...
It was a slow day at work today, so I did some fanfic writing...
Title: A Monday
Pairing/Character: Jack, Liz, Tracy, Toofer, Frank, Jenna, Kenneth
Rating: PG
Summary: Seven completely random conversations
Spoilers/Season/Episode etc : No spoilers
Liz: "Hey, what are you doing?"
Jack: "I'm doing a favor for the mankind. I'm working on a formula."
Liz: "What kind of a formula?"
Jack: "You know how people always say that you can't define love or that there is no cure for a broken heart but time? Well, I think that's all crap. People just haven't tried hard enough. So I have taken it upon myself to work out a formula that heals broken hearts. Fast."
Liz: "And how's it going?"
Jack: "It's... going."
Liz: "Then why is the paper in front of you empty?"
Jack: "It's not completely empty."
Liz: "Oh right, didn't see that one word. Booze?"
Jack: "All I got so far."
Liz: "Uhuh."
Jack: "But what can I help you with?"
Liz: "Oh never mind. I came in here wanting to talk to you about this serial killer called Pus sketch, but it feels wrong now after all the broken heart talk. I'll just leave you to it."
Jack: "Okay. Oh, that's another thing that can go into the formula. Suicide... No, that's no good."
* * *
Tracy: "Hey Liz Lemon! I need you to help me with something."
Liz: "I'm not saying yes until I have a pretty detailed overview of what you need help with."
Tracy: "It's about my pants."
Liz: "Actually, forget the part about a detailed overview?"
Tracy: "I sometimes slip my clothes into the show's wardrobe so that who ever washes those clothes would wash mine too. I'm not very fond of doing laundry myself."
Liz: "You don't say."
Tracy: "But today at rehearsal I saw Josh wearing my pants. Turns out they're perfect for a space sketch."
Liz: "Oh yeah, I helped to pick them out myself!"
Tracy: "I want my pants back, Liz."
Liz: "Uh, alright, I'll get your pants back. But you gotta stop taking your dirty laundry to the wardrobe, Tracy."
Tracy: "I promise to try."
* * *
Tracy: "Okay, I've got one."
Toofer: "Okay. Are you a person, a place or a thing?"
Tracy: "I'm a person."
Toofer: "Are you alive today?"
Tracy: "Yes."
Toofer: "Are you an actor?"
Tracy: "No."
Toofer: "Are you from USA?"
Tracy: "Actually I'm a place. I changed my mind."
Toofer: "What? You can't change your mind in the middle of the game!"
Tracy: "Why not?"
Toofer: "That's not how this game works!"
Tracy: "But it's just a detail. I'm changing it into a place, everything else stays the same."
Toofer: "So your place is alive today and not an actor?"
Tracy: "It's definitely not an actor, it's a place."
Toofer: "That's exactly what I'm talking about!"
* * *
Toofer: "What's wrong with wanting to go to Malaysia?"
Frank: "Have you been to Hawaii?"
Toofer: "No, I haven't."
Frank: "Mexico?"
Toofer: "Actually I haven't."
Frank: "Then what is all this talk about Malaysia? Nobody dreams about going to Malaysia unless you live in a country near Malaysia. When you live in America, you dream about going to a country that is near America. Or some completely awesome country far away."
Toofer: "Malaysia is an awesome country far away!"
Frank: "No, my friend. The list of awesome far away countries is exclusive. It includes countries like Japan and France and maybe Australia."
Toofer: "That's ridiculous."
Frank: "Now, after you have visited one of those countries, then you can start telling people you want to go to Malaysia."
Toofer: "Right."
Frank: "Although the name of its capital Kuala Lumpur sounds really funny."
Toofer: "It does, doesn't it?"
Frank: "Have you been to Los Angeles?"
* * *
Frank: "I can't find it anywhere and I'm starting to get bored."
Jenna: "No, no! You have to help me find it."
Frank: "I don't know. I think I'm gonna go have a nap."
Jenna: "Frank, that necklace is really important for me and I need help."
Frank: "Go ask Pete. Or Lutz."
Jenna: "No, I saw Lutz going to the cafeteria earlier."
Frank: "Oh. He's gonna be busy for a while then."
Jenna: "I know. Look, how about I make it worth your while? If you find the necklace I'll buy you a beer?"
Frank: "Are you coming on to me?"
Jenna: "No."
Frank: "Did you hide the necklace on purpose so you could come on to me?"
