OMG I got this from Will who got it from Ama(don't know her) bt this is so funny, well parts of it.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE MEXICAN WHEN...
You have ever been hit by a chancla.
You grew up scared by something called "El Cucuy."
Others tell you to stop screaming when you are really just talking.
You light a candle on the night of the Lotto drawing.
You use your lips to point something out.
You constantly refer to cereal as "con fleis".
Your mother yells at the top of her lungs to call you to dinner even if it's a one bedroom apartment.
You can dance ranchera, cumbia or salsa without music.
You use "manteca" (lard) instead of olive oil and can't figure out why your butt is getting bigger.
You call your sneakers "tenees".
You have at least thirty cousins.
You can't imagine anyone not liking spicy food.
You are in a 5-passenger car with 7 people in it and a person shouting "subanse, todavia caben"
Whenever you feel under the weather, you compulsively dab on some "Vics" vapor rub all over your chest and inside your nostrils.
Your mom packs your "lonchera" everyday.
You or someone you know uses "Tres Flores" in their hair.
Tamales, champurrado, posole and menudo are must haves on Thanksgiving.
There is more Budweiser than punch at little Juanito's birthday party.
There is at least one member in your family name Maria, Guadalupe, Juan, Jose, or Jesus.
Everyone still thinks Cesar Chavez is the best boxer even if he lost against Oscar De La Hoya. You've gone to the Pulgamarket every weekend for years.
You step into a house that has all those little figurines taking up every inch of space on/under the TV.
You have a porcelain cat, dog, Buddha, or elephant in your living room.
You have plastic slipcovers on your sofas.
You swear "Choco Milk" is the same as Slim Fast and try to lose weight by drinking it.
You have a drunk uncle/aunt.
You're still afraid to open that umbrella in your house.
You not only know who Don Francisco from Sabado Gigante is, but you tell people he's your tio.
Your mother, tia or hermana's hair is blackcherry, "Sun in" red or a burgundy that would make Celia Cruz jealous.
You always try to find out what town another fellow Latino's family is from.
You have ever had to "beepiar" a friend on their pager.
You wear your Sunday best to do laundry at the laundrymat and go grocery shopping.
You have told your kid not to walk the floor barefoot or they'll catch a cold.
You go to a wedding or Quiencienera, gossip about how bad the comida is, but be the first to take a plato to go.
You have a bottle of Tapatio in your purse.
Your cousins are delinquents / hootchies.
You have a chola in your barrio named "La Flaca" who's bigger than a house.
You think Cristina trumps Oprah any day.
You have a cousin named "Guero" who's darker than night.
You know a chola named "La Shy Girl" who is loud and obnoxious.
You need to point out how much something you just bought cost.
You go to a white friends house for dinner and don't understand the concept of sitting at a table.
You've tried to bring a mango back to the US from Mexico, and a bonus point if you actually made it all the way home with it.
You have a bottle of Bacardi or Tequila in your house right now.
You drive a "Cheby", an "Ohsmobeel" or a "Bolswahgon"
You're proud to be Mexican - and you pass these jokes on to all your Mexican friends!
and for those of you Valley-ites...
YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG WHEN...
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when "meeting a celebrity" means standing in line at H.E.B. next to Tim Smith.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you consider a weekend trip to South Padre Island a vacation.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a travel trailer on the expressway;..which is still under construction.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you deplane at an airport in another city and realize that except for the local Methodist church, you've never seen so many white people assembled in one place.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you still wear your letterman jacket ten years after your graduation (maybe) from high school.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when callers to local radio stations begin sounding articulate and knowledgeable enough to put a complete sentence together.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you believe you can't do any business on a day when it rains.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you consider the newest Adam Sandler movie an arthouse film.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you attend a funeral out of state and wonder why none of the guests are wearing tank tops.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you actually begin to care how the Dorados are doing in the arenafootball2 standings.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you think of the major food groups as beans, tortillas and beer.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when your middle school-aged daughter comes home and asks "Daddy, what's a Negro?"
