Part 03 - Chapter 39 - Truth - PG
Chapter 39 - Truth
I wake in his arms and although I'm surprised, it is a pleasant one. So often, when we sleep together, he will be gone when next I wake. I reconciled myself some time back to that fact, it would be unrealistic and unfair to expect him to be there all the time considering how little he normally sleeps. It does though afford me the opportunity I was hoping for - to speak to him about what has been bothering me since we left Earth. I am sure he senses my wakefulness and anxiety about broaching this topic as he asks, "Rose? What's the matter?"
------------------
I feel Rose go from slumber to restless distress. What has upset her? After sleeping on things, has she decided that this is a mistake, were a mistake?
As I warily ask what's wrong, I feel her nuzzle her face into my shoulder and feel her take a bracing breath. "Doctor, I...”
I try to move so I can look at her, and feel her tighten her grip about my middle, making clear her desire for me to stay where I am. What is this all about? I try to steel myself for whatever it is she is about to say to me, subsiding back reluctantly to lie flat. At her next words, all the anxiety makes sense and I feel a rush of both relief and trepidation and nod my agreement.
"You asked about the angry young man you saw in my nightmare."
Mentally I examine the image of the ginger haired youth with the vicious grin I see flash through her mind, and place a comforting hand on the arm she has tightly curled about my middle, gently caressing it to encourage her to continue.
"His name was Jimmy, Jimmy Stone. He was my first real serious boyfriend. I let... He made me feel pretty and loved and smart... should have figured it out then that what he really wanted had nothing to do with smart..."
At the anguish flooding off of her I feel my anger rise, incensed that anyone, least of all a dirty snot-nosed punk, would make her question her own brilliance. It’s unacceptable and I try to interrupt to tell her so, "Rose you..." feeling her shake her head, silencing me.
"...That he... What he wanted was sex, that and money for his drugs. He didn't want me, jus’ told me what I wanted to hear to get in my knickers... and I gave it to him.” I feel a wash of shame and anger at that and the admission breaks my hearts. “And I moved out of mum's place and into his before I figured it out."
The more I hear and feel, the more convinced I am that I am going to be having a chat with one Jimmy Stone.
"That tells me exactly how smart I was. At first, it was nice, he was nice. He brought me pretty things, things I found out later he had stolen. They tried to warn me he was bad news - Mum, Kisha, Shareen all of them, even Mickey tried. I didn't listen, told them all, told myself, they were all jealous. I even gave up school for him! I mean how stupid can you get?"
As I feel her tears scalding trails down my side and the grief and self-loathing she is radiating, I know that the conversation Jimmy and I will have is not going to be one I bring her along to hear. At her next words I know without question he will wish he never heard the name Rose by the time I am finished with him
"Then... " Her small sob wrenches at my hearts and I wrap my arm around her shoulder pulling her in closer trying to comfort her, it doesn’t seem to help much as she continues. “Then things started getting worse, he kept demanding I give him money. I got a part time job to give it to him, hoping he would like me again, and it could be like it was before. But it was never enough, I was never enough, I tried to make him happy... just...” As she pauses I know what she is about to say isn't going to be pretty and suspect it's the source of her nightmare.
"Then one day I came home, he was drunk, and high, and so very angry. I tried to get him to calm down; I tried everything I could think of... I even offered him sex hoping that would sooth him as it had before. Nothing helped... nothing... "
As she falls quiet, I sense there is more but I don't know if she will tell me. Quietly, I prompt her, "And?" sensing her desire to tell me but her reluctance.
“And he… he said I wasn't worth fucking, said he could get better from any two-bit whore, that I wasn’t even good enough to be one of them, then..." her desolate sob causes a wave of rage at this stupid vicious child who has hurt my Rose. “Then he began hitting me and I couldn't get him to stop." As she breaks down into violent, full-body sobs, I know I am going to ensure he will pay dearly for hurting her.
After a long time she finally cries herself out and continues as I gently rock and stroke her, she is practically curled up on top of me. "Someone finally called the plods over the noise. They hauled him off, never saw him again in spite of his threats."
At those words, I feel timelines shift and know that the reason he never made good on those threats is that I ensure he never could. As I see the images Rose is unconsciously projecting of what he did to her, how he hurt her, I know I will find somewhere very creative for him to live out the remainder of his days far, far away from both the Earth and my Rose.
