5th January, John/Brian, CTS Studios (recording overdubs for the film`The Beatles at Shea stadium')

[writejohnlennon]

We were having a break. A much needed break, if you ask me. Recording overdubs what not was I preferred to do, just like pretending to sing in video clips. It all seemed so stupid and superficial. Granted, it was useful, so the people who'd buy this bloody movie can ear something, but nevertheless, it was extraordinarily tedious. I snorted thinking

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[writejohnlennon]

I took a deliberate step into his personal space. This was so simple. Why hadn't I thought about it earlier? No matter how harsh or violent I could get with him, it wouldn't make Brian lose his temper. Hopefully, I had another means of making him snap. I put a hand on his shoulder, looking at him in the eyes. I didn't smile, but at this point, my intensions must have looked quite clear.

[misterepstein]

My heart leapt into my throat, but I kept my wits about me enough to glance down the corridor. "John," I said, wanting the word to come out as a warning, but my voice had the slightest tremor. "Don't be foolish."

[writejohnlennon]

I snorted. "Foolish?" I saw his quick glance down the corridor and smirked, pushing his body more firmly into the wall with mine, and getting close enough to be able to whisper in his ear. "So, precious little Brian. Do you think I could get you to loose your mind long enough to dry hump me in this corridor, with the possibility of someone stepping in at any moment?"

[misterepstein]

I straightened my back, wanting to get away from him although there was no where to go. And, of course, there was the selfish part of me that didn't want to get away from him. "If I'm meant to ensure your safety, I wouldn't be doing a very good job of it if I allowed that."

[writejohnlennon]

"Precisely. That's why I actually want you to do that." I chuckled, my nose bumping against his cheek. "You don't get it, do you? I just want to watch you loose control and break a fucking rule, for once in your life." I rocked tentatively against him. God. This felt much nicer that it should actually have.

[misterepstein]

I sucked in a sharp breath through my teeth. My mind was reeling, desperately trying to find a way to excuse this, to convince myself that it was all right to take the risk. "It's not a rule, it's common sense. What sense is there in taking a risk for something you don't really want, John?"

[writejohnlennon]

I could feel him hesitating, and I hid a smirk in his neck, my lips brushing against his skin. His last sentence made me stop dead still for a few seconds, though. Was I really doing this for the sake of it? Or did I actually want it? A few seconds ago, I could have sworn that this was just a game. But now...Brian did feel good against me, and the sheer power I had on him at this very moment made my skin prickle with something very akin to arousal. "Who said I didn't want this?" I looked for his eyes.

[misterepstein]

At least I'd managed to get his lips away from my neck. Now it was just the rest of him I had to worry about. "I... seem to remember you saying something along those lines once or twice."

[writejohnlennon]

"Maybe it's not the best moment to remind me that I once called you disgusting, is it?" I rocked a bit more firmly against him, hissing. I was getting slightly annoyed with him. Even while I was groping him like this, he still found the way to try to reason me?! I made a face at him. "You're still not loosing control, are you? Do I have to push you further?"

[misterepstein]

"Do this in private," I said slowly, carefully. If he knew just how difficult it was for me to maintain level-headedness right now, it would be impossible to stop this. "And I will lose all the control you want. But not here."

[writejohnlennon]

I stopped my rocking movements, my head falling on his shoulder with a heavy sigh. I bumped my forehead into his shoulder a few times, not too gently. "There's no way I’m ever going to win this, is there?" I wasn't really angry anymore. More like accepting it. I threw my arms around him in something awkwardly like a hug. "Do you realise that this may be your one and only opportunity to have a go at me?" I whispered softly, caressingly, in a very last attempt to force him out of his mind.

[misterepstein]

"I'm very aware of the situation," I whispered back. I closed my eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath, giving myself a moment to enjoy the intimacy of it. Then, I opened my eyes, and let the reality hit me. The gray wall behind and before me. The buzzing of the dim light. "Please, John," I said, frowning a little at how desperate I sounded. "Please step away."

[writejohnlennon]

The desperation in his voice made me smile. So I *had* won, after all. I did what he asked me to do for the first time this day and let go of him. He seemed miserable, standing against the old wall. I sighed. "So, don't you have a plane to take, or something?" I asked off-handedly, as if he didn't really matter anymore all of sudden.

[misterepstein]

I forced my tense muscles to relax and smoothed my suit jacket. "Yes," I said calmly, gratified that, if nothing else, my momentary show of weakness had the intended effect on John.

[writejohnlennon]

I watched him erase any signs of our brief hug by smoothing down his suit, keeping my face carefully blank of any emotion. My eyes were stony, but inside, my head swirled with what had just happened. I had made *a pass* at Brian. Fucking hell. "Well go, then." I said, not too gentle.

[misterepstein]

"Don't be upset, John. We both know you would have regretted it." I gingerly touched my hair to make sure it was in place, not quite looking directly at him. "I'll see you..." I couldn't quite remember when we'd next meet at the moment, still too dazed from the encounter. "Later, then."