Think We Are (5/8)
Fic: Think We Are
Genre: humor, angst of the teenage variety, pining, the usual High School Tropes
Pairings: USUK, Prussia/Hungary, Japan/Taiwan (brief)
Rating: M
Warnings:Language to the max, sex/crude language, potentially offensive POVs and nicknames, past character deaths (noncanon), bullying, brief 'slut shaming,' passing mentions of drug abuse, and teenagers(because they need their own warning).
Summary: We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did *was* wrong. But we think you're crazy to make an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us...Note:The Hetalia/Breakfast Club fusion everyone wanted apparently! Enjoy,and drop a line if you care to let me know what you thought. Probably my fav chapter of the bunch, save the last one. Oh yeah, this is done guys so expect weekly updates :)
Previous Chapter
Think We Are
Scene Five
“When you grow up, your heart dies.” - Allison, The Breakfast Club (1985)
A Snippet of Arthur
When Arthur was ten years old, his parents were killed in a car ‘accident’. Accident was really more of a misnomer because it sure as fuck wasn’t an accident. A drunk driver speeding through a red light at fifty miles per hour, broadsiding his parents’ car as it was crossing the intersection wasn’t an accident. Having to listen to a sad-faced police officer explain to him, Peter who had only been six, and sixteen year old Patrick what had happened, that his parents had been in an ‘accident’ and were gone-Arthur grew to hate that word, accident. His parents being killed wasn’t an accident, and the worst part of it all, was the drunk who’d hit them, he’d gotten himself a good lawyer and a good deal. He was already out of prison and living his life while Arthur’s parents were buried in the ground.
Arthur was the youngest-middle child of five-Liam, Rhys, Patrick, him and Peter. His mum had really wanted a girl, but gave up after Peter (though there were some truly memorable pictures of Pete dressed up in some frilly dresses). As brothers go, Arthur had barely known Liam and Rhys growing up as they’d both been graduated and in college by the time he was seven, but they’d gotten along well enough and their family was close. His parents’ death changed all that. Patrick graduated and left home without looking back; he called occasionally to give updates and on birthdays but that was it. Rhys had flat out disappeared and Peter had been too young to understand why his family was broken and became the world’s biggest brat. And Liam-Liam got stuck with guardianship over his two younger brothers and he made no qualms about the fact that he didn’t want it. Arthur remembered him as a bit of a teaser and bully when he’d been little, but he’d never been purposely mean-he was now.
He had a hard time blaming Liam sometimes. He’d had his whole life ahead of him and then he was stuck raising his two brothers, putting his whole life on hold and trying to somehow grieve for his dead parents at the same time. It was hard not to blame him though, when he was drunk and yelling and Arthur ended up with a fat lip and pinning Liam down to the floor to stop his rampage.
Arthur’s entire world had been split apart in one night-and it was hard to try to move on when everywhere he looked, he saw reminders of what he’d lost. When he’d hit middle school and had to constantly hear people complaining about their parents, it was too much to ask that he ignore them because they had no idea what it was like without them and if they walked in his shoes for a minute, they wouldn’t take them for granted. He started acting out and it was probably then that people started to use words like ‘dangerous’ and ‘damaged’ and ‘delinquent’ around him.
Sometimes, just watching Alfred and his family together-it made him so awful he was literally sick to his stomach. He knew that made up a large reason why he didn’t stay friends with Alfred when he’d been younger-it just took his older self a while to recognize his younger self’s self-defense method was all.
**************
“Sometimes, I really hate playing football.” Alfred wasn’t sure where the confession came from, but there it was, out in the open to a bunch of people he hardly knew. Funny thing was that he didn’t feel weird saying it to them-for whatever reason, there seemed to be this unspoken understanding between all of them that whatever was said during detention would be like the Vegas mantra. Whatever happens in detention, stays in detention, or something like that. Not that Gilbert was the most trustworthy person in Alfred’s mind, but even he seemed to be on the same page. He met Arthur’s eyes for a second and didn’t see any kind of meanness or jerk-off attitude, which might’ve been there about four hours ago.
“Why would you hate playing football? You’re king of this school because you play it and you’re good.” Arthur adjusted his legs so that they were folded under him Indian style, and Alfred watched them because, hello, the pants Arthur was wearing were tight and yeah. Great view and stuff-he blinked and looked back up to his face, hoped he hadn’t noticed the staring because that would’ve been embarrassing.
