Haunted hay rides
So last night I went on the haunted hay rides in Scarborough with Jenn. She called me up earlier in the day and said that some people from her work had made reservations and she wanted me to go. I been on the haunted hayrides before, Not that exciting, but it seemed to be really important to her because she had never been on them before so I said yes.
After looking at the weather I noticed that it was going to rain, LIKE A BITCH. I sent her a text saying "Yeah, its going to rain so you might want to tell your friends to reschedule. "no no, its all good, its just starting."
so we went. Apparently we had reservations at 10:10.... Which means nothing because we still had to stand there in a line for 2 hours. It was like they were moving cattle. It was quite amusing. To top it all off there was a group behind us with a kid that was really intoxicated. His friends said that he had a fifth of vodka and a 40 oz. Double malt of course. *thumbs up* He kept on bitching about how his friends owed him five bucks, It was pretty funny.
So then. We're standing there and its raining pretty steady.. then finally its our turn, we end up being the last group. We get on and we have this morbid obease guy who thought he was funny, who really wasnt, as the host of our tour. HORRAY. So we all get on and sit down. and out of nowhere the guy starts yelling like a bi-polar individual. SCOOT DOWN. AFter sitting my ass down on one wet spot and absorbing all of the water that was there I most definately did NOT want to move to absorb more water. I moved. From this point on I hated that guy.
So we sit there for what seems like 10 minutes and then we start to move. The rain starts to get a little more intense. FUN. So we're riding for about 10 minutes and there was nothing. seriously, nothing at all. Then this guy drove buy on and empty tractor and seemed to be doing donuts. I was all "Oh its the scary out of control tractor man, this is some scary shit." Then the fat man decided that it was time to tell us the rules. As loud as he possibly could.
"RULE NUMB....." Thats when the kid sitting beside me said "HOLD PLEASE , I have a phone call" *he really didnt, HAHA* After a few moments of fake talking he wrapped it up with himself by saying "OH, im about to go on a scary hay ride, i gotta go." A few moments pass and then he said "okay im ready to continue." So he continues to tell us the rules at the top of his fat lungs. "RULE NUMBER 1. Stay on the wagon at all times. RULE NUMBER 2. No kicking , punching, biting, slapping ect ect of any kind to the performers." I had to pipe in and say "rule number 3 YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB" but i dont think anyone caught it. I was kinda sad about that. Keep in mind I have been nothing but nice to this guy. So we're going and at this point the tour guide hates us as much as we hate him. But he pisses me off even more. This tour is really boring. Pretty much people pop out of places with bad timing and don't really succeed at scaring anyone.... except this one girl who was on some serious drugs. Her name was Erin, apparently. The fat tour guide kept on singling her out and she was crying hysterically *sp?* So every "monster" that came out he would put the light on her and they would all get in her face which would make her freak out even more. I seriously think she was on shrooms or something.
Anyway so we're going along and basically they come out and walk beside us for a minute or two. they should have called it "the annoyingly wet haunted hayrides that are not really scary because the people come out and follow you...and thats it" seriously all everyone did was come out and follow us around. It was weak. This one particular guy though was in my face. Naturally I had to say somthing. He was wering some gross mask and I said somthing along the lines of "You might want to get some face cleaner guy, clean that shit right up. And a tic tac wouldnt kill you either" So what does he do? Decides to stay in my face. Jenn , of course is sitting beside me, starts getting molested by the guy. After about 30 seconds I say "Yeah, so pretty much that punching rule is about to be broken. I suggest you back off. NOW" Needless to say he backed off.
The cellphone kid was beside me the whole time and we just kept making cracks at the people who were tryong to scare us. So anyway we're about 3/4 of teh way done and the fat tour guide says something along the lines of "Erin the wuss" or something like that. This really bothered me and I didnt even know the girl. I said "Listen buddy, She could bust on your ass all day long but hasnt said shit about you. And lets face it, you're not exactly Mister Universe." He starts screaming "I KNOW IM FAT... BLAH BLAH BLAh. It doesnt bother me." I said " Well, if it didnt bother you so much why did you feel the need to raise your voice , big guy?" Im pretty sure he mumbled some shit under his breath but that was our last interaction, AND he left Erin alone.
