this is just a tribute
I refuse to refer to him as 'The Sandman.' Or 'Sandman,' for that matter. No. NO I AM NOT GOING TO DO IT.
I hate the way he looks. Of the many, many things that I hate about the unending, soul-devouring, and entirely wretched Sandman series, the way -- I'm not calling him Sandman, I'm calling him... 'Walter,' perhaps? That seems all right -- the way Walter looks is my number one most-hated list item. In the comics, Walter is one ugly mofo. He is inadequately nubile and strenuously skanky. He does not have lips or eyelashes. He has brake lights for eyes. HE HAS A MULLET. HE IS A GOTH. This is peculiarly painful, because I know that Walter is not an ugly character. Walter is beautiful. Sleep is beautiful, if damned inconvenient. Walter should reflect both of these intrinsic qualities, both physically and otherwise. He should not have a mullet.
This is what we get as punishment for not being Japanese people. If we were Japanese people, Neil Gaiman would've been Chinese, and then we would have had a shot at an interpretation of Walter that is as beautiful as it deserves to be. Also we would not have George W. Bush for a president right now. We would have whomever is currently President or possibly Prime Minister of Japan. Is that an improvement? I don't see how it could fail to be.
Anyway, it is 5:19AM and I am very tired (can't sleep again, WALTER YOU STINKING BASTARD), and I am going to write a very long and silly essay about the lovely, ineffable, and tragically co-opted Walter and his unfortunate appearances in the Sandman comics when I have slept a little more.
So look for that in 2009.
No, no, I'll do it in a day or two.
Now is your chance to preemptively strike, Sandman fans.
(What's the latest Sandman comic called? There are four million of them, and I cannot afford to spend the rest of my life comparing their dates of publication in the bookstore or attempting to wade through the fanspew on the internet looking for a chronological release list. I want to read the latest version before I decide to unilaterally despise them, take them all outside, pee on them, and then set them on fire.)
1/5 BIRTHDAY OF LAST YEAR/MERRY CHRISTMAS/I LOVE YOU 'CAUSE YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL! PACKAGES SENT
1602 UPDATE: PART FOUR [!!!!!]
I hate the way he looks. Of the many, many things that I hate about the unending, soul-devouring, and entirely wretched Sandman series, the way -- I'm not calling him Sandman, I'm calling him... 'Walter,' perhaps? That seems all right -- the way Walter looks is my number one most-hated list item. In the comics, Walter is one ugly mofo. He is inadequately nubile and strenuously skanky. He does not have lips or eyelashes. He has brake lights for eyes. HE HAS A MULLET. HE IS A GOTH. This is peculiarly painful, because I know that Walter is not an ugly character. Walter is beautiful. Sleep is beautiful, if damned inconvenient. Walter should reflect both of these intrinsic qualities, both physically and otherwise. He should not have a mullet.
This is what we get as punishment for not being Japanese people. If we were Japanese people, Neil Gaiman would've been Chinese, and then we would have had a shot at an interpretation of Walter that is as beautiful as it deserves to be. Also we would not have George W. Bush for a president right now. We would have whomever is currently President or possibly Prime Minister of Japan. Is that an improvement? I don't see how it could fail to be.
Anyway, it is 5:19AM and I am very tired (can't sleep again, WALTER YOU STINKING BASTARD), and I am going to write a very long and silly essay about the lovely, ineffable, and tragically co-opted Walter and his unfortunate appearances in the Sandman comics when I have slept a little more.
So look for that in 2009.
No, no, I'll do it in a day or two.
Now is your chance to preemptively strike, Sandman fans.
(What's the latest Sandman comic called? There are four million of them, and I cannot afford to spend the rest of my life comparing their dates of publication in the bookstore or attempting to wade through the fanspew on the internet looking for a chronological release list. I want to read the latest version before I decide to unilaterally despise them, take them all outside, pee on them, and then set them on fire.)
1/5 BIRTHDAY OF LAST YEAR/MERRY CHRISTMAS/I LOVE YOU 'CAUSE YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL! PACKAGES SENT
1602 UPDATE: PART FOUR [!!!!!]