I love having mental break-downs at 6am
I feel so stuck.
stuck in my head
in this town
in my life
in school
my job
I swear to god i used to be smart. school used to make sense to me. i need to quit my job but my mom seems to think that it's completely possible for me to work and go to school. HOWEVER: me working means working 40 hours a week, no matter what i try to tell them.
i dont have time to drive for an hour round trip for the shitty shifts either and godforbid they accomidate me for a couple of fucking weeks
i haven't left tallahassee, and even if i had the time, i couldnt go anyway because my car is dying
I dont know why i am struggling so much in college and why i breakdown so fucking much. but i can't afford to take time off anymore. i'm getting too old for this
I hate feeling the way i do about myself. the one thing i used to be sure of being is obviously not there anymore.
i get so depressed about school that i end up not going and then the problem just gets worse.
and no, i'm not smart enough to mention this shit to my doctor either.
i'm sitting here crying, with applied statistics power points spread all around my living room floor at 6am. i haven't even taken my purse into my bedroom yet after work.
i can't fucking do this anymore. i cant even depend on myself, so why does everyone think they can depend on me?
falling apart like this is the most agonising, drawn-out thing i've had to witness myself doing. i miss having at least a strand of thread holding my head together.
stuck in my head
in this town
in my life
in school
my job
I swear to god i used to be smart. school used to make sense to me. i need to quit my job but my mom seems to think that it's completely possible for me to work and go to school. HOWEVER: me working means working 40 hours a week, no matter what i try to tell them.
i dont have time to drive for an hour round trip for the shitty shifts either and godforbid they accomidate me for a couple of fucking weeks
i haven't left tallahassee, and even if i had the time, i couldnt go anyway because my car is dying
I dont know why i am struggling so much in college and why i breakdown so fucking much. but i can't afford to take time off anymore. i'm getting too old for this
I hate feeling the way i do about myself. the one thing i used to be sure of being is obviously not there anymore.
i get so depressed about school that i end up not going and then the problem just gets worse.
and no, i'm not smart enough to mention this shit to my doctor either.
i'm sitting here crying, with applied statistics power points spread all around my living room floor at 6am. i haven't even taken my purse into my bedroom yet after work.
i can't fucking do this anymore. i cant even depend on myself, so why does everyone think they can depend on me?
falling apart like this is the most agonising, drawn-out thing i've had to witness myself doing. i miss having at least a strand of thread holding my head together.