(J2/CW RPS AU fic) "Never Looked the Same"
Written for sinnerforhire in spn_j2_xmas and is extremely late! She asked for J2 coffee shop/bookstore AU. I tried to put in as much as you wanted, which included, drunken confessions of love, schmoop, author!Jensen. I hope it's okay, and I am so, so sorry.
Never Looked the Same 1/2
Jared/Jensen, CWRPS AU
NC-17, 12,900~ words (in two parts)
(Names are in no way associated with the real people.)
In which Jensen is a writer. He had a crush on Jared Padalecki when he was Jared's TA. Jared Padalecki is a Hollywood actor. He doesn't remember Jensen. That's okay, Jensen doesn't have a crush on him anymore and he can lie like a pro. He writes fiction, for god's sakes! This is gonna be easy.
The day Jared Padalecki walks into the coffee shop, almost everyone recognizes him despite the large shades and the baseball hat. Nevertheless, nobody reacts differently, except for a few gasps, whispers, and some brave girls and baristas asking for his autograph.
No one, except for Jensen, who recognizes him in an instant, and like a girl who hasn't graduated high school yet, quickly makes a dive behind the counter and stays there for about the fifteen minutes Jared Padalecki is in the shop.
"He's gone," Danneel finally notes. There's a smirk on her face a she stares down mockingly at Jensen. "And you have to pay for the coffee you spilled, asshole."
"Fuck you," Jensen tells her eloquently, and crawls out of the counter with as much dignity as he can muster.
--
So the thing is, actor Jared Padalecki is kind of a success story: smart kid who went to college in UT Austin, got three years through his English major before being scouted in a college production during his third year. LA was supposed to be just a summer fling for Jared-or so he said in the interviews that Jensen decidedly did not watch-but he got more jobs that anyone in that tinsel town ought to have. And within three years, he was an extra for a blockbuster movie, had a mini-series, and was a recurring character in a show that only took one season before he became a regular.
And the other thing? Jared Padalecki was the guy Jensen had a crush on in one English elective class where Jensen was a TA.
He's also the guy Jensen blew during a frat party. And it was the last time Jensen ever saw Jared Padalecki until the guy landed on the big screen.
--
"You're kind of pathetic," Danneel tells him the next day when Jensen picks up his coffee. "You can't still be fixated on a drunken blowjob during college!"
"I am not fixated!" Jensen hisses at her, motioning to keep her voice down. The morning rush has disappeared, but Jensen can't help the creepy feeling that someone should be waiting for him to finish placing his order. "And where's my coffee?!"
"Coming right up, sir," she says scathingly, then follows up with a dramatic, "Oh my god, Jared Padalecki just walked into the store!"
"Haha," Jensen grumbles, making grabby hands towards Danneel. "Coffee! Now!"
"I'll pay for that, if you don't mind?" a deep voice says behind him.
Jensen freezes, and he can feel his brain slowly shutting down, unable to process. There's a silly ERROR ERROR ERROR sign flashing in his head. The only thing he can focus on now is the freakishly long arm reaching out from behind him to hand over a card, the voice that (no way, no way) should belong to someone he has no right to see ever again. Much less remember him.
Danneel's hand on Jensen's arm brings him out of his funk, and it's only then that he realizes she's saying something, "...you okay? Jensen!"
"...Yeah." Jensen resolutely does not turn around. "Uh, yeah...thanks..."
"Hi," Jared Padalecki's amused voice says from somewhere behind Jensen-around his right shoulder. "Might want to look at the guy paying for your coffee."
Danneel honest-to-god gives a whimper as Jensen slowly turns around, staring down at his folders. "Uh. Hi." He tries to say more but Jared's smile renders him incapable of speaking.
Goddamn, but it's not like he forgot how hot this guy is. The last look Jensen got of him was that mortifying time when he looked up, barely finished swallowing Jared's cum only to see the all-too familiar tight look of panic in his eyes. Right now, though, Jared is peering down at him with a distant smile, as if he seems to remember Jensen, but can't seem to place him.
Jensen snags that thought and holds on to it like a fucking lifeline. "Hi," he manages. "Thanks for the coffee."
Jared shrugs. "No problem, man. I'll have a mocha latte, extra cream, extra sugar," he tells Danneel.
Jensen quickly steps aside, not meeting the sharp glance Danneel gives him. "Coming right up, sir!" she chirps, her arms making spastic gestures at Jensen's direction. But Jensen only shrugs and waits his turn.
When his name is called, Danneel has to grab his wrist before Jensen can manage to scramble away. "This is the god of second chances staring at you at the face, Jensen! Are you gonna be a man?" she hisses.
Jensen tries to yank his hand back, protesting, "He doesn't even remember me! He barely even looked at me!"
"Selective amnesia is a god-given gift, moron!" Danneel snaps. "Don't you think I want to forget the first time I let Evelyn eat my pussy?! She used teeth!"
"Ugh, visuals!" Jensen moans.
"Shut up, women's pussy are amazing, you ass. Now you march up to him and be sexy and coy. Sexy!" Danneel slams down his cup, grins, and quickly calls out, "Order for Sam Wesson!"
Jensen whirls around in time to get trapped by Jared's hulking frame. They dance around each other, before Jared finally catches his eyes and says, "Hi, yeah, that's my drink."
"You paid for mine!" Jensen blurts out, then immediately wishes he can take the words back. He's absolutely sure Jared is going to take one look at him and recognize him, but the glasses he dropped when he started working, the muscles he was determined to gain, and the way he cut his hair must do some kind of trick, because Jared only smiles at him politely.
"Yeah," Jared says, nodding his thanks at Danneel as he grabs his cup. "My good deed for the day, man."
"Oh," Jensen says. "Well. Thanks again. It was definitely-"
"Don't mention it." And then Jared Padalecki is out the door before Jensen can say another word. It takes Danneel ten minutes to get Jensen to stop banging his head on the corner table.
--
Jared doesn't come into the shop the next day, nor the next. After a week of having a Jared-free coffee shop, Danneel goes back to teasing him about his lack of dates and Jensen manages to push the bad memories aside once more.
Working as a writer-including books, shorts, and songs-means Jensen has to rely on routines to get through the day without losing himself into the blurs of words, music, and structured lines. When he gets to the coffee shop on Saturday morning, he's expecting the empty coffee shop might give him a lull, especially after he drank until 4am this morning.
Which is why he can't believe Danneel might deliberately withhold his caffeine fix.
"It was an accident," Jensen whines, practically climbing over the counter. "I can go home and get it, but if I go back I'll end up sleeping and I have to go through some stuff. Gimme!"
"No," Danneel tells him cheerfully, calmly arranging the powdered flavoring. "Misha's definitely going to learn I gave you free coffee."
"It wouldn't be free," Jensen tells her indignantly. He still can't see good, and his stomach is roiling, but he's convinced a tall, dark black will definitely cure him. "I'll pay you back later, I promise. Don't make me beg!"
"Newsflash, son, you're already begging. Also, you look like you just jumped out of the bar. Don't your friends treat you good?"
"It's good if they just give me my fucking caffeine!"
"Sorry, not my fault you forgot your card at home, so go git. Beg for ten dollars outside for all I care. I'm not giving you free coffee on my watch just because you're friends with the establishment people. The world don't work that way, honey." Danneel's voice is practically gleeful,
Jensen practically weeps as the woman obviously takes pride at giving him pain.
Then a familiar voice says from behind him, "Oh, man, that's just sad. Danneel, I'll pay for this guy-but no fancy stuff for him. Is brewed okay with you, man?"
Danneel grins at someone from behind Jensen, completely ignoring the way Jensen freezes. "Coming right up, Mr. Wesson!" She salutes, then mock-whispers to Jensen, "That's pretty pathetic, Jen. Now go thank your benefactor."
Jensen whirls around, sees Jared towering over him, his hands in his pocket while he studies Jensen. "Uh-wow, I am so sorry you had to see that," he says, mortified.
"I see people who can't function because of many things," Jared says, grinning at him. "Trust me, coffee addiction is pretty small stuff." He cocks his head, then says seriously, "Don't start getting used to it, though."
"I won't!" Jensen says quickly. "Just...oh god, I was in such a hurry and I left my wallet at home. I better get one of those chains that snaps around my pants so I won't lose it-except it makes me look some kind of lame dog, or my friends will..." He realizes he's blabbering and immediately stops, blushing. "Uh. Yeah, that."
"That's not a bad idea," Jared says thoughtfully. "Might be a good investment. I wouldn't want to unleash decaffeinated you to the world."
"Oh god," Jensen utters, horrified to realize Jared Padalecki thinks he's an addict. "I don't really-"
Now it's Jared's turn to blush. "Sorry-sometimes I speak like I know the people I just met."
But you do, Jensen's mind supplies unhelpfully. He remembers this about Jared, the kid who would shyly come into his office to ask for advice about his paper. The first time around, Jensen had babbled about structure in short stories until Jared blurted out, "Jesus, you should seriously consider kicking Mike out-he didn't explain half of it as good as you!"
Jensen can remember staring at him with wide eyes, unsure how to react. Jared, in turn, had turned red, but he laughed and snatched his papers away, said something about making sure to go to Jensen next time he had a question, and it was the start of a weekly consultation that ended with a disaster and TV start Jared Padalecki talking to him because he doesn't remember that drunken blowjob three years ago.
Now, though, Jensen manages to stammer out, "It's fine."
"Here's your coffee, Jen," Danneel pipes up, suddenly appearing with a magical cup. "And your usual, Mr. Wesson. Why don't you go sit with the guy who just totally enabled you, Jen?"
"Subtle," Jared coughs, but he's grinning as he gestures to the corner of the cafe.
There's hardly anyone there so early in the morning during a weekend, but Jensen almost stumbles on the way to the table where Jared finally takes a seat. When they get there, Jared holds out his hand. "By the way, Sam Wesson isn't my real name. It's Jared Padalecki."
Jensen takes his hand into a firm handshake and tries to banish the memory of those hands gripping his hair as Jensen tried to breathe, mouth full of cock. "I, uh, I know."
