[FIC] SPN - there's a yearning I can't quench with your name
Title: there's a yearning I can't quench with your name
Fandom: Supernatural
Author: orukaz
Characters/Pairing: Sam/Dean, demon!OC, Adam
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 1764
Warning: Spoilers for 5.22, incest
Disclaimer: So not mine.
Author's Note: Set during 5.22. Part of the Bright Green Eyes 'verse, sort of a companion piece to my brother in blood and arms.
Summary: Sam crawls out of hell because he has to see Dean again, even if it's just one more time.
When Sam comes to, he's freezing. What he perceives next is the screaming, shrill and eardrum-piercing, like the sound of shredding steel. A whimper escapes him and he tries to curl into a ball to protect himself from the noise and the cold but he can barely move. He hurts everywhere - the screaming in his ears, the cold clawing itself into his flesh, his entire body feels like it’s been scrubbed with glass shards and the first thought that manages to pierce the haze of pain is-
Dean.
And on the heels of that, Did it work?
But then the screaming turns into words (dirtyfilthy maggot, gonna ripshredtear you apart, make you bleed, make you beg for death) and Sam realizes Lucifer's back in his cage, while Sam is… not.
He finally drags his eyes open. Smoke and dark clouds swirl above him, shot through with lightning. Turning his eyes to the side, he sees the cage. It's made of bleached bones and bloody sinew, rotting flesh clinging to it. Heavy chains, thick and dark, wind around and across it and yet it still somehow looks fragile, like the bones could shatter any minute.
Lucifer is a bright, undefined shape behind the walls of the cage.
With a groan that makes his throat feel like someone took sandpaper to it, Sam looks to his other side. Adam lies on the ground next to him, limbs twisted awkwardly, but not like they're broken. It jolts him, makes him heave himself up on his elbows and crawl over to his younger brother. Adam doesn't stir when Sam shakes him, but he's breathing faintly. It'll have to be enough.
Sam manages to stand up and immediately feels like vomiting, the stench of sulfur in his nose. He doesn't know why he feels so corporal here, like he's still in his body. He doesn't know how it works in hell, if everyone is just some kind of soul-manifestation or if one keeps their own body.
The devil screams at Sam while he pushes an arm underneath Adam's body and lifts him up, screams at him while he drapes Adam's lifeless arm across his shoulders, screams at him while he starts walking away from the cage, in the direction of the red horizon.
Sam doesn't look back to see if Michael's in the cage, too.
- - - -
For a long time, hell is just an empty, barren plain. The ground is dry and cracked like it sometimes gets in the desert. It seems to stretch on forever in every direction. The air shimmers and sometimes pale, colorless flames lick from between the cracks in the ground, but the cold doesn't leave Sam.
He keeps walking, because there's nothing else he can do, because once he stops, sits down, he won't be able to stand up again. There's a hollow space inside his chest and Dean's name bounces around in it, echoing with every step.
After some time (could be minutes, hours, days, sam didn't try counting) demons start to follow them. At first Sam doesn't even notice, because they trail behind him and he never looks back, so he doesn't see them. But then they start tugging at their clothes, sharp little nips with insubstantial hands. They have the shape of dark smoke, light specks of white, red, green in them like eyes.
He nearly has a heart attack when he first notices them but they never try anything, although the throng of demons grows bigger the more time passes and Adam's weight gets heavier and heavier. Sam bites his lips bloody and tries to ignore the icy tingles he gets from the demons's touch.
- - - -
There are lakes of fire and ice, of smoke and molten iron. The smell of sulfur permeates everything, making Sam dizzy. Sometimes, there are pained screams in the distance and blood soaks the ground. The demons swirl around him and Adam, their whispers a constant drone that makes his skin itch. His legs are numb and his entire body's begging for reprieve.
Sam thinks of his brother, thinks of seeing Dean one more time, and trudges on.
- - - -
"Do you want me to show you the way, hunter?"
(won't make it alone, just running in circles winchester, running for your brother)
The demons have been growing more insistent, their tugs harder, their whispers louder, angrier, but none of them have actually spoken before. Sam almost stops, can barely keep himself from freezing, and turns his head towards the voice.
A demon is walking beside him. It's still mostly black smoke, pressed into a basic human shape, with yellow orbs for eyes. His mind flashes back to Azazel, but this can't be him. The demon seems to smile, sharp horizontal cut of light appearing on its face.
