Log of doom
Temari knocked soundly on Haku's door. Hopefully he hadn't forgotten that she was coming over to talk to him.
Shifting from foot to foot out in the hallway, she curled the sleeves of her sweater over her hands and tapped her booted foot anxiously. The dancer really wanted to know what Haku had stabbed her littler brother, or if Shukaku was just lying again.
The junior hadn't forgotten- well, not completely.
He'd just lost track of time, that was all. He got up off the couch, glancing at the clock before cursing under his breath, smashing the cigarette in the ash-tray on the coffee table.
He was dressed in oddly casual-wear for one such as himself, just black slacks and a green t-shirt, hair down loose because he was too lazy to tie it up.
"Ah, Temari-san, come in- please." He says, opening the door. "I'm sorry- I was smoking, so it might smell a little..."
The blonde's eyes widened a trifle at all of Haku's bluster as he opened the apartment door. Stepping inside quickly, her nose wrinkled just a trifle as the lingering smell of cigarette smoke. Not like she wasn't used to it from Gaara, or from their father, but it still wasn't on her list of favorite smells.
Eyeing the dark-haired junior, Temari commented, "You’re pretty casual today, Slick. Looks good on you." Unzipping her boots and removing them, she stepped up into the living room and folded her arms beneath her breasts. They were at eye level now, and Temari used that for all it was worth.
"I have a few really serious questions to ask you Haku-san. About Gaara." Her tone wasn't accusatory at all, but it held a very tight edge of concern.
Shutting the door, Haku nodded at her compliment, not really caring to push it any further. In his mind, one good thing said by Temari all night was good enough for him, really.
"I assumed it was, Temari-san." He replies, voice not mocking or over-toned at all. Haku wasn't petty. He wouldn't try to make things worse just to feel good. (He was pretty apathetic about it all, really- his relationship with Temari, that was.)
He walked from the genkan to where the Sabaku female was standing, stopping a foot or so from her.
That damn blank face. That was all Haku ever gave. It made him so infuriatingly difficult to talk to at times. Temari was the kind of person who was used to getting reactions out of people, but Haku...the kid didn't get ruffled by anything. The blonde personally chalked it up to too many lost brain cells in that pretty head.
She stepped aside to let Haku step into his living room if he wished to, her dark green eyes still watching him, giving only a nod in response.
"I'm sure you're not surprised by that either. See, we've been having some problems lately and I discovered a small wound on Gaara's shoulder. I was told that you stabbed him. I want to know what happened." Straight to the point, as usual.
"Shukaku." Lying was, in general, a bad idea, and so Haku avoided that unless it was absolutely necessary; which it was not in this case.
The face that was so often emotionless dropped its guard for a moment as Haku rubbed the back of his head, feeling a wave of nausea sweep over him for a few seconds. He'd been sick for a while, and it had gotten worse since-
"We're twins, mm?" Haku said, pulling up the sleeve of his right arm to show off a deeper wound than the one Gaara had received. (Shukaku was generous.)
Temari nodded in response, her golden eyebrows drawing together over just how much Haku was showing. Against all fore-knowledge of her own luck, Temari mentally crossed her fingers and hoped that Gaara wasn't really as bad off as she feared.
And then Haku showed her his arm.
"He did this," she asked incredulously, grabbing hold of that slim arm and turning it so that she could see the wound more clearly. It was worse than the one her brother had. "What happened?"
Twisting against her hold on his arm, Haku managed to get out of her (death) grip, pushing down his sleeve.
"He cornered me while I was doing my laundry, actually. I have a few burns on my back from the dryer, but I'm alright." It was nothing unusual. "Is Gaara alright, though?" He had felt horrible about what he'd done, but it had snapped Shukaku out of it, at least.
Temari loosened her fingers somewhat reluctantly, as if she could make the wound go away if she stared at it hard enough.
She took in the rest of Haku's information with a slightly wide-eyed stare. When he was finished, one hand went to her forehead and she exhaled quite loudly. "Gaara's...fine. As fine as he can be. When did this happen?"
That was the most painful question, rubbing in just how wrapped up in herself she'd gotten.
"Umm..." Haku shrugged. He didn't remember.
(Everything was so distorted, time, space- everything was warped and twisted like DNA, doubled over in itself a million times to the point where one was not distinguishable from another.)
"I'm not sure... maybe last week?" That sounded like a fair guess.
So then it happened after...