“It’s just-there’s a lot of pressure that comes with that though, you know?” He looked down at his jeans and picked at some fraying threads. That was going to be a hole soon. “The comic books have it right-people love a hero, but not as much as they love watching a hero fall. The minute I screw something up they’ll all be trying to tear me down.”
“Well,” Arthur began. “Maybe you should have friends who aren’t so shallow and like you at face value alone. Or maybe you should not care so much as to whatever else the wankers at this school think of you because the only opinion of you that really matters is your own.”
“Arthur, that’s naïve, especially for you.” Elizaveta had calmed down a little following her confession about Roderich and Gilbert’s reaction to it. She’d even scooted her chair closer to Alfred’s to be closer to everyone else, and wasn’t sneering every time she talked anymore. Alfred decided he liked this Elizaveta, the honest version who was so much better-this was the same girl who had hugged him when he’d freaked out at her and confessed he didn’t want to hook up with her. He wished she was this girl more than the front, the bitchy Ice-Queen who put everyone else down so that you didn’t see the cracks in her own armor. “Of course other people’s opinions of you matter-that’s how the real world works. College may do blind auditions, but when you go out and look for a job, whether you get it or not entirely has to do with someone else’s opinion of you.”
Arthur glared at her, but it wasn’t as bad as the ones he’d been giving her earlier. Alfred took that as a good sign, a sign that maybe he was warming up to Elizaveta (and him by association) just a little bit. He wasn’t exactly sure why he wanted Arthur to warm up to them, because as much as he liked the guy, he valued his pride and wasn’t about to go confessing how he felt after a couple of hours of civility. But-it still felt nice, the hope that maybe his feelings wouldn’t just be smooshed under Arthur’s steel-toed boot. Gilbert snorted a little from where he was laying down on the top of his desk, head hanging of the side so that he was looking at them upside-down; his face was alternating between pink and purple from the blood rushing to his head.
“Well, that’s a very bleak and depressing opinion.” Gilbert grinned at Elizaveta who rolled her eyes but didn’t react any more violently than that. “Tell me, has all the vast and worldly experiences in your seventeen years of living taught you that or have you been reading too many beauty columns again?”
“Being popular at this school has taught me that.”
“Then I have a question for you.” Arthur turned and arched his brow at Elizaveta; Alfred could see the full stretch of his neck when he did that and fuck was that distracting. “Would you rather not have to worry about others’ opinions of you, or do you view it as a necessary burden you deal with in order to remain popular?”
“In a perfect world, I’d choose the first option, but I’m a realist. I’d choose the latter.”
“Then you’re choosing to conform to what you think society has taught you before you’ve even given yourself a chance to see if you’d succeed without the public’s opinions of you.” Arthur smirked down at her and damn if that wasn’t sexy as hell. Annnnd Alfred really needed to reign in the ogling; he had a feeling he was verging on full-on creeper status. “You’re correct that when looking for a job, it matters that your future employer believes you are dependable and hard-working and whatever else fucking cliché you can think of to exemplify a good worker, but you can be all of those things while still not caring what people may think of who you are as a person. Being a productive member of society has nothing to do with the sort of person you are and the friends you make because of it.”
“And how many friends do you have, Arthur? How does your own theory pan out?” She had more bite to her tone than before, but she was still in control.
He huffed a small laugh and smiled (literally he smiled not smirked, and it was gorgeous on him) at her. “I’m not talking about myself as the example. I’m talking about Alfred.”
Alfred blinked (because damn it, he was staring at the smile and yeah-he was a creeper) and looked up, startled, at Arthur. “Me?”
“Well, you’re the one who starting this thread of conversation, and let’s be honest, out of all of us here, save perhaps Kiku, you’re the least likely to be a bugger just because you can.” Arthur shrugged at him and looked up at the ceiling. Alfred really hoped he was really seeing a bit of red crawl up the side of Arthur’s face and it wasn’t just his wishful thinking. “Perhaps Elizaveta is right and the majority of us do play our parts and mold ourselves to garner the sort of admiration we think we deserve, but you’ve always been a bit of an odd one. So, if you’re unhappy with the pressure that comes with your position as most popular on campus, change it. Be friends with who you really want to be friends with and enjoy football and whatever else you love again. Fuck what anyone else thinks.”
