DISTURBIA!
Bum bum bee dum bum bum bee dum dum!
That song has been stuck in my head all week! P.S. I love Family Vacation Time! I've been in the Cape for the past 9 days, pretty much living it up with my family, FINALLY having a no rules weekend! Grams and Gramps didn't make it down to the cape! Last Saturday, after my spectacular graduation party, I hit the mall to buy my cousin a black top, because smarty pants didn't bring anything for our bachlorette party in boston! We were supposed to be in black and the bride in white. blah blah.. Anywho, I arrive to find my Grammy's house is flooding from the roof! Everyone is rushing around with buckets and trash barrels trying to save the floors and things! To make a hysterically long story short, they had their roof worked on all this week, and couldn't make it down!
Last week, Erin and I had the b. party sat night, Church the next morning to hear Pastor Gordon McDonald preach (He dedicated me when I was a baby, I ate his microphone! He gives wonderful sermons, but deep down is human, and has screwed up with a few things in relation to the church) went to the beach many times, the mall on the rainy day, I had an interview on day, and then took off for the cape. There I was on the beach, mini golf, bumpers boat Got soaked! I made the mistake of attacking this one father and daughter, and he nailed me man! Did a bit of golfing, went out on the boat and got a 22inch Striper! YES ladies and Gents I CAN FREAKING CATCH FISH!! I'm that good! Visited the family I Nannied for last summer on the Vineyard, went to baseball games, went out at night and caused craziness! And laughed way too hard!
Right now my life is beyond sweet! I read two surveys from my ex, and the little comments he had made about me, and I started to feel sympathetic towards him. He's completely written me off, and I will say that to a point he's justified for being upset with me, and wanting to keep his distance, however we attend the same church, and sometimes I go to the service he does, and I try to acknowledge him, say hi, maybe a brief convo to be nice and civil. He wants nothing to do with me! I've just become this evil anti-christ to him. It's sad. I guess I just expect more from a fellow Christian. Or maybe that's my problem, I expect too much from people, including myself. I never should have asked him to quit smoking at the beginning of our relationship, stipulations are like a faulty foundation, sooner or later it fails, and things fall apart. Ya I know, I'm admitting I was wrong, but it's nowhere near all my fault. Sorry for the blab... This is my way of reasoning it all out, because I've let go completely. My cousin and I sat down these past two weeks, and really let go and got over our exes.
But enough talk of the past! Right now is what is hot hot hot!! Mike finally got his orders, and it was huge weight lifted off my shoulders! He's with a non-deployable unit which is stationed at Camp Pendleton (where he is now). So he moves about a mile or so away from his barracks, and will be there for the rest of term. He wanted to be deployed, so he's a bit disappointed, but his family and I are thrilled! He was really upset and worried about being gone for another 7mths without knowing what kind of contact we'd have etc. Basically if he were to be deployed, he might lose me, was his thinking. I'm happy I get to see him soon. October 9th - 13th I'll be flying out to San Diego to visit for the long weekend! It's been such a long time since I've seen him, and I'm anxious! Hopefully he can get two weeks leave for Christmas and New Years, and then another two in August. I'm excited!
I feel better about my cousin getting married. It's just really hard to accept it, especially when I was so upset with him. I really needed him to be there for me with my granpa's passing, and it was really heartbreaking that he wasn't. Or wasn't there the way I needed him to be. I felt like I've been losing him as a friend, and worse off as a family member. I took it out on Nicole. Not many people understand how much my family means to me. I idolized David so much! He's always been my Davey Mike. My world sort of crashed in May! My Grampa started to die, around finals time, and I didn't care about school, I had finished but graduations didn't matter much, I had just lost the greatest man in my world, and a major piece of my Dad. Then there was David's engagement announcement, and I felt like I lost another piece of me. It's so hard to even get yourself in a uplifting mood, let alone be happy for someone else. A part of me still isn't. All I wanted was for Dave to be there, actually there, and it hurt a lot not to have him there. Which in turn added more fuel to my fire of angst. I miss my cousin, I miss our time together, I'm not a very good sharer. And what sucks the most is I know I won't ever have our time again. I can't help but tear up anytime I think about it. I know I've sounded so negative throughout my rant, and everyone has told me the positives.. I know them, but they don't make me feel better, they don't help right now. I tried to apologize to him for my standoffish behavior towards Nicole, but I highly doubt he even remembers it. Sometimes I feel like I'm a chore to him. Maybe I am, Maybe I've made it that way. I just feel like it's all so unfair, and I get so angry! He gets what he wants all the time, it's just so easy for him. That rarely ever happens with me. He's always been the golden boy, who can do no wrong! And I've been the girl that makes all the mistakes. It's taken me almost 24 years to shake that pre-teen image from my aunts minds. blahhh.....
My world is really changing, and a lot of things won't ever really be the same again. That's a hard pill to swallow. It's also tough when people don't look at things in the same respect that I do. I get told a lot that my heart is in the right place, I sure hope so, because I can't lose another family member right now. I'm horribly over protective. Sometimes I feel like something just isn't right about this whole marriage thing. David would say, "I'm sorry you feel that way." His usual line. But I can't shake it, and maybe the thing wrong is me.
Okay on that note I'm out.