"You've seen some of my work, huh?" Jared asks, nodding. It's not conceit, more of a polite conversation.
Jensen shrugs. "Not all," he tells Jared honestly. "I'm mostly busy, and I don't have a lot of time for TV. I saw you in that movie though. The one with the human trafficking? But other than that, no."
It's not a lie. The first time Jensen saw Jared act was his small but powerful role in Ten Ions Rule before Jared became a recurring character in a TV special. The last time was when Jensen caught the beginning of that show Beat Cops, before Jared became a regular in the cast. He's always been busy, and he doesn't have time to follow Jared Padalecki's career when Jensen has a life of his own.
It doesn't have anything to do with Jensen still trying to recover from his last personal encounter with Jared. Besides, it wouldn't be productive to keep watching the show where Jared is.
Still, his admission keeps the smile on Jared's face. "Yeah? And what do you usually watch?"
"History channel," Jensen says promptly, then curses when he realizes how nerdy that sounds. "Actually-"
"Oh, man, I have the steam age collection! That's definitely one of my favorites."
"Same here!" Jensen exclaims, then quickly has to fight back a tell-tale blush on his face. A few years ago, he and Jared never got this far in their conversations, and he can't help think that Jared seems different now-more confident in himself. Jared is a far cry from the tall gangly kid who shyly sat in Jensen's office every week, eager to show him his paper, but there's still the same light in his eyes whenever he talks about something that interests him.
They talk about documentaries-it turns out Jared watched all the writers' documentaries, and also goes to show that he still keeps up with reading and writing. "The best thing about being successful in my field is that I get to read a lot of great scripts early," Jared tells him. "I was an English major in college-before I moved to Hollywood. I was all set to teach kids about Kerouac and Fitzgerald if my work didn't pan out-"
"I know," Jensen interrupted, unable to help himself. "That you're a...I was an English major too."
Jared frowns when he hears Jensen's admission, but he asks instead, "What do you do?"
Jensen tells him about writing short stories and song lyrics for local bands. He also tells Jared about his two published novels. The first wasn't a big success, but the second managed to garner a cult following. "But being a song writer really helps as an alternative," he tells Jared. "It's a great alternative to publishing poems."
"Have I read anything you wrote?" Jared wonders.
The thought makes Jensen laugh, because he remembers Jared coming into his office once, gushing about the collection of poem that Jensen had submitted to one of their department's anthology collection. "Maybe. But now I mostly publish under a pseudonym-I doubt you've read anything I've ever written."
"Well," Jared says slowly, "I've only heard Danneel call you 'Jen', but you haven't actually told me your name."
Jensen pauses. Here's the most deciding factor, because Jared doesn't remember him, but he sure remembers Jared. And despite the mortifying experience of meeting a person you technically had a one night stand with years later and not being recognized, Jensen thinks he shouldn't start off a potential friendship by lying.
It still doesn't explain why, when Jensen opens his mouth, he blurts out, "I'm Dean Smith."
--
"So let me get this straight." Chris gulps down a mouthful of beer, then plunges on: "You told him Danneel calls you 'Jenny' because of a girl you used to date and it stuck, but your real name is Dean Smith, so now he thinks you two haven't met in your entire lives?"
"So he thinks you're straight?" Steve asks bluntly.
"I know it's a stupid idea-" Jensen starts.
Christ cuts him off with his spastic arm flailing. "Stupid idea? Son, it's going to be a disaster!"
"Come on, Padalecki didn't even recognize him," Steve protests, turning a total 180. "Jensen's not the only one stupid. No offense, man."
"None taken," Jensen replies frostily.
"Seriously, dude, you have the 'Jensen Ackles' face. He went to your office every week for a consultation, you goddamn blew him in that party that I hosted. How the hell can he not recognize you?" Steve shakes his head. "Only explanation is either he's a douche, or he didn't really care for you that time at all."
"Right, Steve, rub it in," Jensen says glumly.
"Still a douche, though," Steve points out, then lets out a squeak of pain when Chris digs an elbow into his side.
"The point is," Chris interrupts, sending Steve a death glare, "this guy isn't even based here in LA, and any chances of you striking any kind of relationship with him-friendly or otherwise-is bound to head south. Especially if you continue lying to him."
"Look, you know how these hotshot actors are," Jensen argues. "They pretend they're nice so people can squeal about how charming they are on Twitter and Facebook, but they don't really care about the little people. Not unless they think it's going to help their PR in the long run."
"Wow, that's a whole new way of looking at the world," Chris says sadly.
Steve only raises his eyebrow, leaning closer to look Jensen in the eye. "Can you honestly think that about Jared Padalecki?" he asks skeptically. "The guy you wrote poems about? The guy who made you so goddamn happy that every time he left your office, you started churning up sappy love songs like a jukebox?"
"He might have changed within three years," Jensen defends, but the answer sounds hollow to his ears.
His ears burns shamefully when Chris gives him a once-over, cocks his head, and says softly with some disappointment, "Apparently, so did you."
--
Jensen might have hoped, but he was still happy to see Jared in the coffee shop again a few days later. This time, though, Jared waves at him as soon as Jensen finishes greeting Danneel and placing his order.
As soon as Jensen sits across Jared, Jared tells him excitedly, "Hey, Dean! I finished a book last night!"
Jensen wonders if he didn't somehow forget that they were in a middle of an unfinished conversation. "Um...good for you?" he offers, confused.
"It's all thanks to you, actually," Jared says. His smile is wide, pleased with himself. "I haven't cracked open a book since forever, but our conversation about Mieville really got me going and I just had to. I couldn't stop reading."
"It's like riding a bike," Jensen teases.
"Kind of not," Jared admits. "I kept thinking about it in different angles-like how it would translate into script." He ducks immediately, and Jensen notes the tinge of red on his cheeks. "It's just something I've been thinking about," he mutters, half to himself.
Jensen wants to reach out and grab Jared's hand, ask Jared to tell him of his plans. He's never heard of this, not even years ago, when they mostly only talked about their field. Still, it surprises Jensen to hear that Jared's been thinking about writing. He's always thought actors generally turn away from their initial endeavors when they become successful. Granted, Jared has only been in Tinsel Town for three years, but it makes Jensen unusually happy to think that Jared hasn't left his roots behind.
Goddamn, Jensen must have forgotten to take his anti-emo pill today.
"I know some workshops for people who want to try their hand at scriptwriting adaptations," he offers instead. "If you want."
Jared visibly hesitates, and Jensen immediately moves to retract his offer, but Jared only says, "I'll...look into it. But thanks. For the offer."
It's surprising how uncertain Jared seems right now, but when Jensen moves to change the topic, a sharp ringing tone cuts through their conversation. Jared digs out his phone, glances at it, then looks at Jensen apologetically. "I have to take this."
Jensen nods, takes the time to take a huge gulp of his coffee. The coffee shop has filled over the time they started talking, but no one is particularly staring at their way. Danneel catches his gaze to give him a questioning look, which Jensen only returns with a shrug.
Finally, Jared finishes his conversation and announces, "My meeting this morning was just rescheduled. First time this month I have enough time to do something other than walk into a coffee shop!"
Jensen fights the disappointed feeling, but he can take a hint. He starts gathering his cup, phone, and iPod. "Guess I'll leave you to your free day, then," he says, giving Jared a smile.
"Wait!" Jared's hand shoots out and grabs Jensen's wrist, and Jensen jerks up in surprise. Jared has a strange expression, his eyes wide. "Look, what I meant was-I'm not from this neighborhood, so I was thinking if you can give me a tour?"
"Tour?" Jensen repeats dumbly.
"We can just walk, you can help me get to know the neighborhood better."
"You want to walk?" Jensen stares at him in amazement. "Don't you have, like, a car or something?"
Jared ducks. "My driver has a previous engagement," he mutters. "Look, it's fine if-"
"No. I mean, it's fine." Jensen gently tugs his hand back, immediately lets his fingers enclose around the wrist to feel the warmth from Jared's grip. "You should invest in a GPS, man. It'll make your life easier."
Jared's eyes dance as he stands. "Then where would the fun be?"
--
The first place Jensen takes him to his the bookstore where he frequently hangs out. "I can order my stuff online, but Emporium lets me look through their stuff to read the middle of the book," he explains to Jared as they make their way to the street.
"Shouldn't it be the first few pages?" Jared asks, amused.
Jensen points at him. "You don't get to judge me, okay? Misha does that enough." At Jared's puzzled look, Jensen explains hesitantly, "Uh-the shop owner. He's also kind of eccentric? He kind of pushes you into-"
"You're here!"
As soon as Jensen pushes the door open, something large, furry, and wet latches on to him with a cry. Jensen stumbles backwards, would have fallen if Jared didn't catch him from behind. Instead, the three of them stumble into some kind of heap. Jensen lets out a cry, only his mouth gets filled with coats of fuzz.
"I'm so glad you came," the furry figure says gratefully. "I need your help!"
It takes a while for Jensen to formulate an answer, which mostly consisted of him bellowing, "Misha, what the hell?!"
"Jen," the furred thing with Misha's voice says tearfully, "I am in dire need of help. Google calendar has failed me! There's a convention at the other side of town! I have to go! HELP!"
Jensen turns to Jared, hoping his expression of see what I have to deal with? will tell all. "Uh...Misha, this is Jared-"
"I just need help running the store," Misha weeps, totally ignoring him. "Just for a few hours. My cosplay group needs me. You understand, right? Like that time when you went to that Star Trek convention you absolutely had to go to?"
"I-" Jensen tries not to send Jared a panicked look. Oh god, Jared will think all of Jensen's friends are insane-which is kind of true-and Jensen in association, and he won't show up in the coffee shop again, or maybe he will and Jensen will have to ask Danneel to deliver his coffee to his house personally, which will make her pissy and will totally ruin their friendship-
"That Chewbacca costume is a classic, man," Jared butts in Jensen's thought-process. "You might want to wipe it up though, if you're going to the convention. You're, uh...dripping."