With a sigh Temari looked down at her feet, hands resting on her hips. Just the smallest bit of softness still lingered around her middle, distorting the hem of the girly-tee she was wearing.
After a moment, the blonde gave a nod. "How long was Shukaku out, do you remember that?" Gaara's memory was so full of holes she didn't even want to bother with asking him to remember anything.
"I know I keep jumping on you for information Haku, and I'm sorry. I'm just at my wit's end worrying over him, and I know he still talks to you. I just...I'm sorry. My own mind isn't exactly in the best shape itself." The fact that she was admitting weakness was proof enough of that.
The junior glanced down at the other's stomach- mostly out of curiosity and bad manners, and wiped his face to hide the slip-up. One could tell, ever so slightly, that something had ruined the dancer's physique ever so slightly.
"It's alright, Temari-san." He replied gently, wishing he had the knowledge to offer some sort of consolation. (He was a sympathetic creature- maybe misguided, but sympathetic.) Well, since there wasn't much to loose-
Haku laid a thin hand on Temari's forearm lightly, trying his best not to muss the entire thing up. "I-" He started, and stopped. "-I know what Shukaku did.. To you, I mean."
Well, let's hope that didn't kill the entire thing.
...entire*
Temari's jaw tightened visibly, her teeth creaking audibly. All of that messy blonde hair slid forward to cover her face for a moment, before it was shaken back and a tremulous smile offered in response. She even curled her fingers briefly over Haku's.
"I," she started and stopped just as quickly, her voice catching in her throat. It was going to take a little while for her to get over that whole ordeal, but she would. "I'll be okay. The sooner I can get Gaara on the road to recovery, the sooner we can all get a bit more peace. Right?" Unshed tears made her voice a little thick sounding.
The junior nodded, brushing his own bangs out of his face. "He was really... well, very shaken up about it. He feels awful." Shukaku obviously knew how much that would tear Gaara and Temari apart. (Shukaku was really very smart, unfortunately.)
"I'm sure I've said it before, but I am glad you are back, Temari-san."
Temari's eyes narrowed slightly at the wince scrunching Haku's eyes, that small sway tugging at his hand in hers.
"Haku," she said his name questioningly, a hint of concern in her voice. The other junior was always doing odd things, and the blonde didn't know what was wrong with him at the moment. It would be just her luck that he would decide to pass out something at her feet.
"Ah-" Haku coughed, before straightening up a bit, "-I'm sorry..." The junior's head was throbbing, but he wanted to bite the bullet this time. (His lungs hurt, his ass hurt, and his head was hurting now. God, wonderful.)
"It's nothing, really."
Temari eyed the dark haired junior disbelievingly. "Yeah right. Anything that can make you sway like that is not good." She knew from personal experience.
Still having hold of his hand, she tugged him towards the chair he'd vacated to answer the door. Temari was one of those types who was belligerently motherly. She would bully you into getting better.
Besides, fussing over Haku gave her something else to think about at the moment.
"I'm just a little sick, that's all- I'll be fine." Even though it'd been going on since-
(-rape.)
The chair was old, and leather- Haku liked leather -and he tried not to fall into it, standing up once Temari pushed him into it. "Please- I haven't even been a good guest- are you thirsty?" He fussed just as much; it was healthy, or so he thought.
The dancer looked up at Haku, and pushed him back into the chair with a sardonic little half-smile. "Get over it Haku. We've been each other's company enough times for the politeness rigamarole to lose its place."
It was true. Temari had been in Haku's apartment, and vice versa, for it to not really make that much of a difference anymore. If she wanted something, she knew where it was. "I'm fine Haku-san," she tacked the honorific on for amusement purposes really. "What about yourself? You're looking pale. Do you need anything?" Something, anything at all. Just name it and she could forget all about those hideous tears that had been threatning to fall.
Swallowing, shaking his head, Haku tries to stand back up. "I'm fine, really-" Maybe some water, but other than that, really.
"Will you sit-" cough; pause; "-down at least? Please..?" Zabuza had drilled courtesies into the boy's head as if they were what he was made of. (Which, in essance, he was.)
Compressing her lips into a thin line Temari took a seat on the couch with her arms folded tightly under her breasts. "There, I'm sitting. Happy now? What is wrong with you?" Part of her mind fairly cooed over just how soft and comfortable the couch was, and that random little though ticked her off.
