down his unhappiness and kept his composure while opening the red cover of an old diary.
“Spellbound, moved to tears, Conrart?”
The editor gives a good mannered smile with a face that did not reveal his true feelings.
All right then. If that is the case then he will find a ‘good story’ about Lord Weller. However even Günter could be stubborn.
As if he would ever tell a story about His Majesty and Conrart getting along together!
“Conrart is near offensively popular with women, after all. I am sure that there are far more stories about his love affairs with others as opposed to with His Majesty… oh?”
Several scraps of paper fluttered out from the middle of Günter’s old diary. They were thin and yellowed and the edges were frayed. They were at least ten years old. A short composition was scribbled onto them with slanted letters of various sizes.
“Why is there writing I knew nothing about in my diary… This looks a bit like Conrart’s handwriting… What is this… ‘The Demon King is an actor’… What!? His Majesty is an actor!?”
“Hold-on-a-moment-please-look-at-this-number-that-looks-like-a-date-however! The four numbers at the top are probably a year… nineteen hundred… What calendar is that? It is a huge difference from our ancient demon calendar and it does not match up with the standard or Shimaron calendars. Even if this is His Excellency Lord Conrart Weller’s scrawl, I don’t think this is about something that happened in this country however.”
As he examined the faded bits of paper, Günter came to a conclusion.
A calendar no one had heard of and Lord Weller’s hasty scribbling. About 16 or 17 years ago, he had left this world.
“… Perhaps this might be… a record of what he did in another world.”
“Did you say another world?”
So surprised he literally jumped out of his chair, the petite editor’s mouth fell open. No one would easily believe there was a world other than the one that they lived in. Simply imagining the existence of another dimension was difficult let alone accepting that fact.
However, Badwik’s eyes were sparkling with anticipation from his own curiosity and his business sense cultivated over many years.
“This is a valuable record of when Lord Weller was in another world? I-don’t-believe-it-I-have-never-seen-such-a-thing-not-only-myself-but-not-a-single-person-at-my-company-can-even-imagine-what-another-world-is-like! How-is-it-is-it-awesome-what-is-that-I-would-love-to-read-that-however!”
“Even though you are so excited these are all small fragments of events, so if you want to understand the full story it would be best to ask Conrart himself. However if you really want to challenge yourself, I would not mind if you attempted to put all of these fragments in order.”
“Put them in order? Let’s try let’s try!”
And so, Günter and Badwik immersed themselves in lining up what appeared to be the scribblings of the absent Lord Conrart Weller. This work would further their understanding of the other world, help them understand their own origins, and as for whether it would be the start of the relations between The Great Demon Kingdom and Earth, well, that depended on the conclusion that these two came to.
“Ugh, when it comes to Conrart he is kind to women even outside the kingdom.”
“Yes, I can see why he is so popular however.”
What they were focusing on was wrong from the very beginning.
----
And that is the end of Romero and Argent! I love Gwendal and Anissina~ They're totally my favorite ^-^ Dysfunctional as hell, but still my favorite.
Anyway, the next and last story in this book is All's Well That Ends Well. It's also the longest story in the book~ Conrad fans rejoice! Or not because it's from his pre-Yuuri, annoyingly angsty days? Anyway, it's basically a VASTLY more informative version of episode 26 otherwise known as that episode with the title that's hard-to-translate-into-English-even-though-I-know-what-it-means-and-that-is-really-annoying-and-also-probably-why-no-two-fansub-teams-have-translated-it-the-same-way-as-far-as-I-know.
...
Anissina linked her panty drawer to Gwendal's desk! XD x a million
Next Chapter -->
Okay so I know I said I was going to break this up into three parts, but I got through the second part so quickly I just kept on going so it is once again two parts with this part being extra longish. I don’t think anyone will mind all that much though ^-^ So, I present to you the thrilling conclusion of Romero and Argent!
Illustrations for this novel come from Portrait of a Demon King and were scanned by peanutbaby13.
Part 2
The soldier stood stock still, even while the wind tickled the top of his head.
“Hey Dacascos, the back of your head is starting to get bad, you know.”
“… Leave me alone.”
His gaze was fixed on the medical care notice board for the soldiers stationed inside Karbelnikoff Castle. On the general use notice board next to it, various things were posted ranging from promotion and transfer announcements to entertainment events. However, there was no other important use for this medical care notice board besides posting the date and time for the annual health checkup. Actually, until just yesterday there was a four-year-old, faded advertisement for dental cleaning posted here. However now…
“Oh, there’s a new notice.”
“That’s right. And with this complex and bizarre signature it seems that it’s from Lady Anissina.”
“Eeek, The Red Devil!”
Lady Anissina von Karbelnikoff was a talented and honored unmarried woman who would experiment on people standing around, scold those people sitting around, and all that was before her was a painting of Hell, but there was one thing that even that woman overflowing with strength and beauty had trouble with. Her penmanship was unique and it was impossible for the ordinary person to decipher it.