Misha raises his furry head, his face peeking out of Chewbacca's mouth. "You're new," he declares, giving Jared a slow once-over. "And kind of cute, too."
"Misha!" Jensen warns.
"And very, very correct in asserting that this Chewbacca costume is, indeed, a 'classic'," Misha goes on. He turns his entire focus on Jared, who, to his credit, looks absolutely cool about it. "So you two will help me?"
"I don't think Jared-"
"Sure!" Jared says quickly. "Bookstore, free reign-could be fun, right?"
"You have no idea what you're getting us into!" Jensen hisses as he pushes Misha away.
Misha launches into Jared, wrapping him into a hug. This time, Jared looks freaked out. "Thank you, thank you! If you're dating Mr. Dean Smith, please know that he is a well-rounded individual, who hates helping his friends out but ends up doing it anyway, and he likes dogs. Also, he hasn't had sex for about a year now."
"MISHA!" Jensen screams.
"I'm leaving!" Misha is out the door with a jaunty wave, his Chewbacca costume making soppy footprints on the floor. "Jen, Tom's coming over later to drop off some of Mr. Gough's comics, and I'm in the middle of arranging Mrs. Smith's cookbooks. You might want to finish that. I owe you man-both of you! Later!"
"Grab a fucking towel, Jesus!" Jensen yells after him before he slams the door close. When he whirls around, he sees Jared standing so close to him that Jensen has to sidestep him so he won't crash into Jared's chest. "Uh. So, yeah. Misha owns this place, and he's kind of crazy. He has a cosplay group where they pretend to be other people all the time in conventions." Jared only grins at him, which makes Jensen stutter more, "Feel free...you know. Look around. Get a feel of the place. I'll just...put some books away."
But instead of walking around the aisles as Jensen expects, Jared follows Jensen to the counter. "I thought only Danneel gets to call you 'Jenny'," Jared says.
Jensen freezes, but quickly wills himself to relax. "Um-yeah, they all think it's one big joke."
"Was the break-up bad?" Jared asks sympathetically.
Jensen blinks. "What break-up?"
"With your girlfriend? Jenny?" Jared asks, scratching his head. "You must have been very close. If they call you by your girlfriend's name?"
"It's um." Jensen wants to bang his head on the desk-it sounds like the stupidest lie, and even Jared looks like he doesn't believe it. Still, if appearances have to be kept... "It was cool...she was...Actually, I'm gay."
Jared is silent for a while, then clarifies, "So 'Jenny' was a guy?"
Jensen shrugs.
There's another awkward pause in the conversation, until Jensen ventures quietly, "Is that going to be a problem?"
"No," Jared says quickly, then grins. "I knew a guy who's name was kind of like that too. He would've hated being called 'Jenny'. He was also kind of hot."
Jensen looks away quickly, because what are the odds that Jared knows someone else who has the same name? His name is usual enough if it was a last name, but he's never met anyone else with the same first name. Kind of hot, he reminds himself, is not the same as actually hot.
But the hopeful feeling that blossoms in Jensen's heart doesn't go away. To quell it, he checks if he can still remember the register code from when he helped out in the shop, then turns to Jared. "Okay, since you got us into this mess, you'd better be helping me. Reshelving books in the children's corner is your first priority. You should have taken a basic library science class-go put it into use!"
"Yessir!" Jared salutes, then stops. "How did you know I took up some Library Science classes?"
Jensen pauses, privately freaking. He remembers that it was a younger Jared telling him about his library science classes, but he's sure this Jared has never mentioned it. He busies himself on the counter, hoping the trembling in his hands aren't obvious. "Y-you said you were an English major right? It's a likely elective," he says, not lifting his gaze.
Jared is silent for a few seconds, before he bursts out laughing. "The things you find out through IMDB these days," he says, and shakes his head before going to the children's section.
Jensen heaves a sigh, then turns to a customer who comes up to the counter. "How may I help you?" he asks politely.
Crisis averted.
--
"I like him," Misha declares days later in the bar where they all meet. "Are you going to keep this one?"
"If he gets to keep Jared Padalecki, I will die. Just die," Danneel announces. "It will be a nice death, though. Jensen, please keep Jared Padalecki."
Misha frowns. "That guy was Jared Padalecki? I thought you were lying!"
"I wasn't!"
"He's taller in actual life. Like-a fucking giant. Jared Padalecki is half-giant?"
"Maybe, and no, no one is keeping anything, much less a Jared Padalecki," Jensen tells him, removing Misha's hands over his arm.
"After they closed the shop, they came back to the coffee shop," Danneel informs the entire table. "They flirted over their coffee. Jensen was even doing that little blowing-over-his-coffee routine."
"My what?!"
"You know, the one where you purse your lips like so-" Misha puckers his lips, then sticks out his tongue obscenely. "-and blow on your coffee, so your dates start panting after you?"
"I do not do that!" Jensen exclaims, mortified.
"You so do!" Chris cracks up. "Remember Michael? He was practically ready to jump you, coffee shop or not!"
"What?!"
"Was Jared panting ala-Michael?" Chris asks Danneel.
Danneel nods. "Yup, no tongue though. That would be gross."
"Aww."
"But Jared Padalecki looks like a puppy, right?" Misha offers. "It wouldn't be lewd."
"Oh, god." Jensen puts his face in his hands. "Seriously, guys, I am ashamed. You shame me. My fucking friends and their shameful conversations."
"Does he still think you're 'Dean Smith'?" Steve puts in quietly.
Jensen freezes, and Misha frowns. "But he is Dean Smith," he says, confused.
"Jared thinks Jensen here is actually named 'Dean Smith'," Steve supplies. "He doesn't know Jensen's real name."
Misha frowns, turning to Jensen. "Is he a crazy stalker?" he asks. "Like, he thinks you're Dean Smith? What're the odds he'll go Misery on you?"
"He doesn't know that's just my pseudonym," Jensen tells him. When he catches Steve's disappointed expression, he snaps, "Look, it's the least of my problems. Jared doesn't know I'm the guy who...you know...him when he was in college, and none of you are going to volunteer the information."
"What does he mean by 'you know'?" Misha stage-whispers to Danneel.
"Blowjob," Danneel provides, also in stage-whisper. Misha's eyes widen and his mouth forms an O.
"Come on, it's not a big deal," Jensen says desperately. "He might be...nicer than I thought, but I'm not looking into dating him. Seriously. He's just a guy."
"You're thinking of dating again?" Jared asks, suddenly popping up from behind Jensen. "Who's the lucky guy?"
"No one," Jensen says quickly, while Misha pipes up, "His name is Dean Smith!"
"Yes," Jensen says loudly, standing up. "Yes, that is my name. Jared, these are my friends-Chris, Steve, and you know Misha and Danneel."
Jared shakes hands with everyone, but he pauses at Steve's face. "You look familiar," he mentions, cocking his head. "Have we met before?"
Too late, Jensen remembers that Steve and Chris were in the same university as Jensen and Jared years ago. He gestures behind Jared, but Steve only smiles. "Chris and I are in a band, do a lot of tours. You might have seen one of our shows."
"Maybe," Jared says doubtfully, but he lets it go.
Jensen sends Steve a grateful look, which Steve returns with a pointed, You owe me, bitch.
"So, Jared, is this your new favorite neighborhood?" Chris asks. "I would think Beat Cops would film in a more gritty area."
"Actually, I just moved in nearby," Jared tells them. "Most of the filming is done in-studio or in nearby locations, so I thought I might as well move out of my apartment and buy myself a house. I'm a big boy now, right? Least, that's what my momma's saying."
Jensen tries not to let the words big boy affect him so much. "Guess you need something different from all the network parties," he offers.
Jared only smiles at him. "My manager makes me go to all of them, but I'm not into all that these days. I've done my share of partying when I was in college, and I didn't like them at all. Everything's so confusing and loud, and sometimes people get so strange."
"Oh." And that's all Jensen can manage-because, Jesus, is that how Jared really saw college parties? No wonder he got freaked out when Jensen jumped him in that stupid frat party.
Danneel gives him a knowing look, then starts talking about her shift today, which gathers all the attention.
Jensen excuses himself to get the next round. He takes his time, thinking about what Jared just mentioned. Despite what he's been saying, Jensen realizes he still isn't over what happened years ago. But what's more silly is that he likes Jared now, finds that he wants to get to know the man he is now instead of thinking about Jared in the past. Sure, that guy was cute, but Jensen probably never stood a chance.
Which doesn't mean Jensen has a chance now. The only problem is, if he wants to keep Jared in his life, he has to come clean about who he is.
Resolved, he turns around, ready to march up to Jared to tell him the truth.
Except Jared is standing right behind him. Jensen throws up his hands, landing on Jared's chest so he won't crash into the man. "Jared," he exclaims. "You okay?"
"Your friends are weird, man," Jared tells him, grinning. "I think Misha just tried to lick me. Before he started licking Chris."
You're plenty lickable, Jensen thinks, but some of it must be showing in his eyes because Jared's eyes darken in turn, and he steps closer.
"Listen," Jared says, "I was thinking...if you'd like to go out sometime?"
His voice ends with a low tone, so it takes a while for Jensen to realize the question. Finally, just as Jared's look turns frantic, he sputters, "Wait. Are you...are you asking me out?"
Jared scratches his head, looking unusually shy. Which Jensen finds intriguingly adorable, seeing as Jared is some six-foot-something who looks like he can lift Jensen with just an arm. "I...yeah. Actually. Unless you're already dating some guy, and, yeah. But Misha mentioned you weren't dating anyone, and Danneel told me to go for it, and Chris is kind of meh about it. I'm kind of worried about Steve though, he didn't say anything the entire time-"
"I do!" Jensen interrupts. It makes him giddily happy to realize that Jared is nervous enough to be reduced to babbling. "I mean, I'd love to go. Is this...this is a date, right?" Because he has to be absolutely sure.
"Yeah. Yeah, it's a date," Jared replies firmly, nodding. "This Saturday? I'll pick you up."
