Chick Flicks Relating To Real-Life Decisions & 2 Individuals Most Important To Me
Darn sappy, life-reflective movies. I just watched 17 Again with Beverly last night and naturally it caused my mind to wander to the people and events surrounding my own. I was pleasantly surprised it wasn't just another movie to toss into the bucket of those similar to its genre, such as 13 Going On 30. Not that I didn't love it. A refreshing addition to the Miranda movie libary, quite unexpected. Definitely give it a watch. Sure not to disappoint, and not near as cheesy as one would expect.
13 Going On 30 trailer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y06v_1D-58c
17 Again trailer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-463xAyR1A
My future with James is still questionable, though we still hold a very strong love for one another. I wonder, as with the characters in the story, if he resents me and if I am holding him back somehow from what he truly wants from life. If I am, I'd like to know that now, and not several years from now when it's _really_ difficult to start anew.
It is my hope that as I continue individually to find out what I want to do with my life, advancing towards a career I've kept putting off for fear of having to grow up, he will also, and we'll both be better for it. Will this move totally mend our relationship as lovers? I don't know. I feel there is already so much pent up frustration and expectation of my past (and present) recurring flaws, it is difficult to see past them, and more towards the heart of what has drawn us together as a unit to begin with. It is lost somewhere, and I don't know how to bring it back strongly enough and in full force, sharing with him the beauty that lies hidden beneath so many layers of muck and impatience in matters involving time and money.
It seems that is what James's life revolves around mostly in his mind these days. While I'm not discrediting the fact that both are important constants in life, they ARE not nor ever WILL be the be-all end-all of life itself. There is SO much more to it- to DO, to SEE, and to EXPLORE, both internally and externally. While he knows this as truth, I think he has forgotten it deep down where it matters, and that troubles me. I think this stems from giving of himself (in an unhealthy, excessive way) and not refilling his own needs to the point of spiritual exhaustion, yet he did not fully realize the extent of the damage it'd done to him until it had come to a very nasty head. Now there is this need for him to run away to find himself again. I wonder if it would be best to just let him go for his own good. Maybe we'd be better off as friends. I don't really know if that is a spoken truth either. But I don't like not having a definative feeling of where I stand in my relationship with him still, particularly after all the time and love I've invested in him up to now. Am I or am I not still his lover? He says I am someone he cares about very much. I don't want to be pushy, but I still have questions that remain unanswered. Perhaps they will be as such until I get myself straightened out. I still don't like it. I feel like I am being dangled out on a string.
I guess initially I had hoped that no matter what I chose to do with my life, it would be acceptable (within reason) so long as we loved and supported one another, particularly when the other was down. I guess I was wrong. The only way I can be with James is to show him I have what it takes to find financial stability in a career of my choosing. So in the end, it really IS all about the money and what motivates me to move forward towards something I can call my own and no one else's. Though there are things I'd like to do, the one thing I really wanted most, even before my personal aspirations was a family of my own with someone I could build my life with whom I love unconditionally, no matter what's to befall us.
I don't know, maybe I was wrong, maybe I had it backwards. I just want to know where and with whom I belong. I want to have or to find a place to call "home" within my heart. At the root of it all, That's all I really want. I don't know what else to say.
Beverly informed me this evening she had high hopes of moving to Michigan with Josh in the not-too-distant future. They hope to meet for the first time in September 2010. I wish her luck also in finding what she wants from life, but would miss her terribly. Never thought I'd have to be without her, either. Had a good cry over that one. It also gives rise to many questions. One in particular I can think of, most prominently. I hope she knows what she's doing, but that's for her to find out on her own, and what no one else can tell her. Personally, at this point in her life, I don't think it wise to move so far away from family so soon, but that's just me. It's still early yet to know what the future will bring.
Valerie's Mental Jukebox: Current Track: Stina Nordenstam - Little Star
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQIowXjGGMI
Little star
So you had to go
You must have wanted him to know
You must have wanted the world to know
Poor little thing
And now, they know
Little star
I had to close my eyes
There was a fire at the warehouse
They're always waiting for a thing like this
Came travelin' from all the town
For you, little star
Laudamus adoramus te, domine
(we praise we bless thee, lord )
Laudamus benediamus domine deus
(we praise we bless lord god)
cum sancto spiritu in gloria dei patris
(with holy spirit in glory of god father)
Song reference: Juliet, who has just been wed to and thinking upon Romeo: Scene from [7:20 to 8:06]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2q1HFJHZ1Q
Let the stars fall where they may, and give rise to rebirth in each of us.
