(no subject)
saturday was supposed to be a good day. lest i say, from the very beginning, it wasn't.
-12:30 am: while setting my alarm clock so that i could wake up on time for work, i set the actual time an hour ealier. at least i'd get a hour head start on things right?
-8:20, which is really 7:20: i wake up go back to sleep. the process repeats for and hour and 10 minutes before i decide i should get ready for work.
-9:30, which is really 8:30: i get up get dressed, can't find underwear or food after my shower, so i throw on pants and a t then head out comando with a pair of underwear in my pocket to put on at work or something in the bathroom. not bright, but i need support.
- a couple minutes later, i start the car.. but it shuts off. no problem, so i start again and drive off. as i approach the stop sign, something happens, my car slides like the brakes are working even though i'm flooring them. i stop, and decide i'd rather be at work on time and i'll just drive below the speed limit. next stop sign i test the brakes again and they feel fine. so i test once again at the last stop sign. go enough for me, and i take off down hausman road. all the way down hausman, at the light, i stop and notice my hood is smoking. wtf?? the engine isn't hot, at least the gauge says it isn't so i turn it off call home and report the incident and wait. while at the light, i decide i might as well put on my drawers, so while doing that some nimrod who can't identify the meaning of blinking tail lights pulls up on my left while my pants are down and honks.. then stops, then freaks out and drives off. ... i wonder why. never in my life have i ever wanted tinted windows more.
after that's done, i call my job. i call the store 20 times at least and no one answered once. i guess that's ok, at least i can say that i tried to call in late, and no one answered. i twiddle my thumbs a bit and wait for my parents. they arive, my dad helps me push the car all the way to the right lane and my mom prepares to take me to work. i look at the clock, and low and behold it's barely 9:00. i'm like, 'well shit, that's why no one answered.' we turn around and wait by my busted P.O.S to see what's wrong with it. as we're turning around i see this stream of clearish/redish fluid creeping down the road from where i was parked at.. FUCK! what the HELL IS THAT!?! my dad asks me if i noticed anything on my way out, because he said that stream started at the first stop sign.. well that's why my car didn't brake correctly, i was on a chibi hydro plane.
we call our mechanic, i go to work, on time, and i try to laugh about it. work sux, it's really simple, but there's alot of it and i suppose being the newest member, all the tasks are deligated to me. sssssoooooooo, i do everything while the other person sits his lazy as around and gets paid to talk on his cell. whatever, i'm getting paid and i'll look better in the end. the entire day while i'm filling out sku's in the system the computer is fucking up. but, it's ok. it's still getting done and it's really slow.
i get out of work... crap i forgot something sort of important. i got a call from carson. it was at 3 in the morning i think, so my dad is the one who actually heard it, though it was for me. i'm glad he called. even though i suppose i shouldn't have been, i've been expecting it. well i returned it. and i've returned it 3 times hoping to get in contact with him. alas, i didn't/haven't. i'm bothered by it because, yet again i've gotten my hopes up and there's really no reason they should have been. like nothing for sure has happened, so why do i bother getting excited? i just want to bang my head on a wall for being so stupid. i also called brandon to apologize.. though i don't remember if that was today or yesterday... probably yesterday. i did something impulsive, and though i don't regret doing it i regret not thinking before i acted. ...acting without prior thought also makes me want to bang my head with frustration... speaking of acting on impulse, it just occured to me that i payed more to get a jacket taylor than i actually payed for the jacket. i guess the only prop i can give myself is that i could do it by myself with my own means.
ummm, i got cancelled on again. but i kind of already knew it was going to happen, no worries, right? i really cannot wait until school starts. this entire summer has sucked soo much as, that if it were to go on any longer i think i'd become depressed. like, shit in my tighty whities but not give a care because i'm emotionally numb depressed. i need something to take my focus off of my problems..
-my room is a hell hole. it looks like the remainder of a battle between old navy and the salvation army
-i used to be extremely fastideus(however the fuck it's spelled.. fuck! i used to be able to spell) and like everything is really lax, like i'll walk on my clothes without the slightest care.
-i've resorted to quizzing people, and taking only quizzes to find redeeming aspects about myself, because i frankly can't find themm or don't feel the source is credible enough
-i've resorted to looking for affection anywhere that i think it can be drawn from. like, kissing brandon. what the hell was i doing? why the fuck didn't i think?! a total disregard for how he was feeling, but i was being selfish and rude and imposing and i fucking hate myself for it because he probably feels violated.
-mood swings. just within writing this entry, i've gone from upset to apathetic to made to .. sad, to remorseful.. i've only been writing for 15 minutes.
-i'm not happy, about anything. myself, my life, my job, my voice.. that's like the only thing i'm sort of content with, and yet, i'm not as secure in that aspect as i was.
