Part 04 - Chapter 05 - Settling in
‘No!’ no, no, no they can’t leave him here and haul Rose off to the flat leaving me to wonder in how bad a shape he is.
I won't let them leave him behind and alone. I close the door with a bit more force than I intend and watch the two humans jump. Our Rose body has passed out again and for the moment we are okay with that, as hard as it is to keep things straight it is at least a bit easier that way. At least when it is sleeping there is only the one body we’re trying to control and right now it needs the rest.
Have to get through to them and explain as much as I can before Rose wakes again.
'Jackie?' I mentally wince as I see her look up in panic.
'This is not going to be easy.'
Oh well that didn't last.
'Yes Rose I know, but we have to tell them for his sake.'
'Not happy, not easy.'
'Know.'
'She's going to freak.'
'Like we didn't know that? We couldn't let him die!'
'No.'
'Jackie,' I watch as she in panic scans the room protectively curling Rose into her arms.
'Mum don't freak!'
"Rose?" my heart aches as she looks at my body in her arms.
"Jackie, what’s going on? She talk'n to you again?" Mickey pipes in to the conversation.
'Can he hear us?'
'If we want him to.'
'Mickey?' we watch as his mouth drops open staring at our Rose form.
"Rose? How'd you do that?” If thing weren’t so urgent I would be amused by the gob smacked expression on his face.
'…and I thought Shireen telling her mum she was bi was bad'
"What?" from both Mum and Mickey as they both stare at each other in confusion.
“Shireen’s bi?” Mickey mumbles
'Yes, Sorry, off topic there, still trying to get the hang of this telepathy thing.'
'S 'k love what's going on?' the expression on her face is so tender I want to cry.
'I...'
'Well go on she's your mum.'
'Mum, Mickey I, we... the TARDIS and I, we had to do this sharing thing so we could get back to the Doctor in time to save him and well...'
'Go on Rose.'
'Are you normally this pushy? This isn’t easy you know!'
'It's not going to help waiting, see.' With that I show her the closest few timelines. ‘See not being a nag.’ Then I get a pain in what I trace down to be Rose's head because of the effort. 'That doesn't do that all the time does it? That could get annoying.'
'How should I know?'
'Good point, did the old one?'
'No. Well not often anyway.'
"Rose you still there love?"
'Yeah, we’re here. Just you see, well this sharing thing is permanent.'
"What?" they both exclaim looking highly dismayed.
The horrified expression on mum's face as she looks at the still body in her arms makes me want to cry as I realize what she is afraid of, 'I'm going to be fine mum, just it’s just a bit confusing right now. Verity, that's the TARDIS's name, she and I are linked and that's how were talking to you.'
“What do you mean by linked, and how permanent are we talking here?” The obvious concern and mistrust painfully clear as I feel the anxiety practically radiating off her.
‘Well, you humans are rather noisy.’ Verity quips at my stray thought, ‘particularly when distressed.
I ignore her and concentrate on replying to mum. 'We are sharing minds and bodies.'
"…And here I was worried when you said you were sleeping with big ears..." Mickey mumbles.
"What!" Mum sputters in outrage.
'Mickey! Not helping here!'
"Rose Marion Tyler you told me you two weren’t like that! You said he was better then that! Cradle robbing alien git I ought to..."
I begin to panic as I feel her start to shift me off her lap. 'Mum please! He is better than that. I wasn't lying to you, things just changed.' I begin to struggle to try to make my body respond the way I want but my coordination is so off and all I do is wind up knocking us both over. Everyone in the room freezes as the Doctor begins to cough violently.
‘Mickey Please! Help him! He’s only hurt because he thought I was dying and was trying to save me!’
I see with Verity’s sensors as Mickey and mum give each other a telling look as they both take it my latest information and Mickey reluctantly moves to the Doctor’s side.
"What do you want me to do? I don't know anything about care and tending to of a Time Lord"
'Verity, what are we going to do? You know how...'
'Hush, you need to rest '
'But he...'
‘Needs help you can't give him right now and I need to concentrate, so tell them you’re going to nap so I can focus on getting him to the med lab and helping him.'
'Verity will tell you what he needs and I am going to sleep to quit confusing her. Please listen to her!'
"But Rose..."
'She sleeping and will be fine Jackie, but she needs the rest and she wouldn't rest till she knew he was going to be cared for, so let’s do this. First he needs to be in the medical area. The door over to Mickey’s right will lead you there.'
"But Rose..." Jackie interrupts
'She will be fine right where we are, Jackie, please we need your help, now.' I am not happy! This is all taking way to long and even without the more extensive diagnostic tools in the med lab it is obvious to me that Theta is in respiratory distress. What other injuries he has sustained I am unsure, but I need him moved and now. Unable to get the humans to move any quicker I watch impatiently as Jackie extricates herself from Rose's body and gently arranges Rose in a comfortable position. As much as we will probably appreciate that moment of kindness later, now it is just additional seconds in which I don't know how serious Theta’s condition is. Rose and I have sacrificed so much to see him safe and every little delay is exasperating. Fortunately, once they do get moving things move pretty quickly; Mickey lifts him by the shoulders and Jackie grabs his feet.
