Death and Mortality (Taken from My MySpace Blog)
(This is taken from the 2/15 entry of my MySpace blog. It has to do with what was going on in my mind at that time and something that I feel is worthy of a reposting and reading by all)
I had wanted to do a blog a few weeks back all about the Cali trip, but a few things have prevented that. Mainly my lack of time at the computer, but also the fact that much of the Cali trip was debaucherous in nature and to share such stories could prove potentially harmful for a later political career. Trust that I had fun though and accomplished much for the sake of Big O Entertainment.
That being said, I want to move on to a very serious topic for me and something that I had to get out of my head. It's a topic that I'm not very comfortable with, and I'm just starting to get a grasp of it, but it's a topic that affects us all.
That topic is death, but more specifically mortality.
Recently, someone VERY close to me lost someone EXTREMELY close to them. I'm not going to mention names for that's personal, and really not pertinent to what I want to say.
I was asked to be a pallbearer for the funeral and felt honored and priveleged to be such and agreed to it without hesitation. It wasn't until I got to the church that it really set in with me as to why I was there.
I've never been to a funeral before and never really had anyone close to me die. My grandfather died shortly after I was born (he was sick with Cancer and it was believed that he held on so that he could see his first grandson), my great grandmother died when I was in middle school, but she lived in Chicago so I didn't know her very well and I didn't even attend the funeral (I think my mom thought I was too young for such a thing, not sure). The closest I've been to dealing with death was when my cat died in middle school, and I wasn't even there for that. Aside from that, I convinced myself that he just ran away and didn't actually die and I'm still convinced of that to this day.
So, this was my first time staring at death right in the face. Not literally, as honestly, I never even saw the body. I carried the casket in and basically treated it as if it were a precious box (which really, it was). Once it was set down, I walked out of the church to the lobby area. I'm never comfortable in churches anyway, for a plethora of reasons that I'd rather not get in to.
Anyways, during the service I sat in the back and just kind of took things in. I started thinking about death and mortality and what that means to me. It made me think of my college days and how much I took life for granted. I pretty much thought I was invincible. I put almost every substance known to man in my body (except for cigarettes, as I've always believed them to be nothing but harmful and just vile), and I challenged death on a number of occasions including a period where someone with a gun wanted to kill me. I didn't even care though. I don't think I so much had a deathwish at that point, but I was pretty ignorant to the possibilities of death and didn't believe I could die. Hell, I died once when I was 8, but that's another story for another time.
Fast forward to just a few weeks ago, and I for some reason was thinking about mortality and what I wanted out of life. I used to just want to live to 40 and I figured I'd either be dead around that time (as happens to the greats) or I'd prob kill myself if I wasn't accomplishing what I had wanted to accomplish (which is too complex to explain).
Well, a couple of weeks ago, I realized that I don't want to die young. I want to grow old, be married and happy, maybe have some kids, and all that good stuff. I want to work hard now so that way I can truly enjoy life later. That led to a lot of changes for me which I won't get in to here, but I'm living a much healthier life both mentally and phsyically than I used to (not that I wasn't living that healthy before, but I've made some minor tweaks).
But back to last week's revelation. I was sitting at the funeral and taking in things being said about a truly amazing woman. That's when I realized that I don't have to die. I've always said that I can't die and can't be killed, and now I know how to make that happen.
The woman who passed away was amazing and did a lot of amazing things, one of which was raising an awesome son who I look to as a father figure/ mentor. I'm the epitome of the phrase that it takes a village, and he and his wife were one of the last pieces in my village puzzle. I learned a lot about relationships from them and a lot of life lessons as well, whether they know it or not.
But I digress, back to IMMORTALITY and how to achieve it. I sat at the funeral and looked at all the people there to pay their respects, and at the end of the funeral, the people who came to the casket crying and upset and speaking of all the good things that this woman had done. This woman has done so many amazing things, I couldn't even list half of them on here. But most importantly, she's touched so many lives and that is why she is not dead and that is how I will keep from dying. I KNOW I will do some amazing things in this lifetime, and I look forward to all of it that will come my way. But at this point, what I really want to do is touch lives and help people. Maybe directly, maybe indirectly, but I want to reach out and touch people like I've been touched by others. I want to inspire and I've finally found a reason to have children.
If this amazing woman didn't have her two kids (one boy and one girl), I wouldn't have been touched in the way that I was. Children are a great way to impart your ways and have them reach out to others as you would. Almost as if they're extra hands or something along those lines.
I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense and seems like babble, but damnit, it's my feelings, so deal... lol.
