RP Log, whut?

[yukiko_no_haku]

Who: Yuki Haku & Momochi Zabuza
What: Haku and Zabuza... "talking"/getting high/discussing naughty things.
When: Uhhhm... a few days ago?
Where: Locker Rooms
Warnings: Talk of rape, drug use, Sabrina and I having too much fun with slang terms. (>>;') Weird, stoned out cuddly-stuffs... the usual.

It was more a habit than anything else, he'd found; Haku had always stayed late, taking his time to dress as he watched the other students filter out, in order to talk to his teacher.

Even after.... it had happened, Haku still finds himself waiting around afterwards. He doesn't know why but his feet linger, nails painted fresh again for the first time. (He's leveled out again, and oh it feels so nice...)

As the students slowly leave the change rooms, feet tapping of the pale white tiles, it left Haku to be alone. Strange as it were, but Zabuza had ordered (verbally) a quality gymnasium and change rooms along side with Asuma- as it were, the students performed better when having superior equipment.

Waiting on the benches, ticking the last name off on the attendance list (Work was a bitch.) he glanced around briefly before flipping the rest of the sheets back over the clip board; scowling as he saw how they waved. "..." Zabuza supposed that Haku was still in the change room, as the lights were still on(yet another silent order; turn off the lights when you're done- The janitors would turn them back on when they needed them.) and so, he took this time to hurry to his office.

The air in the changing room is still for once, and Haku takes in a breath- the stingy, over-used scent of deodorants and sweat not bothering him for once -slowly, through his nose and not his mouth, because he never breathes through his mouth when he's conscious; but nonetheless, lips are parted gently, like they are when he's putting on mascara behind boxes and old clothing for his job, the job he used to care about so much but now feels as if he could care less for- it was just another thing to do, another job at which he faked a smile and got the attentions of someone he didn't want or need.

As he exhales, the junior stands up from the wooden bench, feeling his weight drop onto the balls of his heels, and he leans forward gently to adjust, hair slightly wet from the almost-shower he'd taken.

The man- err over a decade taller than Haku- rests on his squeaky chair, flexing the hind legs as he leans back with his hands shaking slightly(it wasn’t visible as he gripped the clipboard just a bit tighter than usual). Staring up at the ceiling which now doubt still has asbestos inlayed in the plaster. A deep breath to ignore the cancerous threat.

He doesn't want to do anything unnecessary; as a general rule, Haku doesn't act unless he has to and this is one of those times where he doesn't have to act. Unneeded tension and strain was a waste of his time and energy, and so the junior tends to stay away from it- but.

There's a certain tension in the air, and he can feel it all around himself and Zabuza, and it's painful because he knows for once he can't fix it with soft words or a smile; that for once it was completely his fault why they couldn't manage to hold a conversation.

The bag goes over his shoulder and he straightens back up to leave, but the boy- girl? -can't help it when he speaks. "...Goodbye, sensei."

Alarmed by the sudden tone- sound- Zabuza rocks forward and lets the front legs hit the floor, followed by his feet (nasty habit he had. And many times over he has been reprimanded for the mess he made on the desk cover). Turning his head to look to the door, he sees it is- indeed- Haku who has spoken (is leaving).

"Ya..." Is the response and slowly, he gets to his feet, holding the board tighter as he opens his office door before walking out and then turned to shut it again.

A wave with lithe fingers and a few steps forward on dirty tile, and Haku turns to give him a look that reads better than the best novel; "I'm sorry for what I've done."

It's not guilt, though- it's pure regret for destroying something, not living up to the standards that had been set for him. The simple goal of providing what Zabuza needed- wanted -and failing to do so. It was more painful than falling on the glass shards that accompanied his throne.

Zabuza falls silent. It was true; Haku has pledged to do as he willed. And he had failed (But Zabuza has grown attached and cannot scorn the other because of it). A small wave of the hand, mirroring Haku's gesture, and 'it' is forgiven. "..." Because really, what is there that Zabuza can say?

He has done terrible things- to more than just Haku. And he has yet to be punished. Haku was such a forgiving angel.

In spite of it all the child offers a weak smile before turning- he knows he can't have what he wants and that's okay.

There really was something sad about loosing it all, though.

Of course there was. Unless it wouldn’t be a loss.

Zabuza shuts his eyes and wonders how much longer Haku will come to his class (or is this the last time?). Because he knew it wouldn’t be for much longer. Soon, Zabuza would be all alone in this class with pompous children and menacing teen's who no doubt, will pull something one time or another.

Haku will always keep coming. There is something comforting about the glossed wooden floors and the smell of sweat and even if it's awkward he'll keep coming until he graduates or until Zabuza tells him to stop.

And oh, how he wishes that things would go back to normal- this year has been such a disastrous one.

Getting to the door, he pauses for a moment, feet uneasy in the need to go back and the want to go forward. (Stuck in limbo-)

"What is it?" He finally asks, breaking the silence- curious to the stiff (stuck?) movements.