Bringing him into the medical bay, I direct them to put him down on the closest bed to the right of the door. I show Mickey where to find an oxygen mask and how to attach the mask and monitoring leads, neither of which I can tell he is very happy about doing. Jackie I don’t even try to get involved in his care as at this point I can still feel her simmering anger both toward Theta and myself. Once I have determined the extent of his injuries I feel much better, yes he is going to be pretty seriously miserable for a couple of days but if he can get some proper rest he should be well. My only remaining concern is the high levels of Vortex energy that he still has in his system, which confuses me as I was sure that Rose and I had gotten it all when we had returned the energy we had borrowed to my central core. As he coughs and a small curl of energy emerges I know at least that his body is purging it from his system. With the basics determined, I have them roll the medical bed into an old bedroom of his and talk Mickey through putting in a self-threading IV. I would like to have them take him to his current bedroom but based on Jackie's reaction it would be very unwise for me to let her to see Rose’s things in his room. He may be confused by the room change but at least it will be better than the medical area. I learned my lesson last time about what happens with him waking up in the medical area and he doesn't need that extra stress right now. With that I encourage them to take Rose back to Jackie’s flat, knowing that it will serve a positive dual purpose - if anything happens I can wake Rose and she in turn can let them know we need help. More importantly it will help Jackie let go of the anger she is fostering toward us by being able to see for herself that, although changed, Rose is still her daughter in every way other then genetically. Theta was right when he told me that if there were to be anyone other then himself caring for her it would be Jackie that would care for her best.
************************************
I wake to a throbbing headache and suddenly I am bombarded with more sensations than I can handle, moaning and clutching at my head.
‘Eww, that doesn’t feel good! How do you put up with that?’
‘Hush, not so loud!’
‘Not my fault, it’s your body with the headache.’
‘Ours now.’ I tell her petulantly. Never did like headaches. ‘So what can I take for this?’
‘I have some pain medication Theta takes when he is hurting, but it’s down here.’
‘Down there?’ Suddenly I realize I am no longer on the TARDIS. ‘How could she! I told her I didn’t…’
‘I told her it would be okay.’
‘Why would…’ Suddenly I remember the whole conversation between Verity and mum and exactly why Verity had made the suggestion. ‘Never mind. Gonna take some getting used to this.’
‘Yes.’
‘Head hurts.’
‘I know, been listening to if for hours waiting for you to wake up again.’
‘Why didn’t…’ a flood of thoughts about how much my new body needed the rest washes over me. ‘Sorry.’
‘He’s worth it.’
‘Absolutely.’
‘Head hurts!’
‘We’ve established that.’
‘Must you comment on everything I think?’
‘Sorry it’s not easy on me either; I can’t filter you out like I do him. Oh, what’s that?’
‘Loo’
‘What?’
I think of the WC and what we need to do.
‘This doesn’t feel good! Are we going to make it?’
‘Concentrating here!’ and I am, it’s hard but not as hard as it was earlier. I force my eyes open feeling a wave of dizziness as the room shifts into a Technicolor of bright pinks in all kinds of shades and gradients I am sure I have never seen before. It’s so loud I have to blink a few times trying to make my eyes adjust to the shock. ‘Is it like this for him?’
‘Yes.’
‘No wonder he didn’t like my room here at the flat!’
“Rose! Are you okay Rose?” I hear mum calling as she closely scrutinizes my face.
‘God she’s loud! Everything’s loud, it wasn’t…’
‘New ears.’
‘Oh.’
“Rose darling can you hear me?”
‘Loo, need.’
“Here let me help you!”
Bless her! I can’t help the strained smile as I try to focus on mum and not the screaming pink surrounding me. ‘Don’t think we would make it otherwise, really got to go.’
‘Ewww, that’s gross.’
‘Well that’s the way it works, better get used to it.’
Mum half carries me as we stagger to the loo and it takes all my concentration to keep on my feet, but I can, at least with her help, walk some.
‘Hey don’t do that,’ I practically yell as Verity tries to help me walk.
‘But I was...’
‘Later! We got to keep on our feet, let me do this! You didn’t see me trying to navigate the vortex…’ “…did you?” Suddenly I realize I just spoke aloud and wonder at how different my voice sounds.
‘Different ears remember?’
‘Oh yeah, weird.’
“What dear?”
‘Nothing, still trying to get the hang’ “of this.” It’s so hard to concentrate to keep speaking in on mode right at the moment, so many things demanding my attention and it’s so hard to keep track of which ones are most important.
As mum helps me sit I try to figure out how to get my jim-jam bottoms off. As if suddenly realizing the problem she just helps me back up and holds me steady as I work them down far enough to take care of business.
‘Well, that’s a relief!’
‘Must you?’
‘Well, your body is so different!’
‘And yours isn’t to me? You don’t hear me making comments on every little valve turn and switch movement you make and don’t even get me started on what the vortex was like on your skin!’
‘That does feel lovely doesn’t it? Very soothing.’
‘Oh yeah, like rolling in velvet but something much more…’ I can’t think of a proper equivalent.
‘I think I will like velvet, he used to before…’ the image of a beautiful man in a velvet smoking jacket fills my vision. Then I start choking as I feel the rush of grief and even more violent rush of memories of the days after right after the end of the war. Suddenly I am pitching forward the contents of my stomach trying to leave in spite of the fact that I have yet to eat anything in this body. The rush of emotions being too much, much too much, it’s a relief as the blackness claims me.
-------------------------------------
I don’t know exactly what to do; Verity said she was ill but that she would get better with some rest. But I have never seen her so sick that she can't seem to control her own body like this. Damn the bloody aliens! "What have they done to you sweetheart?" I had thought she was doing better when she woke up; at least she was able, with my help, to get to the loo and say a few words, even if most of what she said was still in my head. Then she had had started gagging and choking and passed out. What am I going to do? Not like I can take her to the doctor and explain what's happened! They would lock me up as a nutter... No not an option. If only that Doctor of hers would wake up he would know what to do, but he seems like he’s even worse off from what that ship of his said.
That man better live - he's got a lot to answer for! So help me, connection or no connection, if he breaks my Rose's heart after everything she has done for him I'll kill him myself! She was willing to do anything for him, made that perfectly clear before she ran out of the chippie. It’s just like Jimmy Stone all over again but a thousand times worse.
**********************************
I awake fuzzy and yet still very tired. 'Morning Rose.'
'Verity?'
'I'm so sorry!'