“It’s the same manly handwriting as usual, or rather bad handwriting.”
“… What do you think it is? ‘Seeking someone to play skull,’” asked Dacascos, a soldier on the verge of reaching middle-age, as he kept his gaze fixed on where the reward amount was written. Getting 2,002 gold for just one night’s hard work was shockingly profitable. If you charged into a dangerous cave and defeated a ferocious beast, the most that would drop would be 1,192 gold at best. You cannot create a good country with that. (1)
Even if there is a catch, the huge reward is appealing.
“But this is Lady Anissina, you know? There’s even talk that someone who volunteered for a new medicine trial got his head turned into a donkey’s and was sent home. If it’s not to the point where you need to sell your body to pay back loans, it’s best to not get involved.”
“Ah, yeah.”
Even after his coworker coming off the night shift left, Dacascos kept gazing at the finer points of the notice. While he was on duty, the only thing in his head was 2,002 gold and he even spoke in an absentminded tone when he called out that he was taking over. After work his single friends invited him out, but he headed straight for home as per usual. His sick and elderly mother was eagerly awaiting the return of her son.
Along the way, he was thinking of the reward. The four digit number dances in his brain. Because he was walking so carelessly, he did not notice the men who appeared. It startled him when his arms were grabbed.
“Hey Dacascos, have you gotten the money?”
“Uhyaa!”
Two men wearing tasteless snakeskin shoes push Dacascos up against a wall. A man in the distance whose body shape resembled a square tossed his cigarette away and gave a disturbing laugh.
“The deadline is the day after tomorrow. Do you understand what deadline means, ya know?”
“‘Ya know’? I can’t get such a large amount in such a hurry… And I said that it was because of gambling, didn’t I? My daughter’s birthday present-”
“Dumbass, don’t act all high and might after we lent you money. Show us some sincerity, ya know. If that’s the case then get some money by selling your scalp.”
“M-my scalp?”
The bill collector with snakeskin shoes brought his face closer and grabbed Dacascos’s short hair.
“That’s right. Recently I heard that a weirdo scalp collector will pay for even a balding scalp like this one, ya know?”
“I… I can’t sell my scalp.”
“Don’t say that. You need money for your sick mother don’t you?”
“B-but if I do that I won’t even be able to go to work.”
He ran away in a panic and slowly opened the door to his house. There was not even a light on in the kitchen. Thinking that his mother was probably in her bedroom, he walks in that direction as he takes off his coat.
“Mom?”
“Oh Dacky, you’re back.”
She was opening a flat box on the table with an arm that looked like a withered branch. If you looked closely in the yellow light from the lamp, there were around a hundred cigarette butts in it. Lined up in a row, each one had a nametag.
“How was your day, Dacky? Did you get your hands on any of Lord Densham or Lady Anissina’s garbage?”
Dacascos let out a sad sigh.
“Mom, that’s your illness…”
At that moment, he made up his mind. If he sold his scalp, what would happen to his mother, left behind? And if she found out that her son would never again bring home any of the noble’s trash, she just might throw herself in front of a carriage in grief.
He had to pay back his debt somehow.
Moreover… When he remembered his daughter’s tears when they separated, his nose and eyes ached. If he sent over enough child support money, his wife would think better of him. He does not think that he will be able to return to that happy life he had before, but he at least wants to do something for his estranged wife and child.
If it is for them, he will play the skull or whatever other role.
---------
(1) Two part footnote!
a. First Part! The word for skull in Japanese is ‘dokuro.’ Since Anissina’s handwriting is so atrocious, what it likely says is ‘Romero.’
b. Second part! The joke with the gold. This is actually two jokes in one. The first I think a lot of people would understand because it’s a video game joke about money dropping from killing monsters. The second is a joke with the number 1192 and a popular Japanese mnemonic in history class for remembering the year 1192 as the start of the Kamakura Shogunate (‘ii kuni tsukurou’ or Let’s make a good country). So, in Japanese if you say 1192 as individual numbers it goes ‘ichi-ichi-kyuu-ni.’ Taking the first letter of ‘ichi’ and then turning 9 into its short form of ‘ku’, you get ‘iikuni’ and bam, we have a mnemonic. Japan actually has TONS of these kinds of mnemonics floating around in everyday life so if you’re studying the language it’s worth taking a look at. Here’s a wiki page: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_wordplay.
*.*.*.*.*
It is not an exaggeration to say that work efficiency is determined by the excellence of the assistant.
In that respect, Lord von Voltaire was blessed. Two years ago, he had snatched a private female secretary who had aced the official certification test in one shot away from a corrupt trader. She had an appearance quite unlike the usual career woman with ocher hair turning grey and - to say it politely - a body weight three times the norm, but she started her work with a lively voice unimaginable from her physique.
It was lucky he did not choose his private secretary based on age or looks. Even if her hips were a little, no, very full, he much preferred someone who was intellectual and good at manual labor.
“Good morning, Your Excellency.”
“Mm.”
