Oh,we're sinking like stones,all that we fought for.All thoseplaceswe'vegone,all of us are done for
I know im supposed to live in the moment, according to the great master Dalai Lama, but sometimes I cannot help thinking about my future. Everything in our life is rushed, its hard not to. We’re in 10th grade for god sake and they have sprung upon us that we have to decide what we want to do for the rest of our lives! Does this seem insane to anyone else? Does this scare the shit outta anyone else?
I guess it scares me because when people ask you ‘what do you want to be when you grow up’, I think of my career as defining who I will BE. But I am slowly realizing this is not the case.
For example, my mother is a doctor. But when I think of my mother, the person, doctor never comes to mind. Therefore I shouldn’t be freaking out about my occupation.
But that logic doesn’t stop me, oh no no. my mind is constantly running, which is why I had to write all this down in the first place, because I am anxious I will forget….haha I wont though, im just clearly insane.
So, so, so, what do I want to be? My heart tells me this:
I want to travel, I want to save children, I want to cure diseases, I want to stop wars, I want to love, I want to sing, I want to dance, I want to pray, I want to do everything that my intuition tells me….
But the world will not let me possibly do this.
No no, complications get in the way. Money becomes an issue, transportation becomes an issue, people skills becomes an issue.
There is no job describtion that says ‘saveroftheworld’
Maybe that’s the messiahs job…
BUT IT DOESN’T LOOK LIKE HES COMING ANYTIME SOON.
Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.
At the rate im going, at the colleges that i will be accepted into, there is no way I will become anything great.
Anything that makes any difference in the world.
If I turn out like those people will meaningless, average lives, I will just shoot myself.
I don’t care if I go to hell.
p.s. ryan adams' new cd 'cold roses' came out yesterday and its amaaaazing.