its gonna be one of THOSE entrys....
so you think you're over someone until you see their screen name online and you dont even have to say anything to them or receive any messages, but just looking at it....realizing you're still hurting. its a horrible feeling. now i just feel down...this week has been stressful already and its only the first week of classes, plus this change in weather down to 41 and rainy isnt helping my mood, i feel worn out all the time, i get at least 8 hours of sleep a night and it really just doesnt feel like its enough...i am exhausted all day, fall asleep in class....maybe i need a break from life. it'd be nice to take a vacation right about now....no where in particular, just somewhere away from everyone, away from people i know, and go by myself. i had lunch with adam today and we had a talk about boys and i think that kinda started my re-thinking again and how none of my relationships have really been "good" and that makes me feel kinda shitty. i mean, i know im a good girlfriend...faithful, caring, whatever....and i feel like sometimes i get taken advantage of because of that, or used (i think you all know my most recent feeling/experience of being used) and it sucks. i just wanna find someone and be with them, knowing they'll be as faithful and caring to me as i will be to them. but who am i kidding, guys are shady as hell
it also kinda hurts that whenever i need to talk to someone, they arent there, even though im there for everyone all the time no matter the time of day or what im doing, if they need something ill be there. im always like "if u need to talk, just call" but the only person who i've ever heard that from was david. yah, im definately not gonna talk to him about my boy problems, he doesnt even know about josh. well im about to stop being nice so much, cuz it obviously doesnt get me anywhere, and i dont get the same treatment in return...so what am i supposed to do, who am i supposed to go to when i need a shoulder to cry on? i cant go to livejournal, what does that do? oh, wears out my fingers...of course there's always kristyn, but i barely see her anymore cuz of class and work for both of us. then there's the "best friend" back home who i drove 45 min out of my way to get her cuz her date blew her off and she goes and says that shes furious with me because a guy she "dated" wants to meet me and i agreed to it and "i am supposed to be her best friend and i wouldnt do something like that". bull shit. ugh
i dont know if i really have anything else to say...im just gonna sit here a while longer perhaps
it also kinda hurts that whenever i need to talk to someone, they arent there, even though im there for everyone all the time no matter the time of day or what im doing, if they need something ill be there. im always like "if u need to talk, just call" but the only person who i've ever heard that from was david. yah, im definately not gonna talk to him about my boy problems, he doesnt even know about josh. well im about to stop being nice so much, cuz it obviously doesnt get me anywhere, and i dont get the same treatment in return...so what am i supposed to do, who am i supposed to go to when i need a shoulder to cry on? i cant go to livejournal, what does that do? oh, wears out my fingers...of course there's always kristyn, but i barely see her anymore cuz of class and work for both of us. then there's the "best friend" back home who i drove 45 min out of my way to get her cuz her date blew her off and she goes and says that shes furious with me because a guy she "dated" wants to meet me and i agreed to it and "i am supposed to be her best friend and i wouldnt do something like that". bull shit. ugh
i dont know if i really have anything else to say...im just gonna sit here a while longer perhaps