“There is a slight change in your schedule for today. First with the matter of the facility on the border, because there was a delay in the maintenance in the flood plain due to the recent rainfall, the facility administrator is unable to accompany you. If you want, I can move that to another day.”
“Do that.”
“Here is today’s daily report on The Great Demon Kingdom. If you don’t mind?”
“Of course.” As he took the daily paper larger than his face, Gwendal nonchalantly asked his secretary a question. “How is your child, Amblin?”
“She’s doing well, thanks to you. The daycare in this castle is perfect, after all. It’s a marked difference from my last job. As you would expect since Lady Anissina, defender of women, took control of it. This is really the best environment for working mothers such as myself. Ah, I forgot to mention, but speaking of Lady Anissina…”
Amblin fished out a sealed envelope from the pending documents tray and carefully placed it on her boss’s desk. Because it was an official letter addressed to the master of Voltaire Castle, His Excellency Gwendal, she had quickly scanned it beforehand.
“It’s an invitation to a banquet by Lord von Karbelnikoff. Something about Lady Anissina getting engaged.”
“What!?”
“I was surprised too with the abrupt news. The banquet is planned for five days from now… will you attend? Ah, it’s written in large print there. The daily report wouldn’t be able to not say anything, or rather not celebrate, if it’s someone like Lady Anissina.”
On the page where the results of hunting and throwing matches were normally written there was a huge picture of a woman with flaming red hair.
As if that were not enough, there was a large headline with thick letters.
‘Will The Red Devil Finally Face Her Consequences!?’
The ostentatiously written subheadings read: ‘Tragically, the Poor Birdie Rochefort Falls Victim to the Witch’ ‘Is this a Political Marriage Disregarding Men’s Rights?’ ‘The Nightmarish Days Awaiting the Husband’
No matter how you read it, this news article is not painting a normal picture of this engagement.
“This is quite the exposé. It’s hard to believe that an insider would divulge such detailed information.”
Everything from the schedule until the engagement to the date of the ceremony is detailed in the article. According to the Daily Demon (The Great Demon Kingdom’s Daily Report), today is the luncheon for both families. In the afternoon, Miss Anissina will reveal her wedding dress and conduct a window proposal. Written by Reginald Ponchack, Karbelnikoff Branch Office. (1)
Gwendal’s heart rate suddenly sped up.
No way.
“That reminds me, an introduction to the career of her partner, Lord Jean Luc von Rochefort, was written in the Monthly Demon. It was an interview of him being the kingdom’s leading ornithologist, but he seemed to be a timid… ah, here it is. Do you want to see?”
In the monthly magazine spread out before him, there was a smiling man who was certainly a noble but who had a bird-like face and did not seem to be an important person by any standard. Gwendal immediately saw that this man was Densham’s type.
A sense of unease rapidly spread throughout him and his mind was full of bad premonitions. He was not worried for the man. If he had decided to marry Anissina, he had guts. Even so, he also was not shamefully irritated about his childhood friend’s engagement. If she had a new guinea pig nearby, Gwendal’s daily hardships would likely end.
But then what was this throbbing in his chest?
After imagining a frighteningly sinister conclusion, he wanted to hold his head in his hands.
“No, there’s no way.”
Even if it was the indomitable Mad Magicalist, she would never do something so terrible. Gwendal was uneasy about the heinous scheme from a few days ago being carried out.
There are numerous other ways to turn down a marriage proposal and, most importantly, since he had refused there was no one to play the necessary role of Romero. So that means that the plan failed and no one had come to any harm.
“Your Excellency?”
“Ah, yes what?”
“Your pen is upside down.”
He suddenly realized that his right hand was stained blue. This was bad. His unease had gotten so intense he was starting to be unable to think about other things.
“Shall I bring you another pen?”
Did you say ‘another’? Another… another… another man!? That’s right. Even if one of her friends had turned her down, Anissina would not simply give up. There was a possibility that she had decided on a second Romero and was now secretly carrying out her plan.
“It’s nothing I should be worried abo-… wait… Amblin!”
“Yes?”
The first-class secretary raised her head with a smile.
“When was the last time we heard anything from Conrart and Wolfram?”
“His Excellency Wolfram has been with Her Majesty Cecilie at the royal castle for the last two weeks. I heard that from a messenger yesterday. I remember that His Excellency Conrart left the Gyllenhaal territory… three months ago… I apologize. I don’t know where he is at the moment.”
“I see.”
Although he answered calmly, the toe of his shoe is grinding against the floor.
The source of his unease and irritation was that annoying ‘Operation Romero and Argent.’
If Anissina carried it out, she would need a sacrificial Romero. If her nearby target of Gwendal refused, there was a possibility that her eyes would turn to his younger brothers. Because of his age and appearance it would be unnatural for his youngest brother Wolfram to take part in a double suicide, but his other brother who was just a few years younger than himself, Lord Conrart Weller, was suitable for anything.
