Part 01 - Chapter 05 - Healing
Chapter 05 - Healing
Alistair watched as Harry headed out of the TARDIS. He stood there for a time considering the enigma that was the Doctor and about how much this planet owed him for his steadfast efforts on their part; it was time he got something back. It was painfully obvious how devastated the Doctor was by everything that had happened and really that was no surprise. He couldn’t imagine being responsible for killing everyone he loved and cared about. Thinking about his wife and children and all the rest out their living their lives in peace and freedom because of this man he wondered how often anyone even bothered to say thank you. He knew the Doctor hated when people fussed but he wondered how much of that was because so few had considered it important to do so in the past. He had time and time again seen him put his life on the line for people he didn’t know and more times then he could think he had put his life in jeopardy to protect him and the other members of UNIT. Now he had paid a staggering price for the compassion he so freely dispensed.
Leaning on the wall opposite to the Doctors room keeping the man in the periphery of his vision he pulled out his cell and dialed his home number. Alistair knew Doris would worry if he said nothing, he also knew the Doctor held a special place in her heart for the many times he had saved his life. Aware he could depend on her to help them in any way she could just drove home again how much the Doctor had lost. The phone rang once before Doris answered.
“Alistair, what’s going on? So what’s happened to the Doctor?” She had lived long enough as a military wife to know how crazy things could get for her husband. As a result it hadn’t really surprised her when the Doctor had showed up. It was the fact the Doctor hadn’t even popped his head out to say hi, he always made a point of saying hello when he stopped in, and that had her concerned. All Alistair had said in his earlier phone call was that Harry was coming and to send him to the Med Lab when he arrived. Her initial concern had ratcheted up a notch when Harry had arrived and neither Alistair nor the Doctor had come out to greet him. To her that meant only one thing the Doctor had been in some way hurt.
With military precision honed from years of giving and taking status reports he briefly told her what had happened. He had done well to keep his turbulent emotions hidden until his final statements, which had made her blood run cold. As if struggling with the words he said “The doctor attempted suicide. He regenerated but I am pretty sure he didn’t intend to do so, based on how he acted when he first woke up. Though he now physically seems fine other then exhaustion and some superficial damage to his hands.” He said trying to reassure her at least on that point, wondering in the back of his mind if it was really he committed suicide since his body had died before he regenerated. Immediately he mentally chastised himself for focusing on semantics at a time like this before recognizing it for what it was his own unwillingness to think about what would have happened if the TARDIS hadn’t intervened. Caught up in his own thoughts he didn’t realize how quiet Doris was being.
For a long moment she stood there stunned envisioning the horrors the Alistair had mentioned. Intellectually she understood completely how the Doctor could have done what Alistair said, but trying to reconcile the words ‘attempted suicide’ with the doctor just didn’t seemed possible. He was always so vivacious and upbeat even when she could see others thought the situation was unsalvageable. If it were anyone else telling her this she would have considered it was some sort of sick joke, but about something this serious Alistair would never have told her unless he thought it were true.
Realizing her extended silence she said, “do you think he will be ok?”
His reply was filled with conviction; “If anyone can get through this it will be him.”
In the background she heard a strangled cry. Alistair’s reaction was one word “Later” and the phone in her hand disconnected. She looked at the phone for a long moment before gently replacing it in its cradle and heading to the kitchen to put on tea. She had a feeling the next few days would be very long ones indeed.
Alistair looked over to see the Doctor thrashing in his bed and quickly hung up with his wife moving to the Doctors side even as he did so.
Reluctant to try to touch him in his agitated yet obviously unconscious state he spoke to him soothingly trying to talk him out of the nightmare he was so obviously in the midst of experiencing. “Doctor, it’s me Alistair, you’re safe on the TARDIS you’re ok.
Gasping and panting the Doctor lurched upward in the bed so abruptly that he almost dumped himself on the floor. Alistair seeing he was awake if yet still disoriented repeated “You’re safe. It was a nightmare”
Sweating profusely he looked over at the Brigadier with eyes wide and hugely dilated giving him the appearance of a deer caught in oncoming headlights. As he began to register more of his surroundings he be began to shake violently. His legs pulled up to his chest and his arms moving to clamp tightly around his knees as he began to rock in the bed trying to find comfort in the motion.
Gently Alistair put his hand on the Doctor’s arm and sat on the edge of the bed near him. “You’re not as alone as you think Doctor.”
Looking back at the man with a bleak, desperate expression he said, “Yes I am,” moving his arm only the bare minimum needed to tap the side of his head “nobody else, just me. When I left Gallifrey they didn’t leave. The others, always there.” A slight hitch in his voice as he said “Didn’t really think about till it was gone.” He said in a rush almost choking on the words “D… don’t know which worse, them all screaming,” clamping his eyes shut he paused visibly trying to regain his composer to continue speaking. His rocking increasing in speed for a few moments as he pressed his forehead tightly against his knees, after a few moments he continued in a hoarse tear choked voice “or silence.” With those words he finally lost it and began sobbing uncontrollably.
Alistair knowing there were no words adequate he could offer pulled the other man in close to his side. Gently rocking and crying silently with the shattered Time Lord, comforting him even as he had done with his own children when they were young. Hoping that his presence would give him some of the same comfort. Finally after a long while the Doctor fell again into an exhausted slumber. For a long time Alistair sat with unconscious man clutching his shirt as if holding on to a life preserver. Eventually though the Doctor slipped into a deeper sleep and his grip lessened enough so he could free himself. Stretching out the kinks he pulled over the overstuffed chair with narrow arms so he could sit close to the bed he settled down to wait for the next round of nightmares he was sure would be coming. Chapter 06 - 1 Step Forward 1 Step Back
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