Ranting musings of a Lost Child:
Have you ever been so confused that you aren't sure if you are living for yourself, or for someone else? Or that you aren't sure what is real and what isn't? If you have, then you know what I am going through at this moment. It seems that confusion is all I hold these days. Wondering why I am the way I am, how I could change, and why people stand by me.
I hope that soon all my answers will be within my grasp, and that someone will come and save me from the torment I put myself through. Is moving the answer? Going away to start a new life, away from all that I know and love? Or should I stay here and try to deal with it one day at a time?
All my life things have been unclear. Locked doors and places I can't reach. Unanswered prayers and unanswered questions. But then everyone experiences such during life right? Then tell me, why do I feel alone? Even with people standing right beside me, I feel as though they aren't truly there. I feel as though I am on another plane of exsistance. Is this the life I was suppose to live? Or was I suppose to be born another time, another place, another life, another face? Why can't no one truly answer my questions? Always giving me the answers I've heard all my life. 'Everything is within your reach, anything is possible if you want it to be' But is it truly possible? Is it truly within my reach? If it was then how come it is so hard to touch what I want? What I feel? Why do I have to go through life being confused, living for someone else and not myself? Losing myself completely to what isn't true?
I constantly ask myself all day, who am I? Why am I here, where do I belong? And all I come up with is that I'm suppose to be here, to live through the pain to make up from past mistakes. My friend even doesn't understand me, she takes my quietness as a personal blow. I feel as though I'm childish for feeling the way I do, or acting the way I have about the situation. I'm tired of saying I'm sorry for something that isn't truly my fault. I'm tired of running and hiding from all the things I can't handle. I'm tired of not being able to confront a situation the way I should. So many people try to shape me into a person they believe I should be. But what if I just want to live the way I am, live where I am and what if I'm happy? Why can't everyone just leave me alone and let me live. What if I want to live in a world all alone with my books and quietness, my music and my negativity, who does it hurt? No one but myself, so why can't people just let me live, let me be and most of all let me be myself. It is who I am. I am anti-social, I am negative, I am everything everyone wants me to be. Isn't that enough? Bleh, I've ranted enough... as the subject says 'ranting musings of a lost child' that is how I feel. A lost child in a world so huge without a mother or father to comfort her.
--Wolf-- ~*~Aa' menle nauva calen ar' ta hwesta e' ale'quenle~*~
**As I sit at my window, looking out at the world, I wonder if anyone is sitting there just like me. I think about the people who suffer, and the people who are happy, I think about all the people dying, and all of the families crying. And I can't help but to be depressed for them. To cry out and try to help them. But in this cage, I call a life, is holding me down. People looking at me, with the fear they feel. They call me a freak and ridicule me. But am I any different than them? Is it because my skin is pale, or that my hair is dark? Is it because I don't follow the same path as them? All these answers I seek, and all these answers I can't reach. Why do I feel as though I am the only one in this world alone? Why do I feel like I just cannot go on? I cry out in pain and yet no one hears my yells... I cry out in frustration and still no one comes near... it makes me wonder what I have done wrong.. it makes me wonder am I the only one, sitting at my window tonight, looking out at the world, it makes me wonder if there is anyone who is like me. everyone thinks I am some kind of disease, but yet all they do is pick and tease, why is it they can't see that i bleed, just like them, and feed, just like them... why am i any different in this world alone... all of my feelings i haven't shone... So running away tonight I shall, opening my window and getting out of this hell, no more shall they see my tears, and no more in my eyes shall they see my fears, i'm spreading my wings towards the sky, no longer shall i die... throwing off the ball and chain, shedding away all of this pain.**
I hope that soon all my answers will be within my grasp, and that someone will come and save me from the torment I put myself through. Is moving the answer? Going away to start a new life, away from all that I know and love? Or should I stay here and try to deal with it one day at a time?
All my life things have been unclear. Locked doors and places I can't reach. Unanswered prayers and unanswered questions. But then everyone experiences such during life right? Then tell me, why do I feel alone? Even with people standing right beside me, I feel as though they aren't truly there. I feel as though I am on another plane of exsistance. Is this the life I was suppose to live? Or was I suppose to be born another time, another place, another life, another face? Why can't no one truly answer my questions? Always giving me the answers I've heard all my life. 'Everything is within your reach, anything is possible if you want it to be' But is it truly possible? Is it truly within my reach? If it was then how come it is so hard to touch what I want? What I feel? Why do I have to go through life being confused, living for someone else and not myself? Losing myself completely to what isn't true?
I constantly ask myself all day, who am I? Why am I here, where do I belong? And all I come up with is that I'm suppose to be here, to live through the pain to make up from past mistakes. My friend even doesn't understand me, she takes my quietness as a personal blow. I feel as though I'm childish for feeling the way I do, or acting the way I have about the situation. I'm tired of saying I'm sorry for something that isn't truly my fault. I'm tired of running and hiding from all the things I can't handle. I'm tired of not being able to confront a situation the way I should. So many people try to shape me into a person they believe I should be. But what if I just want to live the way I am, live where I am and what if I'm happy? Why can't everyone just leave me alone and let me live. What if I want to live in a world all alone with my books and quietness, my music and my negativity, who does it hurt? No one but myself, so why can't people just let me live, let me be and most of all let me be myself. It is who I am. I am anti-social, I am negative, I am everything everyone wants me to be. Isn't that enough? Bleh, I've ranted enough... as the subject says 'ranting musings of a lost child' that is how I feel. A lost child in a world so huge without a mother or father to comfort her.
--Wolf-- ~*~Aa' menle nauva calen ar' ta hwesta e' ale'quenle~*~
**As I sit at my window, looking out at the world, I wonder if anyone is sitting there just like me. I think about the people who suffer, and the people who are happy, I think about all the people dying, and all of the families crying. And I can't help but to be depressed for them. To cry out and try to help them. But in this cage, I call a life, is holding me down. People looking at me, with the fear they feel. They call me a freak and ridicule me. But am I any different than them? Is it because my skin is pale, or that my hair is dark? Is it because I don't follow the same path as them? All these answers I seek, and all these answers I can't reach. Why do I feel as though I am the only one in this world alone? Why do I feel like I just cannot go on? I cry out in pain and yet no one hears my yells... I cry out in frustration and still no one comes near... it makes me wonder what I have done wrong.. it makes me wonder am I the only one, sitting at my window tonight, looking out at the world, it makes me wonder if there is anyone who is like me. everyone thinks I am some kind of disease, but yet all they do is pick and tease, why is it they can't see that i bleed, just like them, and feed, just like them... why am i any different in this world alone... all of my feelings i haven't shone... So running away tonight I shall, opening my window and getting out of this hell, no more shall they see my tears, and no more in my eyes shall they see my fears, i'm spreading my wings towards the sky, no longer shall i die... throwing off the ball and chain, shedding away all of this pain.**