"Call me Samael, hunter," he says, the last word twisted out like it's something filthy. "Now, what do you say to my offer?"
Sam eyes him with a mixture of thinly veiled disgust and suspicion.
"I don't make deals anymore," he rasps out after a long silence - the other demons have fallen silent, he notices. It makes him nervous. Samael laughs and Sam suppresses a shudder. The demon floats in front of him, spreading his arms.
"Then it's a good thing I already did, Sammy," he whispers, "Because if you stay here, unbound, you'll mess everything up." Samael frays out at the edges and then disappears fully and suddenly Sam knows (bones of a hunter, flesh of a human, I'll show you the way) where to go.
The other demons roar with a thousand voices, rising up as one. The pale fire Sam already saw explodes out from the ground. Hellfire in front of him, demons behind him. He adjusts his grip on Adam and runs.
- - - -
The fire doesn't burn him. Instead, it licks inside his body, swallowing up the cold that had lodged itself inside Sam's limbs and drags him forward. The demons screech and claw at him and Adam, and Sam doesn't understand why they don’t catch up properly until he chances a look back and sees the flames are scorching them.
The fire burns inside Sam with Dean's voice, fills him up until he can barely breathe. It feels old, ancient in the way that ruins sometimes have, the way that makes a hot shiver run down his spine.
The ground curves up and the climb gets more difficult with every step. Demon claws rip into their clothes, trying to pull them down, the fire barely holding them back. Sam struggles to keep going, stumbles, scrapes his hands and knees at the fall. Adam is slipping from his grasp but he can't make himself stop to grip him properly again. The hollow space inside him with Dean's name in it is expanding (Dean DeanDeanDeanDEAN), fueled by the fire, until it consumes most of Sam’s soul.
- - - -
There's a gap in hell hidden behind a wall of pale fire. It parts for Sam, tongues of flame licking along his arms, pulling him forward while the demons behind him rip Adam's body from him. He’s not strong enough to resist the pull of earth. He’s not strong enough to hold on to Adam.
- - - -
Sam opens his eyes and the sky above him is clear and littered with stars. He feels for the horned amulet around his neck, relief shuddering through him when his fingers close around it.
Dean, he thinks and feels that hollow space fill up with fire. The motel a few miles from where he's lying on the ground loses electricity for fifty-four minutes.
- - - -
When Sam gets to Cicero, he tells himself he's just going to check up on Dean once, just to make sure he's okay. He wants to see his brother just one more time. Of course it's not that easy.
He watches as Dean eats dinner with Lisa and Ben, as he gets his duffle from the Impala, as he picks up Ben from school, as he works on a busted Audi, as Lisa pulls him into her bedroom, as Dean sits on the front porch with his head buried in his hands.
His brother looks okay, Sam thinks. Not happy, he can't fool himself that much, but okay. It is- it should be enough, but he keeps coming back for more. He comes back, even when Dean sometimes flinches and looks in his direction, like he felt something (please, look at me, see me I'm right here, right here).
Sam lives for these moments because it means there's still something between them, although he's even less human than he ever was. He knows his eyes are sometimes eerily bright and that electricity often goes crazy around him. Sam tries not to think about the fact that every night he watches Dean the street lights die and Dean doesn't do a fucking thing.
Dean is keeping his promise and Sam wants to hate him for it but he can't. All it does is make him ache for his brother.
- - - -
One clear night, Dean sits on the hood of the Impala and stares up at the stars with an expression of utter devastation on his face. It takes every shred of willpower Sam manages to scrape together within two seconds not to go to his brother and turn on his heel instead.
After that, he doesn't go near Lisa's house when the stars are visible and sticks to cloudy nights instead. Everything in him screams for Dean, louder and louder with every night but Sam made Dean promise and he can't ruin that.
- - - -
Sam lost track of the days but he thinks it might be Thursday. What he knows is that the sky is overcast which means he can come near Lisa's house and chance a look at his brother. What he doesn't expect is for Dean to actually stand on the front porch.
"Sam." His name on Dean's lips cuts into him like a knife, unexpected and sharp, and it makes Sam cry with happiness.
- - - -
When they kiss, it feels like lighting a fire in the darkness.
When Sam slips the necklace around Dean's neck, it feels like it did when the hellfire burned the coldness in him away.
When Dean sinks into him, whispering his name like a prayer, it feels like coming home.
When Dean watches his eyes grow brighter until they glow, Sam actually doesn't even consider the possibility that Dean might turn him away.
