Topic for discussion - Mutual acquaintances

[osirusbrisbane]

Posting here instead of Facebook because I'm not about vaguebooking into Facebook drama. But while Facebook recently may have spurred this post, I've had the issue pop up repeatedly over the past 15 years at least

Comments

[idealforcolors]

I think there is no universal answer, it really really depends on the friendships. If you're closer to and have a longer relationship with Alex, and are more or less friendly acquaintances with Ivanna, I would put more weight on Alex's opinions and comfort, and stop making a concerted effort to hang out with Ivanna or invite her to things, though I wouldn't try to actively avoid her or "cut her off," it's fine to be friendly if you find yourself in the same place. This is equivalent to subtly cooling down a casual friendship with your best friend's messy ex, in my mind - more a show of support for the best friend's comfort than a verdict on the ex's worth as a person. I don't see any way to get involved beyond that that would help solve anyone's problems.

If you really like Ivanna, and are closer to her or feel like you want to be, that's different. I'd maybe go for the low-key investigation route, and if you find out other people say she's mean, well, how much can you trust someone who has turned on others? But maybe you will find that only Alex has had an issue with her, and you will have to judge whether maybe it's a clash of personalities that doesn't reflect terribly on Ivanna in particular.

How awful the offense is is another factor. If it's "spoke in an angry tone to me and it hurt my feelings," that's very different than "date rape" or something adjacent....

[osirusbrisbane]

yeah, forgot to add "How Terrible" as one of the decision points, but absolutely that's a big factor.

And yeah, exes of friends... that certainly comes up sometimes.

[kimberkit]

What she said!