Temari's green eyes were fairly spitting sparks, suddenly angry. The dancer latched onto that anger and used it to shove any sort of sorrow, pain, whatever out of her mind. "You're not getting sick on me now, are you?" Those eyes fell onto the pack of cigarettes next to Haku's chair. Oh right. He had been smoking.
"I've been sick for a long time, Temari- it's nothing, really." Just because it was getting worse... that didn't mean anything.
Haku hadn't had impeccible health, but it'd been fair most of his life. It wasn't until he'd gotten where he was that it had started to deteriorate. Lately, it'd just been getting worse. (He knew why, he just wouldn't admit it.)
"I can still go to school, and practice though." That was all that was important in the end.
One golden brow rose at that last statment, and Temari favored Haku with another of those sardonic smiles. "Oh really? And when was the last time that you went to a practice?"
If she let the conversation continue in this vein it would just be another round of useless courtesies so she pushed herself up from the couch and went into the kitchen. Returning a few moments later, she handed a glass of ice water to the other junior and reseated herself on the couch. "Haku, both you and I know that you're a lousy liar. So why don't you tell me what's wrong." It wasn't a request either.
It was actually quite pleasant to be out of the apartment and Temari rather enjoyed fretting over other people. It helped her to keep her mind of her own personal issues, every one of which were going nowhere fast.
"Last night." He said truthfully- though what they'd done at practice may or may not've been actual practice. (But that was unknown to Temari.)
He took the water without complaint, thanking her instead and taking a sip from it. It cooled his throat, which was raw and painful from smoking and working and coughing. "I... I don't know what's wrong." He had a pretty good idea, though.
The junior still refused to go to the doctor, though. He couldn't admit to someone like that what he'd done. (What Zabuza had done-)
"Huh," was the only reply Temari gave as she leaned back against the couch. She couldn't really argue with him about it, even if she didn't really believe that Haku had gone to basketball practice. Taking a sip of her own water, she held the glass of it in her lap while continuing to gaze at Haku.
"Well then, don't you think that would be a good reason to go to the doctor?" Temari was a big fan of going to the doctor. Not really, but the supposed medical professionals had much more knowledge of disease and illness than she did. If the blonde had her way she'd fill Haku full of chamomile tea and NyQuil and put him in bed for a week.
However, the shiftiness around the dark-haired junior's eyes didn't sit well with her. That's why her question about the doctor had been as loaded with sarcasm as it was.
At the mention of a doctor, Haku looked up from where he'd been contemplating the ways of the world via his glass of water. "...No, I don't think so." Haku normally liked doctors. (Doctors = needles and needles = fun.) But he'd been avoiding desperatly any sort of medical establishment for fear of discovery. Though, it wasn't as if anyone really cared what an oprhan did.
He could just loose his scholarship, and that was something Haku really, really didn't want to do. Going back to Sapporou was very low on his list of things to do. (Along with cutting off limbs.)
Admitting that he'd not only had a relationship with an adult- a teacher at that -but had sex and eventually been raped was just. Way too much in one sitting if you asked Haku. He'd rather... lay it out carefully, over time. Or not at all. Yeah, that worked too. (Denial was the first step to recovery-)
Haku's porcelain face was the picture of distress when he looked up from contemplating his water glass. The expression quickly dissolved into the normal bland expression that he always wore, but it was enough for Temari to feel vindicated in her line of questioning.
That same golden brow resumed its formerly elevated position. "Oh really now. You're coughing up a lung, swooning with headache, and you don't know what's wrong with you. Yet, that's not enough of a reason to go to the doctor's. Haku, just for the record, you are completely insane." One long nailed finger jabbed the air in his direction, before the hand refolded itself around the glass it held.
Temari took a long drink of her water to suppress the sigh that wanted to escape, as well as the urge to bodily drag the other junior off to get an examination. "You know that you've been in Gaara's life too long now, and helped bring him too far, for me to not be concerned about you Haku. So just spill it, alright?"
The junior shook his head again, not really keen on this all. He couldn't tell Temari what happened. He couldn't let it slip- Temari wouldn't let him see the end of it if he told, anyways. (And he couldn't betray Zabuza- not when it was his fault.)
"I-" He looked back into his water, watching the ice hit the side of the glass gently. "-It's nothing, really. I had a rough day, that was all." Which was true if you looked at it in that light. "Work is tough sometimes."
All Temari had to do was watch Haku and it was almost painfully obvious that something was wrong. Haku was normally flaky, but not this bad. The kid was hiding something that really upset him. Maybe it was her asking about it that upset him so much? All the more reason to ask about it in Temari's book.
