Merlin Picspam - Episode 1.5 "Lancelot"
So, yeah. This is my new favorite show. It's quite enjoyable, even if I can tear it into itty-bitty shreds. Which is what I'm doing here.
Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin, in any shape or form. I also really like it, even if I enjoy making fun of it a bit too much. Also, thanks to _becca84_ for the screencaps.
Warning: Some swearing and merciless snark.
The episode begins with Merlin in the forest, picking 'shrooms.
When suddenly, a griffin attacks! Surprisingly, the special effects seem to have upgraded from guy in a suit to actual non-sucky CGI, so I can't laugh at it.
I take that back. I was laughing my ass off at this point. I mean, it just breaks! Anyway, Mysterious Guy is saving Merlin. Except we know he's Lancelot. It's in the episode title. Hello.
"Run away! Run away!"
Merlin: I'm Merlin.
Lancelot: I'm Lancelot.
Merlin: I say, we're both rather attractive. How long until someone writes a slash fic about us?
Lancelot: Oh, they've started already.
Lancelot got injured, but Gaius assures Merlin that it's only a flesh wound.
(I'd promise to stop with the Monty Python references, but it's just too easy.)
Blah blah blah, Uther and Arthur blab on about the fate of the nation and stuff like that. I'm just wondering how much they're paying Anthony Head to be in this show.
Lance wants to be a knight, apparently. Shocker.
Cue angsty backstory. His father was killed by a six-fingered man.
I'm only kidding. He got the other big cliche. You know, only survivor of his destroyed village.
Merlin: I'll talk to Prince Arthur for you.
Lance: You know Prince Arthur?
Merlin: (smirks) Yeah, I know him.
TOTALLY GAY MOMENT: THE FIRST OF MANY
Arthur's about to lay down a right royal smackdown.
What the hell is up with this show and flipping swords? Seriously, there was that laughable sword fight last episode, and now this. Anyway, Double-Flippy-Sword-Guy gets his ass handed to him by Arthur (the Prince of the Britons).
DAMMIT.
Merlin: Will you let my boyfriend be a knight?
Arthur: Is he noble?
Merlin: Um... I guess?
Arthur: Whatever.
Of course, we all know that Arthur is only hiding his feelings of hurt that Merlin has found another boyfriend. It's OK, Arthur. We understand.
Merlin: You of noble birth?
Lancelot: WTF No.
Gaius: Blah blah law of the land blah must have noble birth to be a knight.
Merlin: Laws are stupid.
Merlin's gone to the library. Or whatever.
The Librarian is not pleased.
Merlin says that it's for homework. Which is a great lie, except for the fact that, you know, there's been no indication that there's any such thing as formal schooling in the Merlinverse.
Merlin copies the noble seal or whatever using magic. The librarian TOTALLY SEES THIS, and yet does nothing.
Merlin says it's a real page-turner. Lame. Anyway, pay attention to the librarian: he'll be important later.
Merlin: Lancey, I got you a present! Forged legal documents!
Lance: It's wrong to forge things!
Merlin: No, it's not.
Lance: OK.
Aw, awkward heterosexual moment between Lance and Gwen. I wonder if they'll get together. /sarcasm
Merlin: Gwen's a real good seamstress.
(Note - this joke will only make sense to people who've read Pratchett. And even then it's a bit of a stretch.)
Lance: Are you two having awkward sexual tension?
Merlin: No, we're just friends. (Which, in TV-talk, pretty much makes them sure thing.)
Lance: I'm nervous.
Gwen: We're here for you, Lancey.
Merlin: I am totally NOT staring at your crotch.
(If I ever get around to doing the other episodes, I'll point out just how frequent crotch-staring is in this show. I mean, damn.)
Arthur bitch-slaps Lancelot. And it is funny.
Arthur: You can clean my stables, Lance-a-bitch.
Oh man, these guys just look so incredibly lame in this picture. The real reason Merlin's happy, of course, is because he doesn't have to shovel shit anymore.
This is the scene where Gaius praises Merlin on how maturely he's taking Lance's rejection from knighthood. Of course, it plays out exactly like Gaius is figuring out how to ask Merlin if he and Lance are "more than friends". Which they totally are.
Gaius finds out that Merlin is a forger. He seems less pissed off about the forgery than about messing around with destiny.
Arthur: Come on, Lance, hit me with your big phallic stick!