“You must think I’m such a slag. Running off with that creep then…”
“Oh Rose! Never! I would never think that of you!" What I do think is he didn’t have a clue what a precious gift he had been given that she cared for him at all and that he was a stupid fool that doesn’t even deserve to share the same planet with her. I fully intend to ensure he doesn’t, when she is home visiting her mum. I am going to make certain she will never have to see him again, or accidentally be reminded of his ugliness by unexpectedly encountering him.
For a long time I just hold her and let her cry, each of her sobs an additional condemnation against the being that hurt her thus. Death is too good for the likes of this Jimmy Stone and before she finally cries herself to sleep, I know exactly where I intend to take him.
********************
I watch her sleep for a long time, knowing from previous experience she prefers to wake with me here. I am sure that if she wakes this time without me here she will feel I too am rejecting her in spite my earlier words and that couldn't be further from the truth; I won’t do that to her. So I hold her, and make myself comfortable. At my decision, I feel a hum of approval from Verity. It isn’t easy being patient for her to awake on her own, but I refuse to risk hurting her by getting up. I understand now why she didn’t want to speak of what had happened and I feel a bit guilty at having been upset with her about not telling me. However, I don’t regret the result, or taking her to see Doris. It wasn’t something I was looking forward to, and having her there made it marginally easier. Rose so embodies what it is I made that choice for; she and Doris both do, as they are just two of the beautiful, unique beings in the universe that the Daleks would have methodically eradicated.
Looking down at her lovely face, blotchy from crying, I realize again that, in some ways, she is so innocent and fragile; something I too often forget with all the intuitive wisdom she frequently displays. I want so much to protect her from all the evil nasty things in the universe, but try as I might, I can’t seem to keep her away from one of the most dangerous beings of them all; myself. I should feel guiltier about that than I do. There are many things I regret in my lives, but I know that until my final dying day I will never regret having known Rose. All the more reason why I need to make sure that Jimmy Stone disappears, I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t met her when I first left Alistair and Doris’s. No, I take that back, I do know, I would have died down in the underground when the Nestene consciousness attacked. I smile and gently kiss the top of her head as I remember how she had called me on that when I first was preparing to leave her time. She has kept saving me ever since too, my dear sweet Rose. As smell her sweet scent, I nuzzle my nose into her hair breathing in deeply.
“Murf,” comes her announcement of her waking. “Nuff with the ‘musement, can’t a girl get a proper kip in without you squirmin’?” All sting that statement might have had is defused at she lifts her head, gives a jaw-cracking yawn and follows it with a brilliant smile. “G’ mornin’”
Leaning in, I capture her lips, only for her to pull away but a moment later mumbling “human breath” and something sounding like “loo” before quickly moving naked to the ensuite. I smile and enjoy the view as she does.
-------------------------------------
As I emerge from the ensuite I take a moment to enjoy the view of him, eyes closed, stretched out on his back the sheets barely high enough to preserve his modesty. Not that he has anything to be modest about in that department and not that I will be telling him as he already has a big enough ego about some things. The view really is glorious with him propped up against the tightly swirled wrought iron headboard. His arms tucked behind his head exposing his beautiful chest with its sparse adornment of hair and lean hard muscles. His distinguished nose and seemingly overly large ears which, I am convinced, wouldn’t be considered so if he would just let his hair grow out a bit more. Even his dark, short-cropped, silk-textured hair lures me to just come over and run my fingers across its surface. Oh, the temptation his lying there like that makes.
I start, as he opens his eyes, and says, “Enjoying yourself?” with that mischievous twinkle in his eye that says he chose just that position for a reason. I feel a blush creep over my skin at being caught, even though it is obviously exactly what he wanted. As he reaches out his hand to me, inviting me back to bed, I smile as I think of some of the things I could do. I nibble on my bottom lip as I contemplate the possibilities and see his eyes darken as he continues to watch me.
With what we had discussed before I slept, I wasn't sure I would ever see again the desire I now see dancing in his eyes. As he wiggles his fingers, to attract my attention, I launch myself at his supine form. As I move towards him, it occurs to me how much fun it might be to see how ticklish he might be. As if reading my intent I suddenly find myself with the tables turned, as he rolls just as I arrive at a prime tickling location, capturing my hands. I watch his eyes darken even more as he holds my hands to the bed, hovering diagonally across me, all serious sex appeal. I lick my lips slowly, inviting him in, and feel his lips descend in a soft caress that rapidly becomes more demanding even as I feel the brush of his mind against my own encouraging me, as I seek out more of the taste that is so uniquely him. As I trace my tongue along the roof of his mouth, I feel him shiver and let out a moan as I feel a spike of pleasure jolt through our connection. Curious, at this unexpected reaction I seek to repeat the action, only for him to pull away nipping at my ear and then down my throat.