"Saturday's good." Jensen nods.
They stare at each other for a while before Jared spreads his arms, grinning. "Well, it's a date then."
They make their way back to the tables where Chris complains, "You were gone so long, the drinks got here before you two did."
"Which is a miracle in itself," Misha puts in. "Amen!"
Jensen meets Danneel's gaze and catches himself grinning foolishly. Danneel only shakes her head, but there's a smile on her face.
When they're seated, Jensen notices that Jared sits closer, his thigh pressing against Jensen's. And when Jared's hand lands on Jensen's knee, stroking it slowly, Jensen can't help but shift on his seat, a little uncomfortable at the growing arousal, but never even considering telling Jared to stop.
He has to play this right, though, because Jensen has a feeling that when Jared finds out, Jensen's ego might take a beating of a lifetime...but if he's not careful, Jensen's heart will be the one that might get all the damage.
--
By Saturday, Jensen has managed to dodge Steve's disapproving lectures, Misha's pleas to help him run his shop, and Danneel's threats of body harm if Jensen doesn't manage to get laid tonight. Which Jensen doesn't have any intention of getting. Unless Jared is willing, then Jensen is so very willing to get. Anticipating the weekend was hard, and Jensen managed to drown himself in work, finishing off a short story and jotting down a few lines for a song or two. On the upside, inspiration has never hit him as hard before, and his editor's email is all praise for once-that is, until she finds all the grammar errors in his fiction.
When Saturday rolls over, Jensen waits for Jared tersely. Jared told him that the party is casual, but now Jensen is beginning to think he should have listened to Danneel when she said he should buy a new shirt.
The doorbell rings. Too late, he thinks, throws the door open.
"Hi," Jared says easily. He's dressed in a casual button-down shirt that showcases his thick arms and slim hips. Jensen kept his gaze above the waist, but the view so far is intoxicating.
When he finally tears his face away, he realizes that Jared has a far too amused look on his face, and that he's still standing on the hallway. "Come in," he says, blushing, then suddenly remembers that there are some pictures of himself during college years in his living room. Quickly, he pushes Jared into the hallway, babbling, "No, wait, on second thought, just stay there. Place is a mess, I just need my wallet. Just...just a sec!"
"But-"
Jensen closes the door into Jared's face, yelling, "Just wait, okay?!" He wants to kick himself for being so careless, and thinks that now may be the best time to tell Jared about his deceit.
But he'll wait until after the date. Sprinting towards the hallway, he finds Jared looking bewildered at the door. "Okay, let's go!" he tells Jared brightly.
"You..." But Jared only shakes his head before his familiarly brilliant smile comes out. "Okay, let's go."
They get into Jared's car. Jensen teases, "What kind of hotshot actor doesn't pick up his date in a limousine?"
"Someone who actually likes driving," Jared says wryly, making Jensen laugh.
The conversation in the car is easy enough, and carries well throughout dinner in a restaurant that Jensen chose. They talk about their favorite books, both agreeing that Misha's stock is well-thought of. Jensen tells Jared about the poetry readings he sometimes goes to, and Jared tells him about his dogs.
Jensen lets Jared know he's from Richardson, Texas, which makes Jared exclaim that-surprise, he is too! Then they start talking about their families, some of which Jensen dodges. He remembers mentioning he has a brother when he was in college, but he can't remember if he ever mentioned his sister. It doesn't matter though, because as soon as Jared gets to talk about his family, he gets set off like a firecracker. Apparently, Jared was the troublemaker in their family, and he always gets blamed for everything, even when Jared's sister is the actual culprit.
Finally, as the evening dies down, Jensen asks curiously, "Did you always want to become an actor?"
Jared looks surprised at the question, then laughs. "That seriously sounded like it came from a pap!" he crows.
Jensen flushes, cursing himself when he realizes how his words have failed him now. "It's just...you must've had other plans when you went to college. Or was being an actor part of it?"
"Hmm." Jared looks thoughtful before he answers, "I like acting. I was in theater when I was in high school and college, mostly doing different things from acting, writing, directing-those stuff. But I never took it seriously until someone came up to me and asked if I wanted to try my hand at LA. I was having some personal problems during that year, so I thought-hey, what the hell, right? So I told my parents. My momma was worried about it, but my dad thought it might be a good idea to take a year off, get the blues of out of my system. So my best friend and I packed up our stuff, went to LA. I landed some small roles that helped me get by, but I got a small role in that movie."
"I watched that movie," Jensen says softly. "They always said if you had a longer role, you might have won Best Supporting Actor."
Jared grins. "In many ways, I was lucky. I worked as a barista in a coffee shop in LA. Before I knew it, I was doing some other movies, a little TV, before I got regularized for Beat Cops as that doe-eyed believer who still hopes for better tomorrows in that Texan town."
"You look like you enjoy your role," Jensen observes.
Jared nods, and there's a small smile on his face even as his eyes shift, staring at something that may be long gone. He says softly, "Someone once told me that it's pretty cool when you can be somewhere else, sometime else, and best of all, get to be someone else, all at once. I think acting it all out-what comes out of writing, is one of the most exhilarating jobs I've ever done."
Jensen swallows hard, looks down to his plate and wishing his face isn't red.
Because it's a conversation he remembers distinctly. Sitting in the small office with shelves of musty books, Jared's paper in his hands with Jared himself sitting across his desk. Outside, the university lampposts flicker with uncertainty as the sun casts a reddish glow that filters through the window, bouncing on Jared's hair. Jared had asked him eagerly, "Why did you want to become a writer?"
And Jensen said, "Because I can be somewhere else, sometime else. And best of all, I get to be someone else, all at once. It's pretty cool."
Jared had reached out hesitantly, stroking Jensen's hand over the desk. They trembled until Jared pulls away. "I think I like it when you're being Jensen, though," Jared had said with that grin on his face.
Then and there, Jensen thought he gained power. With Jared's confidence in him, Jensen knew he can also start gaining confidence in himself. He could breathe his own persona into those characters, but he can also let those characters live their own lives without losing himself into the fictitious world.
Now, though, Jared sits across him, slowly regaining that private smile, reminiscent of that Jared years ago. He asks, "So tell me, Dean Smith, why did you want to become a writer?"
The echo of that familiar question brings Jensen back to the present. He gives Jared a weak smile, shrugging. "I guess I liked to pretend to be someone I'm not," he says, ashamed.
"That sounds pretty lonely, though," Jared mentions, frowning.
Jensen pushes his plate away and sighs. "It kind of does," he admits, and quickly changes the topic.
--
They play the "had a nice time" routine, but Jensen doesn't expect anything out of it-considering Jared had previously told them that he's not a real fan of moving too fast. Keeping this in mind, Jensen instead thanks Jared for the wonderful time, then presses a kiss on his lips.
Only Jared opens his mouth over his and tilts his head just so, that Jensen ends up throwing his arms around Jared's neck while Jared puts his hands on Jensen's waist. Jensen is only briefly aware of slamming his back against the door and his head knocking into his apartment number label before he succumbs once more to Jared's kiss.
When Jared sucks at Jensen's lower lip, Jensen has to let out a moan, banging his head back. The lips trail over his chin, down his throat before sucking on a pressure point that makes Jensen gasp and thrust his hip forward, only to brush against Jared's. They both moan at the contact, and with a fistful of Jared's hair in his hand, Jensen pulls him back up and returns the kiss with fervor.
The loud bang at the end of the hallway distracts them, and Jared pulls away, his eyes dancing wildly. Spikes of his hair stick up strangely, especially where Jensen pulled, and his mouth is kiss-bruised.
"Wow," Jared says, running a hand through his hair and completely ruining the already messy locks. He still looks shocked and awed. "I...wow."
"D'you wanna come inside?" Jensen asks cautiously, his voice hoarse.
Jared's eyes flash, making Jensen sway forward, but Jared immediately catches his arms before he can surge up and meet Jared's lips again. "No," he says firmly and loudly. "Let's take this slow, okay? We're not-I'm not Hollywood type. I can wait."
I can't! Jensen wants to scream, but he really, really wants Jared to like him, and goddammit, Jensen has lived with his right hand for years. If he can just remember why he has to do that when he can get Jared to do that, then he'll be fine.
So he clears his throat, says, "Y-yeah, I can mmph-!"
Jared grabs him, folds him into a kiss again before he leans closer, mouth against Jensen's ear.
"Let me take you out again," he asks, voice low against Jensen's ear as his hands press lower, teasing Jensen's belly. It makes Jensen's dick twitch inside his jeans that he almost grinds up into the hands. "Say yes, Dean, I want to take you out. Then maybe we can come back. Fool around. Fuck." His words are hissed.
"Yes," Jensen whimpers, unashamed at the way the words make his knees knock together. And then reality crashes over him and he pulls away-sprawled over the door as he tries to keep his bearings. He invited Jared in and Jared almost accepted. "Jared."
Jared takes a step back, then another, but his grin his wild and unrestrained-hungry. He looks like he's having a ball. "Okay, yeah. That's enough for tonight," he says, resolutely keeping his eyes away from Jensen. "There's this thing. Tomorrow night. My manager is making me go to a network party. There'll be lots of producers. Directors. Writers. Actors."
Jensen swallows. "Yeah, okay," he says cautiously.
"I want to take you." Jared scratches his head, scuffs his toe. He doesn't meet Jensen's eyes, but his hands are twitching as if he's holding himself back from reaching out. "My friends will be there, and I thought-I've met your friends, so-"
"Yeah, I...yeah." Jensen swallows. "Tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow. I'll pick you up again? Wear something nice." Jared's gaze traces Jensen from his head to toe, lingering on his tented jeans and his full lips.
But he must've regained some senses because Jared finally nods and says, "I'll see you. Thanks for tonight, Dean."
"'Night," Jensen calls back, part of his heart breaking when he hears the name Jared utters.
When he enters his apartment, he goes directly to that picture of his in college: a college party in Tom and Mike's house where Jensen had previously lived. It was one of those rare times when Jensen ventured downstairs during their party, and he looked unaware and decaffeinated when the photo was shot.