I want to cringe as I suddenly remember why she is apologizing. A million thoughts running around through my head and yet at the same time I don’t want to look at the answers to any of them. Yet the one thought is inescapable and it breaks my heart. The Doctor committed suicide rather then try to live with the knowledge that he had been forced to destroy Gallifrey and everyone and everything he loved there, so this was now the third time she knew of that he had given up and resigned himself to oblivion. This was also the second time that Verity’s actions had saved him. At that knowledge I feel incredibly grateful to her for her actions in spite of the consequence she has endured in terms of his anger. There is so much pain there and even as I am thinking about it I realize Verity is still hiding away as much of that hurt as she can to try to protect me.
‘Verity.’ I know she can hear me but I can tell she is trying to ignore me. ‘Verity, your going to have to show me some time, linked as we are it’s not like you can hide it forever.’
‘I didn’t mean to Rose, I didn’t want you to see that. He’s hurt enough and doesn’t need you to be angry with him.’
At her intense distress and worry about him I marvel at how much she tries to protect him, but considering everything he has been through I am very glad she does even if it is, as it is in this case, a mistaken belief that her actions are going to result in him being hurt. ‘Verity, I…’ I want to explain but it is hard for me to do so, ‘Yes, I am angry but it is in no way at either him or you, more an anger at the situation. You both have lost so much and it…’ I swallow trying to think of a way to describe how I am feeling about something so indescribable. ‘It hurts. I could never have imagined how bad it was if I hadn’t seen it in your memories…
‘That’s why I didn’t want you to see.’
‘Still is hard to get my brain around, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to know. We’re in this together now and how am I to help if I don’t know how you’ve been hurt? The last thing I want is to hurt him unintentionally and I know I have at times, not understanding. I saw how bad some of the most random things bothered him when we first started traveling together remember?’
‘Yes, but he will still be so angry with me for showing you this. He never wanted you to know how bad it was, he wanted to protect you from our grief. You’re so young and I know this can’t be easy. Oh Rose, I really am sorry, so very sorry, but it was this joining or his death and I couldn’t bear to lose him as well. I had hoped I could protect you more, but I can’t seem to do anything right these days.’
I can’t help but cry over the misery I feel coming from her at the feelings of having failed us both and I really wish I could give her a hug to help to get across to her that even though it hurts it’s better for me to know then not. ‘Verity, it’s okay. It’s just a lot to take in, everything is so different and it’s going to take getting used to that’s all. This isn’t your fault, none of it, so please don’t think that. I don’t regret my decision ’
“Rose dear? You awake?”
I open my eyes before I realize it didn’t take any effort to do so. I am still in the extremely loud pink bedroom of my childhood and I almost cringe at the intensity of the walls. ‘It’s is rather loud isn’t it,’ Verity comments and I take it for exactly what I know it is, her trying to change the subject.
“Yeah, ‘m here mum.” Good, it seems that it just took some settling in to get used to the new body. ‘Verity, we’re not done talking about this, and honest it’s going to be all right. I need to talk with mum for a bit.’
‘Just make it quick Theta’s waking up.’
“Mum, Verity says the Doctor’s waking up.”
“Oh, I… I suppose you want to go down there.” I can here the trembling in her voice as I feel a wave of fear from her.
“Yeah, need to mum. It’s going to be all right, honest.”
“But you were so sick sweetheart. I don’t think I have ever seen you that bad off even when you were little. Are you sure he won’t be okay for a bit. Maybe a cup a tea before we go down?” I hear the hopefulness in her voice the need to be reassured and I suddenly feel like I’m the mum and our roles have been reversed.
“We can have a tea when we get down there.” Even as I am speaking I can feel Verity moving things around to get the tea on and know that she will have it ready by the time we get to the kitchen. A very weird feeling being in two places at once, but it is starting to feel a bit easier to manage now that were not quite so mashed together like we were when we were fully Bad Wolf, even if it not exactly what I would call normal.
“The pot should be about ready by the time we arrive and the tea will be good for the Doctor as well.” I am surprised by the flash of anger I feel from her at the mention of his name. “It’s not his fault!” I blurt out even before I realize it is Verity responding.
“I didn’t say it was dear,” the wave of suspicion I feel from her makes me sad.
“He tried to protect me, he sent me home mum. I couldn’t let him die, I just couldn’t. Then he got hurt trying to protect me from the energy Verity and I let out to get us there, do you really expect me to abandon him after that?”
“No, I guess you couldn’t.” The gentle caress she gives my face tells me of all the love she has and the fear that she has lost me forever and I reach up and cup her hand in my own.
“I’m going to be okay mum honest.” I move gingerly trying to get a sense of how much control have now and I am relieved to note it is considerably more then it was the last time I was awake. Carefully I sit up and I am glad when my head only gives me a temporary twinge at the movement. ‘Verity you really need to show me…’ with that I see a drawer labeled with a swirl of circles on the front which I now know to mean pain medication I am struck again by how strange it is to suddenly just know things. I can’t help the smile that bursts on to my face as it dawns on me that I now know Gallifreyan, which means the Doctor and Verity are now not the only ones in the universe that know the language.
All of those books in the library and those messages on the TARDIS monitors are going to be readable and suddenly I can’t wait to get down there. I look up at mum with a bright reassuring smile and say, as I stand and hold out my hand, “Shall we?” I can see the relief in her face that I seem to be functioning more or less normally again.
“It’s Christmas Eve, dear. You may want to get dressed before we go. Might be a bit chilly in just Jim Jams.”
“It’s okay, I’ll wear my robe.” If I didn’t know he was waking up I would take the time to get dress properly but I want to get down stairs to check on Theta and with that I move to get my robe from the door as suddenly a wave of dizziness hits and I feel very queer indeed. A moment later I belch up a large ball of gold light and immediately feel better for doing so. I can’t help but stare as the ball of energy begins to break up and drift away. I can feel Verity’s concern and mum’s eyes staring at me.