Also note the Matrix come-hither thingy.
Lance: What's happening?
Merlin: Oh, the plot's just rearing its ugly head.
The griffin's been attacking Camelot or something. The peasants are quite dirty while our protaganists are unusually clean. I wonder why.
Arthur: OK, we're fighting the griffin, so your test for knighthood is tomorrow.
Lance and Arthur fighting again. Basically, Arthur knocks Lance down, and then Lance knees him in the crotch.
And, for fighting dirty, Lance gets... a knighthood?
Seriously, what the HELL?
Uther: I know the dude you say is your dad... I mean, your dad.
Gaius is going on about destiny again. It's kind of his theme for this episode.
Arthur: Hey, don't you think that girl's pretty?
Lance: Yeah.
(Also, is that person on the right a man or a woman? I honestly can't tell.)
And, hilariously, they're both talking about different girls. (Lance about Gwen, and Arthur about Morgana, in case some of you couldn't puzzle that out.)
Jesus, what is Morgana WEARING? Isn't this like medieval Europe or something? But, then again, the original Arthur was Roman. Gah, this show is so confusing.
Merlin asks Gwen who she'd pick between Lance and Arthur. The answer, of course, is both. (Not really, of course, but we all know what happens.)
Merlin: You wouldn't know your type if he was standing right next to you.
Goddamn, Guinevere's a slut.
Gaius brings hangover cures. He's like a medieval version of Jeeves!
Also, the boys come out of the same room, having drunk a lot last night. There is no WAY that is not intentional.
Ooh, Librarian found out that Lance's seal of nobility is fake. Yet he can't puzzle together that Merlin was reading the book the day Lance turned it in, so he MIGHT have something to do with it. Camelot's full of stupid people.
Uther: I had to put Lancelot in prison. He broke the law.
Arthur: Laws are stupid.
Hey, look! Apparently the thing that's been attacking the villagers is a griffin!
No, duh.
Arthur and his knights face the griffin.
I love how everyone just stands around while Arthur does all the fighting. Makes you wonder why it's so important to be of noble birth when you're just going to be Arthur's cheerleader.
And it's afraid of fire, for some reason. So it peacefully flies away.
Gaius: The griffin's magic.
Uther: There is absolutely NO WAY that this is magic. Even though the last four major threats to our city have been magical. NO WAY IN HELL.
Gaius: Since Uther's being all Lawful Stupid, you have to fight the griffin.
Merlin: But I'll die!
Never stopped you before, has it?
OK, this is a genuinely touching Father-Son scene, and I cannot make fun of it.
Damn you, moments of good writing.
Lance is in the prison cell. Are all of the main cast members going to end up there? Gwen's been in prison, Arthur's been in prison, I'm pretty sure Merlin was in prison... I think the series finale should have all of them in prison. And they get tattoos.
Arthur: I'm letting you go!
Lance: Can I fight?
Arthur: No.
Lance: Why not?
Arthur: ... Because.
Merlin: Why isn't my magic working? I'm posing dramatically and everything!
Another cute het moment. Never let it be said that I don't appreciate M/F.
More dramatic posing. Still not working.
Gaius: Oh, it'll probably work just when you need it.
Gwen: Lance is in trouble!
Merlin: I'm going with you!
Lance: Why?
Merlin: ... Because.
Lancelot with... a lance.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this a blunted lance? Like, the kind that's not supposed to kill you?
And the magic works at the last second! What a shocker!
See, Merlin? You didn't need dramatic posing! The magic was inside of you all along!
Another touching Father-Son scene. Although they're not really father and son. I'll miss these scenes once Gaius inevitably dies.
Arthur: Let Lancey be a knight! He saved my life and everything!
Uther: But he broke the law!
Arthur: Laws are stupid.
Lance: Oh, by the way, I know you have magic.
Merlin: How?
Lance: Oh, I dunno, by not being a complete retard?
Lance: Arthur, Uther, I must leave to prove myself. Or something. It's very clear that they only hired me for this one episode.
I swear, Bradley James's weird facial expressions are at least half of the fun of this show.
Gaius: Everything I said in this episode was wrong. Except the self-confidence thing. And the destiny thing. Destiny's still important. Everything else, you can forget.
NEXT WEEK, ON MERLIN:
Some ugly, evil dude poisons Morgana. It's very unlikely that she'll actually die, though.
