"white" "trash" party
On this venerable weekend commemorating the Great and Honored Reverend Doctor, Esq. Martin Luther King, Junior, I learned something crucial for Life.
I bought a new desk a couple of weeks ago. It was on clearance for only $50, so of course I was all over it! It had been languishing in its box in my living room for the past week because after almost pulling my back and scraping my shins dragging it up one mere story to my place, I was just too scared to build it, knowing that inevitably, I would be in pain one way or another, during the course of construction.
Apparently, the instructions said "You must perform certain steps with a second person" but I was all, Whatever, I am a Man without conviction!, if Martin Loofah could do his thang all on his own, so could I! Rosa Parks ain't got nothin' on me.
In conclusion, I have discovered that: My thighs are a second person. EAT THAT, HATERS!!!!!
I am also now proudly sporting twin parallel lines of cuts on my forearm, courtesy of Pieces No. J and K, aka the Keyboard Slide-Out components. I hate you, Pieces No. J and K! Well, it all worked out fine, because I was able to pull these scars off as accessories1 for the party I went to the next day!
My sole white friend, White Boy Dan (the object of many an LJ-friends fantasies) threw a party on Sunday, appropriately themed as a "White" "Trash" party.2
Requisite "White" "Trash" Accessories If You Were A Gay Man And Knew Nothing About Being "White" Nor "Trashy":
1. Fashionably "Paint-Splattered" Trucker Cap With High Quality Jesus-On-The-Cross Sticker
2. Country-Western-like Button-Up Shirt Artfully Turned Into "Ragged" Vest With Matching One-Hand Glove
3. Official "Special Olympics" T-Shirt To Represent The Tragic Consequences of Inbreeding and Such.
4. Country Fair Blue Ribbon Proudly Displayed on Lapel
5. Glittering USA Tattoo On Neck to Signify Proudness To Be An American
6. Shark Tattoo Swimming In A Sea of Farm-Tanned Upper Arm.
100% Grade A USDA Approved Authentic, right???
SOP IT UP LJ READERS. I HUNG OUT WITH THE WHITE PEOPLE!
Me with the Trashy Host under one arm and a pile of sexy garbage under the other. I told them I was taking this picture as proof that I know white people.
Get some alcohol in me and apparently I turn kitty chaser. You know, this is why I did not drink for 3 years in college. I got all crazy when I first started doing the college party thing, and I was scared by how nasty I got with the females. I was Scared Sober®. :( Also note the Twin Gashes on my forearm. Hot!
Apparently Dan buys all these unhealthy snacks to sate his appetite, but as evident by his physique, never eats them. Ever.
Evidently, and I did not know this until the party, but white trash for girls means wearing a wifebeater with a black bra showing underneath.
As you can see here.
And here.
A 6'5678" Hotly Tanned Strapping Meat of a Shirtless-Vested Boat-Rowing Gay Frat Boy. He was definitely winner of The Hottest Guy Of The Night Award!
Two exceptionally greasy boys chugging box wine. Most White Trash Picture Award Winner Y/N?
I told Dan to pretend I was in his pants and he needed to get me out. :O
LOL. Now you can see my tat. Also, Rui tried really hard to be white trash. So hard in fact, she got she got butterflies and daisies on her breasts.
Isn't it great? In the span of one week, I went from adamantly defending my Blackness to forcefully emulating Whiteness! I am suuuch an International Man Of Mystery!!!
1 Because everyone knows contracting gangrene, tetanus, rheumatism and/or rabies via construction wounds are all part of the "White" "Trash" schtick.
2 Please note quotes around both "White" and "Trash." As I am neither, I opted for incredulous fabulousness to make up for everything I lacked.
I bought a new desk a couple of weeks ago. It was on clearance for only $50, so of course I was all over it! It had been languishing in its box in my living room for the past week because after almost pulling my back and scraping my shins dragging it up one mere story to my place, I was just too scared to build it, knowing that inevitably, I would be in pain one way or another, during the course of construction.
Apparently, the instructions said "You must perform certain steps with a second person" but I was all, Whatever, I am a Man without conviction!, if Martin Loofah could do his thang all on his own, so could I! Rosa Parks ain't got nothin' on me.
In conclusion, I have discovered that: My thighs are a second person. EAT THAT, HATERS!!!!!
I am also now proudly sporting twin parallel lines of cuts on my forearm, courtesy of Pieces No. J and K, aka the Keyboard Slide-Out components. I hate you, Pieces No. J and K! Well, it all worked out fine, because I was able to pull these scars off as accessories1 for the party I went to the next day!
My sole white friend, White Boy Dan (the object of many an LJ-friends fantasies) threw a party on Sunday, appropriately themed as a "White" "Trash" party.2
Requisite "White" "Trash" Accessories If You Were A Gay Man And Knew Nothing About Being "White" Nor "Trashy":
1. Fashionably "Paint-Splattered" Trucker Cap With High Quality Jesus-On-The-Cross Sticker
2. Country-Western-like Button-Up Shirt Artfully Turned Into "Ragged" Vest With Matching One-Hand Glove
3. Official "Special Olympics" T-Shirt To Represent The Tragic Consequences of Inbreeding and Such.
4. Country Fair Blue Ribbon Proudly Displayed on Lapel
5. Glittering USA Tattoo On Neck to Signify Proudness To Be An American
6. Shark Tattoo Swimming In A Sea of Farm-Tanned Upper Arm.
100% Grade A USDA Approved Authentic, right???
SOP IT UP LJ READERS. I HUNG OUT WITH THE WHITE PEOPLE!
Me with the Trashy Host under one arm and a pile of sexy garbage under the other. I told them I was taking this picture as proof that I know white people.
Get some alcohol in me and apparently I turn kitty chaser. You know, this is why I did not drink for 3 years in college. I got all crazy when I first started doing the college party thing, and I was scared by how nasty I got with the females. I was Scared Sober®. :( Also note the Twin Gashes on my forearm. Hot!
Apparently Dan buys all these unhealthy snacks to sate his appetite, but as evident by his physique, never eats them. Ever.
Evidently, and I did not know this until the party, but white trash for girls means wearing a wifebeater with a black bra showing underneath.
As you can see here.
And here.
A 6'5678" Hotly Tanned Strapping Meat of a Shirtless-Vested Boat-Rowing Gay Frat Boy. He was definitely winner of The Hottest Guy Of The Night Award!
Two exceptionally greasy boys chugging box wine. Most White Trash Picture Award Winner Y/N?
I told Dan to pretend I was in his pants and he needed to get me out. :O
LOL. Now you can see my tat. Also, Rui tried really hard to be white trash. So hard in fact, she got she got butterflies and daisies on her breasts.
Isn't it great? In the span of one week, I went from adamantly defending my Blackness to forcefully emulating Whiteness! I am suuuch an International Man Of Mystery!!!
1 Because everyone knows contracting gangrene, tetanus, rheumatism and/or rabies via construction wounds are all part of the "White" "Trash" schtick.
2 Please note quotes around both "White" and "Trash." As I am neither, I opted for incredulous fabulousness to make up for everything I lacked.