Alfred’s mouth dropped open, but he didn’t have any kind of reply to give so he snapped it shut. On the one hand, Arthur’s words made him feel good about himself, like he really could do what Arthur believed he could do and just say ‘fuck it’ to everyone he’d surrounded himself with over the past three years and just be friends with people he actually liked again. People like Kiku, and Toris, and Ludwig, and Jake and…and maybe Arthur and it would all still be okay. But. On the other hand, the hand that was a lot louder lately, the only thing he could think about was Feliciano’s tear-stained face and how his teammates had cheered him on and-he wasn’t as good of a person as everyone seemed to still think of him as. Even Arthur. And he felt like a fraud for letting them think he was still a good guy.
“I-yeah, maybe.” The words sounded weak to even him and Alfred smiled briefly before he went back to studying the almost-hole in his jeans. He could feel Arthur’s stare on him, could feel the itch he had to say something else to Alfred, but in the end, he just sighed and Alfred was glad he resisted the urge to look up at his face.
They all went silent for a few minutes before Gilbert blew out a noisy, bored sigh and Alfred looked up at him, where he’d flipped himself around on the desk so he was right-side up again. “Well, you guys sure know how to kill a conversation. If you ask me, you all need to loosen up a little-anybody up for a field trip to my locker because I have just the thing to help with that.”
“I’m not helping you grab your weed, Gilbert,” Arthur sighed. “You tried to sneak it in last time, Germania caught you, and he sat in the room with us the rest of the afternoon.”
“Yeah, but this time it’s not like he can see us actually lighting up or anything.” Gilbert grinned winningly at all of them and hopped to his feet. “Come on, live a little-Honda, I know you at the very least could use a hit. You’ve looked constipated since you came in this morning.”
“I really don’t think I looked like I was-”
“Go get it yourself if you really want it, Gilbert. I’m not going this time.” Arthur looked pretty cute when he pouted. Yeah, he looked cute and hot most of the time, but it was really cute when he pouted.
“How-how much do you have?” Alfred swung around to gape at Elizaveta and how interested she looked in joining Gilbert. “It wouldn’t be dangerous or anything, would it?”
“Course not, princess,” Gilbert grinned. “Just enough for a small hit each, or a little bit more if Kirkland wants to keep being a stick in the mud. It’ll be out of your system by the time your parentals pick you up. Cross my heart.”
Elizaveta seemed to weigh out his promise before she shrugged and rose to join him; Arthur rolled his eyes and swore under his breath. “Fine-I’m already in detention, might as well be stuck here for something a little more impressive than cutting fifth period to shop. Alfred? You coming?”
Alfred stared at them, caught the edges of Arthur’s judging eyes, before he shrugged and got up to join them. “Uh, sure-not to the smoking or anything, although that sounds, um, but it’d be nice to stretch my legs so, uh, yeah, I’ll come too.”
“Oh bloody hell.”
“And Honda, how about it? Live a little bit and walk on the wild side for once in your life.” Gilbert waggled his brows at Kiku, who looked torn between wanting to stay and intrigued as to what he’d be like a little high. Alfred could work with that.
“Come on, Kiku, think of it like an experiment. Wouldn’t it be kind of interesting to see how it affects motor functions and thought processes and not just read about from second-hand pamphlets?” Alfred pled his case and eventually, Kiku nodded, but looked like he might’ve signed his death warrant in doing so.
“Oh fine, if you’re all going to join Gilbert in this insanity, I have no choice but to come along-if only to make sure you lot don’t end up getting turned around in this school after hours. I’m not spending the rest of my Germania-free detention stuck with him breathing down my neck.” Arthur frowned at them, and Alfred couldn’t help but grin as he sidled up next to him and crossed his arms over his chest. “Also, you’re all fucking idiots, or the record.”
Gilbert snorted and peeked out the library doors in the back. “Noted.”
**************
A Snippet of Kiku
I know I really shouldn’t be doing this.
But-but I’ve spent my life doing only what I’m supposed to do and it’s because I was trying to maintain my grade point average that I’m even here, because I’ve spent my entire life not having fun to be perfect instead. And it’s impossible to be perfect.
And…maybe I don’t want to be that anymore. Maybe I want to try being me, Kiku Honda, a brilliant student who doesn’t have to be a prodigy or a genius, because let’s face it, those titles probably go to Arthur anyway. I shouldn’t have to worry about being so successful and perfect in high school-I should be living and messing up.
I shouldn’t have done what I did to land here in detention. I shouldn’t have let my drive to be perfect control my actions and blur the lines between wrong and right. I should have accepted the grade I received on that stupid lamp project and been happy I didn’t completely fail, because it’s fine to not be the best at everything. I shouldn’t have let my father convince me that a delinquent like Kirkland didn’t deserve to be valedictorian over me, because actually, I think he does. I shouldn’t have gotten so wrapped up in the future I forgot to live in the now-and I think maybe indulging in this useless, dangerous curiosity might help me find my path again.