And to those who are touched by what I write, thank me by touching others. My immortality begins NOW.
I had wanted to do a blog a few weeks back all about the Cali trip, but a few things have prevented that. Mainly my lack of time at the computer, but also the fact that much of the Cali trip was debaucherous in nature and to share such stories could prove potentially harmful for a later political career. Trust that I had fun though and accomplished much for the sake of Big O Entertainment.
That being said, I want to move on to a very serious topic for me and something that I had to get out of my head. It's a topic that I'm not very comfortable with, and I'm just starting to get a grasp of it, but it's a topic that affects us all.
That topic is death, but more specifically mortality.
Recently, someone VERY close to me lost someone EXTREMELY close to them. I'm not going to mention names for that's personal, and really not pertinent to what I want to say.
I was asked to be a pallbearer for the funeral and felt honored and priveleged to be such and agreed to it without hesitation. It wasn't until I got to the church that it really set in with me as to why I was there.
I've never been to a funeral before and never really had anyone close to me die. My grandfather died shortly after I was born (he was sick with Cancer and it was believed that he held on so that he could see his first grandson), my great grandmother died when I was in middle school, but she lived in Chicago so I didn't know her very well and I didn't even attend the funeral (I think my mom thought I was too young for such a thing, not sure). The closest I've been to dealing with death was when my cat died in middle school, and I wasn't even there for that. Aside from that, I convinced myself that he just ran away and didn't actually die and I'm still convinced of that to this day.
So, this was my first time staring at death right in the face. Not literally, as honestly, I never even saw the body. I carried the casket in and basically treated it as if it were a precious box (which really, it was). Once it was set down, I walked out of the church to the lobby area. I'm never comfortable in churches anyway, for a plethora of reasons that I'd rather not get in to.
Anyways, during the service I sat in the back and just kind of took things in. I started thinking about death and mortality and what that means to me. It made me think of my college days and how much I took life for granted. I pretty much thought I was invincible. I put almost every substance known to man in my body (except for cigarettes, as I've always believed them to be nothing but harmful and just vile), and I challenged death on a number of occasions including a period where someone with a gun wanted to kill me. I didn't even care though. I don't think I so much had a deathwish at that point, but I was pretty ignorant to the possibilities of death and didn't believe I could die. Hell, I died once when I was 8, but that's another story for another time.
Fast forward to just a few weeks ago, and I for some reason was thinking about mortality and what I wanted out of life. I used to just want to live to 40 and I figured I'd either be dead around that time (as happens to the greats) or I'd prob kill myself if I wasn't accomplishing what I had wanted to accomplish (which is too complex to explain).
Well, a couple of weeks ago, I realized that I don't want to die young. I want to grow old, be married and happy, maybe have some kids, and all that good stuff. I want to work hard now so that way I can truly enjoy life later. That led to a lot of changes for me which I won't get in to here, but I'm living a much healthier life both mentally and phsyically than I used to (not that I wasn't living that healthy before, but I've made some minor tweaks).
But back to last week's revelation. I was sitting at the funeral and taking in things being said about a truly amazing woman. That's when I realized that I don't have to die. I've always said that I can't die and can't be killed, and now I know how to make that happen.
The woman who passed away was amazing and did a lot of amazing things, one of which was raising an awesome son who I look to as a father figure/ mentor. I'm the epitome of the phrase that it takes a village, and he and his wife were one of the last pieces in my village puzzle. I learned a lot about relationships from them and a lot of life lessons as well, whether they know it or not.
But I digress, back to IMMORTALITY and how to achieve it. I sat at the funeral and looked at all the people there to pay their respects, and at the end of the funeral, the people who came to the casket crying and upset and speaking of all the good things that this woman had done. This woman has done so many amazing things, I couldn't even list half of them on here. But most importantly, she's touched so many lives and that is why she is not dead and that is how I will keep from dying. I KNOW I will do some amazing things in this lifetime, and I look forward to all of it that will come my way. But at this point, what I really want to do is touch lives and help people. Maybe directly, maybe indirectly, but I want to reach out and touch people like I've been touched by others. I want to inspire and I've finally found a reason to have children.
If this amazing woman didn't have her two kids (one boy and one girl), I wouldn't have been touched in the way that I was. Children are a great way to impart your ways and have them reach out to others as you would. Almost as if they're extra hands or something along those lines.
I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense and seems like babble, but damnit, it's my feelings, so deal... lol.
And to those who are touched by what I write, thank me by touching others. My immortality begins NOW.