Women of all ages loved him, but because of his father’s human blood there was a part of the nobility who alienated him. Before his military achievement in the last war, he had only been afforded a rank lower than that of the ten noble families. That would also be a reason that people would object to him becoming a husband to someone from the prestigious Karbelnikoff family.
“Amblin.”
“Yes?”
“Have you heard of the drama called ‘Romero and Argent?’”
“Of course. It’s the tragic love tale of a couple unable to be together because of their families and social status.”
That’s even worse! Conrart had actually experienced that. It was unclear as to whether it had reached the point of love, but considering his past, it was not unthinkable that he would be moved by Anissina’s lies.
“Amblin!”
“Yes!”
“Who drinks the poison first!?”
“Poison? The drug? Romero drinks it first. Uh, Your Excellency? Where are you going, Your Excellency!?”
Even though he hoped it would end with his needless fear, Gwendal could not simply sit by and do nothing and had begun to walk away.
He would never make it on time with a horse. But even so, it was difficult for someone skilled in earth magic to manipulate the magic-powered kite that flew through the air.
He has no choice but to use that.
Throwing the door open to his living room, Lord von Voltaire roughly pulled open his writing desk’s drawer. The ancient wooden drawer opened smoothly without a sound.
“Ah, it smells like the balcony.”
“Although apparently you can’t take your time.”
It is his favorite desk that he has used for decades. He knows how much the drawer will hold. No matter how you look at it, it is not wide enough for a large man to fit. On top of that, Gwendal was extremely tall and would probably get stuck before he even got in up to his knees.
In any case, he tries putting his right foot in. It is deeper than he thought it was.
With an astonished face like she was watching something absurd, Amblin speaks while she worries about how she could help after glancing between her boss and the desk.
“Um, Your Excellency, what are you doing?”
“I’m trying… to go… to Karbelnikoff Castle… by using… a dimensional travel route! Damn it! I’m somehow getting through to the inside, but I can’t do anything about the small and narrow size!”
“Why did you make an entrance in a place like that?”
“How should I know!?”
The secretary falls silent for a while and watches over the castle lord scuffling with the hole. Eventually, the tall Gwendal ends up with only the upper half of his body hanging out of the drawer utterly exhausted.
“Your Excellency?”
“… Yeah.”
“Why don’t you try going in head first? Or, perhaps I should have a go at it?”
“What?”
“Despite appearances, I have a bit of confidence in my figure. If things go well, the route will widen and a tall person might somehow be able to get through.”
It was really lucky that he did not choose his secretary based upon age and looks!
----------
(1) So I wanted to call attention to the newspaper name. I’m not sure if I mentioned this before, but I’m using the official English translation of Shin Makoku (The Great Demon Kingdom) even though it actually means The True Demon Kingdom. The ‘shin’ in Shin Makoku (眞) is an archaic form of this character for truth (真) which is the same ‘shin’ in Shinou (眞王) which is why I call him The True King. ANYWAY, the actual name of the newspaper is ‘Shin Nichi’ which would translate to something along the lines of the Daily Truth, but since I use The Great Demon Kingdom that wouldn’t make sense and the Daily Great is just weird sounding so I just said the Daily Demon since that was the word from The Great Demon Kingdom that fit best into a newspaper title. Besides, the Daily Truth sounds like a religious flyer of some sort and I think we can all agree that wouldn’t mesh well with the whole demon thing XD
*.*.*.*.*
Dacascos still could not believe he was here.
He never thought that he would enter a noble woman’s private room. Nevertheless, what was before his eyes was the personal life of a dazzling single woman.
“Huh… so Lady Anissina was living in a room like this… Ah, no no!”
He was about search around for a souvenir for his mother out of habit. This is not the place for that. The inside of the room, completely red and light-blue, had a different smell than a group of soldiers. It was like perfume or flowers. Glancing at the window, he saw that three flies were lying there dead.
“… Insecticide..?”
There are multicolored paintings hanging on the walls, but if you look closely they are filled in with mysterious mathematical formulas. On top of the clumsily made table, there are glass containers of various sizes lined up. There are fingers and eyeballs and bone fragments floating in the green liquid.
“Oh, so Lady Anissina was a collector as well.”
There is an anatomical model with exposed muscles dressed in a pale dressing gown.
The sound of footsteps from a narrow gait approaches and the door suddenly opens. Anissina, who seemed to have come at a run, steps in with flushed cheeks. She had an extravagant dress that accentuated her breasts carelessly hiked up all the way to her thighs. She firmly locks the door in three places.
“That should do it.”
“L-Lady Anissina.”
He speaks in a frightened voice as if he is a young girl that just got caught up in a sordid affair.
“I thought I told you to hide your face!” She shoves the dressing gown from before over Dacascos’s head. “Alright, there is not much time. If we carry on carelessly that bird-face will come to the window. I will only explain this once so listen well.”
