for some reason...
i feel like crying. weird ey?? well, for me it tends to be.
so i'm just hanging out by myself, drinking a beer, alone. watching the Bush music dvd...and smoking a cig...
it's definitely a change living here.
i realize i'm just not a happy person. i miss too many...and I thought it was just a phase, and I will get over it...but it hasnt...and i havent.
i have no life here. everyone else has things situated...friends all over and people to see.
me? nope. I work 40 hours a week at Target(out of the city) and then come home and do nothing. because there is absolutely nothing to do, when i don't know anyone.
sure, i was thinking about going to a movie alone...but it's so depressing. i just want to get outside...and do shit. but no one is here.
everyone is working...and is lame.
damn it.
so now, i just sit alone in my apartment, drooling over Gavin Rossdale...and loving it.
watching him...listening to Bush, makes me think...about happiness. Something I used to feel. And how happy I was to be myself and have people accept it.
here, being myself, apparently equals laziness and boredom.
which isnt me. so why?
i'm not signed a lease...but i'm toughing it out for everyone else...i have to do it.
the only good thing so far, is my good friend Mikhail is moving back from Oregon, and is going to be living in Milwaukee. FINALLY someone who is like me. Someone who I can really just sit down and talk to...naturally.
so all in all.
i'm unhappy with myself.
being alone on new years isnt what i thought would happen.
but it is.
HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR.
peace.
so i'm just hanging out by myself, drinking a beer, alone. watching the Bush music dvd...and smoking a cig...
it's definitely a change living here.
i realize i'm just not a happy person. i miss too many...and I thought it was just a phase, and I will get over it...but it hasnt...and i havent.
i have no life here. everyone else has things situated...friends all over and people to see.
me? nope. I work 40 hours a week at Target(out of the city) and then come home and do nothing. because there is absolutely nothing to do, when i don't know anyone.
sure, i was thinking about going to a movie alone...but it's so depressing. i just want to get outside...and do shit. but no one is here.
everyone is working...and is lame.
damn it.
so now, i just sit alone in my apartment, drooling over Gavin Rossdale...and loving it.
watching him...listening to Bush, makes me think...about happiness. Something I used to feel. And how happy I was to be myself and have people accept it.
here, being myself, apparently equals laziness and boredom.
which isnt me. so why?
i'm not signed a lease...but i'm toughing it out for everyone else...i have to do it.
the only good thing so far, is my good friend Mikhail is moving back from Oregon, and is going to be living in Milwaukee. FINALLY someone who is like me. Someone who I can really just sit down and talk to...naturally.
so all in all.
i'm unhappy with myself.
being alone on new years isnt what i thought would happen.
but it is.
HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR.
peace.