so an update
so, i'm sitting here at school working and being bored.. by working i mean putting a tape in a vcr and hitting a few buttons and then sitting here for an hour.. i bought kfc for dinner and then they gave me no silverware, those bastards... so i'm sitting here looking at my food i can't eat and being bored.. thank god for my computer and the wireless internet in the library..
so a few exciting things have happened to me lately.. 1) i got my nails done again, to a functional length where i can work and still type, yet not look like a homeless monger who bites her nails.. 2) i finally got a key for the digitizing room, which means no more stuck in traffic panic attacks when i think i may be locked out yet again.. and 3) i got my motorcycle license!!! woohoo!!!
me and derek have been getting along pretty famously with the exception for a couple of hours today at work when our boss was pissing us both off, but i think we've been getting along better than ever.. probably due to the fact that we both realize how much we love each other after the whole shitty ordeal we had... thank god he forgave me.. i don't think i could have imagined my life without him... i really do love him, and as much as we can be assholes to each other sometimes, we still are noochies and snook(ie)s and that's the way it should be.. also, i think working together, although a risky endeavor has made us more close together.. you really do have to be close friends to be able to work together and then be together romantically outside of work.. i was a little nervous that we would put each other over the edge at first, but i don't think it's been a bad thing at all.. i'm glad that he realizes that i know what i'm doing 95% of the time and doesn't mind asking me questions or letting me tell him what to do when the time arises.. it makes me feel like we can respect each other.. i can respect telling him in a polite manner and he can listen without thinking i'm bossy (well, i hope anyway haha)... i think what we have is really a good thing and i hope we can keep it up without it turning into another las vegas lol.. i think my life is heading in more of a positive direction since the last entry.. i'm with my hunny again, i'm getting help for my problems.. i'm not smoking anymore.. i'm not drinking or smoking pot as much.. i dunno *sigh*.. all in all i know he checks this occasionally.. soo.. snookies, i love you so much and i'm so glad you are in my life..
anyhow.. the fourth of july ended up being ok.. on the third, derek and i cooked dinner together on the grill and watched tv for a while and then went to see the abington fireworks with kathy and her mom.. the show we were watching on t.v. was pretty amazing.. it was on hgtv (don't laugh) and it was about the world's craziest homes.. there was this house in new zealand that was shaped like a scallop shell and it was high up on a cliff over the ocean and these people's house was amazing.. i would love to live somewhere like that.. and these other people's house was in south africa and they were interior designers, so you can only imagine.. there house was tucked away in the woods and it was absolutely huge.. i wish i had recorded the show on tivo.. i have always loved houses.. that one reminded me of like a fort you would make in the woods when you were little.. only like all the stuff you imagine when you are little was actually there and it was huge and not the diameter of a small bedroom haha.... but anyway on the fourth we just watched one of kathy's neighbors set of fireworks and got blazed.. it was overall a pretty good night..
also, i had a night of "chatting" with dipshit over everything that happened... pretty much everything he said to me that night made me think that he was a pathetic excuse for a human being.. not only did he whimper and whine like he was going to cry.. but he tells me the story of everything that happened with little girl and it was absolutely pathetic.. i won't get into it because it's just too pathetic to even bother sharing.. if you want to know, then ask me.. so i talked with him and he was like little girl hasn't talked to me in like two weeks, so i feel put out.. i was like good, now you fucking know how i felt.. also, he kept telling me how i wasn't the stupid one and how great of a person i was and he was pretty much begging for my friendship and even asked me if i would help him gain derek's.. i was like, uhm, you're pretty much on your own with that.. so after a whole night of practically pleading with me.. i finally drive him home.. we are talking/fighting in his driveway where he was making his final attempt to have me as his friend when his phone rings and it's little girl.. and he fucking takes the call! i was like you gotta be shitting.. so in response i said "get the FUCK out of my car." he got out, i took off and went home and then when i got home, i called him and i was like, i really hope you weren't serious in trying to be derek's and my friend, because if you were, you just made the biggest mistake by taking that phone call.. i told him he better not expect to hear from me for a loooong time (pretty much meaning forever) so once again, i deleted his phone number and i don't know it, so that is that.. i just couldn't believe it.. all night, sob story after sob story.. about how he supposedly had cancer (even though he smoked after it was gone... i find it a little hard to believe) and how someone beat the shit out of him and he almost died.. and this and that and pretty much everything to make me feel bad for him and pity him.. OH! and then the kicker, well not really the kicker, because that was when he picked up the phone call from little girl.. but the second kicker.. he tells me oh, when i said i wasn't physically attracted to you it's only because you make me look scrawny and i hate that.. i was like oh pleeeeeeeeeease.. anyway.. enough about him.. it's his loss.. i have all that i need.. i <3 my hunny
on another note, i've started seeing a shrink again.. lately, i've had way too many anger issues/relational issues/money issues blah blah blah... i flip out over the littlest things.. i need a way to properly vent my frustration without taking it out on derek and my family.. i don't know the right way to vent and i need to learn.. on a side note to that, he told me i was a binge drinker, which i thought was kind of funny... he also confirmed that i have a.d.d. and hopefully he can help me do something with that because i need to do a lot better in my classes this semester.. i guess even though a.d.d. makes you all antsy and stuff, it can lead to depression which makes you completely unmotivated and he thinks that maybe that's why i have a very hard time motivating myself to get to class.. hopefully he can help me some before the semester starts so i can get my g.p.a. up and graduate cum laude..another problem is the huge amount of stress and lack of sleep i'm getting from working so many jobs.. i can't ever just be at my job.. when i'm at filenes, cheney is calling me to yell at me and aggravate me.. and al is up my ass with these little bitch jobs that i hate doing, such as changing lightbulbs (when i insisted when i started that i didn't want to do that because i was deathly afraid of being electrocuted) but, at least he realizes that i can actually do my job.. he wants me to stay working for him on the weekends when i go back to school, having his manager phone and helping people out when needed etc.. so hopefully that works out.. too bad i can't make more money... but i'm going to be pretty insistent that i DO NOT want to go back out on the selling floor...i hated it and it stressed me out more than the dock... the dock is a good job for me.. and even though all the guys are brazilian, they are teaching me and derek portuguese and we are teaching the ones that don't really speak good english, a little bit more english.. i think all in all it's a pretty good and fun learning experience... at least i am kind of having fun with it.. carlos, fransisco, derek, neto, ed, al, and luiz are the guys that i work with... overall, it's a pretty good team...