That was fun. So, what did you think? Funny? Or do I deserve to be lynched?
Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin, in any shape or form. I also really like it, even if I enjoy making fun of it a bit too much. Also, thanks to _becca84_ for the screencaps.
Warning: Some swearing and merciless snark.
The episode begins with Merlin in the forest, picking 'shrooms.
When suddenly, a griffin attacks! Surprisingly, the special effects seem to have upgraded from guy in a suit to actual non-sucky CGI, so I can't laugh at it.
I take that back. I was laughing my ass off at this point. I mean, it just breaks! Anyway, Mysterious Guy is saving Merlin. Except we know he's Lancelot. It's in the episode title. Hello.
"Run away! Run away!"
Merlin: I'm Merlin.
Lancelot: I'm Lancelot.
Merlin: I say, we're both rather attractive. How long until someone writes a slash fic about us?
Lancelot: Oh, they've started already.
Lancelot got injured, but Gaius assures Merlin that it's only a flesh wound.
(I'd promise to stop with the Monty Python references, but it's just too easy.)
Blah blah blah, Uther and Arthur blab on about the fate of the nation and stuff like that. I'm just wondering how much they're paying Anthony Head to be in this show.
Lance wants to be a knight, apparently. Shocker.
Cue angsty backstory. His father was killed by a six-fingered man.
I'm only kidding. He got the other big cliche. You know, only survivor of his destroyed village.
Merlin: I'll talk to Prince Arthur for you.
Lance: You know Prince Arthur?
Merlin: (smirks) Yeah, I know him.
TOTALLY GAY MOMENT: THE FIRST OF MANY
Arthur's about to lay down a right royal smackdown.
What the hell is up with this show and flipping swords? Seriously, there was that laughable sword fight last episode, and now this. Anyway, Double-Flippy-Sword-Guy gets his ass handed to him by Arthur (the Prince of the Britons).
DAMMIT.
Merlin: Will you let my boyfriend be a knight?
Arthur: Is he noble?
Merlin: Um... I guess?
Arthur: Whatever.
Of course, we all know that Arthur is only hiding his feelings of hurt that Merlin has found another boyfriend. It's OK, Arthur. We understand.
Merlin: You of noble birth?
Lancelot: WTF No.
Gaius: Blah blah law of the land blah must have noble birth to be a knight.
Merlin: Laws are stupid.
Merlin's gone to the library. Or whatever.
The Librarian is not pleased.
Merlin says that it's for homework. Which is a great lie, except for the fact that, you know, there's been no indication that there's any such thing as formal schooling in the Merlinverse.
Merlin copies the noble seal or whatever using magic. The librarian TOTALLY SEES THIS, and yet does nothing.
Merlin says it's a real page-turner. Lame. Anyway, pay attention to the librarian: he'll be important later.
Merlin: Lancey, I got you a present! Forged legal documents!
Lance: It's wrong to forge things!
Merlin: No, it's not.
Lance: OK.
Aw, awkward heterosexual moment between Lance and Gwen. I wonder if they'll get together. /sarcasm
Merlin: Gwen's a real good seamstress.
(Note - this joke will only make sense to people who've read Pratchett. And even then it's a bit of a stretch.)
Lance: Are you two having awkward sexual tension?
Merlin: No, we're just friends. (Which, in TV-talk, pretty much makes them sure thing.)
Lance: I'm nervous.
Gwen: We're here for you, Lancey.
Merlin: I am totally NOT staring at your crotch.
(If I ever get around to doing the other episodes, I'll point out just how frequent crotch-staring is in this show. I mean, damn.)
Arthur bitch-slaps Lancelot. And it is funny.
Arthur: You can clean my stables, Lance-a-bitch.
Oh man, these guys just look so incredibly lame in this picture. The real reason Merlin's happy, of course, is because he doesn't have to shovel shit anymore.
This is the scene where Gaius praises Merlin on how maturely he's taking Lance's rejection from knighthood. Of course, it plays out exactly like Gaius is figuring out how to ask Merlin if he and Lance are "more than friends". Which they totally are.
Gaius finds out that Merlin is a forger. He seems less pissed off about the forgery than about messing around with destiny.
Arthur: Come on, Lance, hit me with your big phallic stick!
Also note the Matrix come-hither thingy.
Lance: What's happening?