Jenna: "No!"
Frank: "Wow Jenna. Now I can't help you, I have to go to my room and ponder on this development."
Jenna: "Ugh. Fine, go have your nap."
* * *
Kenneth: "I was thinking that maybe gumboots?"
Jenna: "What kind of a birthday gift is gumboots?"
Kenneth: "No? Well, she could use them at the farm and..."
Jenna: "Trust me, Kenneth, you'll never get any from her if you give her gumboots."
Kenneth: "Oh my!"
Jenna: "Women want gifts like perfume or lingerie. I could help you pick something out?"
Kenneth: "Lingerie? I don't know..."
Jenna: "How much do you care about this woman?"
Kenneth: "Well, a lot, Miss Maroney. She's the most important lady in my life."
Jenna: "Then show her that with some very expensive lingerie. And not the edible kind either."
Kenneth: "I don't... this is making me very uncomfortable, miss Maroney."
Jenna: "Who is your lady friend anyway? I didn't even know you were dating."
Kenneth: "Oh, I'm not. The birthday gift is for my mother."
Jenna: "Your...? Oh boy, let's forget the whole conversation, okay?"
Kenneth: "Actually I think she could use some new warm underwear..."
Jenna: "No, that is disturbing. Go with gumboots, Kenneth."
Kenneth: "..."
Jenna: "Please?"
* * *
Jack: "Kenneth, what is this?"
Kenneth: "It's the audio book you asked for, Sir."
Jack: "The reason why I'm asking, is that the voice, reading the story, sounds a lot like yours."
Kenneth: "Oh yes, Sir!"
Jack: "When I told you to get me this audio book, I meant for you to go and buy me one, not make me one."
Kenneth: "Oh, I'm sorry Sir. I guess I messed up."
Jack: "Well... I appreciate the effort. You really read the whole book?"
Kenneth: "Yes Sir! All seven of them."
Jack: "Shhhh! You can't say seven, people will know what book we're talking about!"
Kenneth: "Oh, I'm sorry Sir. All... nine of them."
Jack: "Right. Well, I'll give it another chance. But if it feels too strange when I'm listening to it in bed, I'm giving it back and you're getting me a real one."
Kenneth: "It's a deal, Sir."
Title: A Monday
Pairing/Character: Jack, Liz, Tracy, Toofer, Frank, Jenna, Kenneth
Rating: PG
Summary: Seven completely random conversations
Spoilers/Season/Episode etc : No spoilers
Liz: "Hey, what are you doing?"
Jack: "I'm doing a favor for the mankind. I'm working on a formula."
Liz: "What kind of a formula?"
Jack: "You know how people always say that you can't define love or that there is no cure for a broken heart but time? Well, I think that's all crap. People just haven't tried hard enough. So I have taken it upon myself to work out a formula that heals broken hearts. Fast."
Liz: "And how's it going?"
Jack: "It's... going."
Liz: "Then why is the paper in front of you empty?"
Jack: "It's not completely empty."
Liz: "Oh right, didn't see that one word. Booze?"
Jack: "All I got so far."
Liz: "Uhuh."
Jack: "But what can I help you with?"
Liz: "Oh never mind. I came in here wanting to talk to you about this serial killer called Pus sketch, but it feels wrong now after all the broken heart talk. I'll just leave you to it."
Jack: "Okay. Oh, that's another thing that can go into the formula. Suicide... No, that's no good."
* * *
Tracy: "Hey Liz Lemon! I need you to help me with something."
Liz: "I'm not saying yes until I have a pretty detailed overview of what you need help with."
Tracy: "It's about my pants."
Liz: "Actually, forget the part about a detailed overview?"
Tracy: "I sometimes slip my clothes into the show's wardrobe so that who ever washes those clothes would wash mine too. I'm not very fond of doing laundry myself."
Liz: "You don't say."
Tracy: "But today at rehearsal I saw Josh wearing my pants. Turns out they're perfect for a space sketch."
Liz: "Oh yeah, I helped to pick them out myself!"
Tracy: "I want my pants back, Liz."
Liz: "Uh, alright, I'll get your pants back. But you gotta stop taking your dirty laundry to the wardrobe, Tracy."
Tracy: "I promise to try."
* * *
Tracy: "Okay, I've got one."
Toofer: "Okay. Are you a person, a place or a thing?"
Tracy: "I'm a person."
Toofer: "Are you alive today?"