The background of the faded photo still manages to show a visible Jared Padalecki enjoying himself.
--
Part 2
Never Looked the Same 1/2
Jared/Jensen, CWRPS AU
NC-17, 12,900~ words (in two parts)
(Names are in no way associated with the real people.)
In which Jensen is a writer. He had a crush on Jared Padalecki when he was Jared's TA. Jared Padalecki is a Hollywood actor. He doesn't remember Jensen. That's okay, Jensen doesn't have a crush on him anymore and he can lie like a pro. He writes fiction, for god's sakes! This is gonna be easy.
The day Jared Padalecki walks into the coffee shop, almost everyone recognizes him despite the large shades and the baseball hat. Nevertheless, nobody reacts differently, except for a few gasps, whispers, and some brave girls and baristas asking for his autograph.
No one, except for Jensen, who recognizes him in an instant, and like a girl who hasn't graduated high school yet, quickly makes a dive behind the counter and stays there for about the fifteen minutes Jared Padalecki is in the shop.
"He's gone," Danneel finally notes. There's a smirk on her face a she stares down mockingly at Jensen. "And you have to pay for the coffee you spilled, asshole."
"Fuck you," Jensen tells her eloquently, and crawls out of the counter with as much dignity as he can muster.
--
So the thing is, actor Jared Padalecki is kind of a success story: smart kid who went to college in UT Austin, got three years through his English major before being scouted in a college production during his third year. LA was supposed to be just a summer fling for Jared-or so he said in the interviews that Jensen decidedly did not watch-but he got more jobs that anyone in that tinsel town ought to have. And within three years, he was an extra for a blockbuster movie, had a mini-series, and was a recurring character in a show that only took one season before he became a regular.
And the other thing? Jared Padalecki was the guy Jensen had a crush on in one English elective class where Jensen was a TA.
He's also the guy Jensen blew during a frat party. And it was the last time Jensen ever saw Jared Padalecki until the guy landed on the big screen.
--
"You're kind of pathetic," Danneel tells him the next day when Jensen picks up his coffee. "You can't still be fixated on a drunken blowjob during college!"
"I am not fixated!" Jensen hisses at her, motioning to keep her voice down. The morning rush has disappeared, but Jensen can't help the creepy feeling that someone should be waiting for him to finish placing his order. "And where's my coffee?!"
"Coming right up, sir," she says scathingly, then follows up with a dramatic, "Oh my god, Jared Padalecki just walked into the store!"
"Haha," Jensen grumbles, making grabby hands towards Danneel. "Coffee! Now!"
"I'll pay for that, if you don't mind?" a deep voice says behind him.
Jensen freezes, and he can feel his brain slowly shutting down, unable to process. There's a silly ERROR ERROR ERROR sign flashing in his head. The only thing he can focus on now is the freakishly long arm reaching out from behind him to hand over a card, the voice that (no way, no way) should belong to someone he has no right to see ever again. Much less remember him.
Danneel's hand on Jensen's arm brings him out of his funk, and it's only then that he realizes she's saying something, "...you okay? Jensen!"
"...Yeah." Jensen resolutely does not turn around. "Uh, yeah...thanks..."
"Hi," Jared Padalecki's amused voice says from somewhere behind Jensen-around his right shoulder. "Might want to look at the guy paying for your coffee."
Danneel honest-to-god gives a whimper as Jensen slowly turns around, staring down at his folders. "Uh. Hi." He tries to say more but Jared's smile renders him incapable of speaking.
Goddamn, but it's not like he forgot how hot this guy is. The last look Jensen got of him was that mortifying time when he looked up, barely finished swallowing Jared's cum only to see the all-too familiar tight look of panic in his eyes. Right now, though, Jared is peering down at him with a distant smile, as if he seems to remember Jensen, but can't seem to place him.
Jensen snags that thought and holds on to it like a fucking lifeline. "Hi," he manages. "Thanks for the coffee."
Jared shrugs. "No problem, man. I'll have a mocha latte, extra cream, extra sugar," he tells Danneel.
Jensen quickly steps aside, not meeting the sharp glance Danneel gives him. "Coming right up, sir!" she chirps, her arms making spastic gestures at Jensen's direction. But Jensen only shrugs and waits his turn.
When his name is called, Danneel has to grab his wrist before Jensen can manage to scramble away. "This is the god of second chances staring at you at the face, Jensen! Are you gonna be a man?" she hisses.
Jensen tries to yank his hand back, protesting, "He doesn't even remember me! He barely even looked at me!"
"Selective amnesia is a god-given gift, moron!" Danneel snaps. "Don't you think I want to forget the first time I let Evelyn eat my pussy?! She used teeth!"
"Ugh, visuals!" Jensen moans.
"Shut up, women's pussy are amazing, you ass. Now you march up to him and be sexy and coy. Sexy!" Danneel slams down his cup, grins, and quickly calls out, "Order for Sam Wesson!"
Jensen whirls around in time to get trapped by Jared's hulking frame. They dance around each other, before Jared finally catches his eyes and says, "Hi, yeah, that's my drink."
"You paid for mine!" Jensen blurts out, then immediately wishes he can take the words back. He's absolutely sure Jared is going to take one look at him and recognize him, but the glasses he dropped when he started working, the muscles he was determined to gain, and the way he cut his hair must do some kind of trick, because Jared only smiles at him politely.
"Yeah," Jared says, nodding his thanks at Danneel as he grabs his cup. "My good deed for the day, man."
"Oh," Jensen says. "Well. Thanks again. It was definitely-"
"Don't mention it." And then Jared Padalecki is out the door before Jensen can say another word. It takes Danneel ten minutes to get Jensen to stop banging his head on the corner table.
--
Jared doesn't come into the shop the next day, nor the next. After a week of having a Jared-free coffee shop, Danneel goes back to teasing him about his lack of dates and Jensen manages to push the bad memories aside once more.
Working as a writer-including books, shorts, and songs-means Jensen has to rely on routines to get through the day without losing himself into the blurs of words, music, and structured lines. When he gets to the coffee shop on Saturday morning, he's expecting the empty coffee shop might give him a lull, especially after he drank until 4am this morning.
Which is why he can't believe Danneel might deliberately withhold his caffeine fix.
"It was an accident," Jensen whines, practically climbing over the counter. "I can go home and get it, but if I go back I'll end up sleeping and I have to go through some stuff. Gimme!"
"No," Danneel tells him cheerfully, calmly arranging the powdered flavoring. "Misha's definitely going to learn I gave you free coffee."
"It wouldn't be free," Jensen tells her indignantly. He still can't see good, and his stomach is roiling, but he's convinced a tall, dark black will definitely cure him. "I'll pay you back later, I promise. Don't make me beg!"
"Newsflash, son, you're already begging. Also, you look like you just jumped out of the bar. Don't your friends treat you good?"
"It's good if they just give me my fucking caffeine!"
"Sorry, not my fault you forgot your card at home, so go git. Beg for ten dollars outside for all I care. I'm not giving you free coffee on my watch just because you're friends with the establishment people. The world don't work that way, honey." Danneel's voice is practically gleeful,
Jensen practically weeps as the woman obviously takes pride at giving him pain.
Then a familiar voice says from behind him, "Oh, man, that's just sad. Danneel, I'll pay for this guy-but no fancy stuff for him. Is brewed okay with you, man?"
Danneel grins at someone from behind Jensen, completely ignoring the way Jensen freezes. "Coming right up, Mr. Wesson!" She salutes, then mock-whispers to Jensen, "That's pretty pathetic, Jen. Now go thank your benefactor."
Jensen whirls around, sees Jared towering over him, his hands in his pocket while he studies Jensen. "Uh-wow, I am so sorry you had to see that," he says, mortified.
"I see people who can't function because of many things," Jared says, grinning at him. "Trust me, coffee addiction is pretty small stuff." He cocks his head, then says seriously, "Don't start getting used to it, though."
"I won't!" Jensen says quickly. "Just...oh god, I was in such a hurry and I left my wallet at home. I better get one of those chains that snaps around my pants so I won't lose it-except it makes me look some kind of lame dog, or my friends will..." He realizes he's blabbering and immediately stops, blushing. "Uh. Yeah, that."
"That's not a bad idea," Jared says thoughtfully. "Might be a good investment. I wouldn't want to unleash decaffeinated you to the world."
"Oh god," Jensen utters, horrified to realize Jared Padalecki thinks he's an addict. "I don't really-"
Now it's Jared's turn to blush. "Sorry-sometimes I speak like I know the people I just met."
But you do, Jensen's mind supplies unhelpfully. He remembers this about Jared, the kid who would shyly come into his office to ask for advice about his paper. The first time around, Jensen had babbled about structure in short stories until Jared blurted out, "Jesus, you should seriously consider kicking Mike out-he didn't explain half of it as good as you!"
Jensen can remember staring at him with wide eyes, unsure how to react. Jared, in turn, had turned red, but he laughed and snatched his papers away, said something about making sure to go to Jensen next time he had a question, and it was the start of a weekly consultation that ended with a disaster and TV start Jared Padalecki talking to him because he doesn't remember that drunken blowjob three years ago.
Now, though, Jensen manages to stammer out, "It's fine."
"Here's your coffee, Jen," Danneel pipes up, suddenly appearing with a magical cup. "And your usual, Mr. Wesson. Why don't you go sit with the guy who just totally enabled you, Jen?"
"Subtle," Jared coughs, but he's grinning as he gestures to the corner of the cafe.
There's hardly anyone there so early in the morning during a weekend, but Jensen almost stumbles on the way to the table where Jared finally takes a seat. When they get there, Jared holds out his hand. "By the way, Sam Wesson isn't my real name. It's Jared Padalecki."
Jensen takes his hand into a firm handshake and tries to banish the memory of those hands gripping his hair as Jensen tried to breathe, mouth full of cock. "I, uh, I know."
"You've seen some of my work, huh?" Jared asks, nodding. It's not conceit, more of a polite conversation.