13 Going On 30 trailer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y06v_1D-58c
17 Again trailer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-463xAyR1A
My future with James is still questionable, though we still hold a very strong love for one another. I wonder, as with the characters in the story, if he resents me and if I am holding him back somehow from what he truly wants from life. If I am, I'd like to know that now, and not several years from now when it's _really_ difficult to start anew.
It is my hope that as I continue individually to find out what I want to do with my life, advancing towards a career I've kept putting off for fear of having to grow up, he will also, and we'll both be better for it. Will this move totally mend our relationship as lovers? I don't know. I feel there is already so much pent up frustration and expectation of my past (and present) recurring flaws, it is difficult to see past them, and more towards the heart of what has drawn us together as a unit to begin with. It is lost somewhere, and I don't know how to bring it back strongly enough and in full force, sharing with him the beauty that lies hidden beneath so many layers of muck and impatience in matters involving time and money.
It seems that is what James's life revolves around mostly in his mind these days. While I'm not discrediting the fact that both are important constants in life, they ARE not nor ever WILL be the be-all end-all of life itself. There is SO much more to it- to DO, to SEE, and to EXPLORE, both internally and externally. While he knows this as truth, I think he has forgotten it deep down where it matters, and that troubles me. I think this stems from giving of himself (in an unhealthy, excessive way) and not refilling his own needs to the point of spiritual exhaustion, yet he did not fully realize the extent of the damage it'd done to him until it had come to a very nasty head. Now there is this need for him to run away to find himself again. I wonder if it would be best to just let him go for his own good. Maybe we'd be better off as friends. I don't really know if that is a spoken truth either. But I don't like not having a definative feeling of where I stand in my relationship with him still, particularly after all the time and love I've invested in him up to now. Am I or am I not still his lover? He says I am someone he cares about very much. I don't want to be pushy, but I still have questions that remain unanswered. Perhaps they will be as such until I get myself straightened out. I still don't like it. I feel like I am being dangled out on a string.
I guess initially I had hoped that no matter what I chose to do with my life, it would be acceptable (within reason) so long as we loved and supported one another, particularly when the other was down. I guess I was wrong. The only way I can be with James is to show him I have what it takes to find financial stability in a career of my choosing. So in the end, it really IS all about the money and what motivates me to move forward towards something I can call my own and no one else's. Though there are things I'd like to do, the one thing I really wanted most, even before my personal aspirations was a family of my own with someone I could build my life with whom I love unconditionally, no matter what's to befall us.
I don't know, maybe I was wrong, maybe I had it backwards. I just want to know where and with whom I belong. I want to have or to find a place to call "home" within my heart. At the root of it all, That's all I really want. I don't know what else to say.
Beverly informed me this evening she had high hopes of moving to Michigan with Josh in the not-too-distant future. They hope to meet for the first time in September 2010. I wish her luck also in finding what she wants from life, but would miss her terribly. Never thought I'd have to be without her, either. Had a good cry over that one. It also gives rise to many questions. One in particular I can think of, most prominently. I hope she knows what she's doing, but that's for her to find out on her own, and what no one else can tell her. Personally, at this point in her life, I don't think it wise to move so far away from family so soon, but that's just me. It's still early yet to know what the future will bring.
Valerie's Mental Jukebox: Current Track: Stina Nordenstam - Little Star
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQIowXjGGMI
Little star
So you had to go
You must have wanted him to know
You must have wanted the world to know
Poor little thing
And now, they know
Little star
I had to close my eyes
There was a fire at the warehouse
They're always waiting for a thing like this
Came travelin' from all the town
For you, little star
Laudamus adoramus te, domine
(we praise we bless thee, lord )
Laudamus benediamus domine deus
(we praise we bless lord god)
cum sancto spiritu in gloria dei patris
(with holy spirit in glory of god father)
Song reference: Juliet, who has just been wed to and thinking upon Romeo: Scene from [7:20 to 8:06]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2q1HFJHZ1Q
Let the stars fall where they may, and give rise to rebirth in each of us.