Life Couldn't Get Gayer! (YEAH!)
title: Life Couldn't Get Gayer! (YEAH!)
fandom: Super Junior
pairing: Ryeowook-centric, implied DongBum and SiWook
words: 886
rating: PG
summary: Ryeowook tries to get a girlfriend.
notes: Inspired by a conversation with happiestwhen about Ryeowook's incredible gayness, and how it would be the most hilarious cosmic joke ever if he were straight. Written on hour five of a road trip to Chicago. Basically, I blame happiestwhen completely for this.
"I met this girl online," Ryeowook says excitedly at dinner one day, totally oblivious to the shocked faces staring back at him. "I think tomorrow I'm going to call her!"
"Well...good luck with that," Siwon says, filling the silence the stretches out after Ryeowook speaks.
***
The next day, he dials the girl's number, hands shaking slightly from nervousness.
"Hello?"
"Hi, we talked online and I'm really glad to talk to you for real now," Ryeowook says, all in one breath. The pitch of his voice heightens in his excitement. There's a long pause before the girl speaks again.
"Um, I'm sorry, you must have gotten confused. I'm a girl, not a guy. Good luck, though." She hangs up before Ryeowook can respond.
***
That weekend, Ryeowook goes out clubbing with Kangin and Shindong.
"I have to drown my sorrows," he exclaims dramatically, taking a large gulp of the bright pink cocktail he's ordered. The purple umbrella comes close to poking him in the eye.
"So," Kangin says slowly, as if he's not sure he understood, "you want us to help you meet girls?"
Ryeowook nods emphatically, the alcohol already going to his head.
"You're sure?" Shindong asks, equally skeptical. Ryeowook nods again and holds up his drink in a toast.
When they've all finished their first round, Shindong pushes Ryeowook out onto the dance floor, instructing him to bust a move and not come back until he has the ladies all over him. Song after song goes by, though, and Ryeowook finds himself totally lady-less. He does have a host of guys gathered around him: They must be impressed by his dancing skills, Ryeowook muses.
He gets tired, eventually, and goes back to Kangin and Shindong for another pink cocktail, then rushes back out onto the dance floor when BoA's "Girls on Top" comes on.
"This is my song!" he shouts to his friends before starting to sing along loudly.
At the end of the night, Ryeowook is exhausted from dancing, but has still not attracted any girls.
***
"I don't understand," Ryeowook says despondently, sitting down heavily at the end of his bed. "Why don't girls like me?"
Heechul shifts, stretches out under Ryeowook's blankets. He doesn't seem to be wearing a shirt. He flips his hair back out of his eyes and studies Ryeowook with a strange expression.
"Well," Heechul answers eventually, "I certainly don't see anything wrong with you."
Ryeowook sighs, pulling his legs up onto the bed. Heechul leans in conspiratorially.
"Girls like you, right, Heechul," Ryeowook asks, "can you give me some tips or something?"
Heechul smirks. "Oh, I can definitely give you some pointers."
***
Ryeowook counts the number of girls in everyone's lines at their fanmeet the next day. He has the fewest, only fifteen, but he's determined to make it count. The first girl to come up giggles behind her hand when he winks at her. She hands him a rainbow-braided bracelet and he takes her hand, bows sweepingly, and kisses it. She bursts into laughter, which isn't quite what Heechul said would happen, and is then ushered away by security guards.
The next girl to come up is wearing a t-shirt with a screen print of Ryeowook and Siwon holding hands, surrounded by hearts.
"I'm glad to see you value friendship," Ryeowook says, looking into her eyes and clasping her hand in both of his. "Would you like to go out sometime?"
Ryeowook interprets her shocked silence as immeasurable delight.
***
When they get home, Eeteuk pulls Ryeowook aside, looking serious.
"Ryeowook," he says, "we need to talk about what you've been doing lately."
"What do you mean?" Ryeowook asks, confused. "You mean, trying to find a girlfriend?" Eeteuk nods. "What's wrong with that? Are you worried it's going to distract me from Super Junior?"
"Well, no," Eeteuk says, "but I just think you might be a little...misguided about what you want." He sighs and fiddles with the stereo a little. "Sapphire Blue" comes on. "Just...listen to yourself."
Ryeowook listens, trying to figure out what Eeteuk means. "What's wrong," he asks as the recorded-him sings the high note, "I think I sound pretty great. What girl wouldn't want to date me after hearing my awesome voice?"
Eeteuk just sighs, head in his hands.
***
Later that evening, Ryeowook passes Siwon, wearing only a towel, on his way out of the shower.
"Siwon!" he says, stopping him. Ryeowook looks Siwon over appraisingly. "You have a really great body, you know," he says.
Siwon takes a step back, eyebrows raised.
"Can I come with you to work out sometime?"
Siwon takes another step back. "...Okay," he says finally.
"Great," Ryeowook answers, clapping Siwon on the shoulder. "I bet that will really help me get girls!"
***
Ryeowook spends the next week trying out pickup strategies from Heechul. The closest he gets to physical contact is a slap in the face from a foreign girl after reciting a string of words whose meaning he doesn't actually know.
Tired from his efforts, Ryeowook accidentally opens the wrong door on his way to bed, and what he sees surprises him into silence: Donghae has Kibum pinned to the bed, hand up his shirt. They're kissing. Ryeowook closes the door, backing away.
"I'd never thought of it this way," Ryeowook says, thinking aloud. "It would be so much easier if I were gay! I'd have all of the Super Junior members to choose from."
He goes into the living room, sits down on the sofa, wedged between Sungmin and Siwon.