Jensen shrugs. "Not all," he tells Jared honestly. "I'm mostly busy, and I don't have a lot of time for TV. I saw you in that movie though. The one with the human trafficking? But other than that, no."
It's not a lie. The first time Jensen saw Jared act was his small but powerful role in Ten Ions Rule before Jared became a recurring character in a TV special. The last time was when Jensen caught the beginning of that show Beat Cops, before Jared became a regular in the cast. He's always been busy, and he doesn't have time to follow Jared Padalecki's career when Jensen has a life of his own.
It doesn't have anything to do with Jensen still trying to recover from his last personal encounter with Jared. Besides, it wouldn't be productive to keep watching the show where Jared is.
Still, his admission keeps the smile on Jared's face. "Yeah? And what do you usually watch?"
"History channel," Jensen says promptly, then curses when he realizes how nerdy that sounds. "Actually-"
"Oh, man, I have the steam age collection! That's definitely one of my favorites."
"Same here!" Jensen exclaims, then quickly has to fight back a tell-tale blush on his face. A few years ago, he and Jared never got this far in their conversations, and he can't help think that Jared seems different now-more confident in himself. Jared is a far cry from the tall gangly kid who shyly sat in Jensen's office every week, eager to show him his paper, but there's still the same light in his eyes whenever he talks about something that interests him.
They talk about documentaries-it turns out Jared watched all the writers' documentaries, and also goes to show that he still keeps up with reading and writing. "The best thing about being successful in my field is that I get to read a lot of great scripts early," Jared tells him. "I was an English major in college-before I moved to Hollywood. I was all set to teach kids about Kerouac and Fitzgerald if my work didn't pan out-"
"I know," Jensen interrupted, unable to help himself. "That you're a...I was an English major too."
Jared frowns when he hears Jensen's admission, but he asks instead, "What do you do?"
Jensen tells him about writing short stories and song lyrics for local bands. He also tells Jared about his two published novels. The first wasn't a big success, but the second managed to garner a cult following. "But being a song writer really helps as an alternative," he tells Jared. "It's a great alternative to publishing poems."
"Have I read anything you wrote?" Jared wonders.
The thought makes Jensen laugh, because he remembers Jared coming into his office once, gushing about the collection of poem that Jensen had submitted to one of their department's anthology collection. "Maybe. But now I mostly publish under a pseudonym-I doubt you've read anything I've ever written."
"Well," Jared says slowly, "I've only heard Danneel call you 'Jen', but you haven't actually told me your name."
Jensen pauses. Here's the most deciding factor, because Jared doesn't remember him, but he sure remembers Jared. And despite the mortifying experience of meeting a person you technically had a one night stand with years later and not being recognized, Jensen thinks he shouldn't start off a potential friendship by lying.
It still doesn't explain why, when Jensen opens his mouth, he blurts out, "I'm Dean Smith."
--
"So let me get this straight." Chris gulps down a mouthful of beer, then plunges on: "You told him Danneel calls you 'Jenny' because of a girl you used to date and it stuck, but your real name is Dean Smith, so now he thinks you two haven't met in your entire lives?"
"So he thinks you're straight?" Steve asks bluntly.
"I know it's a stupid idea-" Jensen starts.
Christ cuts him off with his spastic arm flailing. "Stupid idea? Son, it's going to be a disaster!"
"Come on, Padalecki didn't even recognize him," Steve protests, turning a total 180. "Jensen's not the only one stupid. No offense, man."
"None taken," Jensen replies frostily.
"Seriously, dude, you have the 'Jensen Ackles' face. He went to your office every week for a consultation, you goddamn blew him in that party that I hosted. How the hell can he not recognize you?" Steve shakes his head. "Only explanation is either he's a douche, or he didn't really care for you that time at all."
"Right, Steve, rub it in," Jensen says glumly.
"Still a douche, though," Steve points out, then lets out a squeak of pain when Chris digs an elbow into his side.
"The point is," Chris interrupts, sending Steve a death glare, "this guy isn't even based here in LA, and any chances of you striking any kind of relationship with him-friendly or otherwise-is bound to head south. Especially if you continue lying to him."
"Look, you know how these hotshot actors are," Jensen argues. "They pretend they're nice so people can squeal about how charming they are on Twitter and Facebook, but they don't really care about the little people. Not unless they think it's going to help their PR in the long run."
"Wow, that's a whole new way of looking at the world," Chris says sadly.
Steve only raises his eyebrow, leaning closer to look Jensen in the eye. "Can you honestly think that about Jared Padalecki?" he asks skeptically. "The guy you wrote poems about? The guy who made you so goddamn happy that every time he left your office, you started churning up sappy love songs like a jukebox?"
"He might have changed within three years," Jensen defends, but the answer sounds hollow to his ears.
His ears burns shamefully when Chris gives him a once-over, cocks his head, and says softly with some disappointment, "Apparently, so did you."
--
Jensen might have hoped, but he was still happy to see Jared in the coffee shop again a few days later. This time, though, Jared waves at him as soon as Jensen finishes greeting Danneel and placing his order.
As soon as Jensen sits across Jared, Jared tells him excitedly, "Hey, Dean! I finished a book last night!"
Jensen wonders if he didn't somehow forget that they were in a middle of an unfinished conversation. "Um...good for you?" he offers, confused.
"It's all thanks to you, actually," Jared says. His smile is wide, pleased with himself. "I haven't cracked open a book since forever, but our conversation about Mieville really got me going and I just had to. I couldn't stop reading."
"It's like riding a bike," Jensen teases.
"Kind of not," Jared admits. "I kept thinking about it in different angles-like how it would translate into script." He ducks immediately, and Jensen notes the tinge of red on his cheeks. "It's just something I've been thinking about," he mutters, half to himself.
Jensen wants to reach out and grab Jared's hand, ask Jared to tell him of his plans. He's never heard of this, not even years ago, when they mostly only talked about their field. Still, it surprises Jensen to hear that Jared's been thinking about writing. He's always thought actors generally turn away from their initial endeavors when they become successful. Granted, Jared has only been in Tinsel Town for three years, but it makes Jensen unusually happy to think that Jared hasn't left his roots behind.
Goddamn, Jensen must have forgotten to take his anti-emo pill today.
"I know some workshops for people who want to try their hand at scriptwriting adaptations," he offers instead. "If you want."
Jared visibly hesitates, and Jensen immediately moves to retract his offer, but Jared only says, "I'll...look into it. But thanks. For the offer."
It's surprising how uncertain Jared seems right now, but when Jensen moves to change the topic, a sharp ringing tone cuts through their conversation. Jared digs out his phone, glances at it, then looks at Jensen apologetically. "I have to take this."
Jensen nods, takes the time to take a huge gulp of his coffee. The coffee shop has filled over the time they started talking, but no one is particularly staring at their way. Danneel catches his gaze to give him a questioning look, which Jensen only returns with a shrug.
Finally, Jared finishes his conversation and announces, "My meeting this morning was just rescheduled. First time this month I have enough time to do something other than walk into a coffee shop!"
Jensen fights the disappointed feeling, but he can take a hint. He starts gathering his cup, phone, and iPod. "Guess I'll leave you to your free day, then," he says, giving Jared a smile.
"Wait!" Jared's hand shoots out and grabs Jensen's wrist, and Jensen jerks up in surprise. Jared has a strange expression, his eyes wide. "Look, what I meant was-I'm not from this neighborhood, so I was thinking if you can give me a tour?"
"Tour?" Jensen repeats dumbly.
"We can just walk, you can help me get to know the neighborhood better."
"You want to walk?" Jensen stares at him in amazement. "Don't you have, like, a car or something?"
Jared ducks. "My driver has a previous engagement," he mutters. "Look, it's fine if-"
"No. I mean, it's fine." Jensen gently tugs his hand back, immediately lets his fingers enclose around the wrist to feel the warmth from Jared's grip. "You should invest in a GPS, man. It'll make your life easier."
Jared's eyes dance as he stands. "Then where would the fun be?"
--
The first place Jensen takes him to his the bookstore where he frequently hangs out. "I can order my stuff online, but Emporium lets me look through their stuff to read the middle of the book," he explains to Jared as they make their way to the street.
"Shouldn't it be the first few pages?" Jared asks, amused.
Jensen points at him. "You don't get to judge me, okay? Misha does that enough." At Jared's puzzled look, Jensen explains hesitantly, "Uh-the shop owner. He's also kind of eccentric? He kind of pushes you into-"
"You're here!"
As soon as Jensen pushes the door open, something large, furry, and wet latches on to him with a cry. Jensen stumbles backwards, would have fallen if Jared didn't catch him from behind. Instead, the three of them stumble into some kind of heap. Jensen lets out a cry, only his mouth gets filled with coats of fuzz.
"I'm so glad you came," the furry figure says gratefully. "I need your help!"
It takes a while for Jensen to formulate an answer, which mostly consisted of him bellowing, "Misha, what the hell?!"
"Jen," the furred thing with Misha's voice says tearfully, "I am in dire need of help. Google calendar has failed me! There's a convention at the other side of town! I have to go! HELP!"
Jensen turns to Jared, hoping his expression of see what I have to deal with? will tell all. "Uh...Misha, this is Jared-"
"I just need help running the store," Misha weeps, totally ignoring him. "Just for a few hours. My cosplay group needs me. You understand, right? Like that time when you went to that Star Trek convention you absolutely had to go to?"
"I-" Jensen tries not to send Jared a panicked look. Oh god, Jared will think all of Jensen's friends are insane-which is kind of true-and Jensen in association, and he won't show up in the coffee shop again, or maybe he will and Jensen will have to ask Danneel to deliver his coffee to his house personally, which will make her pissy and will totally ruin their friendship-
"That Chewbacca costume is a classic, man," Jared butts in Jensen's thought-process. "You might want to wipe it up though, if you're going to the convention. You're, uh...dripping."
Misha raises his furry head, his face peeking out of Chewbacca's mouth. "You're new," he declares, giving Jared a slow once-over. "And kind of cute, too."
