You Can't Journal Your Life If You're Living It
I'm sorry I haven't been here.
I've been too busy to blog. I don't have a really good explanation for it. Some really blogworthy things happened, like passing my belt test for karate despite every possible thing working against me.
It's just. I've been trying to figure some things out. I'm having to endure some crises of confidence. Maybe if I was a normal blogger I'd even know how to talk about them. Maybe in the morning, I'll know how to do it without sounding like a passive aggressive whiner.
The gist of it is that I'm trying to make some changes in my life for the better. Better job, better writing, things like that. And I'm realizing how little I know about how things like that work. I really don't know how to frame the narrative of my life into something that a hiring manager would want to read (though that seems to be all of my writing right now). And I'm a shit networker. I don't even know where the 'right' people are in all the relationships I've cultivated that I could contribute any value to, so as to one day be reciprocated in return.
I don't even know if I have anything to give.
You'd think, after having endured the belt test - ten minutes of seven people beating me up - that I would be confident. Happy even. And on the one hand I am. I worked hard, endured much, and that silly little green obi means a lot for what I've done.
At the same time, though, it really gave me a sense of where I'm falling short in the art. It made me want to get better. A lot better. To measure up to the skill that I think the belt represents.
And it's bleeding into everything else that I do. Suddenly I want to get that better job and to get that novel done and to learn networking and to do all that stuff. And it all looks like so much and... and...
...
All right. Probably what I'm doing is trying to solve too many problems at once. I'm in a writer's group now, so my insecurities about my inability to tell story are being... addressed.
I guess the first thing to fix is the resume - to tailor the narrative.
Because, you guys, I'm seriously better than writing and rewriting blog copy for $8 an hour.
I've been too busy to blog. I don't have a really good explanation for it. Some really blogworthy things happened, like passing my belt test for karate despite every possible thing working against me.
It's just. I've been trying to figure some things out. I'm having to endure some crises of confidence. Maybe if I was a normal blogger I'd even know how to talk about them. Maybe in the morning, I'll know how to do it without sounding like a passive aggressive whiner.
The gist of it is that I'm trying to make some changes in my life for the better. Better job, better writing, things like that. And I'm realizing how little I know about how things like that work. I really don't know how to frame the narrative of my life into something that a hiring manager would want to read (though that seems to be all of my writing right now). And I'm a shit networker. I don't even know where the 'right' people are in all the relationships I've cultivated that I could contribute any value to, so as to one day be reciprocated in return.
I don't even know if I have anything to give.
You'd think, after having endured the belt test - ten minutes of seven people beating me up - that I would be confident. Happy even. And on the one hand I am. I worked hard, endured much, and that silly little green obi means a lot for what I've done.
At the same time, though, it really gave me a sense of where I'm falling short in the art. It made me want to get better. A lot better. To measure up to the skill that I think the belt represents.
And it's bleeding into everything else that I do. Suddenly I want to get that better job and to get that novel done and to learn networking and to do all that stuff. And it all looks like so much and... and...
...
All right. Probably what I'm doing is trying to solve too many problems at once. I'm in a writer's group now, so my insecurities about my inability to tell story are being... addressed.
I guess the first thing to fix is the resume - to tailor the narrative.
Because, you guys, I'm seriously better than writing and rewriting blog copy for $8 an hour.