(no subject)
I found my church. I came in asking God to take away any bias that I had towards what I was looking for. I also came in alone. I came out with a new holy family. The service was super awesome, only 16 people there, and in general darkness, but so powerful. We were reminded of all of the reasons why we are Christians, and part of being a Christian is your baptism. We went to renew our baptism vows at the fount, and I found myself stating that I have never baptized. Veronica's baptism 16 years consecrated her as a daughter of God. I was no longer that daughter, and I didn't feel like I was included under those old vows, that I was too young to make anyways. I was baptized tonight. Oscar Veronica Issac Diane, baptized as a son of God, forever in His hands. I was made a whole person tonight. I had been missing the part of me that God held, that part that was so important to the girl that I was. And I'm whole. And it feels so great. I came in alone, in body and in spirit. My dad was working and so I just went to service by myself. Because I had no one with me to be my sponser, everyone there sponsered me, announcing me to God and presenting me. I had never met any person in that community before and suddenly there were sharing this intimate experience with me. I came alone, but I left with a family, aunts and uncles and grandma and little cousins and a Father. My eternal father. And I'm crying right now. I'm crying because I actually feel like I am pure and holy and worthy before God. I am worthy before God. I was missing that.
I'm sure most of you who read my LJ aren't religious people. But I'm sure most of you can at least understand how fulfilling it was to be validated. I am. I am. I am. As quoting Sylvia Plath, my heart beats to the drummer of my being whispering I am. I am whole, and I am holy. I am a child of God. I am loved. I am being taken care of in all of needs. I am. I am. I am.
Goodnight my friends.