(no subject)
Harty sent me all this shit, it's farking hilarious....read it.
US Navy Oath of Enlistment
I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my
life to the United States Navy because I want to hang out with Marines
without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force
was too "corporate," and because I thought, "hey, I like to swim...why not?"
I promise to wear clothing that went out of style in 1976 and to have my
name stenciled on the butt of every pair of
pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor man
during
the summer, and for Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a
different language than the rest of the English-speaking world. Using worlds
like "deck, bulkhead, cover, and head" instead of "floor,wall,hat, and
toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank and
ensignia, and everything else for that
matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutey
no sense whatsoever. I will muster (whatever that is) at 0700 hrs every
morning
unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around
0930 hours. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I
can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill
a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice
per fiscal year. I realize
that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick,
and quite possibly illegal, whims of my new-found "colleagues."
So help me Neptune. ________________________
Signature Date
US Marine Corp Oath of Enlistment
I, state your name, swear... uuhhhh... high-and-tight...
cammies... uhh... ugh... Air Force women... OORAH!
So help me Corps. ______________________________
Thumb Print Date (Y/N)
US Air Force Oath of Enlistment
I, Zoomie, swear to sign away 4 years of my useless life to the United
States Air Force because I'm too smart for the Army and because the Marines
frighten me. I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done
by others more dedicated than me who take their job seriously. I also swear
not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike riding
test as a valid form of exercise.
I swear to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States, even
though I believe myself to be above that. I promise to walk around calling
everyone by their first name because I know I'm not really in the military
and I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better
quality of life than all those around me and will at all times be sure to
make them aware of that fact.
After completion of my "Basic Training," I will be a lean,
mean, donut-eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-cothes,
chairborne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make
an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back with
it. I will do no work unless someone is watching me (and it makes me look
good), will annoy those around me, and will go home early
every day. I consent to never getting promoted (EVER) and understand that
all those whom I made fun of yesterday will probably outrank me tomorrow.
So help me God. ______________________________
Signature Date
US Army Oath of Enlistment
I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my
mediocre life to the United States Army because I couldn't score high enough
on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, because I'm not tough enough for the
Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear
camouflage every day and tuck my trousers in my boots because I can't figure
out how to use blousing straps.
I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will
continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill
Sergeant told me I despite the fact that the only action I will ever see is
a court-martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will
make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because
I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my sexual...er...I mean
Boot Camp, I will attend a different Army school once every other month and
return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after
Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade
sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she
might leave me for a smarter Air Force guy or a better looking Marine.
Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back. While at work, I
will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing
accomplished. I will arrive at work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning
PT and leave every day at 1300 to report back to the "company." I
understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a
job upon separation, and will end up working in
construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone
about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it
because I can't pass the placement exam.
So help me God.
_____________
Signature
Date
US Navy Oath of Enlistment
I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my
life to the United States Navy because I want to hang out with Marines
without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force
was too "corporate," and because I thought, "hey, I like to swim...why not?"
I promise to wear clothing that went out of style in 1976 and to have my
name stenciled on the butt of every pair of
pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor man
during
the summer, and for Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a
different language than the rest of the English-speaking world. Using worlds
like "deck, bulkhead, cover, and head" instead of "floor,wall,hat, and
toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank and
ensignia, and everything else for that
matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutey
no sense whatsoever. I will muster (whatever that is) at 0700 hrs every
morning
unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around
0930 hours. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I
can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill
a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice
per fiscal year. I realize
that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick,
and quite possibly illegal, whims of my new-found "colleagues."
So help me Neptune. ________________________
Signature Date
US Marine Corp Oath of Enlistment
I, state your name, swear... uuhhhh... high-and-tight...
cammies... uhh... ugh... Air Force women... OORAH!
So help me Corps. ______________________________
Thumb Print Date (Y/N)
US Air Force Oath of Enlistment
I, Zoomie, swear to sign away 4 years of my useless life to the United
States Air Force because I'm too smart for the Army and because the Marines
frighten me. I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done
by others more dedicated than me who take their job seriously. I also swear
not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike riding
test as a valid form of exercise.
I swear to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States, even
though I believe myself to be above that. I promise to walk around calling
everyone by their first name because I know I'm not really in the military
and I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better
quality of life than all those around me and will at all times be sure to
make them aware of that fact.
After completion of my "Basic Training," I will be a lean,
mean, donut-eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-cothes,
chairborne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make
an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back with
it. I will do no work unless someone is watching me (and it makes me look
good), will annoy those around me, and will go home early
every day. I consent to never getting promoted (EVER) and understand that
all those whom I made fun of yesterday will probably outrank me tomorrow.
So help me God. ______________________________
Signature Date
US Army Oath of Enlistment
I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my
mediocre life to the United States Army because I couldn't score high enough
on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, because I'm not tough enough for the
Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear
camouflage every day and tuck my trousers in my boots because I can't figure
out how to use blousing straps.
I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will
continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill
Sergeant told me I despite the fact that the only action I will ever see is
a court-martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will
make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because
I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my sexual...er...I mean
Boot Camp, I will attend a different Army school once every other month and
return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after
Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade
sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she
might leave me for a smarter Air Force guy or a better looking Marine.
Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back. While at work, I
will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing
accomplished. I will arrive at work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning
PT and leave every day at 1300 to report back to the "company." I
understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a
job upon separation, and will end up working in
construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone
about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it
because I can't pass the placement exam.
So help me God.
_____________
Signature
Date