It’s peculiar how things that once seemed so important can become pointless in the span of an hour, if surrounded by the right people. Even if they’re pointless just for a moment, in that moment, you are free.
**************
Alfred wasn’t exactly sure what he thought would happen if they were caught, but he was thinking it now. He really didn’t want to do a repeat trip to detention and face having to look at his parents’ faces full of disappointment again-this was supposed to be a one-stop kind of deal and now he was thinking that they all should’ve listened to Arthur before and just stayed in the damn library. Because now they were trying to sneak down the halls, most of which were closed off, as they tried to avoid Germania, who chose the worst possible moment to take a leak. Or whatever it was that he was doing wandering the school. Alfred didn’t really care if he was snooping at permanent records, he just wanted him to get the fuck back in his office so they could sneak back into the library without getting caught.
“I told you, you fucking wanker, I told you that we should’ve just bloody well stayed in the library!” Arthur hissed at them as he peeked over the lockers and down the next hall, his head snapped back quick as a hiccup, signaling that Germania was in fact, down that hall. Alfred peeked for himself to see what-seriously, he was getting water from the drinking fountain? That jackass.
“Well, we didn’t and would you shut the fuck up! If I wanted to fucking lecture I’d listen to my mom half the time she shouts at me.” Gilbert grumbled and glared at the lockers opposite them.
“All of you, be quiet, he’ll hear you!” Elizaveta whispered hurriedly. Her face was calmer than the rest of theirs and she was tapping her foot impatiently against the floor. “I told you, we should cut up through the freshmen social studies hall. The student council office is there and we have a door that leads around the cafeteria and back to the library.”
“And I told you, that hallway is fucking locked up,” Gilbert growled. He and Elizaveta stared angrily at each other until Alfred had to look away because if they were about to start humping each other, he really didn’t want to see that.
“We could cut through the chemistry labs,” Kiku suggested softly. Everyone turned their attention on him and instead of ducking his head and caving in on himself, his spine straightened tall. He even gave them a small smile that made him look a lot less like a tax accountant. “The labs are all connected to one another through the supply office, and each lab has a door to that office-Arthur, you said the junior science hall was open, the one on the way to the teacher’s lounge?”
Arthur nodded and Alfred felt a flutter of hope in his stomach-he really, really didn’t want detention next weekend. Kiku nodded and continued. “Then the junior chem lab will get us to the library, and we can get to the junior chem lab through the sophomore one, which is done the hall to the right.”
“You mean the one Germania is currently imitating a camel in?” Gilbert whispered back harshly.
Kiku shrugged and gave Gilbert a ‘what-can-you-do’ look. “I didn’t say the plan was perfect, but logically, he can’t stay in that hallway forever.”
“What we need is a distraction,” Elizaveta huffed. “And I don’t know about you, but the only distraction I can think of is the five of us.”
“Or-just one of us.” Arthur smirked up at Gilbert. “Come on, now, old boy, this was your idea. Go be the grand hero for once.”
Gilbert opened his mouth to probably argue back, but Elizaveta cut him off with a hand on his shoulder and blinking up at him with wide, pleading eyes. Damn-girls were so not fair with that look. “Please, Gil? You already have detention next week and you would be the greatest distraction out of all of us.”
Gilbert narrowed his eyes at her and huffed, but Alfred could see he was going to agree. What he didn’t see was that he would dip Elizaveta dramatically, stuff his weed into her jacket, and kiss her smack dab on the mouth before twirling her away and running off down the hall, singing at the top of his lungs. “For luck, princess, and hold onto that for me. Ba-ra-ahahah, Roma-roma romama, Gag oh lala, want your bad romance...”
They all crouched down (even Elizaveta, who was touching her lips a little dazedly) and waited for Germania to start cursing before taking off after Gilbert. Kiku waited until he was sure that Germania wasn’t going to turn around before he got up and lead the way to the sophomore chem lab. The door was locked, but Arthur pushed forward and fiddled around with the door, using the metal key-thing he’d taken off the library doors. He got the lock and pushed it open with a little smirk and wave, his eyes lingering on Alfred a little before following him inside, where they followed Kiku to the supply office door (Alfred could feel Arthur’s eyes on him and it was really, really distracting). Kiku reached into his pockets and pulled out his keys, searching until he found on that opened up the supply office.
