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[osweetnuthin]

gradually it happens. honesty turns into legitimacy and i wind up accomplished. i finish things, i progress, i pay bills and cash checks. i just hung out with my 4-year-old friend, muriel, and we get along so well because the same colorful bits of city filth catch our eyes. we both wonder what's on the inside of the pillow case zipper. except she

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[orangecigarette]

You make me smile and my eyes twinkle. I have thought of our conversation countless times as I walk through the streets in the day and in the night. I think about only managing a "No!" but bringing it to my breast and in my arms during a What Would Jesus Do moment.

The other week while waiting for a doomed bus that had broken down miles away I stand on a notorious street corner for drunks, druggies and jackasses. I am listening to music and I see a man long unbathed and drunk cross the street. I have the same feeling that I told you about, the inevitability. I brace myself and hope that my instincts are just malfunctioning and that I will escape unseen, as all good women should go.

He asks people for change and approaches me. My heart, like yours (and with yours always) jams against my bones. Love for him and love for me are rocks and hard places. This time though they came together perfectly in a "What Would Make Mary Proud" moment.

He starts to speak and I say, "leave me alone." He replies, "you're not that pretty honey."

I am swept off my feet with pride and honey. I kept myself safe and intact. More than that, my confidence booms. He says I'm not *that* pretty which means that he does think I'm pretty. I'm left beaming all day. I won. Instead of silence and fear of the audacity to think someone might comment on my shape or even speak to me, there was a roar. I crushed the patriarchy.

We won.