(no subject)
For those of you who know and care what today means, let's be strong ok?
I for one, won't leave flowers at a hotel, as if he was dead.
As someone who put even the feelings of strangers before his own, he wouldn't have made such a drastic move if he hadn't known it would be the one thing to save his life. Truthfully, he was at a point where he was merely existing, not truly living, not 'recovered' and not at all sane. The search for sanity is the thing that nearly killed him, that almost took his soul. Wherever he is now, he's there because it's what's best for him.
I miss him, I worry about him and I wish I knew for sure that he was doing well, but I will never wish that things could return to the way they were before.
For all the people who think they love him, yet wish that he'd just make an appearance, don't they think about the consequences of that? If he came back now, things would quickly become worse for him then they were before he left. If you thought he was messud up before, imagine what he'd be like after seeing what his dissapearance has done to his friends and family, to everyone who loves him.
And for those who think they know him so well, who think they can relate to him, are they really willing to give up on him so easily? Just because they don't know where he is? People think they have such a connection with him, yet they're more willing to believe the media's representation of him than to look at the facts, just think about what kind of person he was.
I can cry as much as anyone else about this, but every year I understand even more why he's not around. I understand even more, why he left. Every new 1st February, although I cry because I don't know where he is and how he's doing, I feel so close to him. It scares me sometimes, that I feel like I have more in common with him than anyone I've ever met, but at the same time, it gives me some relief, that maybe if I met him, I would understand him and I'd find out that I was right about him all along. Because as much as I want to be confident that what I believe is right, I don't really know for sure and I'm just hoping that I'm not just another silly, deluded fan.
I don't want to get into doing things like leaving flowers, writing poems, things that make it seem as if he was dead. And that's not because I'm 'afraid to admit it'. I've lost people before, and it's no different to me than this. I don't treat him as if he was dead, but it hurts just as much. In a way, I'd probably be able to deal with his death better than his dissapearance. But I won't accept that he's dead because I don't believe he is. Until they find his body, I won't believe that he's dead just because we don't know where he is.
When I lose something, I don't believe that it no longer exist just because I can't find it.
Ok, so we can't find him alive. We can't find him dead either. But considering that some people claim to have seen him, I'd say that it's a lot more likely that he's alive. And that's without even going into things he's said and done that make me believe he wouldn't kill himself. He's a messed up person, and I'm pretty sure there are times when he thought he wanted to die, but I don't think he would actually kill himself. I'm not going to go into why I think that, for good reasons.
Basically, although he's in the back of my mind, and today is of course an important day, I don't sit here crying as I type this. I haven't been listening to the manics all day. Today, his dissapearance affects me no more or less than it does any other day. And that's all I have to say on the matter.
I for one, won't leave flowers at a hotel, as if he was dead.
As someone who put even the feelings of strangers before his own, he wouldn't have made such a drastic move if he hadn't known it would be the one thing to save his life. Truthfully, he was at a point where he was merely existing, not truly living, not 'recovered' and not at all sane. The search for sanity is the thing that nearly killed him, that almost took his soul. Wherever he is now, he's there because it's what's best for him.
I miss him, I worry about him and I wish I knew for sure that he was doing well, but I will never wish that things could return to the way they were before.
For all the people who think they love him, yet wish that he'd just make an appearance, don't they think about the consequences of that? If he came back now, things would quickly become worse for him then they were before he left. If you thought he was messud up before, imagine what he'd be like after seeing what his dissapearance has done to his friends and family, to everyone who loves him.
And for those who think they know him so well, who think they can relate to him, are they really willing to give up on him so easily? Just because they don't know where he is? People think they have such a connection with him, yet they're more willing to believe the media's representation of him than to look at the facts, just think about what kind of person he was.
I can cry as much as anyone else about this, but every year I understand even more why he's not around. I understand even more, why he left. Every new 1st February, although I cry because I don't know where he is and how he's doing, I feel so close to him. It scares me sometimes, that I feel like I have more in common with him than anyone I've ever met, but at the same time, it gives me some relief, that maybe if I met him, I would understand him and I'd find out that I was right about him all along. Because as much as I want to be confident that what I believe is right, I don't really know for sure and I'm just hoping that I'm not just another silly, deluded fan.
I don't want to get into doing things like leaving flowers, writing poems, things that make it seem as if he was dead. And that's not because I'm 'afraid to admit it'. I've lost people before, and it's no different to me than this. I don't treat him as if he was dead, but it hurts just as much. In a way, I'd probably be able to deal with his death better than his dissapearance. But I won't accept that he's dead because I don't believe he is. Until they find his body, I won't believe that he's dead just because we don't know where he is.
When I lose something, I don't believe that it no longer exist just because I can't find it.
Ok, so we can't find him alive. We can't find him dead either. But considering that some people claim to have seen him, I'd say that it's a lot more likely that he's alive. And that's without even going into things he's said and done that make me believe he wouldn't kill himself. He's a messed up person, and I'm pretty sure there are times when he thought he wanted to die, but I don't think he would actually kill himself. I'm not going to go into why I think that, for good reasons.
Basically, although he's in the back of my mind, and today is of course an important day, I don't sit here crying as I type this. I haven't been listening to the manics all day. Today, his dissapearance affects me no more or less than it does any other day. And that's all I have to say on the matter.