Rant in B flat
Originally published at clusterfuck. You can comment here or there.
OK. Let me fist start by saying that this has nothing to do with anything really when it comes to YIWT or the MPP. It is however something that I really need to get off my chest. Thee past couple of weeks I’ve been trying to take some stock of my life and where I am going and as I look around I feel very disheartened. Portsmouth is a shit hole . It’s stifling and claustrophobic and too familiar to be comfortable. There have been moments over the past month or so where I really feel that it’s no longer my home.
I need to get out of Portsmouth, I would like go get out of England an a recent meeting of someone who’s quickly come to mean a bit to me has further fed my disillusionment with Portsmouth in general and my life in particular. The long and short of it however is that for the time being at least, I’m stuck here. The reasons are few but personal, suffice it to say that there are some serious blocks in my way before I can even think about leaving, what’s more, that they are there at all doesn’t help my mood any.
While I love working a the Co-Op at the moment, the winds of change are sweeping through there. The manager who accepted me a year and a half ago will be leaving soon. The team leader who is to all intents and purposes is the deputy for now, is someone I do not get along with - this is something that leaves me a bit fucked when it comes to furthering myself there.
My almost radio career stopped before it really began this year and while I make cursory gestures about trying to get back in to it the truth is I haven’t. I’ve been lazy.
Now. that’s a word that can define a large chunk of my life.
To try to remedy this, I am tomorrow (that is to say, later today) going to start work on a demo session, first I’m going to have to research what exactly the powers that be in the radio world are looking for though. I’m just going to knock one up though and wing it at first.
I don’t want to stay at the Co-Op forever, I certainly don’t want to stay in Portsmouth a minute longer than I have to at the moment, and I really do want to be a radio presenter
That’s a phrase that I would really like to define me in the long term, so I’m going to have to pull my finger out of my arse.
Sorry guys, if you actually read all that. I just really wanted to rant. All my friends were in too good a mood tonight for me to put this all out there, thank god the internet allows people to post this drivel.
To sum up:
- I hate Portsmouth.
- I want to force my way back into radio.
- I would like to leave the country at the earliest opportunity.
- I do love my friends and I’m eternally greatful they put up with my foul moods.
- I AM going to try harder to do the things that I want to do instead of being a lazy fuck.
- Sorry for making you read all of the above.