“Told you that I had been exposed to a bunch of energy, it will dissipate soon and no harm done.” I try to make it sound light like no big deal even as I feel like freaking out. ‘What in the world was that!’
‘Vortex energy.’
‘Thanks, got that much! I had thought that we had gotten it all out.’
‘Both you and Theta are releasing the excess energy that you have been exposed to; I don’t know why you still have it, but it should taper off soon.’
‘Good last thing we need is to be carted off by some alien hunter like Van Statten, had more then enough of his company thank you.’
*************************
It’s weird, seeing myself from the outside and as mum and I enter I realize that I won’t need a mirror in my room any more. It’s a weird feeling not just walking around but also being able to watch myself do it. I stumble a bit as I reach the ramp up to the main console, forgetting for a moment to lift my feet as Verity distracts me looking around her interior from my point of view and I sense it is just as odd a sensation for her as it is for me for similar reasons.
As I think of the Doctor I suddenly know were he is and exactly how awake. I pick up the pace a bit hoping to get there before he becomes too disoriented by not being in our room and silently agree with Verity’s assessment that it was better Mum not see I have been sharing a room with him. As Verity starts to shuffle rooms around I stop and I stare in fascination at the wide spectrum of rooms we have.
“I didn’t know we had a swimming pool.”
“What? What do you mean we have a swimming pool? Rose are you all right?”
“Yeah,” I state, blinking to get my eyes to focus on mum and not what Verity is doing. “Verity just was doing something and I found out we have a swimming pool in here…” Spotting the weights room as she moves that. “…and a work out and weights room.”
Suddenly I notice Mum is staring at me with an expression that is a mixture of fascination, horror and disbelief. I figure it’s probably best to ignore the first two. “Well we do. In fact tell you what, after we check on the Doctor I will give you the grand tour.”
I see her swallow hard as she tries to get her mind around everything I have been saying but finally her curiosity wins out.
“I… I guess, you sure it will be all right? We’re not going to get lost or anything are we?”
I smile, trying not to laugh, as I realize that I am now the last person in the universe who is going to get lost inside Verity’s walls and almost do giggle when Verity shows me how once in awhile when she gets really mad at Theta she deliberately moves rooms on him. “Not to worry, I know this place like the back of my hand.”
What I don’t tell her is it is because I now literally know this place better then the back of my hand particularly since the back of my hand, not mention the rest of me, is now less than forty-eight hours old. Very weird that; never thought the question, ‘how old are you’ would be quite so difficult to answer. Depending on how you look at it I am anywhere from less then two days old to over a thousand. Wonder what mum would think if she found out her little girl is now older then she is at least in some ways.
‘Don’t you dare tell her how old I am!’ Then I do smile as I realize even thousand year old plus ladies can be sensitive about their age.
‘Rose Tyler, you are laughing at me! That’s not nice.’ With that I finally do giggle, fortunately mum doesn’t notice, though I do feel Verity pouting at me and wonder who started that behavior, her or the Doctor.
‘I do not pout, I will have you know.’
‘Uh huh, if you say so.’
‘You’re being rude.’
‘Sorry.’ And I am sorry that I have hurt her feelings even though I didn’t mean to but somehow knowing I am going to be sharing the rest of my life with her doesn’t seem so bad, since I know that she in many ways is so much like anyone else I have ever known both in her strengths, of which there are an amazing number, and even her wonderfully quirkiness.
‘Watch who you’re calling quirky kid. Really, don’t they teach children in this century any respect?’
In spite of her indignant mental words, I can still feel the fondness and fact that she sees the humor in this whole situation too and I can’t help quipping back, ‘Well what do expect from a less then two day old?
‘Cheeky, you are.’
‘Well, I have learned from the best.’ and with a mental bit of synchronicity we both state at the same time, ‘From the Doctor of course,’ which gets us both giggling and for a moment I can’t help but feel like I have embarked on a perpetual girls’ night out, or in our case a girls’ night in would probably be a better description.
A few moments later we arrive at Theta’s bedroom, well the bedroom he used regularly when he was in his fourth body. Seeing as he had kept that body the longest it made sense that if he wasn’t in our room that Verity would choose there as it would be the room with which he was most familiar.
“Okay mum, I’m going to go in and check on him.” Pointing two doors down where Verity has moved the kitchen I tell her, “the kitchen is right there, I will be right in, in a few moments.”
“I think…”
She is looking at me nervously and I interrupt her before she can properly object, “Mum, I am right here, just two doors down, nothing is going to hurt you in here, in fact this is probably the safest place on the planet.”
“Don’t you…”
“No, I don’t. I’ll be in there in a moment. Mum, please?” With that she moves down the hall. Opening the door I step into a room I have never been in before and find it quite pleasant and airy and very different from the room he and I share and is just now starting to take on some personality. Amused, I notice a very long scarf hung over the back of a chair and get from Verity’s memories an image of a tall handsome man with curly hair and a pixy like grin and can’t help but smile at the warm feeling associated with the memory of him and my own memory of what happened for the first time after I wore a very similar scarf. I am distracted, though, by a noise somewhere between a moan and a groan coming from over on the four-poster bed.
“Doctor?” Even as I look at him I can see he is not really awake. “It’s okay I’m here,” I tell him as caress his face and he opens his eyes a bit.
“Rose?” I can tell he is only half awake by the confusion in his expression.
“Yes, I’m here. Everything’s going to be all right. Just rest and I bring you tea in a little, okay?”
“Mm hmm,” is his quiet reply and I can tell he is already sliding back to sleep as he nuzzles my hand. He looks so tired, and fragile and at the same time strangely at peace and I am happy at least that he is getting some nightmare free sleep.
I don't even have to ask to know that Verity will let me know if he wakes. In the mean time I will show mum about my new body and try not to get her too freaked out in the process.