It's a great feeling.
The End
Crossposted to wincest
Fandom: Supernatural
Author: orukaz
Characters/Pairing: Sam/Dean, demon!OC, Adam
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 1764
Warning: Spoilers for 5.22, incest
Disclaimer: So not mine.
Author's Note: Set during 5.22. Part of the Bright Green Eyes 'verse, sort of a companion piece to my brother in blood and arms.
Summary: Sam crawls out of hell because he has to see Dean again, even if it's just one more time.
When Sam comes to, he's freezing. What he perceives next is the screaming, shrill and eardrum-piercing, like the sound of shredding steel. A whimper escapes him and he tries to curl into a ball to protect himself from the noise and the cold but he can barely move. He hurts everywhere - the screaming in his ears, the cold clawing itself into his flesh, his entire body feels like it’s been scrubbed with glass shards and the first thought that manages to pierce the haze of pain is-
Dean.
And on the heels of that, Did it work?
But then the screaming turns into words (dirtyfilthy maggot, gonna ripshredtear you apart, make you bleed, make you beg for death) and Sam realizes Lucifer's back in his cage, while Sam is… not.
He finally drags his eyes open. Smoke and dark clouds swirl above him, shot through with lightning. Turning his eyes to the side, he sees the cage. It's made of bleached bones and bloody sinew, rotting flesh clinging to it. Heavy chains, thick and dark, wind around and across it and yet it still somehow looks fragile, like the bones could shatter any minute.
Lucifer is a bright, undefined shape behind the walls of the cage.
With a groan that makes his throat feel like someone took sandpaper to it, Sam looks to his other side. Adam lies on the ground next to him, limbs twisted awkwardly, but not like they're broken. It jolts him, makes him heave himself up on his elbows and crawl over to his younger brother. Adam doesn't stir when Sam shakes him, but he's breathing faintly. It'll have to be enough.
Sam manages to stand up and immediately feels like vomiting, the stench of sulfur in his nose. He doesn't know why he feels so corporal here, like he's still in his body. He doesn't know how it works in hell, if everyone is just some kind of soul-manifestation or if one keeps their own body.
The devil screams at Sam while he pushes an arm underneath Adam's body and lifts him up, screams at him while he drapes Adam's lifeless arm across his shoulders, screams at him while he starts walking away from the cage, in the direction of the red horizon.
Sam doesn't look back to see if Michael's in the cage, too.
- - - -
For a long time, hell is just an empty, barren plain. The ground is dry and cracked like it sometimes gets in the desert. It seems to stretch on forever in every direction. The air shimmers and sometimes pale, colorless flames lick from between the cracks in the ground, but the cold doesn't leave Sam.
He keeps walking, because there's nothing else he can do, because once he stops, sits down, he won't be able to stand up again. There's a hollow space inside his chest and Dean's name bounces around in it, echoing with every step.
After some time (could be minutes, hours, days, sam didn't try counting) demons start to follow them. At first Sam doesn't even notice, because they trail behind him and he never looks back, so he doesn't see them. But then they start tugging at their clothes, sharp little nips with insubstantial hands. They have the shape of dark smoke, light specks of white, red, green in them like eyes.
He nearly has a heart attack when he first notices them but they never try anything, although the throng of demons grows bigger the more time passes and Adam's weight gets heavier and heavier. Sam bites his lips bloody and tries to ignore the icy tingles he gets from the demons's touch.
- - - -
There are lakes of fire and ice, of smoke and molten iron. The smell of sulfur permeates everything, making Sam dizzy. Sometimes, there are pained screams in the distance and blood soaks the ground. The demons swirl around him and Adam, their whispers a constant drone that makes his skin itch. His legs are numb and his entire body's begging for reprieve.
Sam thinks of his brother, thinks of seeing Dean one more time, and trudges on.
- - - -
"Do you want me to show you the way, hunter?"
(won't make it alone, just running in circles winchester, running for your brother)
The demons have been growing more insistent, their tugs harder, their whispers louder, angrier, but none of them have actually spoken before. Sam almost stops, can barely keep himself from freezing, and turns his head towards the voice.
A demon is walking beside him. It's still mostly black smoke, pressed into a basic human shape, with yellow orbs for eyes. His mind flashes back to Azazel, but this can't be him. The demon seems to smile, sharp horizontal cut of light appearing on its face.
"Call me Samael, hunter," he says, the last word twisted out like it's something filthy. "Now, what do you say to my offer?"