---------------------------------
I feel her hesitation as she reenters and I can practically feel her eyes upon me as they rove over my form. I am not sure what it is she finds so attractive but I have caught her staring more than once and know by the sudden jump of pheromones in the air that she likes what she sees. I beckon her to come back to bed, but at a sudden flash of mischievousness, I decide it's probably best if I take control before she discovers how sensitive my sides would be to her tickling, something I suspect would not be something she would soon forget. All playfulness is lost as I roll her beneath me and suddenly feel a wave of desire for this woman who has captured my hearts. As I watch her slowly lick her lips I know I need to once again taste them. As I deepen our kiss I reach for her mind as well, I wonder when it was that kissing her was no longer enough and the need to feel her, to be entwined with her in body and mind became as natural as breathing. As she slides her tongue over the roof of my mouth I moan as her action fires pleasure through me. The intensity is too much and I break the kiss to nibble at her neck trying to reign in the surge of anguish at her unknowing triggering off sensations, that had she been a Time Lady would have been a hundred times more powerful. It reminds me with such force that she is isn't like me - she is human and fragile and I’m going to lose her far too soon, and I need her so much.
“Doctor?”
I close my eyes and rest my forehead on her shoulder so I don’t have to look her in the eye; it figures she would know. “Yeah?”
“What just happened?”
“Please don’t!” I know my voice is hoarse with emotion but I don’t want to talk about this, don’t want to feel this, I don't even want to think about this. I just want to share the time I have with her in happy things not with this ache at the knowledge of how fleeting is our time together.
“’K” is her quiet reply, but I can feel her confusion, her struggle with wanting to know, yet also her understanding that there are things I can’t share with her and I am so very thankful she doesn't push this issue and try to be content to just hold her close.
Chapter 40 - Planning
Moving Forward Index 1
I wake in his arms and although I'm surprised, it is a pleasant one. So often, when we sleep together, he will be gone when next I wake. I reconciled myself some time back to that fact, it would be unrealistic and unfair to expect him to be there all the time considering how little he normally sleeps. It does though afford me the opportunity I was hoping for - to speak to him about what has been bothering me since we left Earth. I am sure he senses my wakefulness and anxiety about broaching this topic as he asks, "Rose? What's the matter?"
------------------
I feel Rose go from slumber to restless distress. What has upset her? After sleeping on things, has she decided that this is a mistake, were a mistake?
As I warily ask what's wrong, I feel her nuzzle her face into my shoulder and feel her take a bracing breath. "Doctor, I...”
I try to move so I can look at her, and feel her tighten her grip about my middle, making clear her desire for me to stay where I am. What is this all about? I try to steel myself for whatever it is she is about to say to me, subsiding back reluctantly to lie flat. At her next words, all the anxiety makes sense and I feel a rush of both relief and trepidation and nod my agreement.
"You asked about the angry young man you saw in my nightmare."
Mentally I examine the image of the ginger haired youth with the vicious grin I see flash through her mind, and place a comforting hand on the arm she has tightly curled about my middle, gently caressing it to encourage her to continue.
"His name was Jimmy, Jimmy Stone. He was my first real serious boyfriend. I let... He made me feel pretty and loved and smart... should have figured it out then that what he really wanted had nothing to do with smart..."
At the anguish flooding off of her I feel my anger rise, incensed that anyone, least of all a dirty snot-nosed punk, would make her question her own brilliance. It’s unacceptable and I try to interrupt to tell her so, "Rose you..." feeling her shake her head, silencing me.
"...That he... What he wanted was sex, that and money for his drugs. He didn't want me, jus’ told me what I wanted to hear to get in my knickers... and I gave it to him.” I feel a wash of shame and anger at that and the admission breaks my hearts. “And I moved out of mum's place and into his before I figured it out."
The more I hear and feel, the more convinced I am that I am going to be having a chat with one Jimmy Stone.
