the blame game
"well i blame myself for everything, it keeps my conscience clean..." - the get up kids
there are certain things i did that i will never forgive myself for. even if i did them before i knew it was wrong, that doesnt take away the hurt that those actions caused. but im too much of a chicken to say im sorry and i dont think it would make me feel better anyway.
maybe i dont talk to you because i you remind me of the pain i caused. or maybe i am just making up reasons i dont talk to you because i feel guilty about not talking to you.
i struggle constantly between trying to forgive myself for things and feeling that those things are unforgivable. when other people dont want to forgive me, i struggle between thinking that they are right and i deserve not to be forgiven, and trying to tell myself that one incident should not define who you are, good or bad.
it was a bad week. fighting with friends, eagles losing, stress from school...and my birth control makes me go all hormonal 2 weeks into my cycle and it makes me want to cry about everything. i know it is just the BC but it is also very real.
"i guess ill really never be able to tell you how sorry i am..." -ani
there are certain things i did that i will never forgive myself for. even if i did them before i knew it was wrong, that doesnt take away the hurt that those actions caused. but im too much of a chicken to say im sorry and i dont think it would make me feel better anyway.
maybe i dont talk to you because i you remind me of the pain i caused. or maybe i am just making up reasons i dont talk to you because i feel guilty about not talking to you.
i struggle constantly between trying to forgive myself for things and feeling that those things are unforgivable. when other people dont want to forgive me, i struggle between thinking that they are right and i deserve not to be forgiven, and trying to tell myself that one incident should not define who you are, good or bad.
it was a bad week. fighting with friends, eagles losing, stress from school...and my birth control makes me go all hormonal 2 weeks into my cycle and it makes me want to cry about everything. i know it is just the BC but it is also very real.
"i guess ill really never be able to tell you how sorry i am..." -ani