(no subject)
I got to thinking today, during a long shift at work, about a vlog I saw ages ago - probably a Suzi Blu post because it's the kind of thing she'd talk about, but I can't be bothered to search through her archive for the video. The general gist was that in her life time, she'd ended up surrounding herself with people who / involving herself in situations that took a toll on her mental and physical health, and that now - older and wiser - she knew not to involve herself in things that could be harmful to her. She knew when to back off and leave well alone. In discussing these relationships/situations she likened them to alcoholism or drug abuse - that once you were 'in', it was easy to become addicted to something that was poisoning you. Granted, most of the situations she discussed from her own life experiences involved addiction in some form or another, but it's easy to overlook the fact that something is causing you long-term mental stress in favour of wanting to keep things the way they are. To keep a high earning job. To preserve a relationship. To stay in your own comfort zone and not come out of it, even if - and I think this was one of her examples - that comfort zone is in the same room, with the same group of people, just getting high and letting life slide on.
It's easy to ignore that people can be harmful to you - that they can influence you into destructive behaviour; that they can cause you to stress and worry about them to the point that your health is suffering and not actually care. The hard part is getting yourself out, cutting yourself off from those relationships and instead concentrating on the things in your life that matter. On things that nurture your strengths and your talents without breaking you in the process.
...that was the general outline.
But this led me to consider my own life, and my own relationships.
Luckily for me I've had quite a protected upbringing. I was never overindulged: I was taught to work for things, but always knew my parents would have my back if I needed them. Yes, I am a touch neurotic, especially when it comes to things that really matter. That's just me. I want to make everyone happy: anyone who can't accept that side of me frankly shouldn't be worth my time, but I'll still spend it on them. I've had rough patches in my life and, yeah, they've had an effect on me, but never anything that's been so OMG terrible it's impacted me and affected me FOREVER. We push past these things. We move on. So I can't say I've ever been in a truly "toxic" situation myself, even unknowingly. As I say, I push on, but particularly the past few months just the way my friends and family have rallied around me has been really... well. Touching. I'm lucky to have such good influences in my life, even though some of them aren't particularly good influences on themselves.
I'm talking about my mother here, of course. I've never made any bones about the fact that she drinks - particularly to my close friends (and if you're sitting there scratching your head, well, quite frankly, where have you been?! XD) - and work DOES need to be done there, but the fact of the matter is... well, I think the technical term is a 'functioning' alcoholic. And when I've needed her, she had always been there for me. Always. And it's reassuring to know my family will always be there if I need them. They have always encouraged my independence, but they will always be there support me.
As for Mum, she can poison herself, but she can't poison me.
There are people I know, though, that keep putting themselves in that kind of situation when they really ought to know better. Like Shannon with her old-flame-whose-name-I-can't-remember. Johnny. She knows he's trouble; he's messed her around before, he's made her life miserable, but he'll always have a hold on her. And although she says she knows better and says that he's changed, she sees him all the time - and last time I was working with her, she'd spent the night with him but not in that way. It's her decision, in the end, but I can see her winding up back in the same situation again.
But yeah. With situations like that you have to learn from the past or you'll keep getting hurt. The way I see it, people like that can barely improve, never mind change, without some serious outside help. My general conclusion is that I'm lucky to have lived the life I have.
I'm not a fool. I know better than to stick around in a situation that's damaging to me.
It's easy to ignore that people can be harmful to you - that they can influence you into destructive behaviour; that they can cause you to stress and worry about them to the point that your health is suffering and not actually care. The hard part is getting yourself out, cutting yourself off from those relationships and instead concentrating on the things in your life that matter. On things that nurture your strengths and your talents without breaking you in the process.
...that was the general outline.
But this led me to consider my own life, and my own relationships.
Luckily for me I've had quite a protected upbringing. I was never overindulged: I was taught to work for things, but always knew my parents would have my back if I needed them. Yes, I am a touch neurotic, especially when it comes to things that really matter. That's just me. I want to make everyone happy: anyone who can't accept that side of me frankly shouldn't be worth my time, but I'll still spend it on them. I've had rough patches in my life and, yeah, they've had an effect on me, but never anything that's been so OMG terrible it's impacted me and affected me FOREVER. We push past these things. We move on. So I can't say I've ever been in a truly "toxic" situation myself, even unknowingly. As I say, I push on, but particularly the past few months just the way my friends and family have rallied around me has been really... well. Touching. I'm lucky to have such good influences in my life, even though some of them aren't particularly good influences on themselves.
I'm talking about my mother here, of course. I've never made any bones about the fact that she drinks - particularly to my close friends (and if you're sitting there scratching your head, well, quite frankly, where have you been?! XD) - and work DOES need to be done there, but the fact of the matter is... well, I think the technical term is a 'functioning' alcoholic. And when I've needed her, she had always been there for me. Always. And it's reassuring to know my family will always be there if I need them. They have always encouraged my independence, but they will always be there support me.
As for Mum, she can poison herself, but she can't poison me.
There are people I know, though, that keep putting themselves in that kind of situation when they really ought to know better. Like Shannon with her old-flame-whose-name-I-can't-remember. Johnny. She knows he's trouble; he's messed her around before, he's made her life miserable, but he'll always have a hold on her. And although she says she knows better and says that he's changed, she sees him all the time - and last time I was working with her, she'd spent the night with him but not in that way. It's her decision, in the end, but I can see her winding up back in the same situation again.
But yeah. With situations like that you have to learn from the past or you'll keep getting hurt. The way I see it, people like that can barely improve, never mind change, without some serious outside help. My general conclusion is that I'm lucky to have lived the life I have.
I'm not a fool. I know better than to stick around in a situation that's damaging to me.