"Misha!" Jensen warns.
"And very, very correct in asserting that this Chewbacca costume is, indeed, a 'classic'," Misha goes on. He turns his entire focus on Jared, who, to his credit, looks absolutely cool about it. "So you two will help me?"
"I don't think Jared-"
"Sure!" Jared says quickly. "Bookstore, free reign-could be fun, right?"
"You have no idea what you're getting us into!" Jensen hisses as he pushes Misha away.
Misha launches into Jared, wrapping him into a hug. This time, Jared looks freaked out. "Thank you, thank you! If you're dating Mr. Dean Smith, please know that he is a well-rounded individual, who hates helping his friends out but ends up doing it anyway, and he likes dogs. Also, he hasn't had sex for about a year now."
"MISHA!" Jensen screams.
"I'm leaving!" Misha is out the door with a jaunty wave, his Chewbacca costume making soppy footprints on the floor. "Jen, Tom's coming over later to drop off some of Mr. Gough's comics, and I'm in the middle of arranging Mrs. Smith's cookbooks. You might want to finish that. I owe you man-both of you! Later!"
"Grab a fucking towel, Jesus!" Jensen yells after him before he slams the door close. When he whirls around, he sees Jared standing so close to him that Jensen has to sidestep him so he won't crash into Jared's chest. "Uh. So, yeah. Misha owns this place, and he's kind of crazy. He has a cosplay group where they pretend to be other people all the time in conventions." Jared only grins at him, which makes Jensen stutter more, "Feel free...you know. Look around. Get a feel of the place. I'll just...put some books away."
But instead of walking around the aisles as Jensen expects, Jared follows Jensen to the counter. "I thought only Danneel gets to call you 'Jenny'," Jared says.
Jensen freezes, but quickly wills himself to relax. "Um-yeah, they all think it's one big joke."
"Was the break-up bad?" Jared asks sympathetically.
Jensen blinks. "What break-up?"
"With your girlfriend? Jenny?" Jared asks, scratching his head. "You must have been very close. If they call you by your girlfriend's name?"
"It's um." Jensen wants to bang his head on the desk-it sounds like the stupidest lie, and even Jared looks like he doesn't believe it. Still, if appearances have to be kept... "It was cool...she was...Actually, I'm gay."
Jared is silent for a while, then clarifies, "So 'Jenny' was a guy?"
Jensen shrugs.
There's another awkward pause in the conversation, until Jensen ventures quietly, "Is that going to be a problem?"
"No," Jared says quickly, then grins. "I knew a guy who's name was kind of like that too. He would've hated being called 'Jenny'. He was also kind of hot."
Jensen looks away quickly, because what are the odds that Jared knows someone else who has the same name? His name is usual enough if it was a last name, but he's never met anyone else with the same first name. Kind of hot, he reminds himself, is not the same as actually hot.
But the hopeful feeling that blossoms in Jensen's heart doesn't go away. To quell it, he checks if he can still remember the register code from when he helped out in the shop, then turns to Jared. "Okay, since you got us into this mess, you'd better be helping me. Reshelving books in the children's corner is your first priority. You should have taken a basic library science class-go put it into use!"
"Yessir!" Jared salutes, then stops. "How did you know I took up some Library Science classes?"
Jensen pauses, privately freaking. He remembers that it was a younger Jared telling him about his library science classes, but he's sure this Jared has never mentioned it. He busies himself on the counter, hoping the trembling in his hands aren't obvious. "Y-you said you were an English major right? It's a likely elective," he says, not lifting his gaze.
Jared is silent for a few seconds, before he bursts out laughing. "The things you find out through IMDB these days," he says, and shakes his head before going to the children's section.
Jensen heaves a sigh, then turns to a customer who comes up to the counter. "How may I help you?" he asks politely.
Crisis averted.
--
"I like him," Misha declares days later in the bar where they all meet. "Are you going to keep this one?"
"If he gets to keep Jared Padalecki, I will die. Just die," Danneel announces. "It will be a nice death, though. Jensen, please keep Jared Padalecki."
Misha frowns. "That guy was Jared Padalecki? I thought you were lying!"
"I wasn't!"
"He's taller in actual life. Like-a fucking giant. Jared Padalecki is half-giant?"
"Maybe, and no, no one is keeping anything, much less a Jared Padalecki," Jensen tells him, removing Misha's hands over his arm.
"After they closed the shop, they came back to the coffee shop," Danneel informs the entire table. "They flirted over their coffee. Jensen was even doing that little blowing-over-his-coffee routine."
"My what?!"
"You know, the one where you purse your lips like so-" Misha puckers his lips, then sticks out his tongue obscenely. "-and blow on your coffee, so your dates start panting after you?"
"I do not do that!" Jensen exclaims, mortified.
"You so do!" Chris cracks up. "Remember Michael? He was practically ready to jump you, coffee shop or not!"
"What?!"
"Was Jared panting ala-Michael?" Chris asks Danneel.
Danneel nods. "Yup, no tongue though. That would be gross."
"Aww."
"But Jared Padalecki looks like a puppy, right?" Misha offers. "It wouldn't be lewd."
"Oh, god." Jensen puts his face in his hands. "Seriously, guys, I am ashamed. You shame me. My fucking friends and their shameful conversations."
"Does he still think you're 'Dean Smith'?" Steve puts in quietly.
Jensen freezes, and Misha frowns. "But he is Dean Smith," he says, confused.
"Jared thinks Jensen here is actually named 'Dean Smith'," Steve supplies. "He doesn't know Jensen's real name."
Misha frowns, turning to Jensen. "Is he a crazy stalker?" he asks. "Like, he thinks you're Dean Smith? What're the odds he'll go Misery on you?"
"He doesn't know that's just my pseudonym," Jensen tells him. When he catches Steve's disappointed expression, he snaps, "Look, it's the least of my problems. Jared doesn't know I'm the guy who...you know...him when he was in college, and none of you are going to volunteer the information."
"What does he mean by 'you know'?" Misha stage-whispers to Danneel.
"Blowjob," Danneel provides, also in stage-whisper. Misha's eyes widen and his mouth forms an O.
"Come on, it's not a big deal," Jensen says desperately. "He might be...nicer than I thought, but I'm not looking into dating him. Seriously. He's just a guy."
"You're thinking of dating again?" Jared asks, suddenly popping up from behind Jensen. "Who's the lucky guy?"
"No one," Jensen says quickly, while Misha pipes up, "His name is Dean Smith!"
"Yes," Jensen says loudly, standing up. "Yes, that is my name. Jared, these are my friends-Chris, Steve, and you know Misha and Danneel."
Jared shakes hands with everyone, but he pauses at Steve's face. "You look familiar," he mentions, cocking his head. "Have we met before?"
Too late, Jensen remembers that Steve and Chris were in the same university as Jensen and Jared years ago. He gestures behind Jared, but Steve only smiles. "Chris and I are in a band, do a lot of tours. You might have seen one of our shows."
"Maybe," Jared says doubtfully, but he lets it go.
Jensen sends Steve a grateful look, which Steve returns with a pointed, You owe me, bitch.
"So, Jared, is this your new favorite neighborhood?" Chris asks. "I would think Beat Cops would film in a more gritty area."
"Actually, I just moved in nearby," Jared tells them. "Most of the filming is done in-studio or in nearby locations, so I thought I might as well move out of my apartment and buy myself a house. I'm a big boy now, right? Least, that's what my momma's saying."
Jensen tries not to let the words big boy affect him so much. "Guess you need something different from all the network parties," he offers.
Jared only smiles at him. "My manager makes me go to all of them, but I'm not into all that these days. I've done my share of partying when I was in college, and I didn't like them at all. Everything's so confusing and loud, and sometimes people get so strange."
"Oh." And that's all Jensen can manage-because, Jesus, is that how Jared really saw college parties? No wonder he got freaked out when Jensen jumped him in that stupid frat party.
Danneel gives him a knowing look, then starts talking about her shift today, which gathers all the attention.
Jensen excuses himself to get the next round. He takes his time, thinking about what Jared just mentioned. Despite what he's been saying, Jensen realizes he still isn't over what happened years ago. But what's more silly is that he likes Jared now, finds that he wants to get to know the man he is now instead of thinking about Jared in the past. Sure, that guy was cute, but Jensen probably never stood a chance.
Which doesn't mean Jensen has a chance now. The only problem is, if he wants to keep Jared in his life, he has to come clean about who he is.
Resolved, he turns around, ready to march up to Jared to tell him the truth.
Except Jared is standing right behind him. Jensen throws up his hands, landing on Jared's chest so he won't crash into the man. "Jared," he exclaims. "You okay?"
"Your friends are weird, man," Jared tells him, grinning. "I think Misha just tried to lick me. Before he started licking Chris."
You're plenty lickable, Jensen thinks, but some of it must be showing in his eyes because Jared's eyes darken in turn, and he steps closer.
"Listen," Jared says, "I was thinking...if you'd like to go out sometime?"
His voice ends with a low tone, so it takes a while for Jensen to realize the question. Finally, just as Jared's look turns frantic, he sputters, "Wait. Are you...are you asking me out?"
Jared scratches his head, looking unusually shy. Which Jensen finds intriguingly adorable, seeing as Jared is some six-foot-something who looks like he can lift Jensen with just an arm. "I...yeah. Actually. Unless you're already dating some guy, and, yeah. But Misha mentioned you weren't dating anyone, and Danneel told me to go for it, and Chris is kind of meh about it. I'm kind of worried about Steve though, he didn't say anything the entire time-"
"I do!" Jensen interrupts. It makes him giddily happy to realize that Jared is nervous enough to be reduced to babbling. "I mean, I'd love to go. Is this...this is a date, right?" Because he has to be absolutely sure.
"Yeah. Yeah, it's a date," Jared replies firmly, nodding. "This Saturday? I'll pick you up."
"Saturday's good." Jensen nods.
They stare at each other for a while before Jared spreads his arms, grinning. "Well, it's a date then."