Chapter 06 - Discoveries & Confession
Story Index
I won't let them leave him behind and alone. I close the door with a bit more force than I intend and watch the two humans jump. Our Rose body has passed out again and for the moment we are okay with that, as hard as it is to keep things straight it is at least a bit easier that way. At least when it is sleeping there is only the one body we’re trying to control and right now it needs the rest.
Have to get through to them and explain as much as I can before Rose wakes again.
'Jackie?' I mentally wince as I see her look up in panic.
'This is not going to be easy.'
Oh well that didn't last.
'Yes Rose I know, but we have to tell them for his sake.'
'Not happy, not easy.'
'Know.'
'She's going to freak.'
'Like we didn't know that? We couldn't let him die!'
'No.'
'Jackie,' I watch as she in panic scans the room protectively curling Rose into her arms.
'Mum don't freak!'
"Rose?" my heart aches as she looks at my body in her arms.
"Jackie, what’s going on? She talk'n to you again?" Mickey pipes in to the conversation.
'Can he hear us?'
'If we want him to.'
'Mickey?' we watch as his mouth drops open staring at our Rose form.
"Rose? How'd you do that?” If thing weren’t so urgent I would be amused by the gob smacked expression on his face.
'…and I thought Shireen telling her mum she was bi was bad'
"What?" from both Mum and Mickey as they both stare at each other in confusion.
“Shireen’s bi?” Mickey mumbles
'Yes, Sorry, off topic there, still trying to get the hang of this telepathy thing.'
'S 'k love what's going on?' the expression on her face is so tender I want to cry.
'I...'
'Well go on she's your mum.'
'Mum, Mickey I, we... the TARDIS and I, we had to do this sharing thing so we could get back to the Doctor in time to save him and well...'
'Go on Rose.'
'Are you normally this pushy? This isn’t easy you know!'
'It's not going to help waiting, see.' With that I show her the closest few timelines. ‘See not being a nag.’ Then I get a pain in what I trace down to be Rose's head because of the effort. 'That doesn't do that all the time does it? That could get annoying.'
'How should I know?'
'Good point, did the old one?'
'No. Well not often anyway.'
"Rose you still there love?"
'Yeah, we’re here. Just you see, well this sharing thing is permanent.'
"What?" they both exclaim looking highly dismayed.
The horrified expression on mum's face as she looks at the still body in her arms makes me want to cry as I realize what she is afraid of, 'I'm going to be fine mum, just it’s just a bit confusing right now. Verity, that's the TARDIS's name, she and I are linked and that's how were talking to you.'
“What do you mean by linked, and how permanent are we talking here?” The obvious concern and mistrust painfully clear as I feel the anxiety practically radiating off her.
‘Well, you humans are rather noisy.’ Verity quips at my stray thought, ‘particularly when distressed.
I ignore her and concentrate on replying to mum. 'We are sharing minds and bodies.'
"…And here I was worried when you said you were sleeping with big ears..." Mickey mumbles.
"What!" Mum sputters in outrage.
'Mickey! Not helping here!'
"Rose Marion Tyler you told me you two weren’t like that! You said he was better then that! Cradle robbing alien git I ought to..."
I begin to panic as I feel her start to shift me off her lap. 'Mum please! He is better than that. I wasn't lying to you, things just changed.' I begin to struggle to try to make my body respond the way I want but my coordination is so off and all I do is wind up knocking us both over. Everyone in the room freezes as the Doctor begins to cough violently.
‘Mickey Please! Help him! He’s only hurt because he thought I was dying and was trying to save me!’
I see with Verity’s sensors as Mickey and mum give each other a telling look as they both take it my latest information and Mickey reluctantly moves to the Doctor’s side.
"What do you want me to do? I don't know anything about care and tending to of a Time Lord"
'Verity, what are we going to do? You know how...'
'Hush, you need to rest '
'But he...'
‘Needs help you can't give him right now and I need to concentrate, so tell them you’re going to nap so I can focus on getting him to the med lab and helping him.'
'Verity will tell you what he needs and I am going to sleep to quit confusing her. Please listen to her!'
"But Rose..."
'She sleeping and will be fine Jackie, but she needs the rest and she wouldn't rest till she knew he was going to be cared for, so let’s do this. First he needs to be in the medical area. The door over to Mickey’s right will lead you there.'
"But Rose..." Jackie interrupts
'She will be fine right where we are, Jackie, please we need your help, now.' I am not happy! This is all taking way to long and even without the more extensive diagnostic tools in the med lab it is obvious to me that Theta is in respiratory distress. What other injuries he has sustained I am unsure, but I need him moved and now. Unable to get the humans to move any quicker I watch impatiently as Jackie extricates herself from Rose's body and gently arranges Rose in a comfortable position. As much as we will probably appreciate that moment of kindness later, now it is just additional seconds in which I don't know how serious Theta’s condition is. Rose and I have sacrificed so much to see him safe and every little delay is exasperating. Fortunately, once they do get moving things move pretty quickly; Mickey lifts him by the shoulders and Jackie grabs his feet.
Bringing him into the medical bay, I direct them to put him down on the closest bed to the right of the door. I show Mickey where to find an oxygen mask and how to attach the mask and monitoring leads, neither of which I can tell he is very happy about doing. Jackie I don’t even try to get involved in his care as at this point I can still feel her simmering anger both toward Theta and myself. Once I have determined the extent of his injuries I feel much better, yes he is going to be pretty seriously miserable for a couple of days but if he can get some proper rest he should be well. My only remaining concern is the high levels of Vortex energy that he still has in his system, which confuses me as I was sure that Rose and I had gotten it all when we had returned the energy we had borrowed to my central core. As he coughs and a small curl of energy emerges I know at least that his body is purging it from his system. With the basics determined, I have them roll the medical bed into an old bedroom of his and talk Mickey through putting in a self-threading IV. I would like to have them take him to his current bedroom but based on Jackie's reaction it would be very unwise for me to let her to see Rose’s things in his room. He may be confused by the room change but at least it will be better than the medical area. I learned my lesson last time about what happens with him waking up in the medical area and he doesn't need that extra stress right now. With that I encourage them to take Rose back to Jackie’s flat, knowing that it will serve a positive dual purpose - if anything happens I can wake Rose and she in turn can let them know we need help. More importantly it will help Jackie let go of the anger she is fostering toward us by being able to see for herself that, although changed, Rose is still her daughter in every way other then genetically. Theta was right when he told me that if there were to be anyone other then himself caring for her it would be Jackie that would care for her best.
