Fic - Re: Your Sister
Title: Re: Your Sister
Fandom: How I Met Your Mother
Characters/Pairing: Barney/Robin, Ted
Rating: PG
Wordcount: approx. 570
Warnings: language, some sexual content
Summary: Ted gets an unusual email from Barney regarding his sister, Heather.
Prompt: "Barney pretends to date Heather Mosby just to make Robin jealous" by idioticonion.
To: ted.mosby
From: thebarnacle
Subject: Your sister
I have a favor to ask of you. Before you say (or type, I guess) anything, may I remind you that I cleaned up your apartment that one time. And also bought you a bunch of stamps. So you still owe me.
I intend to take your sister out on a date.
Yes, an actual date (btw what do you do on dates? Hold hands, or something? Lame). I am not planning to sleep with her (although you should remember that she's an adult, and can make her own decisions. Also, she is really hot. And totally doesn't look like you in a wig). No, I wouldn't put myself through the nameless horrors of a date to get to your sister, even if she does have a really great ass. I have a different motive. So, since I won't be sleeping with Heather, then there's no problem. But since you were such a lameass last time, I figured I'd check with you (also, deniability).
(What's your inseam size?)
To: thebarnacle
From: ted.mosby
Subject: Re: Your sister
Can I say no any more loudly? Seriously, why are you even asking?
(How should I know? What are you planning?)
To: ted.mosby
From: thebarnacle
Subject: Re: Re: Your sister
If you must know, it happens to be about a certain lady. A certain lady who we both know very well, if you know what I mean. (Wait, is she there? Can she see this? What's she wearing?)
(How can you not know your inseam? It's really easy, just go and measure it. And when's your birthday again?)
To: thebarnacle
From: ted.mosby
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Your sister
You mean Robin? Are you trying to make her jealous or something? Because it never works. (No, no, and I have no clue. And I wouldn't tell you if I did.)
(It's April 25th. Why? You aren't buying me a suit, are you?)
To: ted.mosby
From: thebarnacle
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your sister
No, Pamela Anderson. YES, Robin. And it totally does. They do it on TV all the time. (And you call yourself my best friend.)
(Of course not. Wouldn't dream of it. Just go measure your inseam, OK? It's fun.)
To: thebarnacle
From: ted.mosby
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your sister
Barney, this isn't TV, and it never does. (And I don't.)
(Measured my inseam. It was nowhere near as fun as you promised.)
To: ted.mosby
From: thebarnacle
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your sister
Yes it does! (Don't pull that Marshall crap on me. I told you my deepest darkest secret. Plus I got you that job.)
(What is it?)
To: thebarnacle
From: ted.mosby
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your sister
Whatever. Just take Heather out. Wish you luck on your scheme. Although if you touch her, I really will kill you. (Payback for the job. And the stamps. Although I don't know how much longer I can use them.)
(I'm not telling.)
To: ted.mosby
From: thebarnacle
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your sister
Awesome! I'll tell you how it goes. (But, seriously. What the hell do you do on dates?)
(Spoilsport.)
Thanks!
To: thebarnacle
From: ted.mosby
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your sister
No problem. Good luck, man.
To: thebarnacle
From: ted.mosby
Subject: What the hell
Wait, why do you need my inseam specifically?
Fandom: How I Met Your Mother
Characters/Pairing: Barney/Robin, Ted
Rating: PG
Wordcount: approx. 570
Warnings: language, some sexual content
Summary: Ted gets an unusual email from Barney regarding his sister, Heather.
Prompt: "Barney pretends to date Heather Mosby just to make Robin jealous" by idioticonion.
To: ted.mosby
From: thebarnacle
Subject: Your sister
I have a favor to ask of you. Before you say (or type, I guess) anything, may I remind you that I cleaned up your apartment that one time. And also bought you a bunch of stamps. So you still owe me.
I intend to take your sister out on a date.
Yes, an actual date (btw what do you do on dates? Hold hands, or something? Lame). I am not planning to sleep with her (although you should remember that she's an adult, and can make her own decisions. Also, she is really hot. And totally doesn't look like you in a wig). No, I wouldn't put myself through the nameless horrors of a date to get to your sister, even if she does have a really great ass. I have a different motive. So, since I won't be sleeping with Heather, then there's no problem. But since you were such a lameass last time, I figured I'd check with you (also, deniability).
(What's your inseam size?)
To: thebarnacle
From: ted.mosby
Subject: Re: Your sister
Can I say no any more loudly? Seriously, why are you even asking?
(How should I know? What are you planning?)
To: ted.mosby
From: thebarnacle
Subject: Re: Re: Your sister
If you must know, it happens to be about a certain lady. A certain lady who we both know very well, if you know what I mean. (Wait, is she there? Can she see this? What's she wearing?)
(How can you not know your inseam? It's really easy, just go and measure it. And when's your birthday again?)
To: thebarnacle
From: ted.mosby
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Your sister
You mean Robin? Are you trying to make her jealous or something? Because it never works. (No, no, and I have no clue. And I wouldn't tell you if I did.)
(It's April 25th. Why? You aren't buying me a suit, are you?)
To: ted.mosby
From: thebarnacle
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your sister
No, Pamela Anderson. YES, Robin. And it totally does. They do it on TV all the time. (And you call yourself my best friend.)
(Of course not. Wouldn't dream of it. Just go measure your inseam, OK? It's fun.)
To: thebarnacle
From: ted.mosby
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your sister
Barney, this isn't TV, and it never does. (And I don't.)
(Measured my inseam. It was nowhere near as fun as you promised.)
To: ted.mosby
From: thebarnacle
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your sister
Yes it does! (Don't pull that Marshall crap on me. I told you my deepest darkest secret. Plus I got you that job.)
(What is it?)
To: thebarnacle
From: ted.mosby
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your sister
Whatever. Just take Heather out. Wish you luck on your scheme. Although if you touch her, I really will kill you. (Payback for the job. And the stamps. Although I don't know how much longer I can use them.)
(I'm not telling.)
To: ted.mosby
From: thebarnacle
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your sister
Awesome! I'll tell you how it goes. (But, seriously. What the hell do you do on dates?)
(Spoilsport.)
Thanks!
To: thebarnacle
From: ted.mosby
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your sister
No problem. Good luck, man.
To: thebarnacle
From: ted.mosby
Subject: What the hell
Wait, why do you need my inseam specifically?