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you think of snow as a natural disaster.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you go to a cineplex elsewhere and can't concentrate on the movie because there are no crying babies, unattended children running up the stairs or cellular phones ringing.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you begin to judge flea markets by the quality of bootleg CDs, DVDs, and Mexican cheese they sell.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you use your car trunk as an oven in the summer.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you begin to wonder how people ever got around without highways being under construction along with the detours that go with them.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you consider Brownsville a metropolis.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you think nothing of your local newspaper covering national and international news on one page while high school football needs six.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when the only three spices you own are salt, pepper, and salsa.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you start referring to Rio Grande City as "the hill country."
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you begin to believe that opening weekends for dove, whitewing and deer seasons should be national holidays.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you find 98 degrees "a little warm" but are glad you don't live in Laredo where it's "really hot." (Speaking of which YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you think the only seasons are Hot, "Damn Hot," and Winter.)
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you do only the bare minimum amount of duties required by your job and everybody thinks you're a hard worker.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you know if another person is from out of town the second he or she walks into the room.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you consider basketball a sport that comes between football season and spring training for football.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you define an "overachiever" as someone who goes to A & M or UT-Austin as opposed to everyone else who settles for UT-Pan Am, UT-Brownsville, TSTC or S.T.C.C.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when the only three portraits on your walls at home are of the Virgin Mary, the Pope and Selena.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you've had several friends move away and move back within a couple of months.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you can count on more than two hands the number of people you know who live near an orange grove.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when the Citrus Fiesta, Charro Days, Borderfest, Riofest, the Livestock Show and opening day of the Killer Bees' hockey season are the major events on your calendar for the entire year.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you consider buying lottery tickets a "short-term investment."
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you find nothing really amusing or un-usual about a car dealership called "Boggus Motors."
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you can't figure out why non-Valleyites look at you funny when you explain how two streets named "Jackson" can intersect at the same corner.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when "honeymoon" means San Antonio.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you think it's cool that your town's mascot is a grapefruit.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG if you remember Hurricane Beulah.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG if your dentist and pharmacist speak only Spanish.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you can't see anything amusing about the old Mental Health-Mental Retardation building in Edinburg being known as "The Looney Center."
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you feel as if we've caught up with the rest of the world because we now have a Wal-Mart, Starbucks and a Hooters.
You have ever been hit by a chancla.
You grew up scared by something called "El Cucuy."
Others tell you to stop screaming when you are really just talking.
You light a candle on the night of the Lotto drawing.
You use your lips to point something out.
You constantly refer to cereal as "con fleis".
Your mother yells at the top of her lungs to call you to dinner even if it's a one bedroom apartment.
You can dance ranchera, cumbia or salsa without music.
You use "manteca" (lard) instead of olive oil and can't figure out why your butt is getting bigger.
You call your sneakers "tenees".
You have at least thirty cousins.
You can't imagine anyone not liking spicy food.
You are in a 5-passenger car with 7 people in it and a person shouting "subanse, todavia caben"
Whenever you feel under the weather, you compulsively dab on some "Vics" vapor rub all over your chest and inside your nostrils.
Your mom packs your "lonchera" everyday.
You or someone you know uses "Tres Flores" in their hair.
Tamales, champurrado, posole and menudo are must haves on Thanksgiving.
There is more Budweiser than punch at little Juanito's birthday party.
There is at least one member in your family name Maria, Guadalupe, Juan, Jose, or Jesus.
Everyone still thinks Cesar Chavez is the best boxer even if he lost against Oscar De La Hoya. You've gone to the Pulgamarket every weekend for years.
You step into a house that has all those little figurines taking up every inch of space on/under the TV.
You have a porcelain cat, dog, Buddha, or elephant in your living room.
You have plastic slipcovers on your sofas.
You swear "Choco Milk" is the same as Slim Fast and try to lose weight by drinking it.
You have a drunk uncle/aunt.
You're still afraid to open that umbrella in your house.
You not only know who Don Francisco from Sabado Gigante is, but you tell people he's your tio.
Your mother, tia or hermana's hair is blackcherry, "Sun in" red or a burgundy that would make Celia Cruz jealous.
You always try to find out what town another fellow Latino's family is from.
You have ever had to "beepiar" a friend on their pager.
You wear your Sunday best to do laundry at the laundrymat and go grocery shopping.
