Book Review: The Angry Therapist
I found John Kim's The Angry Therapist: A No BS Guide to Finding and Living Your Own Truth super frustrating, possibly because I took the title too literally and believed that he was going to be angry about something. The growing trend toward giving patients medication without therapy? The high cost of mental health care? The fact that American prisons are stuffed with mentally ill people who really ought to be in treatment, not incarcerated? The difficulties of getting insurance companies to pay for mental health care? Stigma around mental health problems?
I mean really, there are a lot of things a therapist could be angry about. But as far as I can tell, the thing that most grates Kim's cheese is the fact that sometimes the strict guidelines of therapeutic practice where he works make him feel stifled, which is... well, I'm sure it's frustrating, but it seems like a weirdly self-centered reason to call himself "The Angry Therapist."
This is in fact something I felt about the book in general: it's weirdly self-centered. Kim wants to help you find your best self, but he also wants you to know that he used to be a screenwriter - a successful screenwriter! He didn't become a therapist because the whole screenwriting thing didn't work out for him. He just realized that being a screenwriter wasn't fulfilling his true self, so he went back to school to study psychology.
And also he ran a high-end nightclub where he rubbed elbows with film stars. And also he created a start-up company called ModelInABottle.com which was staffed with models who were friends of his girlfriend at the time. Who was a model. Just FYI.
Holy humblebragging, Batman.
He also has a deeply aggravating imagined scene where he creates a Genuine Emotional Connection (tm) with a waitress by breaking free of the chains of phatic discourse. She asks how he's doing and instead of saying "Fine" like a normal person, he's all - I have to transcribe this, I'm sorry -
JOHN
You know what?
She instantly looks nervous.
JOHN
You've been asking people that all day. So, maybe I should ask you how you're doing?
She looks a bit shocked, confused, taken aback. She fumbles her words.
WAITRESS
Um...fine, tired. Been here since 10 AM. I can't wait to get home.
PROBABLY BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO GET AWAY FROM NOSY CUSTOMERS PRYING INTO THINGS THAT AREN'T THEIR BUSINESS. If you make your waitstaff look nervous, shocked, confused, and taken aback, that is probably a sign that you are doing something wrong.
(But of course the scene ends with the waitress smiling and grateful that someone has taken the time to treat her like a human being instead of just handing her the credit card for the check. "Thank you," she says, and John replies, "You're welcome.")
Do you know what I dread at work? People trying to create genuine emotional connections with me when all I want to do is take their coffee order and then finish filling the caramel bottles, or emptying the trash, or doing literally anything else because everything in the world is less taxing than having an emotionally meaningful conversation with a total stranger. I get paid $10 an hour! That buys you phatic discourse and an empty smile! There's a reason therapists charge $100 an hour for this shit!
...Having said this, I have friends who work retail who love it when people treat them like a human being rather than a coffee dispenser, so who knows, maybe your friendly local barista is just dying for a chance to tell a customer her feet hurt.
Otherwise, it's basically a bog-standard self-help book (live in the now, surround yourself with people who support the real you, etc. etc.). There are probably five dozen books at your local Barnes and Noble that will give you the same advice. Read one of them.
I mean really, there are a lot of things a therapist could be angry about. But as far as I can tell, the thing that most grates Kim's cheese is the fact that sometimes the strict guidelines of therapeutic practice where he works make him feel stifled, which is... well, I'm sure it's frustrating, but it seems like a weirdly self-centered reason to call himself "The Angry Therapist."
This is in fact something I felt about the book in general: it's weirdly self-centered. Kim wants to help you find your best self, but he also wants you to know that he used to be a screenwriter - a successful screenwriter! He didn't become a therapist because the whole screenwriting thing didn't work out for him. He just realized that being a screenwriter wasn't fulfilling his true self, so he went back to school to study psychology.
And also he ran a high-end nightclub where he rubbed elbows with film stars. And also he created a start-up company called ModelInABottle.com which was staffed with models who were friends of his girlfriend at the time. Who was a model. Just FYI.
Holy humblebragging, Batman.
He also has a deeply aggravating imagined scene where he creates a Genuine Emotional Connection (tm) with a waitress by breaking free of the chains of phatic discourse. She asks how he's doing and instead of saying "Fine" like a normal person, he's all - I have to transcribe this, I'm sorry -
JOHN
You know what?
She instantly looks nervous.
JOHN
You've been asking people that all day. So, maybe I should ask you how you're doing?
She looks a bit shocked, confused, taken aback. She fumbles her words.
WAITRESS
Um...fine, tired. Been here since 10 AM. I can't wait to get home.
PROBABLY BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO GET AWAY FROM NOSY CUSTOMERS PRYING INTO THINGS THAT AREN'T THEIR BUSINESS. If you make your waitstaff look nervous, shocked, confused, and taken aback, that is probably a sign that you are doing something wrong.
(But of course the scene ends with the waitress smiling and grateful that someone has taken the time to treat her like a human being instead of just handing her the credit card for the check. "Thank you," she says, and John replies, "You're welcome.")
Do you know what I dread at work? People trying to create genuine emotional connections with me when all I want to do is take their coffee order and then finish filling the caramel bottles, or emptying the trash, or doing literally anything else because everything in the world is less taxing than having an emotionally meaningful conversation with a total stranger. I get paid $10 an hour! That buys you phatic discourse and an empty smile! There's a reason therapists charge $100 an hour for this shit!
...Having said this, I have friends who work retail who love it when people treat them like a human being rather than a coffee dispenser, so who knows, maybe your friendly local barista is just dying for a chance to tell a customer her feet hurt.
Otherwise, it's basically a bog-standard self-help book (live in the now, surround yourself with people who support the real you, etc. etc.). There are probably five dozen books at your local Barnes and Noble that will give you the same advice. Read one of them.