The ride ended. I was soaked from head to toe. Me and the cellphone kid decided that it was not worth the 12 dollars a person that we paid and stated out loud that that was the worst experience of our lives. After walking throught a quarter mile of mud we got in the car and came home.
After looking at the weather I noticed that it was going to rain, LIKE A BITCH. I sent her a text saying "Yeah, its going to rain so you might want to tell your friends to reschedule. "no no, its all good, its just starting."
so we went. Apparently we had reservations at 10:10.... Which means nothing because we still had to stand there in a line for 2 hours. It was like they were moving cattle. It was quite amusing. To top it all off there was a group behind us with a kid that was really intoxicated. His friends said that he had a fifth of vodka and a 40 oz. Double malt of course. *thumbs up* He kept on bitching about how his friends owed him five bucks, It was pretty funny.
So then. We're standing there and its raining pretty steady.. then finally its our turn, we end up being the last group. We get on and we have this morbid obease guy who thought he was funny, who really wasnt, as the host of our tour. HORRAY. So we all get on and sit down. and out of nowhere the guy starts yelling like a bi-polar individual. SCOOT DOWN. AFter sitting my ass down on one wet spot and absorbing all of the water that was there I most definately did NOT want to move to absorb more water. I moved. From this point on I hated that guy.
So we sit there for what seems like 10 minutes and then we start to move. The rain starts to get a little more intense. FUN. So we're riding for about 10 minutes and there was nothing. seriously, nothing at all. Then this guy drove buy on and empty tractor and seemed to be doing donuts. I was all "Oh its the scary out of control tractor man, this is some scary shit." Then the fat man decided that it was time to tell us the rules. As loud as he possibly could.
"RULE NUMB....." Thats when the kid sitting beside me said "HOLD PLEASE , I have a phone call" *he really didnt, HAHA* After a few moments of fake talking he wrapped it up with himself by saying "OH, im about to go on a scary hay ride, i gotta go." A few moments pass and then he said "okay im ready to continue." So he continues to tell us the rules at the top of his fat lungs. "RULE NUMBER 1. Stay on the wagon at all times. RULE NUMBER 2. No kicking , punching, biting, slapping ect ect of any kind to the performers." I had to pipe in and say "rule number 3 YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB" but i dont think anyone caught it. I was kinda sad about that. Keep in mind I have been nothing but nice to this guy. So we're going and at this point the tour guide hates us as much as we hate him. But he pisses me off even more. This tour is really boring. Pretty much people pop out of places with bad timing and don't really succeed at scaring anyone.... except this one girl who was on some serious drugs. Her name was Erin, apparently. The fat tour guide kept on singling her out and she was crying hysterically *sp?* So every "monster" that came out he would put the light on her and they would all get in her face which would make her freak out even more. I seriously think she was on shrooms or something.
Anyway so we're going along and basically they come out and walk beside us for a minute or two. they should have called it "the annoyingly wet haunted hayrides that are not really scary because the people come out and follow you...and thats it" seriously all everyone did was come out and follow us around. It was weak. This one particular guy though was in my face. Naturally I had to say somthing. He was wering some gross mask and I said somthing along the lines of "You might want to get some face cleaner guy, clean that shit right up. And a tic tac wouldnt kill you either" So what does he do? Decides to stay in my face. Jenn , of course is sitting beside me, starts getting molested by the guy. After about 30 seconds I say "Yeah, so pretty much that punching rule is about to be broken. I suggest you back off. NOW" Needless to say he backed off.
The cellphone kid was beside me the whole time and we just kept making cracks at the people who were tryong to scare us. So anyway we're about 3/4 of teh way done and the fat tour guide says something along the lines of "Erin the wuss" or something like that. This really bothered me and I didnt even know the girl. I said "Listen buddy, She could bust on your ass all day long but hasnt said shit about you. And lets face it, you're not exactly Mister Universe." He starts screaming "I KNOW IM FAT... BLAH BLAH BLAh. It doesnt bother me." I said " Well, if it didnt bother you so much why did you feel the need to raise your voice , big guy?" Im pretty sure he mumbled some shit under his breath but that was our last interaction, AND he left Erin alone.
The ride ended. I was soaked from head to toe. Me and the cellphone kid decided that it was not worth the 12 dollars a person that we paid and stated out loud that that was the worst experience of our lives. After walking throught a quarter mile of mud we got in the car and came home.