2 inches past the end of my rope
Monday, November 30, 2009
But hey, what can you do?
I'm mentally, emotionally and physically drained. My body has had enough and took me to the emergency room the day before thanksgiving. Actually Rachy was kind enough to not only wake up to drive me there but also stuck around and played a rousing few games of hangman. I wont go into to details, lets just say it was a bloody mess. The reason for me being there, not the game (P.S CornUcopia lol) . And the hormones, not so much fun.
I've said it before to a few select friends but I have a feeling putting it down into type will make it more real. But I need to make it real. Then maybe I'll stop expecting so much. My mama, my hero and the reason I made it this far, is mentally no more. She's still alive, she still has thought but the person she was died July 13.
As horrible as it is to say, I really dont want this person shes become. This angry, bitter, hate filled person is NOT my mama. I know she has reasons for being this way and believe me they're completely justified. Its just...she never used to be a quitter.
My work life would drive me to drink if I wasnt already there. I'm sick and tired of being a glorified baby sitter for someone who I was not only passed up for but makes more money than I do. I'm tired of all the extra work, really tired of the phone calls and office politics. All for an honorary title and no extra pay. Nor is there any in site because we just "aren't making the sales"
I'm coming apart at the seams. I wish I could take just a few days off to myself and just breathe. But I dont have the time, the money or the energy.
So.... I think I'll just headdesk until I can no longer remember the past year.
*sigh*
Have I mentioned I've been up since 1:30am? Cause I have. I'm getting effing old and really require 7 hours to function now. Not the four of my youth.
...Back to headdesking.