"That tells me exactly how smart I was. At first, it was nice, he was nice. He brought me pretty things, things I found out later he had stolen. They tried to warn me he was bad news - Mum, Kisha, Shareen all of them, even Mickey tried. I didn't listen, told them all, told myself, they were all jealous. I even gave up school for him! I mean how stupid can you get?"
As I feel her tears scalding trails down my side and the grief and self-loathing she is radiating, I know that the conversation Jimmy and I will have is not going to be one I bring her along to hear. At her next words I know without question he will wish he never heard the name Rose by the time I am finished with him
"Then... " Her small sob wrenches at my hearts and I wrap my arm around her shoulder pulling her in closer trying to comfort her, it doesn’t seem to help much as she continues. “Then things started getting worse, he kept demanding I give him money. I got a part time job to give it to him, hoping he would like me again, and it could be like it was before. But it was never enough, I was never enough, I tried to make him happy... just...” As she pauses I know what she is about to say isn't going to be pretty and suspect it's the source of her nightmare.
"Then one day I came home, he was drunk, and high, and so very angry. I tried to get him to calm down; I tried everything I could think of... I even offered him sex hoping that would sooth him as it had before. Nothing helped... nothing... "
As she falls quiet, I sense there is more but I don't know if she will tell me. Quietly, I prompt her, "And?" sensing her desire to tell me but her reluctance.
“And he… he said I wasn't worth fucking, said he could get better from any two-bit whore, that I wasn’t even good enough to be one of them, then..." her desolate sob causes a wave of rage at this stupid vicious child who has hurt my Rose. “Then he began hitting me and I couldn't get him to stop." As she breaks down into violent, full-body sobs, I know I am going to ensure he will pay dearly for hurting her.
After a long time she finally cries herself out and continues as I gently rock and stroke her, she is practically curled up on top of me. "Someone finally called the plods over the noise. They hauled him off, never saw him again in spite of his threats."
At those words, I feel timelines shift and know that the reason he never made good on those threats is that I ensure he never could. As I see the images Rose is unconsciously projecting of what he did to her, how he hurt her, I know I will find somewhere very creative for him to live out the remainder of his days far, far away from both the Earth and my Rose.
“You must think I’m such a slag. Running off with that creep then…”
“Oh Rose! Never! I would never think that of you!" What I do think is he didn’t have a clue what a precious gift he had been given that she cared for him at all and that he was a stupid fool that doesn’t even deserve to share the same planet with her. I fully intend to ensure he doesn’t, when she is home visiting her mum. I am going to make certain she will never have to see him again, or accidentally be reminded of his ugliness by unexpectedly encountering him.
For a long time I just hold her and let her cry, each of her sobs an additional condemnation against the being that hurt her thus. Death is too good for the likes of this Jimmy Stone and before she finally cries herself to sleep, I know exactly where I intend to take him.
********************
I watch her sleep for a long time, knowing from previous experience she prefers to wake with me here. I am sure that if she wakes this time without me here she will feel I too am rejecting her in spite my earlier words and that couldn't be further from the truth; I won’t do that to her. So I hold her, and make myself comfortable. At my decision, I feel a hum of approval from Verity. It isn’t easy being patient for her to awake on her own, but I refuse to risk hurting her by getting up. I understand now why she didn’t want to speak of what had happened and I feel a bit guilty at having been upset with her about not telling me. However, I don’t regret the result, or taking her to see Doris. It wasn’t something I was looking forward to, and having her there made it marginally easier. Rose so embodies what it is I made that choice for; she and Doris both do, as they are just two of the beautiful, unique beings in the universe that the Daleks would have methodically eradicated.
Looking down at her lovely face, blotchy from crying, I realize again that, in some ways, she is so innocent and fragile; something I too often forget with all the intuitive wisdom she frequently displays. I want so much to protect her from all the evil nasty things in the universe, but try as I might, I can’t seem to keep her away from one of the most dangerous beings of them all; myself. I should feel guiltier about that than I do. There are many things I regret in my lives, but I know that until my final dying day I will never regret having known Rose. All the more reason why I need to make sure that Jimmy Stone disappears, I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t met her when I first left Alistair and Doris’s. No, I take that back, I do know, I would have died down in the underground when the Nestene consciousness attacked. I smile and gently kiss the top of her head as I remember how she had called me on that when I first was preparing to leave her time. She has kept saving me ever since too, my dear sweet Rose. As smell her sweet scent, I nuzzle my nose into her hair breathing in deeply.
