um yeah
whenever i feel like not doing work i end up here.... life is stupid sometimes. life makes no sense. i think im like bi-polar/get bored easily/dont know what i want. i love the randomness of life yet my life is lacking randomness... its predictable... its the same thing over and over REPETITION! ugh i hate that! i hate a lot of stuff. i get pissed quickly when im in a weird confused mood. people think they know me and that really pisses me off cuz you know what no one really knows me cuz you cant know someone if they never tell you anything/you are the one telling them all about yourself and they told you nothing. yeah i just wish people would open their eyes sometimes and see that what they judge others about they do themselves... they are obsessed with how others arent acting correctly in their eyes yet they do the same stuff. i dont even know what im talking about right now but i cant focus on reading my book. once again there is no where to go. i just need a white box to sit in.. yeah my room would make sense but someone is always in there napping. i gave up on naps and sleep i think tonight im just gonna sit in my bed... if i fall asleep so be it. i only have one class tomorrow. this class i have to read like 2 whole books for because no teacher wants to be nice to me. ok i know i hate teachers that WOW scary im in the coffeehouse and there is this guy and girl hanging out next to me and the guy gets on his knee and im like OH CRAP! and she is like WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? but idk what he was doing but he wasnt proposing and im like THANK YOU GOD! or i WOULDA died of laughter kinda like i did last night when tory told me how our room is basically haunted well not haunted but like at 3am crazy stuff happens in our room.... to her at least!!! so when she tells me this i peed my pants, cried and laughed and oh yeah choked. that was pretty scary... i was going insane there. i wonder if this is the new me or ill go back to me sometime soon? its so weird. like am i maturing that i dont need to be insane and have the spotlight anymore or is something wrong? i mean i didnt need spotlight but everyone had to know exactly what I DID. i really dont know. isnt it messed up when you dont know yourself? you dont know whats going on in your head so you resort to a stupid livejournal because you realized no one can help you because no one knows you. do i want people to know me? NO i really dont think so. so why do i care? idk i just dont want people to think they know me i think thats what pisses me off cuz no one really knows. and how come everyone else can easily read a book or something or know whats going on? or use big words? its hard for me to do work... i get easily distracted. i feel like sitting in a random corner all weekend and telling no one where i am or what im doing. i hate answering to people. i hate questions. i hate how people have to know everything. cant you just be someones friend for the very time period and just enjoy their presence and fun times? this is a short yet the best time of your life so stop worrying about the crap and just enjoy it before you are stuck married to someone for the rest of your life with a zillion kids and have no life or no freedom and are chained down... ok that stuff is cool but seriously its never the same freedom you once had. hmm i wish i could get a diploma on writing this kind of stuff cuz man i'd pass with flying colors. my computer is crap. i might be bringing a guy home whos not my boyfriend for spring break... how messed up random is that? dont ask me lol. im laughing at myself right now. but anyways spring break = 2 weeks! HELL FREAKIN YEAH!!! cuz man am I HOMESICK!!! i realized i need to be home or see my fam once a month or else i lose my sanity. i think im living in ct for the rest of my life unless i get a super cool job... guess ill be the loser who lives there almost their whole life. ok its like almost 4 and i should start reading and writing cuz people wanna hang out with me tonight.... i feel like sleeping forever so im avoiding my room. thank God someone is in there. ok over and out...