superstars at AsiaSF
Human beings continually amaze and astonish me on a daily basis.
I've been watching you, watching me, and I know you want it. But it depends on how you Kick Your Game!Take for instance, Helen Keller. Now this wench, I don't know even know what her deal is. I'm sorry, but if I was born blind, deaf, and mute, I would for reals just kill myself or hope my parents done mercykill me before my consciousness came into fruition or something. Forget learning how to communicate and express ideas, let alone going the lecture circuit route like I was an MTV's Real World alum. Yeah, I'm lazy like that.
I wouldn't be like Sarah Michelle Gellar Golden Globes®-worthy turn as "Sober Sister" in Scream 2 and try and fight back a masked knife-wielding murderer. I'd be like, I am too exhausted to be running up and down stairs like this, just kill me kthx. I'd totally be a black folk, and just die in the first 15 minutes. Heck, off me before the credits finish rolling, please! Anywayhow, let me stop disgusting myself with the concept of my own indolence.
Another shiney example of Amazingly Astonishing Human Beings would be the midget lady that works in my building. Life handed her shortness, and instead of bowing down to this endowed limit, she chooses to not only work with what she's got, but to make a profit out of it! Now that's admirable behavior!
Those who know me know my avid interest in the little pockets of life, and the lint that forms and lingers within them. Basically, if I were Mariah, handicaps and uniquity would be my hiss-singing and Cristal.
So it was with great excitement that I accompanied Stephen to his coworker's Bachelorette party at AsiaSF, known for their "world famous gender illusionists" who "double as the waitstaff", this past Friday. We split into two separate parties, because apparently AsiaSF adheres to the Drag Queen Mindset when it comes to glitter, mascara and heel inch of "Everything should be done exponentially!" and so if the party exceed a certain number, food prices would rise accordingly and exponentially. As if! Anyways, imagine the bill for four people, if you will. Nope, more! $300.00!!!!@!$!! It's enough to make one get all Missy Elliot featuring Ciara and Fatman Scoop up in the place and just Lose Control!
If I were straight, I would totally go for her like all the way. She was my crush for the night!
We sat in the bar area, which was perfect, as I was directly in front of the space of the catwalk/bar where the performing ladies seemed to always do the part of their routine wherein they squat-then-spread their legs open (a dance move I perfected a long time ago, I would just like to add, way before Paula Abdul ever had her chance to whip her hair around with the Lakers, please!!!). Anyways, onto pictures of my sistas.
Furnitureeka De Leon's milkshake is made of crumpled newspaper because she totally tipped the glass over and nothing spilled out!! OMG I AM SO DISILLUSIONED BY FAKE PROPS, ESPECIALLY WHEN I THOUGHT IT WAS FOOD!!
D'Yuremember Nguyen was sooo believable as Tina, Ike started beating on her!! And when she got to the "rollin', rollin'" part of Proud Mary, she straight up did Stop! Drop! And Roll! like she was on fire, knocking over some old lady's bifocals from her face in the process!!
Okay, Aquanet Ng's breasts straight up popped the eff out while she was dippin' it low! I was so traumatized! I mean, look what she's wearing. Her babies have nowhere to go but OUT, right? And I am so sorry to say, she was carrying full-term quadruplets and I witnessed The Miracle of Life front row center.
My girlfriend, Janitte Jacquie Song, totally had the moves to If down pat, which caused me to be all up in her grill afterwards for reals. I was like, Hey, can I got your number? What your name be is? Let me dial Miss Cleo and see if our starsigns match up, babygrill!
OMG I am always being taken advantage of!! I let Mascarawand Fong borrow my full-length faux-feather-trimmed strawberry-leopard sheer nightgown like 4 months ago and she told me she lost it that one night when she didn't remember what had happened and woke up in some dingy room on a stained mattress with no bedspread on it! AND THEN I SEE HER WEARING IT AT ASIASF. WTH!?? I'ma cut her but good!!!
Phonographaquecia Niratpattanasai need to stop being overdramatic when performing Fever and need to start worrying about a bikini wax because it is not becoming for a lady to start giggling when her cooch hair start tickling her as she is doing a chair dance routine. If you feel me, holla, pliz.
The food was all looks and not much substance, much like some of these "world famous gender illusionists" who "double as the waitstaff", with their 50 pounds of horsehair, feathers and sequins, lipsynching to divas. NO HATING OF GENDER ILLUSIONISTS. I swear. I love them! Especially the performers type. But y'all know there are some, just like in every other facet of human sub-groupings, in which those-who-lack can be found. Mm hmm, that's right. In any case, Gender Illusionists is Love, I swear!! Someone make me a colorbar, STAT!
Meanwhile, here's my own colorbar. GHETTOOOO!!
Overpriced Food Is Tastefully Presented Love.
Oops, I almost forgot! Here we are! The Real Stars of the night.