sooooooooooo.. anyway.. i dunno.. i need to sleep.. that's all i can say.. i fell asleep in the kitchen chair while i was talking to my mom when i got home from work and then she woke me up and i had to drive up to this shithole.. the traffic has been horrendous lately.. between working at filenes, driving up to lowell to work.. my motorcycle class at 8:30 in the morning saturday and sunday.. i really haven't had that much time to rest.. thank god everyone is supporting me.. i had to do my class on sunday and thne come home and start/finish my art appreciation test that i had to do because i didn't do it on saturday.. i kind of freaked out at derek because i fell asleep on the couch and then woke up and realized there was no way i was going to be able to concentrate on taking the test, so i immediately stressed myself out and i kind of freaked out a little on him (i'm sorry hunny) and so i went home and went to bed and then when i came home on sunday, i was pumped on adrenaline from getting my license so i locked myself in my room, finished my test and then went to derek's for snugs...
so yah, i guess i could spare you all from the rambling now.. my life has just been a whirlwind lately and i haven't really updated in a while, so i figured i would without ranting and raving.. just calmly stating the facts.. so i hope i didn't bore anyone too much.. peace kids, i'll talk to you all soon
so a few exciting things have happened to me lately.. 1) i got my nails done again, to a functional length where i can work and still type, yet not look like a homeless monger who bites her nails.. 2) i finally got a key for the digitizing room, which means no more stuck in traffic panic attacks when i think i may be locked out yet again.. and 3) i got my motorcycle license!!! woohoo!!!
me and derek have been getting along pretty famously with the exception for a couple of hours today at work when our boss was pissing us both off, but i think we've been getting along better than ever.. probably due to the fact that we both realize how much we love each other after the whole shitty ordeal we had... thank god he forgave me.. i don't think i could have imagined my life without him... i really do love him, and as much as we can be assholes to each other sometimes, we still are noochies and snook(ie)s and that's the way it should be.. also, i think working together, although a risky endeavor has made us more close together.. you really do have to be close friends to be able to work together and then be together romantically outside of work.. i was a little nervous that we would put each other over the edge at first, but i don't think it's been a bad thing at all.. i'm glad that he realizes that i know what i'm doing 95% of the time and doesn't mind asking me questions or letting me tell him what to do when the time arises.. it makes me feel like we can respect each other.. i can respect telling him in a polite manner and he can listen without thinking i'm bossy (well, i hope anyway haha)... i think what we have is really a good thing and i hope we can keep it up without it turning into another las vegas lol.. i think my life is heading in more of a positive direction since the last entry.. i'm with my hunny again, i'm getting help for my problems.. i'm not smoking anymore.. i'm not drinking or smoking pot as much.. i dunno *sigh*.. all in all i know he checks this occasionally.. soo.. snookies, i love you so much and i'm so glad you are in my life..
anyhow.. the fourth of july ended up being ok.. on the third, derek and i cooked dinner together on the grill and watched tv for a while and then went to see the abington fireworks with kathy and her mom.. the show we were watching on t.v. was pretty amazing.. it was on hgtv (don't laugh) and it was about the world's craziest homes.. there was this house in new zealand that was shaped like a scallop shell and it was high up on a cliff over the ocean and these people's house was amazing.. i would love to live somewhere like that.. and these other people's house was in south africa and they were interior designers, so you can only imagine.. there house was tucked away in the woods and it was absolutely huge.. i wish i had recorded the show on tivo.. i have always loved houses.. that one reminded me of like a fort you would make in the woods when you were little.. only like all the stuff you imagine when you are little was actually there and it was huge and not the diameter of a small bedroom haha.... but anyway on the fourth we just watched one of kathy's neighbors set of fireworks and got blazed.. it was overall a pretty good night..
