part of the reason I should never wake up too early.
With everything going on in my life, I miss him. I keep having dreams and these thoughts that wake me up in the middle of the night and keep me awake so that I’m never quite sure what’s going on or the exact time. I want to make my peace with him, but it’s too hard because of all the emotional complications. To be honest, I’m scared about what might happen. I have this deep-rooted fear that somehow in the middle of the confrontation, the sparks will fly and I will end up doing something to destroy my relationship with Machu. I do love Matt, very much, and with everything happening with him right now I have my doubts as to how he will handle the adult responsibilities when we move in. I’m nervous about so much and it’s only getting worse. My anxiety is crazy and my medication isn’t calming it down like it is meant to do. I want to apologize for everything that I did to him. I know I hurt him and I’m sure that it was bad enough t o warrant a conversation about it. I’ve tried once before but it didn’t go as well as planned. It doesn’t count that all that matters is that I feel sorry. I also need to get him to understand this. But there is not really a satisfactory way to accomplish this.