************************************
I wake to a throbbing headache and suddenly I am bombarded with more sensations than I can handle, moaning and clutching at my head.
‘Eww, that doesn’t feel good! How do you put up with that?’
‘Hush, not so loud!’
‘Not my fault, it’s your body with the headache.’
‘Ours now.’ I tell her petulantly. Never did like headaches. ‘So what can I take for this?’
‘I have some pain medication Theta takes when he is hurting, but it’s down here.’
‘Down there?’ Suddenly I realize I am no longer on the TARDIS. ‘How could she! I told her I didn’t…’
‘I told her it would be okay.’
‘Why would…’ Suddenly I remember the whole conversation between Verity and mum and exactly why Verity had made the suggestion. ‘Never mind. Gonna take some getting used to this.’
‘Yes.’
‘Head hurts.’
‘I know, been listening to if for hours waiting for you to wake up again.’
‘Why didn’t…’ a flood of thoughts about how much my new body needed the rest washes over me. ‘Sorry.’
‘He’s worth it.’
‘Absolutely.’
‘Head hurts!’
‘We’ve established that.’
‘Must you comment on everything I think?’
‘Sorry it’s not easy on me either; I can’t filter you out like I do him. Oh, what’s that?’
‘Loo’
‘What?’
I think of the WC and what we need to do.
‘This doesn’t feel good! Are we going to make it?’
‘Concentrating here!’ and I am, it’s hard but not as hard as it was earlier. I force my eyes open feeling a wave of dizziness as the room shifts into a Technicolor of bright pinks in all kinds of shades and gradients I am sure I have never seen before. It’s so loud I have to blink a few times trying to make my eyes adjust to the shock. ‘Is it like this for him?’
‘Yes.’
‘No wonder he didn’t like my room here at the flat!’
“Rose! Are you okay Rose?” I hear mum calling as she closely scrutinizes my face.
‘God she’s loud! Everything’s loud, it wasn’t…’
‘New ears.’
‘Oh.’
“Rose darling can you hear me?”
‘Loo, need.’
“Here let me help you!”
Bless her! I can’t help the strained smile as I try to focus on mum and not the screaming pink surrounding me. ‘Don’t think we would make it otherwise, really got to go.’
‘Ewww, that’s gross.’
‘Well that’s the way it works, better get used to it.’
Mum half carries me as we stagger to the loo and it takes all my concentration to keep on my feet, but I can, at least with her help, walk some.
‘Hey don’t do that,’ I practically yell as Verity tries to help me walk.
‘But I was...’
‘Later! We got to keep on our feet, let me do this! You didn’t see me trying to navigate the vortex…’ “…did you?” Suddenly I realize I just spoke aloud and wonder at how different my voice sounds.
‘Different ears remember?’
‘Oh yeah, weird.’
“What dear?”
‘Nothing, still trying to get the hang’ “of this.” It’s so hard to concentrate to keep speaking in on mode right at the moment, so many things demanding my attention and it’s so hard to keep track of which ones are most important.
As mum helps me sit I try to figure out how to get my jim-jam bottoms off. As if suddenly realizing the problem she just helps me back up and holds me steady as I work them down far enough to take care of business.
‘Well, that’s a relief!’
‘Must you?’
‘Well, your body is so different!’
‘And yours isn’t to me? You don’t hear me making comments on every little valve turn and switch movement you make and don’t even get me started on what the vortex was like on your skin!’
‘That does feel lovely doesn’t it? Very soothing.’
‘Oh yeah, like rolling in velvet but something much more…’ I can’t think of a proper equivalent.
‘I think I will like velvet, he used to before…’ the image of a beautiful man in a velvet smoking jacket fills my vision. Then I start choking as I feel the rush of grief and even more violent rush of memories of the days after right after the end of the war. Suddenly I am pitching forward the contents of my stomach trying to leave in spite of the fact that I have yet to eat anything in this body. The rush of emotions being too much, much too much, it’s a relief as the blackness claims me.
-------------------------------------
I don’t know exactly what to do; Verity said she was ill but that she would get better with some rest. But I have never seen her so sick that she can't seem to control her own body like this. Damn the bloody aliens! "What have they done to you sweetheart?" I had thought she was doing better when she woke up; at least she was able, with my help, to get to the loo and say a few words, even if most of what she said was still in my head. Then she had had started gagging and choking and passed out. What am I going to do? Not like I can take her to the doctor and explain what's happened! They would lock me up as a nutter... No not an option. If only that Doctor of hers would wake up he would know what to do, but he seems like he’s even worse off from what that ship of his said.
That man better live - he's got a lot to answer for! So help me, connection or no connection, if he breaks my Rose's heart after everything she has done for him I'll kill him myself! She was willing to do anything for him, made that perfectly clear before she ran out of the chippie. It’s just like Jimmy Stone all over again but a thousand times worse.
**********************************
I awake fuzzy and yet still very tired. 'Morning Rose.'
'Verity?'
'I'm so sorry!'
