(no subject)
Ups & downs lately, but no more of the crushing unremitting feeling of hopelessness that was the hallmark of this last winter. More like a crushing, intermittent feeling of hopelessness. ;) Starting to rebuild some semblance of a life--not having a job, classes, band to play in or any other outside Thing to Do has been disastrous to my sense of confidence & purpose, but even if it is only tending our little community garden plot the warmer weather promises a change in emotional season as well.
With the return of Spring comes Spring cleaning, and along with the need to clean our messy place there is some mental & emotional housekeeping I badly need to do. It may be shallow of me, but it is simply a fact that my little boat of happiness is easily upset by other people's negativity, so--gonna hide some people on FB, going to try to better recognize & let go any negative, intrusive thoughts about other people, and in general just attempt to refocus on my own goals & let everybody else's crap go. If someone else can only think of reasons why the world is stacked against them it isn't something that I can change for them, it is only an outlook that I can choose to reject for myself. Anyway. Retaking some classes this summer and fall to buff up my GPA, which is pretty high but not high enough to pass muster. This might ordinarily be frustrating and embarrassing, but seriously at this point having something to dedicate all this excess attention to is nothing but a good thing.
Leo is so funny & awesome, just the sweetest & happiest little boy ever. We are still picking away at the many layers of issues around eating & keeping things down--I feel like the internal portion is being pretty well taken care of with his current meds, and we've made great progress with his willingness to tolerate being around food and put it in or at least around his mouth, but something seems to go awry when he tries to actually swallow nearly anything that isn't a thick liquid like his banana smoothies or a crunchy grain like cheerios. He's busy and bright and active, finally walking and gaining weight, and it feels like things are on the upswing.
It's nice to feel a renewed sense of control over my own happiness.
With the return of Spring comes Spring cleaning, and along with the need to clean our messy place there is some mental & emotional housekeeping I badly need to do. It may be shallow of me, but it is simply a fact that my little boat of happiness is easily upset by other people's negativity, so--gonna hide some people on FB, going to try to better recognize & let go any negative, intrusive thoughts about other people, and in general just attempt to refocus on my own goals & let everybody else's crap go. If someone else can only think of reasons why the world is stacked against them it isn't something that I can change for them, it is only an outlook that I can choose to reject for myself. Anyway. Retaking some classes this summer and fall to buff up my GPA, which is pretty high but not high enough to pass muster. This might ordinarily be frustrating and embarrassing, but seriously at this point having something to dedicate all this excess attention to is nothing but a good thing.
Leo is so funny & awesome, just the sweetest & happiest little boy ever. We are still picking away at the many layers of issues around eating & keeping things down--I feel like the internal portion is being pretty well taken care of with his current meds, and we've made great progress with his willingness to tolerate being around food and put it in or at least around his mouth, but something seems to go awry when he tries to actually swallow nearly anything that isn't a thick liquid like his banana smoothies or a crunchy grain like cheerios. He's busy and bright and active, finally walking and gaining weight, and it feels like things are on the upswing.
It's nice to feel a renewed sense of control over my own happiness.