Tracy: "Yes."
Toofer: "Are you an actor?"
Tracy: "No."
Toofer: "Are you from USA?"
Tracy: "Actually I'm a place. I changed my mind."
Toofer: "What? You can't change your mind in the middle of the game!"
Tracy: "Why not?"
Toofer: "That's not how this game works!"
Tracy: "But it's just a detail. I'm changing it into a place, everything else stays the same."
Toofer: "So your place is alive today and not an actor?"
Tracy: "It's definitely not an actor, it's a place."
Toofer: "That's exactly what I'm talking about!"
* * *
Toofer: "What's wrong with wanting to go to Malaysia?"
Frank: "Have you been to Hawaii?"
Toofer: "No, I haven't."
Frank: "Mexico?"
Toofer: "Actually I haven't."
Frank: "Then what is all this talk about Malaysia? Nobody dreams about going to Malaysia unless you live in a country near Malaysia. When you live in America, you dream about going to a country that is near America. Or some completely awesome country far away."
Toofer: "Malaysia is an awesome country far away!"
Frank: "No, my friend. The list of awesome far away countries is exclusive. It includes countries like Japan and France and maybe Australia."
Toofer: "That's ridiculous."
Frank: "Now, after you have visited one of those countries, then you can start telling people you want to go to Malaysia."
Toofer: "Right."
Frank: "Although the name of its capital Kuala Lumpur sounds really funny."
Toofer: "It does, doesn't it?"
Frank: "Have you been to Los Angeles?"
* * *
Frank: "I can't find it anywhere and I'm starting to get bored."
Jenna: "No, no! You have to help me find it."
Frank: "I don't know. I think I'm gonna go have a nap."
Jenna: "Frank, that necklace is really important for me and I need help."
Frank: "Go ask Pete. Or Lutz."
Jenna: "No, I saw Lutz going to the cafeteria earlier."
Frank: "Oh. He's gonna be busy for a while then."
Jenna: "I know. Look, how about I make it worth your while? If you find the necklace I'll buy you a beer?"
Frank: "Are you coming on to me?"
Jenna: "No."
Frank: "Did you hide the necklace on purpose so you could come on to me?"
Jenna: "No!"
Frank: "Wow Jenna. Now I can't help you, I have to go to my room and ponder on this development."
Jenna: "Ugh. Fine, go have your nap."
* * *
Kenneth: "I was thinking that maybe gumboots?"
Jenna: "What kind of a birthday gift is gumboots?"
Kenneth: "No? Well, she could use them at the farm and..."
Jenna: "Trust me, Kenneth, you'll never get any from her if you give her gumboots."
Kenneth: "Oh my!"
Jenna: "Women want gifts like perfume or lingerie. I could help you pick something out?"
Kenneth: "Lingerie? I don't know..."
Jenna: "How much do you care about this woman?"
Kenneth: "Well, a lot, Miss Maroney. She's the most important lady in my life."
Jenna: "Then show her that with some very expensive lingerie. And not the edible kind either."
Kenneth: "I don't... this is making me very uncomfortable, miss Maroney."
Jenna: "Who is your lady friend anyway? I didn't even know you were dating."
Kenneth: "Oh, I'm not. The birthday gift is for my mother."
Jenna: "Your...? Oh boy, let's forget the whole conversation, okay?"
Kenneth: "Actually I think she could use some new warm underwear..."
Jenna: "No, that is disturbing. Go with gumboots, Kenneth."
Kenneth: "..."
Jenna: "Please?"
* * *
Jack: "Kenneth, what is this?"
Kenneth: "It's the audio book you asked for, Sir."
Jack: "The reason why I'm asking, is that the voice, reading the story, sounds a lot like yours."
Kenneth: "Oh yes, Sir!"
Jack: "When I told you to get me this audio book, I meant for you to go and buy me one, not make me one."
Kenneth: "Oh, I'm sorry Sir. I guess I messed up."
Jack: "Well... I appreciate the effort. You really read the whole book?"
Kenneth: "Yes Sir! All seven of them."
Jack: "Shhhh! You can't say seven, people will know what book we're talking about!"
Kenneth: "Oh, I'm sorry Sir. All... nine of them."
Jack: "Right. Well, I'll give it another chance. But if it feels too strange when I'm listening to it in bed, I'm giving it back and you're getting me a real one."
Kenneth: "It's a deal, Sir."