The traditional window proposal ceremony is an annoying ritual when the person proposing marriage stands outside his partner’s window and sings in a loud voice and shouts and then finally throws a large rock and destroys the window in a savage, manly way. Nowadays because sometimes the suitor is a woman or the repair fees are non-trivial, it has been reduced to singing a song in the garden and tapping on the window with a small pebble.
If there is no answer it is seen as an unspoken agreement and the suitor enters through the window.
“Although it would be nice if that bird-face does not throw an unnecessarily large rock because he is holding a grudge for making him cry in front of his parents.”
Before he could even exclaim ‘You made him cry!?’ Anissina held out a paper and pen. Sure enough, the handwriting was so horrendous that Dacascos could not read it.
“Go on, sign here. This document says that even if this plan ends in failure I will not be held accountable. Be at ease, I have not included a drop of deadly poison that might cause you to lose your life.”
“L-lose my life? What are you making me do?”
“You only have to drink this drug and, for a little while, perform a double suicide.”
There was a small bottle filled to the brim with purple liquid in the Mad Magicalist’s hand. The afternoon sunlight hit it diagonally and, although it might be his imagination, it sparkled ominously.
“Double suicide?”
“Are you going to be astonished about every little thing? This is why men nowadays are said to be more pathetic than otters. If you and I go so far as to double suicide then Densham will never negotiate another marriage proposal again. We might be treated as lovers for a year or so, but after that you can take your reward and disappear somewhere. Go on, sign your name here. And then here, if for some reason you cannot receive the 2,002 gold, write down the name of the person you will give it to on this line. If I am not mistaken, you have a mother. It is fine if it is a parent’s name.”
After slipping the expensive pen into his hand, she pulls his hand towards the paper with a strength one would not expect from such thin arms. Dacascos was about to start crying and kept repeating ‘please wait’ in rapid succession.
“Please wait, what do you mean ‘cannot receive?’ Is there a possibility I’m going to get killed here!?”
“These days you can die from a potted plant falling on your head as you walk down the street. This is only detailing the worst case scenario. According to the plan you will not die.”
“According to the plan!?”
Either because she was born impatient or because she was pressured by being faced with a counterattack from bird-face, The Red Devil opens the lid to the small bottle and splashed a drop of it on to the carpet.
Smoke rises along with an explosive sound.
“Eeeek!”
“Everything is just as planned.”
Even so, thinking that he could pay back his entire debt and his family could live off of the leftover money, Dacascos forces his fingers to stop trembling and writes down his mother's and daughter’s names.
“Did you write it? You wrote it, right!? Now, drink this up in one gulp. It is alright, according to the drama, Argent comes following soon after.”
“Eh, then Lady Anissina, you’ll drink the drug too?”
“Certainly not! I will just pretend to. In this scenario, someone who noticed something was amiss comes and stops me just as I am about to drink it.”
“Eh!? Then I’m the only one getting sacrificed!? I don’t like that! That’s unfair!”
“Be quiet. Even if it is a fake double suicide, it will be suspicious if neither of us drinks any poison. Besides, even if your outward appearance changes a bit you can still continue your work as a soldier, but I need my delicate fingers for my research and experiments. I will not be able to ascertain subtleties with rotted fingers.”
Anissina grabbed Dacascos’s chin with those supposedly delicate fingers. Without even needing to pinch his nose to suffocate him, she forcefully wrenches open his mouth.
“This is it. Resign yourself and play your part in my drama!”
Dacascos saw a real devil.
“Ah, ‘ait, ‘ait ‘ease! I for’ot to write ano’er name! Anflin, lemme write ‘at down, Anflin!”
“Anissina wait!”
A tall man kicked down the door to her clothing shelves and rushed into the room. There was cold sweat on his pale brow.
“What is it Gwendal? I am busy at the mom-”
“Stop! Don’t make Conrart drink that poison!”
“Conrart?”
While Anissina was distracted for a moment after hearing an unexpected name, he snatches the bottle with the purple liquid away from her. A little splashes on his right arm from the movement and a burning pain runs all the way up to his elbow.
“… tch, you were planning on making my younger brother drink something like this!?”
“Younger brother? You mean Lord Weller? Where is he?”
“What? Then…” Gwendal rips Anissina’s dressing gown off of the head of the freed man squatting down on the floor and coughing with hand on his throat. “… His hair is thinning out.”
“You think that I would use Lord Weller? He was an important person to Suzanna Julia. Did you really think that I would have him play Romero!? How belittling. To think that this is how a childhood friend would treat me, it is so pathetic I could cry!”
“No, s-sorry.”
Even if her prey was not Conrart she was still committing a heinous deed. Completely forgetting that, Gwendal wipes the sweat from his brow. There is something red dangling on the edges of his vision. Was there blood or something flowing from where he hit his temple in the dark?
“Since you appeared from the clothes rack… you used it.”
“It was an emergency so I used that dimensional pathway or whatever to-”
“You used it, my underwear drawer!”
“Ah, yeah, I remember passing something like that.”
“It seems so! You have ears on your head!”
Without him realizing it, her underwear had found its way on top of his head.
He is actually very embarrassed.