“You have a key to the school?” Alfred stared, impressed beyond belief because that was awesome.
“It’s a key to the supply office for the chemistry labs, and I only have it because I’m the president of the Science club.” Kiku looked a little embarrassed because it wasn’t just Alfred who was looking at him impressed; so were Arthur and Elizaveta.
“It’s still a key to someplace in the school! Dude, that’s pretty badass.” Alfred grinned and Kiku returned it as he opened the supply office and they all slipped inside, Alfred trailing and closing the door behind him, mindful to lock it.
“Follow me, the office is cramped and there’s a lot of glass in here-usually, there’s only one person in this office at a time, not four.” Kiku navigated them through the narrow pathways in between the shelves and Alfred was careful to keep his elbows from jutting out and hitting something. Arthur stepped on something that made him swear and flail a little and he tilted to the side, losing his balance; Alfred reached out and grabbed a hold of his arm to level him out. Once stable, Arthur turned back and looked at him; Alfred still kept a hold on his arm.
“Thank you.”
“Yeah, no problem.” He grinned at him and, strangely enough, Arthur sort-of grinned back, which was awesome because that was probably the first honest grin he’d given him in years. And maybe it was the thrill of sneaking around school and the potential danger they were in for getting into more trouble (and maybe a little bit of the aftermath of Gilbert and Elizaveta’s Hollywood movie kiss back in the hall), but Alfred really wanted to lean forward and kiss him. Like, really bad, bad enough that he even started to a little because wowza were Arthur’s eyes really green in the soft, emergency lighting in the supply office. Arthur watched him, eyes wide and full of something that looked like it could be anticipation, and holy shit he was tilting his chin up a little and if that didn’t meant he wanted to kiss Alfred, he’d eat his own shorts. This was it, this was when the whole teenage fantasy of kissing the childhood crush turned school badass came true and-
“Hey, lovebirds, hurry up! Gilbert didn’t buy us forever you know!” And Alfred was going to kill Elizaveta. He leaned back and glared at her from over Arthur shoulder, at her smug, know-it-all expression and the arch of her perfectly groomed eyebrow. Arthur cleared his throat and Alfred dropped his arm like it was on fire; he rubbed the back of neck a little sheepishly and tried not to meet Arthur’s eyes. Elizaveta huffed at them and followed out the newly opened door after Kiku; Alfred just wanted the floor to swallow him up because this was fucking embarrassing.
“I guess we should, um, you know. Follow them. Out.”
“Probably. Alfred, look at me. I’m sure I’m more fascinating than the stale gum stuck to the floor.” Alfred looked up and didn’t see any of the mocking annoyance or disgusted sneering he’d been imagining. Instead, Arthur was just watching him, a little red in the cheeks and looking a hell of a lot younger than anyone with piercings should probably look. “I don’t-I think there are some things we need to discuss. About, well, this.”
Arthur motioned between them at that and it was a little adorable when he bit his bottom lip and looked up at Alfred through the mess of his hair. He nodded and shrugged shyly back. “Yeah, I think we do-I thought you hated me.”
Arthur sighed and ran a nervous hand through his hair. “I never-it was never hate, I just-”
“Seriously, you guys, you’ve past the time for kissing! Hurry the hell up and come on! We need to be back in the library when Germania brings Gilbert back!” Elizaveta glared at them with every ounce of bitchiness she possessed (which was a lot) before her head disappeared from the doorway again. Arthur swore under his breath again and started making his way out, Alfred following close behind with a groan. Because they had been having a moment back in that office, a good moment that Alfred was probably not going to get back because he knew the minute they were back in the library, Arthur was going to pretend like this had never happened and go back to being a dick and-
“Later. We’re finishing this conversation later, all right?” Arthur turned and murmured the words just for Alfred, still wearing that soft look on his face that made Alfred’s stomach do the tango. Alfred grinned and nodded back excitedly.
“Later. Definitely later.”
Arthur huffed a laugh and Alfred may or may not have given himself a couple of air pumps in victory as he left the supply office (except that he, you know, totally did).
**************
Another Snippet of Arthur
It’s funny, how things work out sometimes. How things or ideas that seemed completely unrealistic or out of reach can sometimes be the easiest to achieve, if given the right environment. Arthur still has trouble believing that but there are moments where that truth smacks him right in the face so hard that he can’t ignore it.
This is one of those moments.
And, it may terrify him, but there’s something more there.
It’s a funny thing how quick love can sneak up on you.
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