Yes, once again, NO WHITES. I am truly sorry, so I included Candy Corn as a consolation. :(
Poll Gender Illusionists
I've been watching you, watching me, and I know you want it. But it depends on how you Kick Your Game!Take for instance, Helen Keller. Now this wench, I don't know even know what her deal is. I'm sorry, but if I was born blind, deaf, and mute, I would for reals just kill myself or hope my parents done mercykill me before my consciousness came into fruition or something. Forget learning how to communicate and express ideas, let alone going the lecture circuit route like I was an MTV's Real World alum. Yeah, I'm lazy like that.
I wouldn't be like Sarah Michelle Gellar Golden Globes®-worthy turn as "Sober Sister" in Scream 2 and try and fight back a masked knife-wielding murderer. I'd be like, I am too exhausted to be running up and down stairs like this, just kill me kthx. I'd totally be a black folk, and just die in the first 15 minutes. Heck, off me before the credits finish rolling, please! Anywayhow, let me stop disgusting myself with the concept of my own indolence.
Another shiney example of Amazingly Astonishing Human Beings would be the midget lady that works in my building. Life handed her shortness, and instead of bowing down to this endowed limit, she chooses to not only work with what she's got, but to make a profit out of it! Now that's admirable behavior!
Those who know me know my avid interest in the little pockets of life, and the lint that forms and lingers within them. Basically, if I were Mariah, handicaps and uniquity would be my hiss-singing and Cristal.
So it was with great excitement that I accompanied Stephen to his coworker's Bachelorette party at AsiaSF, known for their "world famous gender illusionists" who "double as the waitstaff", this past Friday. We split into two separate parties, because apparently AsiaSF adheres to the Drag Queen Mindset when it comes to glitter, mascara and heel inch of "Everything should be done exponentially!" and so if the party exceed a certain number, food prices would rise accordingly and exponentially. As if! Anyways, imagine the bill for four people, if you will. Nope, more! $300.00!!!!@!$!! It's enough to make one get all Missy Elliot featuring Ciara and Fatman Scoop up in the place and just Lose Control!
If I were straight, I would totally go for her like all the way. She was my crush for the night!
We sat in the bar area, which was perfect, as I was directly in front of the space of the catwalk/bar where the performing ladies seemed to always do the part of their routine wherein they squat-then-spread their legs open (a dance move I perfected a long time ago, I would just like to add, way before Paula Abdul ever had her chance to whip her hair around with the Lakers, please!!!). Anyways, onto pictures of my sistas.
Furnitureeka De Leon's milkshake is made of crumpled newspaper because she totally tipped the glass over and nothing spilled out!! OMG I AM SO DISILLUSIONED BY FAKE PROPS, ESPECIALLY WHEN I THOUGHT IT WAS FOOD!!
D'Yuremember Nguyen was sooo believable as Tina, Ike started beating on her!! And when she got to the "rollin', rollin'" part of Proud Mary, she straight up did Stop! Drop! And Roll! like she was on fire, knocking over some old lady's bifocals from her face in the process!!
Okay, Aquanet Ng's breasts straight up popped the eff out while she was dippin' it low! I was so traumatized! I mean, look what she's wearing. Her babies have nowhere to go but OUT, right? And I am so sorry to say, she was carrying full-term quadruplets and I witnessed The Miracle of Life front row center.
My girlfriend, Janitte Jacquie Song, totally had the moves to If down pat, which caused me to be all up in her grill afterwards for reals. I was like, Hey, can I got your number? What your name be is? Let me dial Miss Cleo and see if our starsigns match up, babygrill!
OMG I am always being taken advantage of!! I let Mascarawand Fong borrow my full-length faux-feather-trimmed strawberry-leopard sheer nightgown like 4 months ago and she told me she lost it that one night when she didn't remember what had happened and woke up in some dingy room on a stained mattress with no bedspread on it! AND THEN I SEE HER WEARING IT AT ASIASF. WTH!?? I'ma cut her but good!!!
Phonographaquecia Niratpattanasai need to stop being overdramatic when performing Fever and need to start worrying about a bikini wax because it is not becoming for a lady to start giggling when her cooch hair start tickling her as she is doing a chair dance routine. If you feel me, holla, pliz.
The food was all looks and not much substance, much like some of these "world famous gender illusionists" who "double as the waitstaff", with their 50 pounds of horsehair, feathers and sequins, lipsynching to divas. NO HATING OF GENDER ILLUSIONISTS. I swear. I love them! Especially the performers type. But y'all know there are some, just like in every other facet of human sub-groupings, in which those-who-lack can be found. Mm hmm, that's right. In any case, Gender Illusionists is Love, I swear!! Someone make me a colorbar, STAT!
Meanwhile, here's my own colorbar. GHETTOOOO!!
Overpriced Food Is Tastefully Presented Love.
Oops, I almost forgot! Here we are! The Real Stars of the night.
Yes, once again, NO WHITES. I am truly sorry, so I included Candy Corn as a consolation. :(
Poll Gender Illusionists