You have told your kid not to walk the floor barefoot or they'll catch a cold.
You go to a wedding or Quiencienera, gossip about how bad the comida is, but be the first to take a plato to go.
You have a bottle of Tapatio in your purse.
Your cousins are delinquents / hootchies.
You have a chola in your barrio named "La Flaca" who's bigger than a house.
You think Cristina trumps Oprah any day.
You have a cousin named "Guero" who's darker than night.
You know a chola named "La Shy Girl" who is loud and obnoxious.
You need to point out how much something you just bought cost.
You go to a white friends house for dinner and don't understand the concept of sitting at a table.
You've tried to bring a mango back to the US from Mexico, and a bonus point if you actually made it all the way home with it.
You have a bottle of Bacardi or Tequila in your house right now.
You drive a "Cheby", an "Ohsmobeel" or a "Bolswahgon"
You're proud to be Mexican - and you pass these jokes on to all your Mexican friends!
and for those of you Valley-ites...
YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG WHEN...
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when "meeting a celebrity" means standing in line at H.E.B. next to Tim Smith.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you consider a weekend trip to South Padre Island a vacation.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a travel trailer on the expressway;..which is still under construction.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you deplane at an airport in another city and realize that except for the local Methodist church, you've never seen so many white people assembled in one place.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you still wear your letterman jacket ten years after your graduation (maybe) from high school.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when callers to local radio stations begin sounding articulate and knowledgeable enough to put a complete sentence together.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you believe you can't do any business on a day when it rains.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you consider the newest Adam Sandler movie an arthouse film.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you attend a funeral out of state and wonder why none of the guests are wearing tank tops.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you actually begin to care how the Dorados are doing in the arenafootball2 standings.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you think of the major food groups as beans, tortillas and beer.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when your middle school-aged daughter comes home and asks "Daddy, what's a Negro?"
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you think of snow as a natural disaster.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you go to a cineplex elsewhere and can't concentrate on the movie because there are no crying babies, unattended children running up the stairs or cellular phones ringing.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you begin to judge flea markets by the quality of bootleg CDs, DVDs, and Mexican cheese they sell.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you use your car trunk as an oven in the summer.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you begin to wonder how people ever got around without highways being under construction along with the detours that go with them.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you consider Brownsville a metropolis.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you think nothing of your local newspaper covering national and international news on one page while high school football needs six.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when the only three spices you own are salt, pepper, and salsa.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you start referring to Rio Grande City as "the hill country."
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you begin to believe that opening weekends for dove, whitewing and deer seasons should be national holidays.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you find 98 degrees "a little warm" but are glad you don't live in Laredo where it's "really hot." (Speaking of which YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you think the only seasons are Hot, "Damn Hot," and Winter.)
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you do only the bare minimum amount of duties required by your job and everybody thinks you're a hard worker.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you know if another person is from out of town the second he or she walks into the room.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you consider basketball a sport that comes between football season and spring training for football.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you define an "overachiever" as someone who goes to A & M or UT-Austin as opposed to everyone else who settles for UT-Pan Am, UT-Brownsville, TSTC or S.T.C.C.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when the only three portraits on your walls at home are of the Virgin Mary, the Pope and Selena.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you've had several friends move away and move back within a couple of months.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you can count on more than two hands the number of people you know who live near an orange grove.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when the Citrus Fiesta, Charro Days, Borderfest, Riofest, the Livestock Show and opening day of the Killer Bees' hockey season are the major events on your calendar for the entire year.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you consider buying lottery tickets a "short-term investment."
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you find nothing really amusing or un-usual about a car dealership called "Boggus Motors."
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you can't figure out why non-Valleyites look at you funny when you explain how two streets named "Jackson" can intersect at the same corner.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when "honeymoon" means San Antonio.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you think it's cool that your town's mascot is a grapefruit.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG if you remember Hurricane Beulah.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG if your dentist and pharmacist speak only Spanish.
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you can't see anything amusing about the old Mental Health-Mental Retardation building in Edinburg being known as "The Looney Center."
YOU'VE BEEN IN THE VALLEY TOO LONG when you feel as if we've caught up with the rest of the world because we now have a Wal-Mart, Starbucks and a Hooters.