also, i had a night of "chatting" with dipshit over everything that happened... pretty much everything he said to me that night made me think that he was a pathetic excuse for a human being.. not only did he whimper and whine like he was going to cry.. but he tells me the story of everything that happened with little girl and it was absolutely pathetic.. i won't get into it because it's just too pathetic to even bother sharing.. if you want to know, then ask me.. so i talked with him and he was like little girl hasn't talked to me in like two weeks, so i feel put out.. i was like good, now you fucking know how i felt.. also, he kept telling me how i wasn't the stupid one and how great of a person i was and he was pretty much begging for my friendship and even asked me if i would help him gain derek's.. i was like, uhm, you're pretty much on your own with that.. so after a whole night of practically pleading with me.. i finally drive him home.. we are talking/fighting in his driveway where he was making his final attempt to have me as his friend when his phone rings and it's little girl.. and he fucking takes the call! i was like you gotta be shitting.. so in response i said "get the FUCK out of my car." he got out, i took off and went home and then when i got home, i called him and i was like, i really hope you weren't serious in trying to be derek's and my friend, because if you were, you just made the biggest mistake by taking that phone call.. i told him he better not expect to hear from me for a loooong time (pretty much meaning forever) so once again, i deleted his phone number and i don't know it, so that is that.. i just couldn't believe it.. all night, sob story after sob story.. about how he supposedly had cancer (even though he smoked after it was gone... i find it a little hard to believe) and how someone beat the shit out of him and he almost died.. and this and that and pretty much everything to make me feel bad for him and pity him.. OH! and then the kicker, well not really the kicker, because that was when he picked up the phone call from little girl.. but the second kicker.. he tells me oh, when i said i wasn't physically attracted to you it's only because you make me look scrawny and i hate that.. i was like oh pleeeeeeeeeease.. anyway.. enough about him.. it's his loss.. i have all that i need.. i <3 my hunny
on another note, i've started seeing a shrink again.. lately, i've had way too many anger issues/relational issues/money issues blah blah blah... i flip out over the littlest things.. i need a way to properly vent my frustration without taking it out on derek and my family.. i don't know the right way to vent and i need to learn.. on a side note to that, he told me i was a binge drinker, which i thought was kind of funny... he also confirmed that i have a.d.d. and hopefully he can help me do something with that because i need to do a lot better in my classes this semester.. i guess even though a.d.d. makes you all antsy and stuff, it can lead to depression which makes you completely unmotivated and he thinks that maybe that's why i have a very hard time motivating myself to get to class.. hopefully he can help me some before the semester starts so i can get my g.p.a. up and graduate cum laude..another problem is the huge amount of stress and lack of sleep i'm getting from working so many jobs.. i can't ever just be at my job.. when i'm at filenes, cheney is calling me to yell at me and aggravate me.. and al is up my ass with these little bitch jobs that i hate doing, such as changing lightbulbs (when i insisted when i started that i didn't want to do that because i was deathly afraid of being electrocuted) but, at least he realizes that i can actually do my job.. he wants me to stay working for him on the weekends when i go back to school, having his manager phone and helping people out when needed etc.. so hopefully that works out.. too bad i can't make more money... but i'm going to be pretty insistent that i DO NOT want to go back out on the selling floor...i hated it and it stressed me out more than the dock... the dock is a good job for me.. and even though all the guys are brazilian, they are teaching me and derek portuguese and we are teaching the ones that don't really speak good english, a little bit more english.. i think all in all it's a pretty good and fun learning experience... at least i am kind of having fun with it.. carlos, fransisco, derek, neto, ed, al, and luiz are the guys that i work with... overall, it's a pretty good team...
sooooooooooo.. anyway.. i dunno.. i need to sleep.. that's all i can say.. i fell asleep in the kitchen chair while i was talking to my mom when i got home from work and then she woke me up and i had to drive up to this shithole.. the traffic has been horrendous lately.. between working at filenes, driving up to lowell to work.. my motorcycle class at 8:30 in the morning saturday and sunday.. i really haven't had that much time to rest.. thank god everyone is supporting me.. i had to do my class on sunday and thne come home and start/finish my art appreciation test that i had to do because i didn't do it on saturday.. i kind of freaked out at derek because i fell asleep on the couch and then woke up and realized there was no way i was going to be able to concentrate on taking the test, so i immediately stressed myself out and i kind of freaked out a little on him (i'm sorry hunny) and so i went home and went to bed and then when i came home on sunday, i was pumped on adrenaline from getting my license so i locked myself in my room, finished my test and then went to derek's for snugs...
so yah, i guess i could spare you all from the rambling now.. my life has just been a whirlwind lately and i haven't really updated in a while, so i figured i would without ranting and raving.. just calmly stating the facts.. so i hope i didn't bore anyone too much.. peace kids, i'll talk to you all soon