-...............going to sleep it all away
-12:30 am: while setting my alarm clock so that i could wake up on time for work, i set the actual time an hour ealier. at least i'd get a hour head start on things right?
-8:20, which is really 7:20: i wake up go back to sleep. the process repeats for and hour and 10 minutes before i decide i should get ready for work.
-9:30, which is really 8:30: i get up get dressed, can't find underwear or food after my shower, so i throw on pants and a t then head out comando with a pair of underwear in my pocket to put on at work or something in the bathroom. not bright, but i need support.
- a couple minutes later, i start the car.. but it shuts off. no problem, so i start again and drive off. as i approach the stop sign, something happens, my car slides like the brakes are working even though i'm flooring them. i stop, and decide i'd rather be at work on time and i'll just drive below the speed limit. next stop sign i test the brakes again and they feel fine. so i test once again at the last stop sign. go enough for me, and i take off down hausman road. all the way down hausman, at the light, i stop and notice my hood is smoking. wtf?? the engine isn't hot, at least the gauge says it isn't so i turn it off call home and report the incident and wait. while at the light, i decide i might as well put on my drawers, so while doing that some nimrod who can't identify the meaning of blinking tail lights pulls up on my left while my pants are down and honks.. then stops, then freaks out and drives off. ... i wonder why. never in my life have i ever wanted tinted windows more.
after that's done, i call my job. i call the store 20 times at least and no one answered once. i guess that's ok, at least i can say that i tried to call in late, and no one answered. i twiddle my thumbs a bit and wait for my parents. they arive, my dad helps me push the car all the way to the right lane and my mom prepares to take me to work. i look at the clock, and low and behold it's barely 9:00. i'm like, 'well shit, that's why no one answered.' we turn around and wait by my busted P.O.S to see what's wrong with it. as we're turning around i see this stream of clearish/redish fluid creeping down the road from where i was parked at.. FUCK! what the HELL IS THAT!?! my dad asks me if i noticed anything on my way out, because he said that stream started at the first stop sign.. well that's why my car didn't brake correctly, i was on a chibi hydro plane.
we call our mechanic, i go to work, on time, and i try to laugh about it. work sux, it's really simple, but there's alot of it and i suppose being the newest member, all the tasks are deligated to me. sssssoooooooo, i do everything while the other person sits his lazy as around and gets paid to talk on his cell. whatever, i'm getting paid and i'll look better in the end. the entire day while i'm filling out sku's in the system the computer is fucking up. but, it's ok. it's still getting done and it's really slow.
i get out of work... crap i forgot something sort of important. i got a call from carson. it was at 3 in the morning i think, so my dad is the one who actually heard it, though it was for me. i'm glad he called. even though i suppose i shouldn't have been, i've been expecting it. well i returned it. and i've returned it 3 times hoping to get in contact with him. alas, i didn't/haven't. i'm bothered by it because, yet again i've gotten my hopes up and there's really no reason they should have been. like nothing for sure has happened, so why do i bother getting excited? i just want to bang my head on a wall for being so stupid. i also called brandon to apologize.. though i don't remember if that was today or yesterday... probably yesterday. i did something impulsive, and though i don't regret doing it i regret not thinking before i acted. ...acting without prior thought also makes me want to bang my head with frustration... speaking of acting on impulse, it just occured to me that i payed more to get a jacket taylor than i actually payed for the jacket. i guess the only prop i can give myself is that i could do it by myself with my own means.
ummm, i got cancelled on again. but i kind of already knew it was going to happen, no worries, right? i really cannot wait until school starts. this entire summer has sucked soo much as, that if it were to go on any longer i think i'd become depressed. like, shit in my tighty whities but not give a care because i'm emotionally numb depressed. i need something to take my focus off of my problems..
-my room is a hell hole. it looks like the remainder of a battle between old navy and the salvation army
-i used to be extremely fastideus(however the fuck it's spelled.. fuck! i used to be able to spell) and like everything is really lax, like i'll walk on my clothes without the slightest care.
-i've resorted to quizzing people, and taking only quizzes to find redeeming aspects about myself, because i frankly can't find themm or don't feel the source is credible enough
-i've resorted to looking for affection anywhere that i think it can be drawn from. like, kissing brandon. what the hell was i doing? why the fuck didn't i think?! a total disregard for how he was feeling, but i was being selfish and rude and imposing and i fucking hate myself for it because he probably feels violated.
-mood swings. just within writing this entry, i've gone from upset to apathetic to made to .. sad, to remorseful.. i've only been writing for 15 minutes.
-i'm not happy, about anything. myself, my life, my job, my voice.. that's like the only thing i'm sort of content with, and yet, i'm not as secure in that aspect as i was.
-...............going to sleep it all away