Sam eyes him with a mixture of thinly veiled disgust and suspicion.
"I don't make deals anymore," he rasps out after a long silence - the other demons have fallen silent, he notices. It makes him nervous. Samael laughs and Sam suppresses a shudder. The demon floats in front of him, spreading his arms.
"Then it's a good thing I already did, Sammy," he whispers, "Because if you stay here, unbound, you'll mess everything up." Samael frays out at the edges and then disappears fully and suddenly Sam knows (bones of a hunter, flesh of a human, I'll show you the way) where to go.
The other demons roar with a thousand voices, rising up as one. The pale fire Sam already saw explodes out from the ground. Hellfire in front of him, demons behind him. He adjusts his grip on Adam and runs.
- - - -
The fire doesn't burn him. Instead, it licks inside his body, swallowing up the cold that had lodged itself inside Sam's limbs and drags him forward. The demons screech and claw at him and Adam, and Sam doesn't understand why they don’t catch up properly until he chances a look back and sees the flames are scorching them.
The fire burns inside Sam with Dean's voice, fills him up until he can barely breathe. It feels old, ancient in the way that ruins sometimes have, the way that makes a hot shiver run down his spine.
The ground curves up and the climb gets more difficult with every step. Demon claws rip into their clothes, trying to pull them down, the fire barely holding them back. Sam struggles to keep going, stumbles, scrapes his hands and knees at the fall. Adam is slipping from his grasp but he can't make himself stop to grip him properly again. The hollow space inside him with Dean's name in it is expanding (Dean DeanDeanDeanDEAN), fueled by the fire, until it consumes most of Sam’s soul.
- - - -
There's a gap in hell hidden behind a wall of pale fire. It parts for Sam, tongues of flame licking along his arms, pulling him forward while the demons behind him rip Adam's body from him. He’s not strong enough to resist the pull of earth. He’s not strong enough to hold on to Adam.
- - - -
Sam opens his eyes and the sky above him is clear and littered with stars. He feels for the horned amulet around his neck, relief shuddering through him when his fingers close around it.
Dean, he thinks and feels that hollow space fill up with fire. The motel a few miles from where he's lying on the ground loses electricity for fifty-four minutes.
- - - -
When Sam gets to Cicero, he tells himself he's just going to check up on Dean once, just to make sure he's okay. He wants to see his brother just one more time. Of course it's not that easy.
He watches as Dean eats dinner with Lisa and Ben, as he gets his duffle from the Impala, as he picks up Ben from school, as he works on a busted Audi, as Lisa pulls him into her bedroom, as Dean sits on the front porch with his head buried in his hands.
His brother looks okay, Sam thinks. Not happy, he can't fool himself that much, but okay. It is- it should be enough, but he keeps coming back for more. He comes back, even when Dean sometimes flinches and looks in his direction, like he felt something (please, look at me, see me I'm right here, right here).
Sam lives for these moments because it means there's still something between them, although he's even less human than he ever was. He knows his eyes are sometimes eerily bright and that electricity often goes crazy around him. Sam tries not to think about the fact that every night he watches Dean the street lights die and Dean doesn't do a fucking thing.
Dean is keeping his promise and Sam wants to hate him for it but he can't. All it does is make him ache for his brother.
- - - -
One clear night, Dean sits on the hood of the Impala and stares up at the stars with an expression of utter devastation on his face. It takes every shred of willpower Sam manages to scrape together within two seconds not to go to his brother and turn on his heel instead.
After that, he doesn't go near Lisa's house when the stars are visible and sticks to cloudy nights instead. Everything in him screams for Dean, louder and louder with every night but Sam made Dean promise and he can't ruin that.
- - - -
Sam lost track of the days but he thinks it might be Thursday. What he knows is that the sky is overcast which means he can come near Lisa's house and chance a look at his brother. What he doesn't expect is for Dean to actually stand on the front porch.
"Sam." His name on Dean's lips cuts into him like a knife, unexpected and sharp, and it makes Sam cry with happiness.
- - - -
When they kiss, it feels like lighting a fire in the darkness.
When Sam slips the necklace around Dean's neck, it feels like it did when the hellfire burned the coldness in him away.
When Dean sinks into him, whispering his name like a prayer, it feels like coming home.
When Dean watches his eyes grow brighter until they glow, Sam actually doesn't even consider the possibility that Dean might turn him away.
It's a great feeling.
The End
Crossposted to wincest