“Dacky!?”
“A-Anflin.”
The secretary from Voltaire Castle came wading through the sea of clothes and screamed as soon as she stuck her head out from the shelves.
“Kya! Dacky, did you finally do it!? Did you finally sneak into Lady Anissina’s room to steal cigarette butts and stuff!?”
“No, no that’s not it, Blin! There’s a good reason for all of this, *cough*”
“Ah, then you must be Anflin. This man forgot to write your name in the reward recipient’s area.”
“What!?”
Amblin’s normally small eyes narrowed even more in anger.
“Is that true, Dacky?”
“No, no that’s not it, Blin! There’s a good reason for all of that too, *cough*”
Along with the sound of breaking glass, the suitor, Lord Jean Luc von Rochefort Bird-Face, jumps into the room with his short legs.
The woman called The Red Devil watched the legs of the man arranged to become her fiancé with a rare, weak gaze.
“… According to the plan, Dacascos would have begun to stiffen on the floor and the person in question would come through the window and stop me just as I was bringing the bottle to my mouth… And then Densham, who would have suffered a shock, would have tearfully vowed to never bring up negotiations for a political marriage again if I was so opposed to it… But no matter how you look at it, there is no time for that now.” Anissina bit her tongue and slightly hung her head as her words trembled. “… The plan, is a failure.”
Next to her, Dacascos is getting hit by his ex-wife after shoving the document at her.
Drenched in sweat, Jean Luc pulls his bottom through the window and points at everyone and shouts with a wild bird voice.
Gwendal lays a hand on Anissina's shoulder.
“Anissina.” A part of his brain is dimly thinking that she is wearing unusually luxurious clothes. “Anissina, you should just clearly reject him with your usual way of talking. You should just flatly refuse the next time Densham brings up new negotiations. If it’s a troublesome man that you can’t deal with, I’ll always be there to help you.”
“I cannot always rely on you, Gwen.”
“I’m the one most familiar with you, am I not?”
This same sort of thing has been repeating over and over again since forever.
It has been this way since they were children so he is not about to hand her over to someone else after all of this time.
“Huh!?” Climbing in through the window after the suitor, Densham turns around in a circle as he looks around the room. There is a rooster on his right shoulder. “Why is Lord von Voltaire here?”
He is desperately forcing open his swollen eyes and trying to figure out what was happening.
After laying eyes on the small bottle Gwendal had in his hand, he finally seemed to grasp the situation.
“Ah! Don’t drink that!”
He charges in to grab it, but the marked difference in height prevents him from doing so and he cannot reach even if he stretches.
“That ominously shining purple, is that the drug from Romero and Argent!? Why is something like that in this room? And why was Lord von Voltaire about to drink it?”
“I wasn-”
“Ah, are the two of you…”
Gwendal frantically shook his head and kept repeating ‘wait’ an innumerable amount of times. However, not listening to what others say also seems to be a genetic trait of Karbelnikoffs.
“You were against Anissina’s engagement so the two of you were going to drink that like Romero and Argent weren’t you!? Oh my little sister, if that was the case then you should have said so. If that’s how it is then I won’t bother you with marriage proposals.”
“Th-that’s not what-”
With Minchey still on his shoulder, Densham wraps his arms around his sister and her childhood friend.
“Your big brother didn’t know that he was troubling you so much that you would try to have a life together after death. I’m sorry for not realizing sooner, but I promise that I absolutely won’t ever get between you two.”
The two of them were both screaming that he was misunderstanding, but the excited rooster also started screeching so no one could understand what anyone was saying.
“Uhuh, Minchey quiet down. I see… so you had that sort of relationship with him. Gwendal, as another older brother I’ll make a formal request. Even though my little sister is rude, she’s brimming with talent so please get along happily with her for the rest of your life.”
Vanquished by the words ‘get along happily,’ Gwendal felt faint for a moment. What brought him back to his senses was an intense pain in his right arm.
“… What… is this pain?”
With a face that said ‘that reminds me,’ the manufacturer of Romero’s poison said plainly, “Your right arm has begun to rot. The liquid splashed on it just now, did it not?”
“What!? Isn’t this poison that will kill you if you drink it? Two destined lovers who can’t be together in this world drink this poison in a double suicide to be at least be together in the next-”
“When did I say that?”
“What!?”
Dressed in a beautiful wedding dress, Anissina places her hands on her corset and lifts her chin.
“In order to be together after death, Romero and Argent drink a drug that will turn them into Earth Skeletons. However, sure enough the drug is a fake. When demons die they do not become another species and they had to live forever as rotted dead bodies, or rather living corpses. It is a suitable drama to be considered one of the three great tragedies. This is why I told you to at least read the classics. You cannot hide your lack of education behind the wrinkles between your eyebrows.”
H-how cruel.
Next to the sweating Gwendal, Densham was innocently enjoying himself as he grabbed the bottle.
“Wow, so this really is Romero’s drug, huh? If you can actually make something like this, my sister, you truly are a genius!”
