Prayer
I'm having another down day. I still don't feel that well so I'm sure the viral thing is just adding to it. Furthermore, I've realized that my husband is probably as depressed as I am...which explains why we haven't been communicating well...depressed people just don't communicte well.
I want to pray. I have this big huge feeling that prayer is what I need. But that's my biggest hangup. I prayed so hard that this unexpected pregnancy would turn out well... I'm not blaming the miscarriage on God (or am I?) and I'm not questioning the Orthodox Faith...I am questioning prayer and why we do it. I mean, if it's God's will that something does or doesnt turn out the way we want it to, then why do we pray for what we want? I mean, he already knows what we want. So why ask? If praying to God, the Theotokas, the saints, etc. doesn't change God's will, than why do we do it?
So while I'm going through the motions of saying our morning prayers with the kids, mealtime prayers and prayers at bedtime with my toddler.... I can't get myself to do much more than that. Once in a while I mumble the Jesus Prayer and sometimes a Lord Have Mercy...but then I wonder....why?
And no one seems to have an answer for me. They just say...keep praying.... sigh.
I want to pray. I have this big huge feeling that prayer is what I need. But that's my biggest hangup. I prayed so hard that this unexpected pregnancy would turn out well... I'm not blaming the miscarriage on God (or am I?) and I'm not questioning the Orthodox Faith...I am questioning prayer and why we do it. I mean, if it's God's will that something does or doesnt turn out the way we want it to, then why do we pray for what we want? I mean, he already knows what we want. So why ask? If praying to God, the Theotokas, the saints, etc. doesn't change God's will, than why do we do it?
So while I'm going through the motions of saying our morning prayers with the kids, mealtime prayers and prayers at bedtime with my toddler.... I can't get myself to do much more than that. Once in a while I mumble the Jesus Prayer and sometimes a Lord Have Mercy...but then I wonder....why?
And no one seems to have an answer for me. They just say...keep praying.... sigh.