Noel's House Party Politics.
It's always a good day in politics when someone throws an egg, which is exactly what happened Yesterday when Conservative leader David Cameron was egged. Cue, of course, for a thousand egg-cellent gags - Cameron has egg on his face, left shell shocked, admits it was just a yoke, he cracked a smile, a fitting missile given that Tories are all-blue-men, poultry in motion, they think its all ova - it is now etc etc etc.
Lobbing food at politicians seems to be a bit of a national obsession and a non-partisan issue in the UK with near universal approval, regardless of the target. The variables in this equations are how sloppy the food is, with splatter potential and also how prominent the politician in question is. A bit of dry Christmas cake bouncing off the head of an unknown backbencher may raise a guffaw from their constituents but a great big gloopy trifle with custard and jelly and hundreds and thousands being splattering over the head of a Prime Minister would instantly burn itself into our collective memory and be remembered fondly for generations to come.
Fig i) a graph illustrating how gloopy foodstuffs coming into contact with prominent politicians effects hilarity. Each point represents where a different event fits on this graph.
1) David Cameron Egged - 21/4/2010
Yes, the event which caused me to begin this incredibly important and relevant thesis on political theory and food. Unfortunately however this one will slowly fade out of memory as it only landed on his collar and there is no clear footage of the actual moment of impact. Although it is funny for the moment within a few months I imagine this will slowly fall down the chart. In stark contrast, however, to number two...
2) John Prescott Egged and then HAS A FIGHT - 16/5/2001
Yes, back during campaigning for the 2001 General Election the then Deputy Prime Minister received an egg to the back of the head from a disgruntled Welshman. Not being one to fuck with Mr Prescott, a Yorkshireman in his 60s, span on a ha'penny and walloped him in the face with an unexpected left-hook. Had Prezza not smacked this guy in the face it'd still be funny, but because he does it takes it to a whole other level of hilarity. However unexpected reaction is a confounding variable on my model, which places this event in an unexpectedly low position on the graph.
3) Peter Mandelson gets Green Custard to the face - 6/3/2009
Yes, it was brilliant when Mandy got slimed by an environmental activist last year. This one had everything; a right-on protester, an unelected Lord imposing business interests on the government's agenda and green custard, GREEN CUSTARD. Was it mushy peas or guacamole? No, GREEN CUSTARD. Even funnier was the reaction from John Prescott, still butthurt about his eggy incident, ranting into his webcam in a dim hotel room looking like a haunted blancmange. Even though I nominally support the Labour Party I have a real dislike for the unelected Lord Mandelson and his recent hammering of draconian legislation through parliament just before a general election with a sledgehammer made of money (*cough*thedigitaleconomyact*cough*) so this is especially pleasing for me.
4) Phil Woolas gets Pie-Eyed - 24/10/2008
Immigration Minister Phil Woolas attends a debate held by The University of Manchester and a student threw a pie in his face. Simple. In somewhat overly-thorough journalism, however, the BBC reported the pie was 'believed to be made of Bourbon Creams biscuits and vegan cream' and that after the pie had met it's target 'the woman ran away'. The BBC also notes 'there was a bit of an awkward silence'.
5) BNP pelted with enough eggs to make an omelette - 9/6/2009
Everyone's favourite rubber-faced fascist Nick Griffin and weapons-grade arsehole Andrew Bronz of the British National Party celebrate the low voter-turnout that allowed them to be be elected to the European Parliament by holding a press conference in Westminster. Unfortunately for them anti-fascist protesters got word and heralded their appearance with an aerial bombardment of eggs and a forceful eviction from Westminster Green. Although the BNP are still (thankfully) very much on the fringes of politics, their extremist points of view give them undue prominence - which is great for lobbing food at them because it'll be brilliant if it hits it's mark. It's just a shame the eggs only landed on the back of his head, for a man as quite staggeringly ugly as Griffin an egg can only improve his appearance. Honestly, he looks like the grotesque blob things used as a personification of toilet bacteria in Domestos adverts.
6) Robert Kilroy-Silk gets Shit-Faced - 3/12/2004
Okay, okay, slurry isn't food. But it was once something's food, and once they've finished with it what better use can you possibly think of than throwing it at the leader of the UK Independence Party? It's also pretty runny stuff and the event was too funny to omit, don't deny me that, just looking at this picture makes me grin. Ah, thankfully Kilroy is no longer involved in politics having gone back to tanning beds or whatever. Admittedly this attack involves Labour politician Ruth Kelly, but it's the great odious face of Kilroy covered in excrement that everyone remembers. Or at least I certainly do. Heehee.
So, in conclusion; the English-Speaking world really has too much food when we can quite happily throw it at our leaders and giggle about it. I'm sure I've missed loads as the practice is a cultural institution, but these are the ones I can remember the most. However while researching for this entry I did find a video of Edwina Currie being Gunged in a glass box with Noel Edmonds looking on laughing. If I'm honest I didn't know this had ever happened and I find it slightly worrying it ever did. I think I've gone too far down the rabbit-hole.
