Forever
*****
The news of Zoro’s death came swiftly and, surprisingly, the first regret Sanji had was that the swordsman had not been surrounded by his nakama when the moment had come. But the image of a serene face graced with satisfaction couldn’t help but come unbidden to his mind's eye.
It did nothing to comfort his mind.
He raged against is with every inch of his skin, every part of his soul, every cell in his body screamed in agony against the knowledge that he would never take in the man’s scent again, never feel the warmth of his body or hear the grating sound of his deep voice.
After he stopped destroying the very expensive dishes that Nami had ordered for him as a congratulatory present for his grand opening, he closed the restaurant for two weeks and did nothing but smoke and ask himself repeatedly whether he had every really told Zoro that Sanji wanted to be with him forever. Had Zoro died thinking that Sanji didn’t love him with every measure of his being? He punched holes in his bedroom wall as he laughed at himself, knowing that if the man were still alive now, Sanji would never say any of those things.
And then, precisely two weeks after he had closed Shades of Teal - so named because Sanji had hypothesized that the blue of All Blue mixed with the color of Zoro’s ridiculous hair would probably produce a nice teal - they had all showed up at his home, pounding on the doors and demanding Sanji stop being so ridiculous. Something about how killing himself wouldn’t make Zoro or anyone else happy.
He only answered the door to oblige the ladies. His courtesy, however, only extended as far as to snarl anytime one of the guys tried to talk to him, and politely excuse himself whenever one of the girls cornered him.
Luffy never tried to talk to him or corner him, though. And Sanji refused to meet his captain’s eye.
Chopper and Usopp stayed for three weeks, Brook for two, Franky and Robin for an entire month, and after they had gone, only Nami and Luffy remained. He stopped breaking dishes, but had only managed to reduce his tendency to inflict violence upon inanimate objects down to twice a day.
Nami left after she had made the mistake of suggesting Sanji ‘get out and date’. The chef only looked at the navigator, all the raw emotion of loss and mourning so deep as if it had been torn into his skin, creating scars that would never heal. Nami just didn’t know how to help him.
And on an evening where he hadn’t run himself ragged at Shades, he stood out on the deck behind the modest yet comfortable house they had shared when Zoro wasn’t out, watching the sun disappear into the ocean, throwing up too many beautiful colors to count. Luffy sat on the edge, letting his feet just skim the water. The Pirate King and the man who discovered All Blue.
They watched together in silence until the last rays of the sun vanished completely, and as Sanji turned to go back in, Luffy said, “Forever.”
This was pretty much the first word Luffy had spoken to him since arriving.
“What?” His voice was dead and gravelly these days.
“That’s how long.”
Sanji sighed, dropping his cigarette to the deck and stepping on it. “Forever what?”
“Hm.” The thoughtful syllable was drawn out, as if the still-boy was considering something he already knew the answer to.
“Just spit it-”
“You’ll see him.”
And for the first time since Luffy’s arrival, Sanji caught the eyes of his friend, his captain. He had expected sadness or sympathy or even his own grief, but none of these things were demonstrated in the boy’s countenance.
He saw what his heart had unknowingly been aching for but, until that moment, had not been ready for. He saw what his mind, his body and his soul could not conceive of on their own.
Pride.
In the stretch of his smile and the gaze of the wild, dark eyes. He saw the pride Luffy had in knowing Zoro, in his life and death, and in his memory. It seemed to say, ‘I knew him. I fought with him. I loved him as a brother. I will see him forever.’
Tears came despite the skin of his cheeks being continually raw and he wept for the last time.
Send me letters from above
Send me strength, send me love
Sing me songs that echo
In my head and in my heart
That’s where you are
And I don’t know if you feel me here
But I can tell you one thing is clear
I will feel you forever
I will hear you forever
I will see you forever
I don't think it's very good, but I wanted to post it anyway. It's completely un-betad, my apologies. I didn't think it worth sending to my beta. ^^;; It's more of just my emotional reaction on paper to the song and the situation as perceived in my mind.