I want to cringe as I suddenly remember why she is apologizing. A million thoughts running around through my head and yet at the same time I don’t want to look at the answers to any of them. Yet the one thought is inescapable and it breaks my heart. The Doctor committed suicide rather then try to live with the knowledge that he had been forced to destroy Gallifrey and everyone and everything he loved there, so this was now the third time she knew of that he had given up and resigned himself to oblivion. This was also the second time that Verity’s actions had saved him. At that knowledge I feel incredibly grateful to her for her actions in spite of the consequence she has endured in terms of his anger. There is so much pain there and even as I am thinking about it I realize Verity is still hiding away as much of that hurt as she can to try to protect me.
‘Verity.’ I know she can hear me but I can tell she is trying to ignore me. ‘Verity, your going to have to show me some time, linked as we are it’s not like you can hide it forever.’
‘I didn’t mean to Rose, I didn’t want you to see that. He’s hurt enough and doesn’t need you to be angry with him.’
At her intense distress and worry about him I marvel at how much she tries to protect him, but considering everything he has been through I am very glad she does even if it is, as it is in this case, a mistaken belief that her actions are going to result in him being hurt. ‘Verity, I…’ I want to explain but it is hard for me to do so, ‘Yes, I am angry but it is in no way at either him or you, more an anger at the situation. You both have lost so much and it…’ I swallow trying to think of a way to describe how I am feeling about something so indescribable. ‘It hurts. I could never have imagined how bad it was if I hadn’t seen it in your memories…
‘That’s why I didn’t want you to see.’
‘Still is hard to get my brain around, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to know. We’re in this together now and how am I to help if I don’t know how you’ve been hurt? The last thing I want is to hurt him unintentionally and I know I have at times, not understanding. I saw how bad some of the most random things bothered him when we first started traveling together remember?’
‘Yes, but he will still be so angry with me for showing you this. He never wanted you to know how bad it was, he wanted to protect you from our grief. You’re so young and I know this can’t be easy. Oh Rose, I really am sorry, so very sorry, but it was this joining or his death and I couldn’t bear to lose him as well. I had hoped I could protect you more, but I can’t seem to do anything right these days.’
I can’t help but cry over the misery I feel coming from her at the feelings of having failed us both and I really wish I could give her a hug to help to get across to her that even though it hurts it’s better for me to know then not. ‘Verity, it’s okay. It’s just a lot to take in, everything is so different and it’s going to take getting used to that’s all. This isn’t your fault, none of it, so please don’t think that. I don’t regret my decision ’
“Rose dear? You awake?”
I open my eyes before I realize it didn’t take any effort to do so. I am still in the extremely loud pink bedroom of my childhood and I almost cringe at the intensity of the walls. ‘It’s is rather loud isn’t it,’ Verity comments and I take it for exactly what I know it is, her trying to change the subject.
“Yeah, ‘m here mum.” Good, it seems that it just took some settling in to get used to the new body. ‘Verity, we’re not done talking about this, and honest it’s going to be all right. I need to talk with mum for a bit.’
‘Just make it quick Theta’s waking up.’
“Mum, Verity says the Doctor’s waking up.”
“Oh, I… I suppose you want to go down there.” I can here the trembling in her voice as I feel a wave of fear from her.
“Yeah, need to mum. It’s going to be all right, honest.”
“But you were so sick sweetheart. I don’t think I have ever seen you that bad off even when you were little. Are you sure he won’t be okay for a bit. Maybe a cup a tea before we go down?” I hear the hopefulness in her voice the need to be reassured and I suddenly feel like I’m the mum and our roles have been reversed.
“We can have a tea when we get down there.” Even as I am speaking I can feel Verity moving things around to get the tea on and know that she will have it ready by the time we get to the kitchen. A very weird feeling being in two places at once, but it is starting to feel a bit easier to manage now that were not quite so mashed together like we were when we were fully Bad Wolf, even if it not exactly what I would call normal.
“The pot should be about ready by the time we arrive and the tea will be good for the Doctor as well.” I am surprised by the flash of anger I feel from her at the mention of his name. “It’s not his fault!” I blurt out even before I realize it is Verity responding.
“I didn’t say it was dear,” the wave of suspicion I feel from her makes me sad.
“He tried to protect me, he sent me home mum. I couldn’t let him die, I just couldn’t. Then he got hurt trying to protect me from the energy Verity and I let out to get us there, do you really expect me to abandon him after that?”
“No, I guess you couldn’t.” The gentle caress she gives my face tells me of all the love she has and the fear that she has lost me forever and I reach up and cup her hand in my own.
“I’m going to be okay mum honest.” I move gingerly trying to get a sense of how much control have now and I am relieved to note it is considerably more then it was the last time I was awake. Carefully I sit up and I am glad when my head only gives me a temporary twinge at the movement. ‘Verity you really need to show me…’ with that I see a drawer labeled with a swirl of circles on the front which I now know to mean pain medication I am struck again by how strange it is to suddenly just know things. I can’t help the smile that bursts on to my face as it dawns on me that I now know Gallifreyan, which means the Doctor and Verity are now not the only ones in the universe that know the language.
All of those books in the library and those messages on the TARDIS monitors are going to be readable and suddenly I can’t wait to get down there. I look up at mum with a bright reassuring smile and say, as I stand and hold out my hand, “Shall we?” I can see the relief in her face that I seem to be functioning more or less normally again.
“It’s Christmas Eve, dear. You may want to get dressed before we go. Might be a bit chilly in just Jim Jams.”
“It’s okay, I’ll wear my robe.” If I didn’t know he was waking up I would take the time to get dress properly but I want to get down stairs to check on Theta and with that I move to get my robe from the door as suddenly a wave of dizziness hits and I feel very queer indeed. A moment later I belch up a large ball of gold light and immediately feel better for doing so. I can’t help but stare as the ball of energy begins to break up and drift away. I can feel Verity’s concern and mum’s eyes staring at me.