“Even I am not evil so I made it so the effects would wear off after half a year, if it works as planned. In other words, I calculated it so that if you bear with it for a while the decomposed flesh will steadily metabolize into its original state and after the same duration that it takes the body to replace its blood, you would resurrect as a healthy demon.”
“… I, I was about to be forced to drink a horrible drug like that?”
Even if he would be rewarded with a large sum of money, he had to decline decomposing alive. While being strangled by his ex-wife, Dacascos vowed in his heart to never again get involved in gambling.
At his wit’s end, Gwendal just stared at his blackening arm. Only a little of the liquid had splashed on me so why does this have to happen to me..? Ah, it’s rotting… my valuable sword arm. It’s decomposing before my eyes.
“Why are you sitting down like an old man? It is a drug that I made so of course I know the cure. Your right arm is merely rotting. You are not some unfortunate little puppy so stop looking at me with those sad eyes.”
Like his right-arm was a franken-dog. (1)
After that, Lord Densham von Karbelnikoff never again negotiated a marriage proposal for his younger sister Anissina.
Learning his lesson from that incident, Dacascos abstained from gambling and even though he ended up repaying his debt using his ex-wife’s salary, he was not able to face Amblin again until they reconciled and bought a house in the capital.
It took two months for blood to start flowing in Gwendal’s arm again, and during that time he took every opportunity to keep on muttering complaints to himself.
And thus, Lord Gwendal von Voltaire decided that he would stay with his childhood friend and knitting tutor, the woman feared as one of The Great Demon Kingdom’s Three Great Witches, Lady Anissina von Karbelnikoff, for as long as he lived, tosa.
“Your Excellency, a picture postcard came from His Excellency Conrart from where he was staying. Shall I read it? He won Mehilsar’s World’s Best Dancing Tournament… Well, it seems he’s just as skilled a dancer as ever.” (2)
“… Why did this happen why did this happen why did this happen…”
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(1) The franken-dog thing is a pun using kanji. The word for decomposition used here is ‘furan’ and the kanji for dog ‘ken’ was tacked on the end to make ‘furanken’ (腐乱犬) which is how franken is pronounced in Japanese. That coupled with the meaning of the kanji makes it mean franken-dog, pretty much ^-^ Extra linguistic note on Japanese, the kanji for dog (犬) is pronounced ‘inu’ when on its own and referring to dogs in general and it is pronounced ‘ken’ when it is referring to specific type or breed of dog and thus part of a word. On that note, the name of the popular Japanese dog breed Shiba Inu (柴犬) should actually be pronounced Shiba Ken but apparently one of us foreigners misread the kanji and that wrong reading stuck~ The same thing goes for all the other Japanese dog breeds with ‘inu’ tacked on the end of their English names ^-^; All of these footnotes are ridiculously long, aren’t they?
(2) There is also a sort-of pun here. Pronunciation-wise there is only one character difference between World’s Best Dancing Tournament and World’s Best Fighting Tournament (Tenkaichi Butoukai vs. Tenkaichi Budoukai). I say ‘sort-of’ because there’s nothing inherently strange about saying World’s Best Dancing Tournament like this, but I can’t help but think this is supposed to be a joke because of the Dragon Ball series popularizing the phrase ‘Tenkaichi Budoukai’ and then having the war hero Conrad win the ‘Tenkaichi Butoukai.’
*.*.*.*.*
The both of them fell silent for a while as they tried to control the goosebumps on their arms.
After sipping the long-cold tea, Badwik finally opened his mouth.
“That was an amazing story you just told me.”
“It is amazing, is it not?”
In a sense.
“It was definitely stimulating, passionate and life-threatening. It was a tragedy unlike any other for His Excellency Gwendal. Just-imagining-what-happened-to-everyone-afterwards-my-heart-speeds-up-however!”
It happened when Günter opened the door to request more drinks.
“Greetings, Your Excellency!”
A middle-aged soldier with his hair and eyebrows cleanly shaved off came running up with a long sword that seemed to be getting in his way.
“You are being noisy, Dacascos.”
“Ah, I-I apologize. However, The Flying Skeleton Tribe, well, um…”
The editor widened his ever-working eyes and took a hard look at the bald-headed man.
If he’s Dacky, then… did he end up selling his scalp?
In actuality, he had gotten used to the hairstyle at the monastery and had simply kept it as so after he left.
“Thank you for your patience. It seems that the flying skeleton messenger that Anissina sent has brought an undecipherable list,” Günter said.
“Oh, but Lady Anissina truly is wise! For-her-to-act-out-one-of-The-Great-Demon-Kingdom’s-three-great-tragedies-in-order-to-end-her-engagement-negotiations-she-truly-does-see-the-world-differently-however!” Badwik opened his arms wide as if he was standing on stage, frowned and made a face as if he were about to cry. “‘O Romero, Romero! Wherefore art thou Romero? Ah, even if this body rots away and I become an Earth Skeleton, I will continue to love you, love you, love you forever!’ Even-I-cried-at-that-part-however. When-they-hugged-each-other-fiercely-all-of-the-flesh-on-their-arms-fell-off-in-a-lump. Well, things would have turned out better if Argent had known that normal demons can’t turn into one of the Flying Skeleton Tribe or the Earth Skeleton Tribe no matter how hard they try.”