I also only posted a portion of the lyrics. Sorry. :(
*collapses*
The news of Zoro’s death came swiftly and, surprisingly, the first regret Sanji had was that the swordsman had not been surrounded by his nakama when the moment had come. But the image of a serene face graced with satisfaction couldn’t help but come unbidden to his mind's eye.
It did nothing to comfort his mind.
He raged against is with every inch of his skin, every part of his soul, every cell in his body screamed in agony against the knowledge that he would never take in the man’s scent again, never feel the warmth of his body or hear the grating sound of his deep voice.
After he stopped destroying the very expensive dishes that Nami had ordered for him as a congratulatory present for his grand opening, he closed the restaurant for two weeks and did nothing but smoke and ask himself repeatedly whether he had every really told Zoro that Sanji wanted to be with him forever. Had Zoro died thinking that Sanji didn’t love him with every measure of his being? He punched holes in his bedroom wall as he laughed at himself, knowing that if the man were still alive now, Sanji would never say any of those things.
And then, precisely two weeks after he had closed Shades of Teal - so named because Sanji had hypothesized that the blue of All Blue mixed with the color of Zoro’s ridiculous hair would probably produce a nice teal - they had all showed up at his home, pounding on the doors and demanding Sanji stop being so ridiculous. Something about how killing himself wouldn’t make Zoro or anyone else happy.
He only answered the door to oblige the ladies. His courtesy, however, only extended as far as to snarl anytime one of the guys tried to talk to him, and politely excuse himself whenever one of the girls cornered him.
Luffy never tried to talk to him or corner him, though. And Sanji refused to meet his captain’s eye.
Chopper and Usopp stayed for three weeks, Brook for two, Franky and Robin for an entire month, and after they had gone, only Nami and Luffy remained. He stopped breaking dishes, but had only managed to reduce his tendency to inflict violence upon inanimate objects down to twice a day.
Nami left after she had made the mistake of suggesting Sanji ‘get out and date’. The chef only looked at the navigator, all the raw emotion of loss and mourning so deep as if it had been torn into his skin, creating scars that would never heal. Nami just didn’t know how to help him.
And on an evening where he hadn’t run himself ragged at Shades, he stood out on the deck behind the modest yet comfortable house they had shared when Zoro wasn’t out, watching the sun disappear into the ocean, throwing up too many beautiful colors to count. Luffy sat on the edge, letting his feet just skim the water. The Pirate King and the man who discovered All Blue.
They watched together in silence until the last rays of the sun vanished completely, and as Sanji turned to go back in, Luffy said, “Forever.”
This was pretty much the first word Luffy had spoken to him since arriving.
“What?” His voice was dead and gravelly these days.
“That’s how long.”
Sanji sighed, dropping his cigarette to the deck and stepping on it. “Forever what?”
“Hm.” The thoughtful syllable was drawn out, as if the still-boy was considering something he already knew the answer to.
“Just spit it-”
“You’ll see him.”
And for the first time since Luffy’s arrival, Sanji caught the eyes of his friend, his captain. He had expected sadness or sympathy or even his own grief, but none of these things were demonstrated in the boy’s countenance.
He saw what his heart had unknowingly been aching for but, until that moment, had not been ready for. He saw what his mind, his body and his soul could not conceive of on their own.
Pride.
In the stretch of his smile and the gaze of the wild, dark eyes. He saw the pride Luffy had in knowing Zoro, in his life and death, and in his memory. It seemed to say, ‘I knew him. I fought with him. I loved him as a brother. I will see him forever.’
Tears came despite the skin of his cheeks being continually raw and he wept for the last time.
Send me letters from above
Send me strength, send me love
Sing me songs that echo
In my head and in my heart
That’s where you are
And I don’t know if you feel me here
But I can tell you one thing is clear
I will feel you forever
I will hear you forever
I will see you forever
I don't think it's very good, but I wanted to post it anyway. It's completely un-betad, my apologies. I didn't think it worth sending to my beta. ^^;; It's more of just my emotional reaction on paper to the song and the situation as perceived in my mind.
I also only posted a portion of the lyrics. Sorry. :(
*collapses*