“Told you that I had been exposed to a bunch of energy, it will dissipate soon and no harm done.” I try to make it sound light like no big deal even as I feel like freaking out. ‘What in the world was that!’
‘Vortex energy.’
‘Thanks, got that much! I had thought that we had gotten it all out.’
‘Both you and Theta are releasing the excess energy that you have been exposed to; I don’t know why you still have it, but it should taper off soon.’
‘Good last thing we need is to be carted off by some alien hunter like Van Statten, had more then enough of his company thank you.’
*************************
It’s weird, seeing myself from the outside and as mum and I enter I realize that I won’t need a mirror in my room any more. It’s a weird feeling not just walking around but also being able to watch myself do it. I stumble a bit as I reach the ramp up to the main console, forgetting for a moment to lift my feet as Verity distracts me looking around her interior from my point of view and I sense it is just as odd a sensation for her as it is for me for similar reasons.
As I think of the Doctor I suddenly know were he is and exactly how awake. I pick up the pace a bit hoping to get there before he becomes too disoriented by not being in our room and silently agree with Verity’s assessment that it was better Mum not see I have been sharing a room with him. As Verity starts to shuffle rooms around I stop and I stare in fascination at the wide spectrum of rooms we have.
“I didn’t know we had a swimming pool.”
“What? What do you mean we have a swimming pool? Rose are you all right?”
“Yeah,” I state, blinking to get my eyes to focus on mum and not what Verity is doing. “Verity just was doing something and I found out we have a swimming pool in here…” Spotting the weights room as she moves that. “…and a work out and weights room.”
Suddenly I notice Mum is staring at me with an expression that is a mixture of fascination, horror and disbelief. I figure it’s probably best to ignore the first two. “Well we do. In fact tell you what, after we check on the Doctor I will give you the grand tour.”
I see her swallow hard as she tries to get her mind around everything I have been saying but finally her curiosity wins out.
“I… I guess, you sure it will be all right? We’re not going to get lost or anything are we?”
I smile, trying not to laugh, as I realize that I am now the last person in the universe who is going to get lost inside Verity’s walls and almost do giggle when Verity shows me how once in awhile when she gets really mad at Theta she deliberately moves rooms on him. “Not to worry, I know this place like the back of my hand.”
What I don’t tell her is it is because I now literally know this place better then the back of my hand particularly since the back of my hand, not mention the rest of me, is now less than forty-eight hours old. Very weird that; never thought the question, ‘how old are you’ would be quite so difficult to answer. Depending on how you look at it I am anywhere from less then two days old to over a thousand. Wonder what mum would think if she found out her little girl is now older then she is at least in some ways.
‘Don’t you dare tell her how old I am!’ Then I do smile as I realize even thousand year old plus ladies can be sensitive about their age.
‘Rose Tyler, you are laughing at me! That’s not nice.’ With that I finally do giggle, fortunately mum doesn’t notice, though I do feel Verity pouting at me and wonder who started that behavior, her or the Doctor.
‘I do not pout, I will have you know.’
‘Uh huh, if you say so.’
‘You’re being rude.’
‘Sorry.’ And I am sorry that I have hurt her feelings even though I didn’t mean to but somehow knowing I am going to be sharing the rest of my life with her doesn’t seem so bad, since I know that she in many ways is so much like anyone else I have ever known both in her strengths, of which there are an amazing number, and even her wonderfully quirkiness.
‘Watch who you’re calling quirky kid. Really, don’t they teach children in this century any respect?’
In spite of her indignant mental words, I can still feel the fondness and fact that she sees the humor in this whole situation too and I can’t help quipping back, ‘Well what do expect from a less then two day old?
‘Cheeky, you are.’
‘Well, I have learned from the best.’ and with a mental bit of synchronicity we both state at the same time, ‘From the Doctor of course,’ which gets us both giggling and for a moment I can’t help but feel like I have embarked on a perpetual girls’ night out, or in our case a girls’ night in would probably be a better description.
A few moments later we arrive at Theta’s bedroom, well the bedroom he used regularly when he was in his fourth body. Seeing as he had kept that body the longest it made sense that if he wasn’t in our room that Verity would choose there as it would be the room with which he was most familiar.
“Okay mum, I’m going to go in and check on him.” Pointing two doors down where Verity has moved the kitchen I tell her, “the kitchen is right there, I will be right in, in a few moments.”
“I think…”
She is looking at me nervously and I interrupt her before she can properly object, “Mum, I am right here, just two doors down, nothing is going to hurt you in here, in fact this is probably the safest place on the planet.”
“Don’t you…”
“No, I don’t. I’ll be in there in a moment. Mum, please?” With that she moves down the hall. Opening the door I step into a room I have never been in before and find it quite pleasant and airy and very different from the room he and I share and is just now starting to take on some personality. Amused, I notice a very long scarf hung over the back of a chair and get from Verity’s memories an image of a tall handsome man with curly hair and a pixy like grin and can’t help but smile at the warm feeling associated with the memory of him and my own memory of what happened for the first time after I wore a very similar scarf. I am distracted, though, by a noise somewhere between a moan and a groan coming from over on the four-poster bed.
“Doctor?” Even as I look at him I can see he is not really awake. “It’s okay I’m here,” I tell him as caress his face and he opens his eyes a bit.
“Rose?” I can tell he is only half awake by the confusion in his expression.
“Yes, I’m here. Everything’s going to be all right. Just rest and I bring you tea in a little, okay?”
“Mm hmm,” is his quiet reply and I can tell he is already sliding back to sleep as he nuzzles my hand. He looks so tired, and fragile and at the same time strangely at peace and I am happy at least that he is getting some nightmare free sleep.
I don't even have to ask to know that Verity will let me know if he wakes. In the mean time I will show mum about my new body and try not to get her too freaked out in the process.
Chapter 06 - Discoveries & Confession
Story Index