"I know that. Believe me, I know that. I know where you work Haku, unless you've made a recent career switch that I don't know about. Otherwise, if something bad happened in a place like that, that's all the more reason to seek out a doctor. But seriously, what happened? Something rattled your cage bad, pretty bird, and nothing much ruffles your feathers."
The junior glanced up at her with the look of a deer caught in the head-lights of an oncoming truck. Temari was obviously catching on to it all and was scaring him more than a truck would.
He shakes his head again, insisting upon it. "It's nothing, really- It was my fault anyways." The second part was tacked on in a softer tone than the first comment, as if it was to himself more than to Temari.
(It was his fault; his fault-)
Oh that was never a good thing to hear in situations like this. Never good at all. It was also one of the clearest indicators that something truly terrible had happened.
Rosebud lips pursed together tightly while strong fingers tightened their grip on the glass of water. Temari made a forcible effort to calm the harsh look in her eyes, a combination of anger and frustration. All of it centered on Haku at the moment. The kid was living in denial. Living and breathing it. Probably had a healthy serving for breakfast in the morning.
With a short, sharp sigh the blonde leaned against the arm of the couch, resting her cheek on an upraised fist. "So what wasn't your fault Haku? Did you run into a bad client? Perhaps you were 'being too sexy," she rattled off with a very sarcastic twist to the words. If she heard that line herself at work one more time, she was going to get fired for punching out a customer.
She wasn't going to let this go easily, even as she wondered at the turn of her own mind. Haku shouldn't be one of her problems, but he was. The kid had somehow twined himself into her heart as well.
A hard glare fixed itself into his glass, and Haku wished he hadn’t ever said anything. He should’ve made something up- he should’ve made up some excuse or said he had to go or-
But it was too late for that, and so he swallowed, watching his ice melt slowly in his cup. He wasn’t sure how to phrase what had happened, or- another thought occurred to him -what if Temari didn’t believe him? Why would she believe him, anyway? He was just a whore who was probably doing it for attention, or money. He knew no one would believe him from the start, but if even Temari didn’t believe him- Haku didn’t think he could take it if even she didn’t believe him. (Haku had, admittedly or not, come to look to Temari for help, through one outlet or another.)
“…He…” The words came out slowly, on their own. “…He raped me.”
Those three little words, softly and simply spoken, drained every ounce of tension out of Temari's body replacing it all with pure, heartbreaking sympathy. She didn't ask who, or where, or when, merely rose up from the couch and situated herself on the arm of Haku's chair. Without a word, she tucked his head against her side, one hand stroking along all of that silky dark hair.
Even if it had been someone she'd hate, Temari couldn't let an injustice like that go unrecognized or uncomforted. The dancer was a stringent supporter of personal rights, and personal space. Anyone who violated either of those things belonging to another person deserved to be beaten within an inch of their lives. Allowed to heal, and then beaten again before being executed.
Right now, wordless comfort seemed to be the best idea. It had obviously taken a hell of a lot out of Haku to admit that out loud.
The glass fell to the floor, but it was okay- it was empty of anything that was worth notice. Haku hadn't felt a woman since his mother had died when he was a child, but Temari felt the exact same way he'd remembered them. Soft, and warm. It was so strange to do this but the junior couldn't hold back as he leaned into the seemingly-older blonde. (He knew they were the same age, he was older actually, yet he still felt so much younger than Temari. Perhaps he didn't know everything he ought to about life-)
A dull, aching throb surfaced in his head and Haku closed his eyes as it washed over him, a headache that never seemed to go away re-emerging from it's light slumber. He didn't cry; he didn't cling to Temari or push her away; Haku just simply sat against her, eyes closed as he let the ideas wash over him anew.
He still wants to reject them- maybe he wanted it, after all; maybe Zabuza didn't mean it; maybe he hadn't been clear -reject the facts that are so painfully obvious that they show through as if he's got holes in himself, but after it's been said aloud the words seem to sink in like concrete, solidifying before Haku can make them go away.
He'd been raped; badly. Bruises and cuts and marks were still healing on his back, and one on his neck, and whatever had gone wrong inside of him wasn't healing quite so fast but he was sure it was, because it had to. (Right?) Maybe it'd all go away. Maybe he'd wake up, and it would be a dream.
But when the junior opens his eyes again, he finds the dream is still there.