“Murf,” comes her announcement of her waking. “Nuff with the ‘musement, can’t a girl get a proper kip in without you squirmin’?” All sting that statement might have had is defused at she lifts her head, gives a jaw-cracking yawn and follows it with a brilliant smile. “G’ mornin’”
Leaning in, I capture her lips, only for her to pull away but a moment later mumbling “human breath” and something sounding like “loo” before quickly moving naked to the ensuite. I smile and enjoy the view as she does.
-------------------------------------
As I emerge from the ensuite I take a moment to enjoy the view of him, eyes closed, stretched out on his back the sheets barely high enough to preserve his modesty. Not that he has anything to be modest about in that department and not that I will be telling him as he already has a big enough ego about some things. The view really is glorious with him propped up against the tightly swirled wrought iron headboard. His arms tucked behind his head exposing his beautiful chest with its sparse adornment of hair and lean hard muscles. His distinguished nose and seemingly overly large ears which, I am convinced, wouldn’t be considered so if he would just let his hair grow out a bit more. Even his dark, short-cropped, silk-textured hair lures me to just come over and run my fingers across its surface. Oh, the temptation his lying there like that makes.
I start, as he opens his eyes, and says, “Enjoying yourself?” with that mischievous twinkle in his eye that says he chose just that position for a reason. I feel a blush creep over my skin at being caught, even though it is obviously exactly what he wanted. As he reaches out his hand to me, inviting me back to bed, I smile as I think of some of the things I could do. I nibble on my bottom lip as I contemplate the possibilities and see his eyes darken as he continues to watch me.
With what we had discussed before I slept, I wasn't sure I would ever see again the desire I now see dancing in his eyes. As he wiggles his fingers, to attract my attention, I launch myself at his supine form. As I move towards him, it occurs to me how much fun it might be to see how ticklish he might be. As if reading my intent I suddenly find myself with the tables turned, as he rolls just as I arrive at a prime tickling location, capturing my hands. I watch his eyes darken even more as he holds my hands to the bed, hovering diagonally across me, all serious sex appeal. I lick my lips slowly, inviting him in, and feel his lips descend in a soft caress that rapidly becomes more demanding even as I feel the brush of his mind against my own encouraging me, as I seek out more of the taste that is so uniquely him. As I trace my tongue along the roof of his mouth, I feel him shiver and let out a moan as I feel a spike of pleasure jolt through our connection. Curious, at this unexpected reaction I seek to repeat the action, only for him to pull away nipping at my ear and then down my throat.
---------------------------------
I feel her hesitation as she reenters and I can practically feel her eyes upon me as they rove over my form. I am not sure what it is she finds so attractive but I have caught her staring more than once and know by the sudden jump of pheromones in the air that she likes what she sees. I beckon her to come back to bed, but at a sudden flash of mischievousness, I decide it's probably best if I take control before she discovers how sensitive my sides would be to her tickling, something I suspect would not be something she would soon forget. All playfulness is lost as I roll her beneath me and suddenly feel a wave of desire for this woman who has captured my hearts. As I watch her slowly lick her lips I know I need to once again taste them. As I deepen our kiss I reach for her mind as well, I wonder when it was that kissing her was no longer enough and the need to feel her, to be entwined with her in body and mind became as natural as breathing. As she slides her tongue over the roof of my mouth I moan as her action fires pleasure through me. The intensity is too much and I break the kiss to nibble at her neck trying to reign in the surge of anguish at her unknowing triggering off sensations, that had she been a Time Lady would have been a hundred times more powerful. It reminds me with such force that she is isn't like me - she is human and fragile and I’m going to lose her far too soon, and I need her so much.
“Doctor?”
I close my eyes and rest my forehead on her shoulder so I don’t have to look her in the eye; it figures she would know. “Yeah?”
“What just happened?”
“Please don’t!” I know my voice is hoarse with emotion but I don’t want to talk about this, don’t want to feel this, I don't even want to think about this. I just want to share the time I have with her in happy things not with this ache at the knowledge of how fleeting is our time together.
“’K” is her quiet reply, but I can feel her confusion, her struggle with wanting to know, yet also her understanding that there are things I can’t share with her and I am so very thankful she doesn't push this issue and try to be content to just hold her close.
Chapter 40 - Planning
Moving Forward Index 1