“However I just cannot understand the willingness to try to be together even if that means becoming a rotted body or a living corpse. In modern times this is a strange way of thinking, but I suppose it is commonly accepted if it is in an old book.”
“That’s-right-I-agree-with-you-completely-however. However, Your Excellency Günter, however! This story is definitely an anecdote about His Excellency Gwendal’s personal tragedy, but I don’t really get a deep, passionate feeling from it. Rather than reading as an ardent love story, it is more of a horror story that you absolutely must hear the end of and the plot is really more for a different literary branch.”
“Horror.” Remembering Gwendal being stricken with a disease that rotted his arm, Günter’s body suddenly started shaking. “Horror… that is true.”
“So now, do you have a story about a good sort of guy who would leave the ladies spellbound but also somehow being so touched that they are moved to tears? For example, an anecdote about His Excellency Lord Conrart Weller, the man in the top spot on the public ranking of His Majesty’s partiality.”
Badwik had probably not seen that Günter’s ranking had taken a nosedive in the newest edition.
The tutor pushed down his unhappiness and kept his composure while opening the red cover of an old diary.
“Spellbound, moved to tears, Conrart?”
The editor gives a good mannered smile with a face that did not reveal his true feelings.
All right then. If that is the case then he will find a ‘good story’ about Lord Weller. However even Günter could be stubborn.
As if he would ever tell a story about His Majesty and Conrart getting along together!
“Conrart is near offensively popular with women, after all. I am sure that there are far more stories about his love affairs with others as opposed to with His Majesty… oh?”
Several scraps of paper fluttered out from the middle of Günter’s old diary. They were thin and yellowed and the edges were frayed. They were at least ten years old. A short composition was scribbled onto them with slanted letters of various sizes.
“Why is there writing I knew nothing about in my diary… This looks a bit like Conrart’s handwriting… What is this… ‘The Demon King is an actor’… What!? His Majesty is an actor!?”
“Hold-on-a-moment-please-look-at-this-number-that-looks-like-a-date-however! The four numbers at the top are probably a year… nineteen hundred… What calendar is that? It is a huge difference from our ancient demon calendar and it does not match up with the standard or Shimaron calendars. Even if this is His Excellency Lord Conrart Weller’s scrawl, I don’t think this is about something that happened in this country however.”
As he examined the faded bits of paper, Günter came to a conclusion.
A calendar no one had heard of and Lord Weller’s hasty scribbling. About 16 or 17 years ago, he had left this world.
“… Perhaps this might be… a record of what he did in another world.”
“Did you say another world?”
So surprised he literally jumped out of his chair, the petite editor’s mouth fell open. No one would easily believe there was a world other than the one that they lived in. Simply imagining the existence of another dimension was difficult let alone accepting that fact.
However, Badwik’s eyes were sparkling with anticipation from his own curiosity and his business sense cultivated over many years.
“This is a valuable record of when Lord Weller was in another world? I-don’t-believe-it-I-have-never-seen-such-a-thing-not-only-myself-but-not-a-single-person-at-my-company-can-even-imagine-what-another-world-is-like! How-is-it-is-it-awesome-what-is-that-I-would-love-to-read-that-however!”
“Even though you are so excited these are all small fragments of events, so if you want to understand the full story it would be best to ask Conrart himself. However if you really want to challenge yourself, I would not mind if you attempted to put all of these fragments in order.”
“Put them in order? Let’s try let’s try!”
And so, Günter and Badwik immersed themselves in lining up what appeared to be the scribblings of the absent Lord Conrart Weller. This work would further their understanding of the other world, help them understand their own origins, and as for whether it would be the start of the relations between The Great Demon Kingdom and Earth, well, that depended on the conclusion that these two came to.
“Ugh, when it comes to Conrart he is kind to women even outside the kingdom.”
“Yes, I can see why he is so popular however.”
What they were focusing on was wrong from the very beginning.
----
And that is the end of Romero and Argent! I love Gwendal and Anissina~ They're totally my favorite ^-^ Dysfunctional as hell, but still my favorite.
Anyway, the next and last story in this book is All's Well That Ends Well. It's also the longest story in the book~ Conrad fans rejoice! Or not because it's from his pre-Yuuri, annoyingly angsty days? Anyway, it's basically a VASTLY more informative version of episode 26 otherwise known as that episode with the title that's hard-to-translate-into-English-even-though-I-know-what-it-means-and-that-is-really-annoying-and-also-probably-why-no-two-fansub-teams-have-translated-it-the-same-way-as-far-as-I-know.
...
Anissina linked her panty drawer to Gwendal's desk! XD x a million
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