Merlin: Oh, the plot's just rearing its ugly head.
The griffin's been attacking Camelot or something. The peasants are quite dirty while our protaganists are unusually clean. I wonder why.
Arthur: OK, we're fighting the griffin, so your test for knighthood is tomorrow.
Lance and Arthur fighting again. Basically, Arthur knocks Lance down, and then Lance knees him in the crotch.
And, for fighting dirty, Lance gets... a knighthood?
Seriously, what the HELL?
Uther: I know the dude you say is your dad... I mean, your dad.
Gaius is going on about destiny again. It's kind of his theme for this episode.
Arthur: Hey, don't you think that girl's pretty?
Lance: Yeah.
(Also, is that person on the right a man or a woman? I honestly can't tell.)
And, hilariously, they're both talking about different girls. (Lance about Gwen, and Arthur about Morgana, in case some of you couldn't puzzle that out.)
Jesus, what is Morgana WEARING? Isn't this like medieval Europe or something? But, then again, the original Arthur was Roman. Gah, this show is so confusing.
Merlin asks Gwen who she'd pick between Lance and Arthur. The answer, of course, is both. (Not really, of course, but we all know what happens.)
Merlin: You wouldn't know your type if he was standing right next to you.
Goddamn, Guinevere's a slut.
Gaius brings hangover cures. He's like a medieval version of Jeeves!
Also, the boys come out of the same room, having drunk a lot last night. There is no WAY that is not intentional.
Ooh, Librarian found out that Lance's seal of nobility is fake. Yet he can't puzzle together that Merlin was reading the book the day Lance turned it in, so he MIGHT have something to do with it. Camelot's full of stupid people.
Uther: I had to put Lancelot in prison. He broke the law.
Arthur: Laws are stupid.
Hey, look! Apparently the thing that's been attacking the villagers is a griffin!
No, duh.
Arthur and his knights face the griffin.
I love how everyone just stands around while Arthur does all the fighting. Makes you wonder why it's so important to be of noble birth when you're just going to be Arthur's cheerleader.
And it's afraid of fire, for some reason. So it peacefully flies away.
Gaius: The griffin's magic.
Uther: There is absolutely NO WAY that this is magic. Even though the last four major threats to our city have been magical. NO WAY IN HELL.
Gaius: Since Uther's being all Lawful Stupid, you have to fight the griffin.
Merlin: But I'll die!
Never stopped you before, has it?
OK, this is a genuinely touching Father-Son scene, and I cannot make fun of it.
Damn you, moments of good writing.
Lance is in the prison cell. Are all of the main cast members going to end up there? Gwen's been in prison, Arthur's been in prison, I'm pretty sure Merlin was in prison... I think the series finale should have all of them in prison. And they get tattoos.
Arthur: I'm letting you go!
Lance: Can I fight?
Arthur: No.
Lance: Why not?
Arthur: ... Because.
Merlin: Why isn't my magic working? I'm posing dramatically and everything!
Another cute het moment. Never let it be said that I don't appreciate M/F.
More dramatic posing. Still not working.
Gaius: Oh, it'll probably work just when you need it.
Gwen: Lance is in trouble!
Merlin: I'm going with you!
Lance: Why?
Merlin: ... Because.
Lancelot with... a lance.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this a blunted lance? Like, the kind that's not supposed to kill you?
And the magic works at the last second! What a shocker!
See, Merlin? You didn't need dramatic posing! The magic was inside of you all along!
Another touching Father-Son scene. Although they're not really father and son. I'll miss these scenes once Gaius inevitably dies.
Arthur: Let Lancey be a knight! He saved my life and everything!
Uther: But he broke the law!
Arthur: Laws are stupid.
Lance: Oh, by the way, I know you have magic.
Merlin: How?
Lance: Oh, I dunno, by not being a complete retard?
Lance: Arthur, Uther, I must leave to prove myself. Or something. It's very clear that they only hired me for this one episode.
I swear, Bradley James's weird facial expressions are at least half of the fun of this show.
Gaius: Everything I said in this episode was wrong. Except the self-confidence thing. And the destiny thing. Destiny's still important. Everything else, you can forget.
NEXT WEEK, ON MERLIN:
Some ugly, evil dude poisons Morgana. It's very unlikely that she'll actually die, though.
That was fun. So, what did you think? Funny? Or do I deserve to be lynched?