He swallows, painfully hard; swallowing the pain the size of an egg and it hurts physically but he does it anyways before shaking his head.

"..Nothing."

Eyes dimming, he silently puffs a "Humph." before turning and entering his office.

Haku lied? It was a barbaric thought.

It was only a door- he could get through it. (Could he?)

The click echoes through the empty locker room before Haku lets it slide shut again- he can't leave.

Another click sounds as he opens the door to Zabuza's office- he doesn't know why he's entered it but he stands there anyways, eyes downcast.

Already lined on the desk is a powder, rowed, and Zabuza glances up. How could he have thought anything otherwise?

"Haku?" He asked, quietly, he hasn’t snorted anything yet.

He doesn't care what's on the table, and he doesn't spare it a second glance because-

"Hai?"

"..." A raised eyebrow (to simply make everything seem natural).

Here Haku was, standing with a childish downcast gaze- It was so tempting to ask "What is it?" but he doesn’t. Because it would be cruel. Too cruel.

At that he looks up, because Zabuza always has something to say, whether it's something serious or an off-handed comment about his gender.

He wants to ask if he deserved... what happened, but he knows he did, so instead he asks probably the broadest question he can. "...Did it make it better?" even if I didn't want it?

To respond to that would be to degrade Haku's being. "You always do." Is the response. What does Haku really want? The praise of how good he is (-he is. He is. "Oh, Haku, you are."-)? Or...

Not able to find the answer for himself, he decides to ask. "Is that what you want?"

"...I want... to be useful." He says, not sure of how else to phrase it. He just wanted to be able to be... useful for the other male.

(It's what he was made for-)

"...You think otherwise?" He asked, looking at Haku with dark brown eyes.

Haku just had a hero complex (where he had a superiority complex). Poor boy... Will you ever find your way through the maze?

"...No." He says, locking eyes for a moment; just a moment- a red flag going up in the eye's of a bull.

A hero complex? Perhaps he had to be saved- or to save another?

A never ending circle. Zabuza relied on Haku. Who was reliant on Zabuza's reliance and- "What's the matter?" He asked softly, getting up slowly, so as not to alarm the teen.

The brunette shakes his head, but he doesn't reply in the negative. "..I'm not sure." his voice is soft, like the steps of the other.

"Have you shot up today?" He asked finally approaching Haku. Just this once... he supposed it couldn’t hurt...

"Three times." Haku replies, without much hesitation.

Once in the morning- twice at school.

Shutting his eyes, disappointment... though he won’t show it, he purses his lips. "Well, would you like to make that a fourth?" He asked, patience expatriated in his voice.

"Do you have any china?" He asks- Haku doesn't like to snort it, but he will if he has to.

"In the staff lounge." He replied with a raised brow. "You want it?"

Obviously.

Why Haku- Zabuza did enjoyed snorting drugs rather than injecting or puffing them. Mostly because of tingling feeling he retained. Able to taste a sour sensation without his tongue?

"I have my kit with me." Is all he replies, and he picks his bag back up.

Unspoken words are always so much bitterer.

"Mm. Any ice?" He asked, stepping back towards his desk- and soon he slid two careful fingers over the small straw he had next to the rowed powder.

"Mm.." Haku shakes his head and sits down on the floor next to Zabuza, opening his bag. There's a black roll and he undoes it, a few needles clacking together before he shifts it again.

"Only smack." Haku only does heroin.

"... Don’t OD." He frowned, consenting only 'this' time. He would never smile on Haku's habit- though he would never say "No." Haku wouldn’t listen. Shutting the door before finally taking his seat at the desk, he glances down at Haku and assures himself that he will watch him and make sure he doesn’t...

"Never." He says; Haku only did that once, and- well, he tries not to remember that.

Pant legs slide up, and Haku is glad the uniform is loose because he can't shoot up anywhere other than his legs- the main artery there is nice for it anyway, big and easily accessible.

Watching Haku inject himself Zabuza leaned down and places the pale straw to the end of the first row, breathing out before placing one finger on the unused nostril before all else and snorts.

Haku can't stand it- snorting up -it burns his nose and makes his eyes water, and there's something so much more alluring about needles that he doesn't even think twice before pressing the shaft against his flesh, a contented sigh leaving as a cool rush spreads to his skin.

(It's instant release- oh so nice.)

Zabuza blinked while his eyes began to grow fuzzy and red, sniffing a few times before glancing down at his ...."Haku."

Rubbing his thigh, Haku glances up at him before sneezing once. "..Hai?"

"Bless you." He smirked, sniffing again, before leaning back down and slowly inhaled the next row, followed by the third.

The junior giggles quietly, bringing a hand to his mouth as he tries to hide the childish noises. (It's all really too funny though...)

Eyes rolling upwards and then back down, he drops the straw on the black desktop and brings a finger under his upper lip. A small choking sound and he twitches while rubbing the tip against the upper most places in his mouth.

Another shrill giggle breaks the quiet, childish and happy (happy?) as Haku watches Zabuza do what he does- it looks oh so funny.

