there are no signs, there are no stars aligned
i think i'm heading for a full-blown identity crisis. i was fine, and then suddenly i'm not sure of anything and want to change everything about myself. i think it started this morning (so quickly! maybe that's just when i noticed) when i reveal or discover that my multiple identities (i.e. home lauren vs. new york lauren, work lauren vs. poet lauren, etc) maybe come from doubting myself as much as from doubting the people i am hiding from. i feel more certain than ever that i am where i'm supposed to be doing what i'm supposed to... but i cut a lot of people out of knowing what that is. which isn't so much a problem except for when i think about how passionate and excited i am about all that i'm up to. i want to show it off but i don't wanna share. so whatever.
i don't know why you're mean to me / when i call on the telephone
i didn't really wanna go out tonight but now i'm in and awake and have an overwhelming urge to call someone or something. i don't require nearly any of the alone time i used to. it quickly becomes boring and counter-productive-- like today i spent far too many hours internet stalking and pouting. so silly. i have some work to do but would rather obsess and over-analyze and get myself into bad situations. i've been compulsively listening to st. vincent as of late. that album is so excellent. it gets more exciting everytime!
my birthday is coming up. i am excited b/c i've been thinking about it since lucy's, but it always comes too fast once we get to this point. and then yesterday my friend ryan tells me that 25 is the year your life falls apart. just when i thought i'd gotten things together a little. he's a little dramatic though. just wants to see me ruined, which i for some reason appreciate.
and i swear by stars / i will burn this whole city down
the real question is: what am i trying to say anyways? all this living in the moment and i've lost the perspective. oops.
i don't know why you're mean to me / when i call on the telephone
i didn't really wanna go out tonight but now i'm in and awake and have an overwhelming urge to call someone or something. i don't require nearly any of the alone time i used to. it quickly becomes boring and counter-productive-- like today i spent far too many hours internet stalking and pouting. so silly. i have some work to do but would rather obsess and over-analyze and get myself into bad situations. i've been compulsively listening to st. vincent as of late. that album is so excellent. it gets more exciting everytime!
my birthday is coming up. i am excited b/c i've been thinking about it since lucy's, but it always comes too fast once we get to this point. and then yesterday my friend ryan tells me that 25 is the year your life falls apart. just when i thought i'd gotten things together a little. he's a little dramatic though. just wants to see me ruined, which i for some reason appreciate.
and i swear by stars / i will burn this whole city down
the real question is: what am i trying to say anyways? all this living in the moment and i've lost the perspective. oops.