"You guys like me, right?" Ryeowook asks, grinning expectantly.
fandom: Super Junior
pairing: Ryeowook-centric, implied DongBum and SiWook
words: 886
rating: PG
summary: Ryeowook tries to get a girlfriend.
notes: Inspired by a conversation with happiestwhen about Ryeowook's incredible gayness, and how it would be the most hilarious cosmic joke ever if he were straight. Written on hour five of a road trip to Chicago. Basically, I blame happiestwhen completely for this.
"I met this girl online," Ryeowook says excitedly at dinner one day, totally oblivious to the shocked faces staring back at him. "I think tomorrow I'm going to call her!"
"Well...good luck with that," Siwon says, filling the silence the stretches out after Ryeowook speaks.
***
The next day, he dials the girl's number, hands shaking slightly from nervousness.
"Hello?"
"Hi, we talked online and I'm really glad to talk to you for real now," Ryeowook says, all in one breath. The pitch of his voice heightens in his excitement. There's a long pause before the girl speaks again.
"Um, I'm sorry, you must have gotten confused. I'm a girl, not a guy. Good luck, though." She hangs up before Ryeowook can respond.
***
That weekend, Ryeowook goes out clubbing with Kangin and Shindong.
"I have to drown my sorrows," he exclaims dramatically, taking a large gulp of the bright pink cocktail he's ordered. The purple umbrella comes close to poking him in the eye.
"So," Kangin says slowly, as if he's not sure he understood, "you want us to help you meet girls?"
Ryeowook nods emphatically, the alcohol already going to his head.
"You're sure?" Shindong asks, equally skeptical. Ryeowook nods again and holds up his drink in a toast.
When they've all finished their first round, Shindong pushes Ryeowook out onto the dance floor, instructing him to bust a move and not come back until he has the ladies all over him. Song after song goes by, though, and Ryeowook finds himself totally lady-less. He does have a host of guys gathered around him: They must be impressed by his dancing skills, Ryeowook muses.
He gets tired, eventually, and goes back to Kangin and Shindong for another pink cocktail, then rushes back out onto the dance floor when BoA's "Girls on Top" comes on.
"This is my song!" he shouts to his friends before starting to sing along loudly.
At the end of the night, Ryeowook is exhausted from dancing, but has still not attracted any girls.
***
"I don't understand," Ryeowook says despondently, sitting down heavily at the end of his bed. "Why don't girls like me?"
Heechul shifts, stretches out under Ryeowook's blankets. He doesn't seem to be wearing a shirt. He flips his hair back out of his eyes and studies Ryeowook with a strange expression.
"Well," Heechul answers eventually, "I certainly don't see anything wrong with you."
Ryeowook sighs, pulling his legs up onto the bed. Heechul leans in conspiratorially.
"Girls like you, right, Heechul," Ryeowook asks, "can you give me some tips or something?"
Heechul smirks. "Oh, I can definitely give you some pointers."
***
Ryeowook counts the number of girls in everyone's lines at their fanmeet the next day. He has the fewest, only fifteen, but he's determined to make it count. The first girl to come up giggles behind her hand when he winks at her. She hands him a rainbow-braided bracelet and he takes her hand, bows sweepingly, and kisses it. She bursts into laughter, which isn't quite what Heechul said would happen, and is then ushered away by security guards.
The next girl to come up is wearing a t-shirt with a screen print of Ryeowook and Siwon holding hands, surrounded by hearts.
"I'm glad to see you value friendship," Ryeowook says, looking into her eyes and clasping her hand in both of his. "Would you like to go out sometime?"
Ryeowook interprets her shocked silence as immeasurable delight.
***
When they get home, Eeteuk pulls Ryeowook aside, looking serious.
"Ryeowook," he says, "we need to talk about what you've been doing lately."
"What do you mean?" Ryeowook asks, confused. "You mean, trying to find a girlfriend?" Eeteuk nods. "What's wrong with that? Are you worried it's going to distract me from Super Junior?"
"Well, no," Eeteuk says, "but I just think you might be a little...misguided about what you want." He sighs and fiddles with the stereo a little. "Sapphire Blue" comes on. "Just...listen to yourself."
Ryeowook listens, trying to figure out what Eeteuk means. "What's wrong," he asks as the recorded-him sings the high note, "I think I sound pretty great. What girl wouldn't want to date me after hearing my awesome voice?"
Eeteuk just sighs, head in his hands.
***
Later that evening, Ryeowook passes Siwon, wearing only a towel, on his way out of the shower.
"Siwon!" he says, stopping him. Ryeowook looks Siwon over appraisingly. "You have a really great body, you know," he says.
Siwon takes a step back, eyebrows raised.
"Can I come with you to work out sometime?"
Siwon takes another step back. "...Okay," he says finally.
"Great," Ryeowook answers, clapping Siwon on the shoulder. "I bet that will really help me get girls!"
***
Ryeowook spends the next week trying out pickup strategies from Heechul. The closest he gets to physical contact is a slap in the face from a foreign girl after reciting a string of words whose meaning he doesn't actually know.
Tired from his efforts, Ryeowook accidentally opens the wrong door on his way to bed, and what he sees surprises him into silence: Donghae has Kibum pinned to the bed, hand up his shirt. They're kissing. Ryeowook closes the door, backing away.
"I'd never thought of it this way," Ryeowook says, thinking aloud. "It would be so much easier if I were gay! I'd have all of the Super Junior members to choose from."
He goes into the living room, sits down on the sofa, wedged between Sungmin and Siwon.
"You guys like me, right?" Ryeowook asks, grinning expectantly.