It doesn't last long however, and the junior quiets down, sneezing again before he wrinkles his nose, feeling a little tired.

Zabuza watches Haku, and if sober of the mind he would have smiled.

He goes for the last row now and blinks with his eyes rolling wildly before he sighs. That was good stuff.

Sighing as well, resigned and content with himself, Haku leans against the wall- calm peace breaking the surface of a hazy afternoon in his mind. (His leg stops shaking, his hands stop aching, his lungs- they only hurt worse but he can't feel it all under the opiates-)

"...Zabuza-san... Why didn't you stop...?" He asks, mouth looser than the ponytail in his hair.

Sniffing again and blinking wildly, Zabuza attempts to focus on Haku and his question. "Stop what?" he asked, sniffing again and making a loud "KSH-shhhh." sound with his mouth.

"...Stop... Mmm.." Haku tries to think it over, holding his feet with his hands.

"...Fucking me." At last, and the words come out harsher than he'd meant.

Blinking- if not flushed from the high he received- he stares with wide eyes(bloodshot eyes), "I...You..." There wasn’t an answer for that. Because he didn't know. He just HAD to. It was Haku. His Haku, in which(whom) he did not want to share.

"...Did it..." He hesitates and sniffs, not quite meeting Haku's gaze- blurry as it is. "Did I hurt you?"

The junior only shrugs, turning away slightly. It had hurt- it had hurt a lot, and not just emotionally.

(He wouldn't go see a doctor, but he knew /something/ was wrong-)

"...Kinda."

"Oh..." Is the reply and Zabuza slips off of the chair and kneels in front of Haku. “I’m... uh... sorry" He whispers, sniffing again.

Licking his lips, he shrugs, shaking his head. It doesn't matter to him right now anyways.

Haku just kind of wants it to be over- he doesn't care so much, even if it hurts and he knows it was wrong, it doesn't feel so bad now.

Sniffing again, Zabuza stumbles back until he was lying on the floor. He rolled to the side then, one is stretched beneath him and acting as a pillow as he stares at his beautiful... (Lover?)(Son?)

Shifting, Haku weighs his options and leans over Zabuza, fingers dragging along his cheek lightly- serene, utter adoration in every finger tip that touches the tanned flesh.

Catching Haku's gentle hand with his own (the left) he smiles up and kisses the fingertips. "Hm..."

Graceful smiles, like a cat on the edge of a wall, Haku slides next to the basketball coach, arm dropping to wrap around his neck, face buried in his shirt. (To fall back onto something so simple-)

His hands instinctively runs over Haku's back, rubbing circles and he sniffs again, staring with his lids half shut. "Hm..."

Breathing slowly, Haku lets his eyes close as he curls close to the teacher- his mentor, brother, father, lover and all so much more -that creates and destroys his life over and over again.

Zabuza enjoys the soft body against him and whispered something inaudible before shutting his eyes. He didn't pass out, yet, unlike Haku, he knew how to avoid overdoses when... overdosing. "Haku?" He asked softly, while thumbing the others spine. So soft...

"....Mm?" Haku replies after a moment, opening one eye in a cat-like manner.

"Are you happy?"

He thinks this over- obscenely so, with much stall in between replying.

"I'm... are you happy?"

"Answer the question." He replied.

Haku was too dedicated and he was sure that if he said he was, then Haku would say the same.

And that was just it- Haku couldn't truly answer without knowing Zabuza's answer first.

"...I don't know." He wasn't sure why it mattered anyways. He smiles, "It's not important if I'm happy."

"It should." Zabuza replies disappointed in Haku. ("Haku, it should... If you don’t want me anymore... then it should... It ALWAYS should.) Have.

"Are you happy?" He asks in return, feeling accomplished from answering the questioned.

Zabuza thinks about that. Really, what did he have to be happy about? A drug addicted child who (he) loved him. (He loved him.) And what else? "I am." He replied, pulling Haku closer subconsciously, feeling the body against him.

The smile widens, and Haku snuggles against Zabuza, caressing his neck and cheek with soft, cold fingers.
"I am too, then.”

Kissing Haku over the head, he feels Haku melt again him, before he squeezes him again.

"I'm glad, Haku."

Pristine, pure smile against Zabuza's chest, Haku listens to the heartbeat, irregular and odd, and he thinks it sounds like his own.

(Because it is Haku's.)

A paradox was far too similar, and he tried to comfort Haku when he knew he needed it more. "Are you going to stay for long?" He asked.

"No...” Haku replies, sitting up. He has to go- lunch will be over soon and he has to shower still, get the stink of sweat and drugs off his body.
Zabuza nods and lets the boy go before sitting up with him as well. "Alright. Have a good day?" He asked quietly, not quite meeting the others eyes (He didn't want sex. Zabuza rarely did).

He nods, picking up his bag before trotting off to the shower stalls.

A buzz still played in the back of his mind, like a radio without a signal.

Zabuza doesn’t see the point in asking Haku if he would come back the next day (he knew he would.)