Esse quam videre.
Things have been going pretty well with me of late -- I bought a motorcycle (my dad's '95 Concours); it's currently my only vehicle, and I absolutely love it.
Things have settled down after the storm of the breakup in June, and I've moved out of Simon and Jason's to my father's house, where I am sliding through the interstitial space between the last phase of my life and the next.
I've been working as a network administrator at a little company out by the mall here in Ann Arbor, and while I am very much enjoying the field and the responsibilities of the position, after even just 6 months it is painfully clear to me that it is a completely dead-end position in a dead-end company with an owner so tight he would choke his own mother to death with his bare hands for a dollar. Not much opportunity there, clearly.
In the move out to my dad's house, I realized that everything I own fits in a pickup truck, and the majority of that can be replaced for a few hundred dollars, so I've decided to make a radical departure from my life as I've known it, and I've been looking for jobs on the west coast -- San Francisco, Portland, Seattle. I applied for a network administrator / consultant position yesterday that, were I to get it, would pay about double what I'm making right now; I would feel a lot more like I was earning what I'm actually worth.
This would be, obviously, a huge move for me, but I think a fresh start is the absolute best thing for me. It feels sometimes as though the last seven years of my life were really just a dragged out extrapolation on high school, and it is now time to put away childish things. A new job, a new apartment, new clothes, new vehicle, new friends, (new boyfriend?), new city, new climate...a simultaneously empowering and terrifying proposition.
While I will always appreciate and hold in loving memory my life with Clint and Simon, I have now moved on, and must become myself, for myself, by myself.
I have recently had the intense joy of finding well-met several intellectual needs I never even realized I had. In this man's subtle wisdom he has (amongst so many other things) reminded me of the immortal words of my long-held hero Cicero: Esse quam videre.
And so I shall not seem, but be.