They make their way back to the tables where Chris complains, "You were gone so long, the drinks got here before you two did."
"Which is a miracle in itself," Misha puts in. "Amen!"
Jensen meets Danneel's gaze and catches himself grinning foolishly. Danneel only shakes her head, but there's a smile on her face.
When they're seated, Jensen notices that Jared sits closer, his thigh pressing against Jensen's. And when Jared's hand lands on Jensen's knee, stroking it slowly, Jensen can't help but shift on his seat, a little uncomfortable at the growing arousal, but never even considering telling Jared to stop.
He has to play this right, though, because Jensen has a feeling that when Jared finds out, Jensen's ego might take a beating of a lifetime...but if he's not careful, Jensen's heart will be the one that might get all the damage.
--
By Saturday, Jensen has managed to dodge Steve's disapproving lectures, Misha's pleas to help him run his shop, and Danneel's threats of body harm if Jensen doesn't manage to get laid tonight. Which Jensen doesn't have any intention of getting. Unless Jared is willing, then Jensen is so very willing to get. Anticipating the weekend was hard, and Jensen managed to drown himself in work, finishing off a short story and jotting down a few lines for a song or two. On the upside, inspiration has never hit him as hard before, and his editor's email is all praise for once-that is, until she finds all the grammar errors in his fiction.
When Saturday rolls over, Jensen waits for Jared tersely. Jared told him that the party is casual, but now Jensen is beginning to think he should have listened to Danneel when she said he should buy a new shirt.
The doorbell rings. Too late, he thinks, throws the door open.
"Hi," Jared says easily. He's dressed in a casual button-down shirt that showcases his thick arms and slim hips. Jensen kept his gaze above the waist, but the view so far is intoxicating.
When he finally tears his face away, he realizes that Jared has a far too amused look on his face, and that he's still standing on the hallway. "Come in," he says, blushing, then suddenly remembers that there are some pictures of himself during college years in his living room. Quickly, he pushes Jared into the hallway, babbling, "No, wait, on second thought, just stay there. Place is a mess, I just need my wallet. Just...just a sec!"
"But-"
Jensen closes the door into Jared's face, yelling, "Just wait, okay?!" He wants to kick himself for being so careless, and thinks that now may be the best time to tell Jared about his deceit.
But he'll wait until after the date. Sprinting towards the hallway, he finds Jared looking bewildered at the door. "Okay, let's go!" he tells Jared brightly.
"You..." But Jared only shakes his head before his familiarly brilliant smile comes out. "Okay, let's go."
They get into Jared's car. Jensen teases, "What kind of hotshot actor doesn't pick up his date in a limousine?"
"Someone who actually likes driving," Jared says wryly, making Jensen laugh.
The conversation in the car is easy enough, and carries well throughout dinner in a restaurant that Jensen chose. They talk about their favorite books, both agreeing that Misha's stock is well-thought of. Jensen tells Jared about the poetry readings he sometimes goes to, and Jared tells him about his dogs.
Jensen lets Jared know he's from Richardson, Texas, which makes Jared exclaim that-surprise, he is too! Then they start talking about their families, some of which Jensen dodges. He remembers mentioning he has a brother when he was in college, but he can't remember if he ever mentioned his sister. It doesn't matter though, because as soon as Jared gets to talk about his family, he gets set off like a firecracker. Apparently, Jared was the troublemaker in their family, and he always gets blamed for everything, even when Jared's sister is the actual culprit.
Finally, as the evening dies down, Jensen asks curiously, "Did you always want to become an actor?"
Jared looks surprised at the question, then laughs. "That seriously sounded like it came from a pap!" he crows.
Jensen flushes, cursing himself when he realizes how his words have failed him now. "It's just...you must've had other plans when you went to college. Or was being an actor part of it?"
"Hmm." Jared looks thoughtful before he answers, "I like acting. I was in theater when I was in high school and college, mostly doing different things from acting, writing, directing-those stuff. But I never took it seriously until someone came up to me and asked if I wanted to try my hand at LA. I was having some personal problems during that year, so I thought-hey, what the hell, right? So I told my parents. My momma was worried about it, but my dad thought it might be a good idea to take a year off, get the blues of out of my system. So my best friend and I packed up our stuff, went to LA. I landed some small roles that helped me get by, but I got a small role in that movie."
"I watched that movie," Jensen says softly. "They always said if you had a longer role, you might have won Best Supporting Actor."
Jared grins. "In many ways, I was lucky. I worked as a barista in a coffee shop in LA. Before I knew it, I was doing some other movies, a little TV, before I got regularized for Beat Cops as that doe-eyed believer who still hopes for better tomorrows in that Texan town."
"You look like you enjoy your role," Jensen observes.
Jared nods, and there's a small smile on his face even as his eyes shift, staring at something that may be long gone. He says softly, "Someone once told me that it's pretty cool when you can be somewhere else, sometime else, and best of all, get to be someone else, all at once. I think acting it all out-what comes out of writing, is one of the most exhilarating jobs I've ever done."
Jensen swallows hard, looks down to his plate and wishing his face isn't red.
Because it's a conversation he remembers distinctly. Sitting in the small office with shelves of musty books, Jared's paper in his hands with Jared himself sitting across his desk. Outside, the university lampposts flicker with uncertainty as the sun casts a reddish glow that filters through the window, bouncing on Jared's hair. Jared had asked him eagerly, "Why did you want to become a writer?"
And Jensen said, "Because I can be somewhere else, sometime else. And best of all, I get to be someone else, all at once. It's pretty cool."
Jared had reached out hesitantly, stroking Jensen's hand over the desk. They trembled until Jared pulls away. "I think I like it when you're being Jensen, though," Jared had said with that grin on his face.
Then and there, Jensen thought he gained power. With Jared's confidence in him, Jensen knew he can also start gaining confidence in himself. He could breathe his own persona into those characters, but he can also let those characters live their own lives without losing himself into the fictitious world.
Now, though, Jared sits across him, slowly regaining that private smile, reminiscent of that Jared years ago. He asks, "So tell me, Dean Smith, why did you want to become a writer?"
The echo of that familiar question brings Jensen back to the present. He gives Jared a weak smile, shrugging. "I guess I liked to pretend to be someone I'm not," he says, ashamed.
"That sounds pretty lonely, though," Jared mentions, frowning.
Jensen pushes his plate away and sighs. "It kind of does," he admits, and quickly changes the topic.
--
They play the "had a nice time" routine, but Jensen doesn't expect anything out of it-considering Jared had previously told them that he's not a real fan of moving too fast. Keeping this in mind, Jensen instead thanks Jared for the wonderful time, then presses a kiss on his lips.
Only Jared opens his mouth over his and tilts his head just so, that Jensen ends up throwing his arms around Jared's neck while Jared puts his hands on Jensen's waist. Jensen is only briefly aware of slamming his back against the door and his head knocking into his apartment number label before he succumbs once more to Jared's kiss.
When Jared sucks at Jensen's lower lip, Jensen has to let out a moan, banging his head back. The lips trail over his chin, down his throat before sucking on a pressure point that makes Jensen gasp and thrust his hip forward, only to brush against Jared's. They both moan at the contact, and with a fistful of Jared's hair in his hand, Jensen pulls him back up and returns the kiss with fervor.
The loud bang at the end of the hallway distracts them, and Jared pulls away, his eyes dancing wildly. Spikes of his hair stick up strangely, especially where Jensen pulled, and his mouth is kiss-bruised.
"Wow," Jared says, running a hand through his hair and completely ruining the already messy locks. He still looks shocked and awed. "I...wow."
"D'you wanna come inside?" Jensen asks cautiously, his voice hoarse.
Jared's eyes flash, making Jensen sway forward, but Jared immediately catches his arms before he can surge up and meet Jared's lips again. "No," he says firmly and loudly. "Let's take this slow, okay? We're not-I'm not Hollywood type. I can wait."
I can't! Jensen wants to scream, but he really, really wants Jared to like him, and goddammit, Jensen has lived with his right hand for years. If he can just remember why he has to do that when he can get Jared to do that, then he'll be fine.
So he clears his throat, says, "Y-yeah, I can mmph-!"
Jared grabs him, folds him into a kiss again before he leans closer, mouth against Jensen's ear.
"Let me take you out again," he asks, voice low against Jensen's ear as his hands press lower, teasing Jensen's belly. It makes Jensen's dick twitch inside his jeans that he almost grinds up into the hands. "Say yes, Dean, I want to take you out. Then maybe we can come back. Fool around. Fuck." His words are hissed.
"Yes," Jensen whimpers, unashamed at the way the words make his knees knock together. And then reality crashes over him and he pulls away-sprawled over the door as he tries to keep his bearings. He invited Jared in and Jared almost accepted. "Jared."
Jared takes a step back, then another, but his grin his wild and unrestrained-hungry. He looks like he's having a ball. "Okay, yeah. That's enough for tonight," he says, resolutely keeping his eyes away from Jensen. "There's this thing. Tomorrow night. My manager is making me go to a network party. There'll be lots of producers. Directors. Writers. Actors."
Jensen swallows. "Yeah, okay," he says cautiously.
"I want to take you." Jared scratches his head, scuffs his toe. He doesn't meet Jensen's eyes, but his hands are twitching as if he's holding himself back from reaching out. "My friends will be there, and I thought-I've met your friends, so-"
"Yeah, I...yeah." Jensen swallows. "Tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow. I'll pick you up again? Wear something nice." Jared's gaze traces Jensen from his head to toe, lingering on his tented jeans and his full lips.
But he must've regained some senses because Jared finally nods and says, "I'll see you. Thanks for tonight, Dean."
"'Night," Jensen calls back, part of his heart breaking when he hears the name Jared utters.
When he enters his apartment, he goes directly to that picture of his in college: a college party in Tom and Mike's house where Jensen had previously lived. It was one of those rare times when Jensen ventured downstairs during their party, and he looked unaware and decaffeinated when the photo was shot.
The background of the faded photo still manages to show a visible Jared Padalecki enjoying himself.
--
Part 2