Lobbing food at politicians seems to be a bit of a national obsession and a non-partisan issue in the UK with near universal approval, regardless of the target. The variables in this equations are how sloppy the food is, with splatter potential and also how prominent the politician in question is. A bit of dry Christmas cake bouncing off the head of an unknown backbencher may raise a guffaw from their constituents but a great big gloopy trifle with custard and jelly and hundreds and thousands being splattering over the head of a Prime Minister would instantly burn itself into our collective memory and be remembered fondly for generations to come.
Fig i) a graph illustrating how gloopy foodstuffs coming into contact with prominent politicians effects hilarity. Each point represents where a different event fits on this graph.
1) David Cameron Egged - 21/4/2010
Yes, the event which caused me to begin this incredibly important and relevant thesis on political theory and food. Unfortunately however this one will slowly fade out of memory as it only landed on his collar and there is no clear footage of the actual moment of impact. Although it is funny for the moment within a few months I imagine this will slowly fall down the chart. In stark contrast, however, to number two...
2) John Prescott Egged and then HAS A FIGHT - 16/5/2001
Click to viewYes, back during campaigning for the 2001 General Election the then Deputy Prime Minister received an egg to the back of the head from a disgruntled Welshman. Not being one to fuck with Mr Prescott, a Yorkshireman in his 60s, span on a ha'penny and walloped him in the face with an unexpected left-hook. Had Prezza not smacked this guy in the face it'd still be funny, but because he does it takes it to a whole other level of hilarity. However unexpected reaction is a confounding variable on my model, which places this event in an unexpectedly low position on the graph.
3) Peter Mandelson gets Green Custard to the face - 6/3/2009
Yes, it was brilliant when Mandy got slimed by an environmental activist last year. This one had everything; a right-on protester, an unelected Lord imposing business interests on the government's agenda and green custard, GREEN CUSTARD. Was it mushy peas or guacamole? No, GREEN CUSTARD. Even funnier was the reaction from John Prescott, still butthurt about his eggy incident, ranting into his webcam in a dim hotel room looking like a haunted blancmange. Even though I nominally support the Labour Party I have a real dislike for the unelected Lord Mandelson and his recent hammering of draconian legislation through parliament just before a general election with a sledgehammer made of money (*cough*thedigitaleconomyact*cough*) so this is especially pleasing for me.
4) Phil Woolas gets Pie-Eyed - 24/10/2008
Immigration Minister Phil Woolas attends a debate held by The University of Manchester and a student threw a pie in his face. Simple. In somewhat overly-thorough journalism, however, the BBC reported the pie was 'believed to be made of Bourbon Creams biscuits and vegan cream' and that after the pie had met it's target 'the woman ran away'. The BBC also notes 'there was a bit of an awkward silence'.
5) BNP pelted with enough eggs to make an omelette - 9/6/2009
Everyone's favourite rubber-faced fascist Nick Griffin and weapons-grade arsehole Andrew Bronz of the British National Party celebrate the low voter-turnout that allowed them to be be elected to the European Parliament by holding a press conference in Westminster. Unfortunately for them anti-fascist protesters got word and heralded their appearance with an aerial bombardment of eggs and a forceful eviction from Westminster Green. Although the BNP are still (thankfully) very much on the fringes of politics, their extremist points of view give them undue prominence - which is great for lobbing food at them because it'll be brilliant if it hits it's mark. It's just a shame the eggs only landed on the back of his head, for a man as quite staggeringly ugly as Griffin an egg can only improve his appearance. Honestly, he looks like the grotesque blob things used as a personification of toilet bacteria in Domestos adverts.
6) Robert Kilroy-Silk gets Shit-Faced - 3/12/2004
Okay, okay, slurry isn't food. But it was once something's food, and once they've finished with it what better use can you possibly think of than throwing it at the leader of the UK Independence Party? It's also pretty runny stuff and the event was too funny to omit, don't deny me that, just looking at this picture makes me grin. Ah, thankfully Kilroy is no longer involved in politics having gone back to tanning beds or whatever. Admittedly this attack involves Labour politician Ruth Kelly, but it's the great odious face of Kilroy covered in excrement that everyone remembers. Or at least I certainly do. Heehee.
So, in conclusion; the English-Speaking world really has too much food when we can quite happily throw it at our leaders and giggle about it. I'm sure I've missed loads as the practice is a cultural institution, but these are the ones I can remember the most. However while researching for this entry I did find a video of Edwina Currie being Gunged in a glass box with Noel Edmonds looking on laughing. If I'm honest I didn't know this had ever happened and I find it slightly worrying it ever did. I think I've gone too far down the rabbit-hole.