Later Tater Tots!
That song has been stuck in my head all week! P.S. I love Family Vacation Time! I've been in the Cape for the past 9 days, pretty much living it up with my family, FINALLY having a no rules weekend! Grams and Gramps didn't make it down to the cape! Last Saturday, after my spectacular graduation party, I hit the mall to buy my cousin a black top, because smarty pants didn't bring anything for our bachlorette party in boston! We were supposed to be in black and the bride in white. blah blah.. Anywho, I arrive to find my Grammy's house is flooding from the roof! Everyone is rushing around with buckets and trash barrels trying to save the floors and things! To make a hysterically long story short, they had their roof worked on all this week, and couldn't make it down!
Last week, Erin and I had the b. party sat night, Church the next morning to hear Pastor Gordon McDonald preach (He dedicated me when I was a baby, I ate his microphone! He gives wonderful sermons, but deep down is human, and has screwed up with a few things in relation to the church) went to the beach many times, the mall on the rainy day, I had an interview on day, and then took off for the cape. There I was on the beach, mini golf, bumpers boat Got soaked! I made the mistake of attacking this one father and daughter, and he nailed me man! Did a bit of golfing, went out on the boat and got a 22inch Striper! YES ladies and Gents I CAN FREAKING CATCH FISH!! I'm that good! Visited the family I Nannied for last summer on the Vineyard, went to baseball games, went out at night and caused craziness! And laughed way too hard!
Right now my life is beyond sweet! I read two surveys from my ex, and the little comments he had made about me, and I started to feel sympathetic towards him. He's completely written me off, and I will say that to a point he's justified for being upset with me, and wanting to keep his distance, however we attend the same church, and sometimes I go to the service he does, and I try to acknowledge him, say hi, maybe a brief convo to be nice and civil. He wants nothing to do with me! I've just become this evil anti-christ to him. It's sad. I guess I just expect more from a fellow Christian. Or maybe that's my problem, I expect too much from people, including myself. I never should have asked him to quit smoking at the beginning of our relationship, stipulations are like a faulty foundation, sooner or later it fails, and things fall apart. Ya I know, I'm admitting I was wrong, but it's nowhere near all my fault. Sorry for the blab... This is my way of reasoning it all out, because I've let go completely. My cousin and I sat down these past two weeks, and really let go and got over our exes.
But enough talk of the past! Right now is what is hot hot hot!! Mike finally got his orders, and it was huge weight lifted off my shoulders! He's with a non-deployable unit which is stationed at Camp Pendleton (where he is now). So he moves about a mile or so away from his barracks, and will be there for the rest of term. He wanted to be deployed, so he's a bit disappointed, but his family and I are thrilled! He was really upset and worried about being gone for another 7mths without knowing what kind of contact we'd have etc. Basically if he were to be deployed, he might lose me, was his thinking. I'm happy I get to see him soon. October 9th - 13th I'll be flying out to San Diego to visit for the long weekend! It's been such a long time since I've seen him, and I'm anxious! Hopefully he can get two weeks leave for Christmas and New Years, and then another two in August. I'm excited!
I feel better about my cousin getting married. It's just really hard to accept it, especially when I was so upset with him. I really needed him to be there for me with my granpa's passing, and it was really heartbreaking that he wasn't. Or wasn't there the way I needed him to be. I felt like I've been losing him as a friend, and worse off as a family member. I took it out on Nicole. Not many people understand how much my family means to me. I idolized David so much! He's always been my Davey Mike. My world sort of crashed in May! My Grampa started to die, around finals time, and I didn't care about school, I had finished but graduations didn't matter much, I had just lost the greatest man in my world, and a major piece of my Dad. Then there was David's engagement announcement, and I felt like I lost another piece of me. It's so hard to even get yourself in a uplifting mood, let alone be happy for someone else. A part of me still isn't. All I wanted was for Dave to be there, actually there, and it hurt a lot not to have him there. Which in turn added more fuel to my fire of angst. I miss my cousin, I miss our time together, I'm not a very good sharer. And what sucks the most is I know I won't ever have our time again. I can't help but tear up anytime I think about it. I know I've sounded so negative throughout my rant, and everyone has told me the positives.. I know them, but they don't make me feel better, they don't help right now. I tried to apologize to him for my standoffish behavior towards Nicole, but I highly doubt he even remembers it. Sometimes I feel like I'm a chore to him. Maybe I am, Maybe I've made it that way. I just feel like it's all so unfair, and I get so angry! He gets what he wants all the time, it's just so easy for him. That rarely ever happens with me. He's always been the golden boy, who can do no wrong! And I've been the girl that makes all the mistakes. It's taken me almost 24 years to shake that pre-teen image from my aunts minds. blahhh.....
My world is really changing, and a lot of things won't ever really be the same again. That's a hard pill to swallow. It's also tough when people don't look at things in the same respect that I do. I get told a lot that my heart is in the right place, I sure hope so, because I can't lose another family member right now. I'm horribly over protective. Sometimes I feel like something just isn't right about this whole marriage thing. David would say, "I'm sorry you feel that way." His usual line. But I can't shake it, and maybe the thing wrong is me.
Okay on that note I'm out.
Later Tater Tots!